Rock the Planet!
by VeralicProductions
Summary: All the crazy characters of Tomobiki are going on a Galactic Cruise! However, a sinister force may ruin the group's vacation with an evil plot against Lum and her friends! What will happen? Some OCs, mainly pairings and character focus. Also some adventur
1. One dreary afternoon

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

This is a post-ending story, taking place after the last manga chapter (or movie #5 for those without book access)

* * *

It was a boring day in Tomobiki. The school semester had ended without major disaster, and the events of Ataru and Lum's last little game of tag were still fresh in everyone's minds.

* * *

It was an overcast, dreary afternoon at the Moroboshi homestead. Ataru had fallen asleep at his desk while reading a magazine and Lum had covered him up with a blanket. She even felt herself slowly drift off into a dazed sleep from time to time.

I'm bored. If Darling wasn't sleeping I'd ask him to play with me…

She looked depressingly at the sky. It had been gray since yesterday morning, and no rain seemed to be coming down.

_This won't clear up any time soon._ She perked up at the next thought that entered her head. _Maybe it means we'll get a typhoon!_ She hopped up and flew downstairs to check the weather channel.

Ataru was stirred momentarily from his nap at the sound of his door closing abruptly. He ignored it and went back to sleep.

* * *

Shuutaro Mendo was in the mansion courtyard, running from his deranged sister's new savagely trained canine unit.

"Argh. Ryoko always gets this way when it's gloomy outside. Why can't she refocus her energies on more sophisticated things, like…" Mendo's prose was cut short by the barks of several airborne dogs lunging at him.

The screams coming from the courtyard were just barely audible to the Kuroko in Ryoko's room, but her elegant violin playing seemed to drown most of it out. The fact that she was wearing earplugs also drowned her brother's screams out even more so.

* * *

"Jeez, those jerks. Making me run stupid errands like some damn slave."

Ryuunosuke was reminiscing on how her father was taking advantage of the pestilent Nagisa, forcing them both to compete over who would be making trips to the stores on a weekly basis. To that effect, Ryuunosuke always lost, and she didn't like it.

"I should poison their food at dinner. That'll show 'em."

Ryuunosuke stopped short in her pace, thinking over how she could accomplish such a plan with her provided resources.

_I could just steal the poison, or buy expired food for them to eat. That could work._

Ryuunosuke shook off these thoughts. She was far to honorable and manly to try something so underhanded, though she wouldn't admit to the 'manly' part of her own accord.

* * *

Shinobu and Inaba were sitting down with Shinobu's family for a nice evening at home. Her parents were rather pleased to hear that she had found 'a young man with a promising future job'. This wasn't what they were expecting.

"So uh, young man, what is your job, exactly?" Shinobu's father said hesitantly.

"Well," the still bunny-suited Inaba started, "I make and maintain doorways to the dream-realm. So in a way, I help make the future brighter for everybody!"

Shinobu's parents just stared at Inaba as they had the whole afternoon: like a madman. Shinobu was silently sipping tea next to Inaba across from her parents.

"Well," Shinobu's mother began prejudicially, "what's with that costume?"

"Oh this? It helps me move between here and subspace, so I can exist on this plane and work in the other."

Shinobu sighed as she noticed her parent's mouths were now gaping wide open.

* * *

Ran hummed merrily as she tended to her flowers on the windowsill. Even if they weren't getting the natural sunlight they needed, her solar light bulbs would help them grow along. A timer in the kitchen nook of her UFO/house dinged and she rushed over.

"Yay! It's done!" She squealed as she happily skipped over to the oven and pulled it open. She had been baking a special cake in the shape of a heart all after noon, using quantumly concentrated ingredients to get the absolute most out of every bite.

She daintily pulled the cake out with her oven mitt covered hands and scurried over to a machine on the other side of the kitchen. She opened this machine and slid the cake in gently, then slammed it shut and pulled a lever.

A loud, ominous humming was emanating from the machine, and in a few seconds her whole house began to shake. After a solid minute, the humming and rumbling stopped. The door opened slowly and Ran peeked her head in the machine to see the fruit of labors.

On the top rack was her original cake, then the three racks under it were filled with miniature versions of the cake, each one heart shaped with the word 'Love' on them. She tried to pick one up, only to find it just as heavy as the original, full-sized cake. A wide, fang-filled grin started to spread across her face.

"YEEEEES! MY CAKES ARE FINALLY PERFECTED!" She yelled triumphantly into the ceiling, eyes aflame and fangs gleaming across her yelling mouth. She snaped back, placed the heavy cupcake into a basket and smiled cheerfully as she went to get the rest.

"Now," she said, lifting each cake carefully with both hands into the hover-model 'Easy Lift, Heavy Duty Hand-basket' (as the label read), "Rei will be all mine."

* * *

Tobimaro wanted to go back into the mountains to train himself again this year, as he was wont to do, but the pursuit of a certain young-girl had deferred his attempts to escape silently.

"Big Brother, please wait!" Asuka yelled after her swiftly retreating brother. Tobimaro didn't want to complicate his camping and training with any fatal injuries, or worse: catastrophic misunderstandings.

"Please Asuka," he yelled behind him, "understand! This is a journey I must go alone!"

Asuka plowed straight through a solid concrete wall with her eyes still fixed concerned on her dear big brother.

"But, what if something tragic happens to you while you're away? I don't want to lose you, Big Brother!" With that, she jumped straight forward in a tackle-hug that missed her brother and was caught by an unfortunate concrete power line pole. Her hug reduced the pole to a crumbling heap of rumble. Tobimaro had started running in the other direction

_Any directions is fine as long as I can get away! I'm sorry little sister, but I simply can't risk anything bad happening to either of us._

He picked up speed while Asuka stood motionless, watching her beloved Big Brother speed off into the distance. She felt like weeping, but remembered that she had other Big Brothers to comfort her.

"I must go pay Big Brother Mendo or Fujinami a visit. They can cheer me up." She looked down at her elegant, although dusty, kimono and though to herself.

_I should get my armor, so I can safely travel into the world of men._

She hopped back into the main compound, still whispering worries of Tobimaro in the back of her mind.

* * *

Cherry was having a quiet sit down with his friend Kotatsu-neko in his lot. They were both looking at the sky, watching the shifting clouds and admiring the ethereal quality of the view. Kotatsu-neko had lit his pipe and was blowing smoke rings into the air, watching the float away with the breeze.

Ten was casually floating along, having been spurned out of the Moroboshi house a while previous due to an incident with the laundry. Mrs. Moroboshi hadn't quite gotten over the mess yet, so he decided to go out and try to find some cute girls while Ataru was detained to his room.

As he floated by, a smoke ring caught him in the face. He brushed it off and saw more floating in his direction. As he flew through them all, deeply impressed with his own abilities, he came to notice the source of the rings and floated down to take a seat with his friend. Kotatsu-neko saw him and they waved to each other as a greeting.

"Watcha' guys doing?" he asked as he starred into the swirling mass of clouds on the horizon.

"We," Cherry began, "are admiring the ever-changing order of the cosmos, as displayed by the prophetically changing clouds. Is it not a marvelous sight?" Cherry turned slightly to acknowledge Ten's affirmative nod.

All three went back to gazing at the sky. Cherry watching vigilantly, Kotatsu-neko gazing while puffing his pipe, and Ten staring into space as he floated in the air.

* * *

Ataru was rudely snapped back to reality by an incessant poking on his head. He opened his eyes to inadvertently meet Lum's stare as she hovered over him in an arc. He coiled back into his chair in surprise, then blinked himself back into reality.

"What is it? You interrupted a very important dream of mine." Ataru crossed his arms and glared accusingly at Lum, who was repositioning herself in mid-air with folded legs.

"I got an idea to do something fun!" Lum's face lit up with excitement, and Ataru's look shifted to a more suspicious glare.

"What is this idea of yours?"

"Let's gather everybody up and go on a trip!"

"A trip to where?"

Lum threw her arm upwards and pointed out the window towards the sky.

"We can cruise across the galaxy!"

Ataru looked at her with a stupefied, wide-eyed expression.

"Space?" he questioned. "As in, outer space?"

Lum nodded cheerfully then hopped off the desk and onto the floor. She spun on her heel to face Ataru again.

"Think about it Darling. I know plenty of really pretty planets and fun things we can do! We can prepare some picnics, go stargazing, low-gravity sports…"

Lum continued to drone on as Ataru thought of his own plans. His plans, however, had nothing to do with Lum. His plans included visits to Oyuki and Benten, and fun things he could do with _them_. He snickered cheerfully at the ideas running through his mind.

Lum was facing him down now, with a gleeful look on her face.

"So, do you want to go?"

Ataru thought about his answer carefully. _It shouldn't be to eager, or she'll get suspicious. I have to answer as apathetically as I can._ He shrugged his shoulders and gave a very convincingly neutral

"Sure, nothing to do here anyway."

Lum jumped and squealed with joy. She jumped over and gave her Darling a tight, loving hug around his chest.

"I promise, you won't regret this Darling!"

Ataru kept his arms crossed and did his best to ignore the hug. In a moment, Lum was out the window and flying away. She turned back to shout something to Ataru.

"Get all our friends together in the park and I'll pick everyone up in a half-hour! Don't be late." With that she was off and flying. Ataru was smugly waving her off.

_Crap. I was so caught up with my own plans I forgot that she want everyone to come with us!_

Ataru quickly thought of a remedy for the situation and decided in a matter of seconds what his plan was.

"I'll just 'forget' to tell anyone that I don't want to come with me! Just me, endless space, and a whole harem full of beautiful girls at last!" With a smug and sinister snicker, he slipped out the door and out of the house. He ran full speed down the street, as time was short and he had a list of girls to find.


	2. A chaotic scene in the park

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Shutaro, still slightly charred from the grenades from earlier, staggered through the ally. He was positive that he lost the guard dogs that were chasing him by now, so he stepped out into the street. A foot was soon firmly planted in his face.

Ataru didn't even notice that he had stepped on something until he landed. He looked back to see Mendo lying on the ground in pain. Ataru's natural reflexes must have made him step on Mendo's face even though he wasn't doing anything to him.

"Oh, Mendo," Ataru said with a bit of casual disdain, "what are you doing on the ground?"

Mendo looked up and growled at Ataru. Ataru didn't stick around long enough for Mendo to spite him though. Remembering his mission, Ataru had set off once again, provoking Mendo into following quickly after with drawn sword in hand.

"Moroboshi!" he screamed, "Come back here!" Ataru glanced quickly behind him, then sped up enough to break ahead of Mendo. He turned his head to stick out his tongue, then rammed into a telephone pole. Mendo finally caught up with him and swung his sword down hard.

"What's your deal, Mendo?" Ataru complained as he shakily held the blade in his hands, having caught it inches from his face.

"What's _my_ deal? You attacked me, ingrate!" Ataru stopped glaring at him. He was right, so Ataru sprung up to his feet and threw the blade to the side before facing Mendo arrogantly.

"Say Mendo, I was looking for you. Lum wanted to invite you on a cruise in her UFO." He ushered the now eager Mendo towards him with an arm around his shoulders.

"M-m-m-miss Lum has asked me?" Mendo finally croaked out. Ataru nodded, smiling mischievously.

"That's right! She wanted to meet you down by the bathhouse in town, to wash up before you left." Ataru smile had gone from childish mischief to devilish tenacity in seconds during his spree of lies. What made it all the better was the he could see Mendo was beaming at the thought of it all.

* * *

Ryuunosuke's attention shifted towards the loud, metallic stomps that were quickly processing in her direction. A moment later, the wall in front of her blasted outward into a pile of rubble and a cloud of dust.

Instinctively, Ryuunosuke jumped back and prepared for an unexpected attack from any of the people she had recently been plotting to kill over dinner. Instead, her guard dropped as the dust cleared, revealing a slender, athletic figure with scared and soulful eyes. Instinctively again, Ryuunosuke got ready to run.

"A…Asuka?"

Asuka, in her slender, feminine armor, recognized the voice of her most tenacious and daring Big Brother.

"Is that you, Big Brother Ryuunosuke?" She said trembling. Recognizing Ryuunosuke's form immediately, she ran towards him, ready to jump into his chest. Ryuunosuke predicted this and sidestepped at the last moment, sending her crashing through the wall of some unfortunate and terrified family.

"Wha-What're you doing out here, Asuka?" Ryuunosuke said calmly, lowering her fists. Her tact and sense had won temporarily over her fear of getting her bones mashed into shrapnel by the monster-girl's hug. Asuka walked over with hands at her chest in concern.

"I'm looking for Big Brother Mendo, but there were men on the street and they started to chase me. I got scared and ran." She collapsed into aobbing heap at Ryuunosuke's feet. "I just want to find my dear Big Brother Mendo!"

Ryuunosuke laid a hand on her shoulder, although shaking as if she were white-hot.

"Chill out, okay. If you promise to calm down I'll help you look for him. 'kay?" Ryuunosuke's smile cause a brief glint of light to shine of her teeth, captivating Asuka and mesmerizing her into a tranquil state. She bashfully nodded and stood up.

The two walked down the street, with Ryuunosuke keeping a hand on Asuka to make sure she didn't berserk from fear.

_Now, if I were Mendo, where would I be?_ She mulled it over in her head, completely unaware of the possibility that he would be at home. Then an idea struck her.

"Asuka," she said to get the armored girl's attention, "let's go to the park and wait for him to show up. There shouldn't be many men there today, since it looks like rain." Asuka nodded and they both continued to walk along.

I'll use a phone and call him to meet me in the park so we can compromise as switch Asuka off. I really don't want to take her anywhere she could go wild, so I'll tell her to hide in a tree if any guys try to come over and talk to her. Yeah, that's a good plan.

* * *

Ten noticed Ataru running past at break-neck speed, in the direction of Sakura's house, so he decided to pursue. _What is that idiot up to now?_ Ten mused as he paddled through the air, remembering that Ataru had donned his signature idiotic grin of lust.

Ten came into sight of Sakura's home when he noticed Ataru was already leaving. With a panting sigh, he floated down to the still grinning Ataru and tried to approach him. He floated down to Ataru's shoulder and grabbed his shirt, to tired to continue floating after him. Ataru picked him up by his diaper-cloth and held him up to his face, still running.

"Jariten. What're you doing here?" Ten glared at him with a scowling jaw.

"Nevermind me. What are _you_ doing here?"

"I was just inviting Miss Sakura on an exotic date, but she weaseled me into taking her fiancée along with us." Ataru looked down dejected at this fact.

"Well, if that guy's going with you then it isn't really a date, is it?"

"Well," Ataru smirked and reverted to his dopey self, "I figured I'll just get rid of him so me and Sakura can be alone!" Ten was speechless at how flawed his logic was.

"W-well, what about Lum?" Ataru stared up at Ten menacingly, then stopped in front of a familiar house.

"It was her idea." He said before tossing the stunned Ten into a nearby bush. After that he carefully skipped across the stepping-stone pathway and up the staircase to Ran's door and knocked.

* * *

Lum was busy singing to herself and pressing buttons, planning out the celestial rendezvous she had planned for all her friends and Darling. She even went to the lengths of stocking her kitchen with non-Oni specific foods, like cup ramen and easy-cook meals that were safe for everyone to eat.

_In an hour or so we should be on planet Zakubaro to watch the pink sunset! How romantic._ As she sighed, the screen was suddenly ablaze with an Oni warning signal. Curiously, she pressed a button to receive the call. All that came up was a black screen.

"Hello? Who is this?" Lum asked into the microphone. Suddenly, an image appeared on the screen that shook Lum with both fear and confusion.

* * *

The first to arrive in the park below Lum's spacecraft, hidden in the clouds, were Shinobu and Inaba. They had been there since after dinner with her parents and were just mulling things over quietly among themselves.

Mendo came into scene next, being pursued by Ryoko atop her Kuroko-powered horse. Mendo originally came to destroy Ataru when he had visited the baths to find no one waiting for him, then his sister gave him chase in jest. With fresh scorch marks from Ryoko's relentless grenade barrage earlier, he was scathing to cut down Moroboshi.

Ryuunosuke was walking a blindfolded Asuka through the park, whom she had cleverly thrown an inconspicuous dress over to avoid weird stares. This would have worked if she took off Asuka's leg-plates first though. Spotting Mendo, she was relieved to see that her call _had_ gone through, but mad that he made his guards lie about him not being in.

Tobimaro, in a blood-loss-triggered stupor from earlier, accidentally wandered into the park and set up camp thinking he was out in the wilds yet again. After eating his way back to appropriate health and blood pressure, he was ready to go out and practice his Bushido style of baseball training.

Tsubame drove Sakura up to the park and parked his car. With cape a-flutter in the wind he strode up beside her, much to her amusement. Her girlish smile diminished when she saw the scene at hand. Mendo, Ryuunosuke, Shinobu, and now entering from far stage left Ataru and Ran. This wouldn't be quite as pleasant as promised, for anyone involved.

"You okay? We could go back and have a date somewhere else…" Tsubame said cheerfully. Even he wasn't that oblivious to the daily chaos that could start up at the drop of a hat. Sakura sighed, pulled a cigarette from her pocket, and lit it in her mouth. After a long drag and a puff of smoke, she had an answer.

"We should stick around here in case something unexpected happens. It won't be as relaxing as a normal date, but we can make do."

As she took in another breath of smoke, a figure flashed past her in a dress. Unable to recognize the initial presence, she had made it out to be a girl that was rushing madly towards Ryuunosuke. She also noticed that Ryuunosuke had seen the figure from a distance and descided to retreat, leaving Asuka standing sheepishly with a blindfold on.

* * *

"Nagisa, what are you doing here?"

"Father has become worried that you have been gone so long, so he sent me to retrieve you!" the cross-dresser announced as he dived towards the retreating tomboy with open arms. Ryuunosuke dodge the tackle but was tripped over by the shrill scream of Asuka as she ran randomly through trees screaming.

"Big Brother Ryuunosuke, where are you!?" she cried through her tears.

"Crap!" Ryuunosuke shouted as she attempted to dash after the poor girl. This time she was tripped by Nagisa grabbing her feet and submission-holding her to the ground. "Ah-Asuka! Stop!"

Asuka heard the voice to late, and ran over an unfortunate bystander. She immediately threw off her blindfold, only to be encountered by the worst possible sight her eyes could behold: Ataru.

"Asuka-chan! I'm so glad you could…" A swift push form the terrified girl cut him short of his happy welcome.

"KYAAAAAAAA!! A MAN!!"

"That sound's like Asuka!" Mendo said. Before he could properly sheathe his sword and run in the direction of the shriek, his head came into contact with the meteoric Ataru as he plummeted straight from the sky.

Ataru recovered first and caught Ryoko's eyes immediately. He lunged himself onto her horse and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Ryoko-chan, how long has it been? How bout a kiss for old times sake?" he leaned in with puckered lips, but his face met only solid wood, as Tobimaro swung a bat precisely into Ataru's face, sending him tumbling backwards.

Though still woozy from earlier, Tobimaro could always recognize when someone was in trouble and always came to the rescue in the wild. Upon seeing who he rescued, he was starting to regret it.

"Oh, Tobimaro, you saved me!" Ryoko said as sweetly as she could. So sweet, in fact, that Tobimaro winced with pain and fear. "Here, my brave knight," she reached gingerly behind her for her Kurko under her to slip something in her hand, which she held out for Tobimaro "this is for you." Tobimaro examined it carefully, looking past the fact that it was a baseball and considering what was inside it.

* * *

Sakura glared angrily at the rapidly unfolding scene in the center of the park. Her cigarette bent as her teeth tensed, her hair was frazzled and her fists were clenched. Tsubame looked on in horror at the power of his fiancée when angered.

Ataru had just a moment ago, in front of Tsubame and a vengefully pursuing Mendo, jumped into her breasts and rubbed against them. He was now several inches deep in a nearby tree. Mendo was now pacing murderously towards the tree that Ataru was trying in vain to pry himself from.

Ataru finally stumbled out just in time to catch Mendo's sword in his hands and shove it into the ground before he stood up and brushed the dirt from his hair. Mendo looked a bit shocked that Ataru Moroboshi had just pulled off such a suave move, but sprang back into killing-mode when he saw the scoundrel skipping towards a struggling Ryuunosuke.

Ryuunosuke was determined to prevent any major destruction on her watch of Asuka, but Ataru was far too lecherous for even her to endure. Thinking about her options, she ducked to dodge a flying bench that had skimmed over Ataru and in effect nailed Nagisa instead. Shinobu had apparently had enough and got angry. An audible foot stomp warned everyone around that Shinobu was in a very irate mood.

"Inaba! Let's go home!" She started stomping off, only to be cut short by a shift in her wegiht. The fact was, her weight had vanished, and she was now slowly rising upwards. As the others gapped at this strange event the same happened to them. Everyone in the area started to fly upwards into the sky.

"Shinobu!" Inaba floated effortlessly in the lowering gravity field straight towards the frightened Shinobu and took her in his arms. Ryuunosuke swam through the air away from the still unconscious Nagisa, hoping to get some distance.

Sakura and Tsubame were momentarily stunned from surprise, then tried to make sense of the situation. Ryoko had Tobimaro in an amorous hold with knives in her hands and Asuka was just arriving on the strange scene.

"Moroboshi!" Mendo screamed as he swung wildly through the air toward his adversary, "What have you done this time?" Ataru shrugged jokingly and started to paddle away, towards Asuka on the ground. Mendo anticipated this and through his jacket over Ataru's head to blind him.

"Hey! What the heck, Mendo? Let me go!"

"Never!" Mendo exclaimed. "You shall not sully yet another innocence today! I will kill you for lying to me!" Ataru blinked under his veil.

"Aren't you going to kill me for whatever's happening?" Now Mendo blinked, never considering his words from before. Regardless he drew out his sword, which slipped out of his hand and floated skyward.

"Big Brother!" Asuka had mustered her strength and jumped up hard, breaking apart the ground beneath her feet, and lunged in mid-air towards a terrified Tobimaro. With outstretched arms she was intercepted by an overly gracious Ataru, who used Shutaro's head as a stepping stone. Asuka quivered in shock and fear, to scared to move as Ataru clutched her in his arms.

"HEY! Get away from her, Moroboshi!" Ryuunosuke delivered a bone-rattling kick to the side of Ataru's head, sending him spinning madly in mid-air. She repositioned herself and tried to revitalize Asuka without surprising her by tapping her on the forehead. Tobimaro quickly floated down, being pursued by Ryoko, to comfort his newly stirred little sister.

"Asuka…" The sparkling vision of her Big Brother hovering over her sent Asuka's mind in a loop. She lunged forward and wrapped her arms tenderly around Tobimaro, obviously ignorant of the many, sickening cracks that came from his body.

_Big Brother, I knew you wouldn't abandon me._ She began to cry softly, as did Tobimaro. Ryuunosuke winced backwards in pain from hearing the horrible noises, when she was suddenly flung upwards at a sharp speed.

"Ataru! What's going on!?" Shinobu yelled across the steadily thinning air. Ataru pointed up to the floating object above them then slid a hand lecherously down Shinobu's back. Her shiver made Inaba give a curious glance behind him, when he saw an unknown figure get sucked up into the strange craft above.

The vacuum became stronger as it pulled in Ataru, Shinobu and Inaba all at once. The others soon followed in a panic, screaming and cursing Ataru to the wind.

* * *

"Ran-chan is so glad she got away in time!" Ran had gone into hiding soon after Ataru escorted her to the park and let go of her. She could care less about some stupid cruise, much less about Lum, and became determined to find a sub-space doorway so she could find Rei. After finding no trace of her sweetheart, she slipped back out just in time to watch the last of them all get sucked away into Lum's ship.

"Well, best of luck to them, I suppose." She said sweetly. "Maybe their ship will implode or get torn apart by asteroids before they get back." She tittered sweetly as she made her way across the tranquil park grounds. Then her feet lost contact with the ground and her face became twisted with anger.

"DAMN YOU LUM! THIS WAS YOUR PLAN! HOW DARE YOU try to kidnap me like this! I'll make…" Her voice trailed off quietly into the sky.

* * *

"Hello everyone, sorry for the sudden little lift up I gave you, but this is very important!" Lum was facing a crowd of confused, lost and otherwise angered people whom all assumed she was only after one person. She couldn't help but notice the dagger stares that her Darling was getting, a he sat the furthest forward in the group.

"Miss Lum, please be frank," Mendo started as he stood up. "Is this all Moroboshi's fault?"

"No, this was my idea." Mendo gave out a sigh of relief. He was the only one. Lum floated over to Ataru and pulled him to his feet, keeping a tight grip on his hand, which embarrassed Ataru.

"LUM!!" Ran shouted with a fang-baring mouth. "What's the big idea abducting me? Are you this much against me and Rei that you'd kidnap me?" Her cuteness came back once she realized that other people were present, and she fell to her knees to fake-sob for pity. "You have your own husband, why would you try to date another man on the side? You're horrible!"

"This is serious!" Lum said with a slight sob. Everyone turned to her now, to notice there were tears forming at the edges of her eyes.

"Lum, are you okay?" Ataru asked as he pushed her away.

"No," she replied wiping away the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry Darling, everyone, but we can't go on our trip anymore." This was news to everyone. No one with the exception of Ataru and Ran knew what she had planned beforehand.

"Well, why not?" Ataru asked innocently. She looked up, biting her lip, and shot forward hugging Ataru tightly.

"My parents have been kidnapped!"

The collective group gasped deeply at this development as Lum started to sob openly on Ataru's shoulder. Mendo stared shock-white at the couple to notice, to his demure, that Ataru was actually hugging Lum back with one arm rather than drawing back. He was far to surprised and overloaded to move, but if he could he would have definitely tried to kill Moroboshi.


	3. An explanation in space

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The chaotic people were seated on and around a couch in Lum's UFO, while Lum was typing at a console under a large screen. She said she was going to show everyone the message she had received earlier.

Asuka was kept separate from the men on one side of the couch with Ryuunosuke and Nagisa (who Asuka assumed was female) seated between them all. Inaba, Tobimaro, Ataru, Mendo and Tsubame were all huddled together on the floor.

"This is injustice," Ataru grumbled. No one had forgotten whose fault it was that they were in this mess. The whole time Lum's back was turned, the girls and Mendo stared daggers at him (except Asuka, who shivered at him)

Lum spun around as the screen went dark and seated herself next to her Darling. After a few moments, a muffled rustling noise came from the screen and an image appeared. In the background were Lum's parents, locked in a large cage. The foreground became occupied by a mysterious masked stranger.

The mask on this person's face resembled the face of a bird, with narrow slits for the eyes and an open area beneath the 'beak' to breathe through. Below the mask was a deep-purple cloak. The masked figure began to speak in a sultry, feminine and threatening voice.

* * *

"Greetings, Princess Lum of the Oni. I am Kalu, Queen of Planet Momoran. As you can see, I have your parents in my custody. I believe you know what must be done if you want them to be free. Come to my planet to consider the terms of your surrender, and I can guarantee that your parents will live. Try anything funny or underhanded, however, and the consequences will be dire. Goodbye, and give my regards to our… 'Dear friends' for me."

The screen flickered white before turning black again. Everyone was watching with a serious demeanor, except Ataru. As soon as he realized that a female was speaking on the screen, his mind wandered endlessly as to what she looked like.

Lum stood back up and floated over to the console. She turned it off at the press of a button and turned around to face the crowd.

"So, now everyone understands, right?" No one understood exactly, but most of them nodded anyway. Mendo raised his hand and stood up to get Lum's attention.

"Miss Lum, who was that woman, and why did she take your parents?" Everyone raised an eyebrow at her as she fidgeted with her fingers and looked at Ran. Ran was staring with worry, a sight that Lum wasn't used to.

"She," Lum began to answer, "was a friend of mine when I was little. She was the queen of her entire planet when she was ten years old because her parents were busy ruling other planets. She always gloated about it and rubbed it in our faces, and she ordered us around all the time like she was the queen of the galaxy." Lum paused and floated back over to the console under the screen and started typing again.

"She always tried to out-do everyone at everything; marksmanship, arts and crafts, hover-biking, baking, even whining. We all got sick of her after a few months and decided that she wasn't our friend anymore. She took it real hard and swore that she'd get us back one day for leaving her like that." She finished typing and flipped a switch. The screen lit up with a decorative scene from a palaces interior. A young woman in white appeared on the screen.

"Hello. Who may I say is calling, please?"

"It's Lum. Tell Oyuki that I need to speak with her."

The woman on the other end hinted at the urgency in her voice and hurried out of the room. A few moments later, Ran shuddered and Ataru sprang up with joy as Oyuki sat on the other end of the call.

"Hello Lum. It's been a while." She paused to look around the room through her receiver at all the people gathered in Lum's ship. "Are you having a party?"

"No. It's Kalu. She's kidnapped my parents."

Oyuki let out a small gasp as Lum continued.

"We need to initiate plan X-21! Do you remember what to do?"

Oyuki stared for a moment, as did everyone else. Suddenly, Oyuki spoke up.

"I believe I do. One moment please." She left for the door and called over a waiting girl. The group could faintly hear the conversation in the background but couldn't make it all out. Lum was fairly confident in herself and her apparent 'plan'. Oyuki returned and sat down at her receiver.

"It may take while. The ship's engines have frozen over and the cannon isn't fully operational, but with a little maintenance we should be ready to fire within the week." Lum looked speechless.

"Oyuki, what plan were you thinking of? I need you to call Benten and prep our off-site armory."

"Oh! I apologize, I was thinking of something completely different. I'll do that right away. You do remember where the armory is, right?"

"Yes."

"Very well then, good luck to you. I'll be cheering for you the whole time. Goodbye, everyone."

"Bye-bye, Oyuki!" Ataru gleefully cried out. The screen went back to black.

* * *

"Farewell, grandfather!" Shingo shouted out. Everyone turned at once. Shingo had apparently been stalking Mendo and had just recently made his presence known. Shingo was perched on top of the couch between Ryuunosuke and Nagisa. Mendo shot towards him.

"When did you get here, you buffoon?" Mendo said with an anger-twisted face.

"The strangest thing; I was walking in the park, defending you from slight, when I was suddenly raised into the air by an unknown force. Does that happen a lot outside?" Mendo hit Shingo on the head with the blunt edge of his sword, then sheathed it. Lum was busy punching in a series of unknown symbols on the screen.

"When have you protected me from anything, ever?" Mendo half shouted at Shingo, now lying on the floor.

Asuka flinched at the sight of yet another man in the room and cuddled up next to Ryuunosuke. A sharp shiver went down the poor tomboy's spine. Ryuunosuke looked over to see that Asuka's eyes were shifting nervously, so Ryuunosuke devised a quick solution to her paranoia.

Ryuunosuke scooted away from Asuka and took off her coat. Then she tore off a sleeve and motioned Asuka to turn around. This worked well enough before, so as long as no one tried anything stupid and touched her, everything should be fine.

"Thank you, Big Brother." Ryuunosuke grumbled an acceptance, ignoring the confused and startled stare from Nagisa upon hearing Asuka say 'Brother'. Nagisa leaned it to whisper something to Ryuunosuke.

"Is she really stupid or just blind." Ryuunosuke twinged before pounding Nagisa across the room. Living in the household that she did, it's no surprise that Ryuunosuke was getting stronger everyday. She could now contend with Nagisa in desperate moments or when properly motivated to beat the cross-dresser into paste.

* * *

"Don't worry, Asuka," Mendo said gently to her. "I shall defend you." Asuka was glad to hear the voice of her dear brother and held out her arms to find him. He grasped her arms, assuming she wouldn't snap her hands around and decimate his bones, and held tightly. She couldn't feel his hands through her armor, but she knew he was holding her, and she was calm again.

"So, Lum," Sakura started, leaning against the edge of the couch with Jariten floating over her in a paniced circle, "why are we all still here?"

Lum looked over at her with a cocked eyebrow.

"You obviously have this situation under control, so why not just lower us back to earth and go save your parents?"

"Sakura!" Tsubame stood up in a huff, his cape ruffling behind him. "How could you? This young lady is in a crisis and you're denying her your help? Is this the attitude of the helping, noble woman I love?" Sakura gasped at her fiancée's harsh tone. He was completely serious about helping Lum, and Sakura didn't want to argue with him. They could date any time, but she had an obligation to her students, whether she liked them or not.

"I need you," Lum started to answer, "that's what the plan is. Benten and me gather up all our friends to attack a common enemy. In this case, you're all my immediate friends and more, so you're all part of the plan anyway." Everyone started staring.

"So," Ataru began from behind Lum, "Was this whole trip idea just a sham to get us to fight?" Lum turned angrily towards her Darling and pouted.

"No. I just wanted us all to take a fun vacation. It can't be helped now." She stopped to float over to a curtain on the wall and flung it open. "See? We're in space already." The group stared in total shock. Some froze up in horror, others started whimpering, but Ataru and Ten were just standing there.

* * *

"We should intercept with Benten soon, and I've already calculated that it should take about a day to get to the planet itself. So until then, let's all just try to get along." She walked by Ataru and grabbed his arm with hers, leading him to the back of the ship. "Darling and I are going to go suit up now, so no one disturb us." Ataru was dragged back with a horrified look on his face as he saw Mendo drawing out his sword with a venomous look in his eyes.

The door sealed shut behind them, after Ten had followed, which led to Mendo futilely pounding away at the metal door.

"Moroboshi! Come out right now! How dare you attempt to invade Miss Lums' privac-"

Lum popped her head out enough for Mendo to see that she was still wearing clothes.

"Don't you have a girl to worry about yourself, Mendo? Now leave us alone so we can change." The door slammed back shut. Lum was right. Mendo forgot that Asuka was only calm when Mendo was next to her, and they were in space right now. Any major damage done to the ship would…he cringed at the thought of it. He started to run back the way he came.

* * *

"Asuka! I'm coming! Please stay calm!" The den of the spaceship was finally peaceful. Sakura and Tsubame were gazing out the window, Ran was assembling some sort of device while trying to keep Shingo out of her cake basket. Ryoko was talking to Tobimaro, who seemed calm enough, and Asuka was seated on the couch with Ryuunosuke and Nagisa. Shinobu and Inaba were sitting with each other as well.

Mendo quickly realized that he was alone in the room. Everyone apparently had someone (whether they wanted them or not) except Mendo. He decided to walk over and join with comforting Asuka.

Ryuunosuke and Nagisa were talking to Asuka about space and what it is. Ryuunosuke was offering a rather blunt view, whereas Nagisa was just contradicting her at every turn. Mendo sat and Ryuunosuke took a hint to move out of the way to join Ran and talk about femininity.

* * *

"No, like this, Darling." Ataru was having trouble getting into his Oni-style battle armor. It resembled a rather crude knock off of a Viking style suit of armor, just lighter and tiger-stripped. Lum clipped together the shoulder pad on his right shoulder and straightened out his body suit that went with it.

"Is that better?" she asked. Ataru moved his arms and legs around to get a feel for his mobility.

"Yeah, that's good. I'm surprised this thing fits me."

"Well, it was for Rei when we were dating, but you know the story there…"

"Ah." Ataru was compelled with many questions that he was too afraid to ask. Mainly because Ten was there and he didn't want to bring up sleeping arrangements for everyone without a shouting fight of embarrassment. Before he could organize his thoughts, however, a loud beeping came from the other room.

* * *

Lum rushed out in her previous attire and pressed a button on the console. The screen went ablaze with an alien script, to which Lum started typing in commands on her keyboard. Outside the window, a large shuttle came into view, blocking off the nebula that Sakura and Tsubame were staring at.

"Yo!" The screen was lit up with an image of a beautiful girl with a chain in her hair and a plate-mail bikini on. "You're not dressed yet, Lum!"

"I was just getting ready when you called!" Lum was pushed aside lightly by an eager Ryuunosuke.

"Benten! It's been a while!" Benten stared in amazement at the gathering of people Lum had brought. Her face was starting to look nervous. She had never seen some of these people before.

"Hey Ryuunosuke. Who're all these people, Lum?" Lum took control of her screen back as Ryuunosuke backed off.

"These are all my friends. Remember? The plan was to bring any outside friends to help. Where are your friends, Benten?" Benten chuckled lightly and scratched the back of her head.

"Yeah, right. Well, uh…" here eyes started to shift around nervously, "Let me open the dock for you!" She flipped a switch and a groaning of metal was heard from the exterior of the ship. A huge building was floating in space and Lum's UFO was entering it slowly. A loud hiss was sounded when the giant space-hatch closed and sealed the group inside the massive ship.

* * *

Benten was visible outside the window, waving everyone to come out. Behind and all around her, bordering the dock they were it, were weapons. An army's worth of alien rifles and various other dangerous looking things were visible in any direction. Lum pressed a button on her console to open the door, but to her surprise when she looked out the window, Ataru was already running towards a startled Benten with waving arms.

Lum stared with mouth agape and sparks flickering across her fingers.

"That husband of yours…" Ran said with a disappointed voice, shaking her head slowly. Lum clenched her hands and few out to deliver a quick punishment.


	4. Ready for departure

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Everyone was seated on a single long bench, with all the girls on one side and all the boys on the other. Asuka and Ataru were on the ends of the benches for safety purposes.

Benten stood in front of everyone with a large grid-map projection floating behind her. It seemed to be a galactic map with many red markings and arrows pointing to one small sphere.

Ataru was still smoldering, literally, over Lum's punishment earlier. Beside him was Mendo, who was glaring at him with his sword close by. Sakura and Tsubame sat beside each other in the middle.

Benten was still awaiting questions from her audience of disgruntled and confused earthlings. Lum was hovering in the back, letting Benten take care of the objective of informing everyone about their plan.

"_I forgot,"_ Lum thought to herself, _"Benten always froze up in front of class where she had to give presentations. I guess she never got over that"_

Beads of sweat were starting to form on her brow, and everybody could see how uncomfortable she was. She felt like she was going to melt from the stress when an innocent voice cooed from the far left of the bench

"Excuse me miss, but where are we?" Benten took one look at Asuka, the girl with the star-shaped pupils, and her stress was relieved somehow. Despite everyone else's obvious phobia of her, she seemed very nice and sweet for a girl wearing metal padding.

"Well," Benten finally started, "we're in space. More specifically, we're in a special military-grade transportation vessel that's headed for planet Momoran. We're going to storm the enemy fortress and rescue the hostages. Does that answer all the questions?"

Mendo raised his hand, but Benten rigidly turned around, ignoring him. She picked up a pen and started drawing on the holographic map rather spastically. Mendo stood up and announced his question.

"Miss Benten. Not that I wouldn't be honored to be included in the operation to rescue Miss Lum's parents, but why must we all participate in this? Do you not have your own force to deal with this business?" Benten kept trying to ignore the question she so desperately wanted to dodge, but Mendo went on. "Furthermore, how did the two of you acquire such a large ship?" He finished as he turned to Lum behind him.

"Well uh," Lum bashfully began, "we kinda stole it a few years ago, in middle school." She coughed to feign innocence as the group stared fearfully at her. Benten was still frozen, with the pen she was using shaking in her hand.

"That's little surprise to me," Ataru bluntly said. "You're always causing all kinds of trouble on earth." This unnecessary comment warranted him a painful bite to the neck. Lum sank her teeth into his skin, and he merely flinched and whined aloud at the pain.

"So," Benten abruptly began, "as you can see, this is our current plan for invasion." She held her hand out to the map, which was now covered in alien language and crude, shaky drawings. She had apparently doodled out of nervousness while no one was looking.

Lum detached herself from Ataru and floated over to a device under the map. She pressed a button with her foot and the screen cleared up to the basic map again. She patted Benten's shoulder and motioned her to sit down, which she rushed to do beside Asuka on the floor.

Lum began redrawing the lines and notes on the map, this time in Japanese so everyone could read, while Benten steamed over her shyness on the floor. Ataru was trying to hold all his blood in his neck.

"Okay, I'll brief the plan with everyone." She motioned her hands around the diagram while she spoke. "We'll split into two teams. Team A will directly invade the planet on this unpopulated region. Team B will hang back and wait for reinforcements before joining Team A on the surface. Once both teams are present, we'll launch a coordinated attack on the castle. Once inside and safe, the teams will divide again differently so the enemy can't predict our tactics. Both teams will spread out and search the castle for my parents and any other hostages that there may be. Now then, if there are no questions," she set down the pan as she turned to the anticipating crowd, "we can begin to make our teams."

* * *

The teams were divided as follows. Team A had: Ataru, Mendo, Sakura, Tsubame, Shingo, Ryuunosuke and Ten. They would dispatch after gearing up while Team B stayed behind long enough for Team A to set up a raiding camp near the enemies fortress. This would also give Team B plenty of time to wait for Neptunian and Oni reinforcements for safety.

Ataru's traditional Oni battle armor that Lum gave him came fitted with a feature that made him want to always wear it: Immunity to electricity. The armor itself was also fairly sturdy and lightweight, and his mobility for escaping wasn't hindered a bit. Along with the armor, Benten gave him a collapsible mallet that didn't weight anything until swung.

Mendo was given a white skin-suit with samurai-style fittings around the waist and shoulders. For sake of keeping true to an alien invasion, his regular katana was replaced by an energy-beam sword that emitted from a short handle-sized machine on his belt. The beam could extend as far as it needed to with a swing and shot out a relative distance to the energy applied in the swing. The blade itself was blue in color and hummed when it went through the air. As he already tested it, the blade seemed to be electric because Ataru could still catch it with his hands.

Sakura and Tsubame were each given protective armor similar to a Shinto Priestess' robe and a Magician's Tuxedo with a cape. Sakura's armor had a paper-dispensing device on the belt that would give her multiple slips of paper to use for seals and spells. Tsubame's cape could be electronically activated to turn him and anyone under it invisible.

Shingo was given equipment similar to Mendo's, but with a camouflage device added. This device would bend the air around him to alter his appearance to anything in front of him. With it, he could seemingly change his form at will to any animal or object. Instead of a beam sword, he was given a short, collapsible rod that constantly crackled with electricity from a rechargeable battery in the handle.

Ryuunosuke, much to her pleasure and gratitude, was fitted with an Amazonian Battle Suit. It looked like a normal black one-piece bathing suit, but with gloves, stockings and shoulder pads included. The suit enhanced her natural strength several times over, making her punch deadly(er). Her pleasure came from the fact that she could wear it and still look feminine, but she ended up wearing her wrap after an incident with Ataru. He somehow survived with minimal injury.

Ten was going down in his scooter and a basic safety helmet. He claimed to have no need for suits or fancy weapons. All he needed was his fire breath and his handy little scooter. To that effect, without anyone on his team knowing, he asked Lum for a breath enhancer to increase the range and danger of his fire.

* * *

Team A, now fully suited and ready to go, was escorted by Benten to the hanger, where a transport ship was waiting to be loaded up. While not quite as big as Lum's ship, it was more spacious. The bulk of the ship was a roomy area in the back where everyone sat across from each other, like a subway but not as crammed.

"Hang on a sec and I'll type in the coordinates for the ship to follow." Lum said as she poked her head back from the cockpit. After a few seconds, she stuck her head out again. "Darling, could you come back here for a sec?" Ataru begrudgingly walked back and the door closed behind him. Mendo stared after him warily.

"What's up Lum?" Ataru asked in the cramped space of the cockpit. Lum was still entering strange symbols on a small display.

"Well, first off, I wanted to apologize." She finished and looked directly at him. "I'm sorry we're not on the same team, Darling." Ataru wasn't expecting an apology for this, so he froze. She picked up his hand and held it between hers. "Team A is supposed to be comprised of people that the enemy doesn't know, so Benten, Ran and I had to be on the backup." Ataru jerked his hand back.

"That's it? What about forcing all of us into fighting for you? Aren't you going to apologize for that?" Lum looked angered and hurt at once. She shot forward with tears slowly forming in her eyes and her fangs bared.

"I shouldn't have to ask you to help rescue my parents! Everyone else is willing to help me!"

"Well, if you'd have asked first then…"

"Why are so negative to me!?" She started hitting him on the chest. He couldn't feel it, but his heart was replacing the annoyance with stinging pain. Ataru tried to search his brain for a safe way out without getting shocked. Then he remembered that his suit was on.

"Well, I never really mean it," he said calmly as he stopped her hands and pushed them back to her, "it's just that you always put a negative spin on everything I say." He looked at Lum's face, expecting a far different reaction than what he got.

She was crying and almost sobbing with her teeth biting on her lip. Ataru was stunned completely as Lum rammed her head into his chest and started weeping quietly. Through the tears she managed to continue her apology from earlier.

"I'm sorry…I begged Benten but…She didn't want us to deviate the plan…You might not come back from this, Darling. I'm so sorry." She wrapped her arms around a now fully conscious Ataru. The concept of impending death hit him like a truck. His hands glided around and behind Lum, and he soon found himself hugging her.

She stopped sobbing for a moment and raised her head from his armored chest. Ataru noticed the weight lifting off and looked down, locking his gaze into her starry, sparkling eyes.

"Lum, I…" Ataru choked on his words. He got lost in Lum's livid eyes.

"I'm sorry Darling."

"Don't worry about it," he finally got out. He was trying to smile, but his lip was quivering. All the thoughts of alien death were running through his mind at once. "When has anything ever come close to killing me?"

Lum looked worried. The fact that her Darling was holding her of his own will was great at first, but the more she read into the situation the more she realized how scared he was. She moved her arms and wrapped them around his neck, tilting her head very close to his and smiling weakly. She reached up and gave him a kiss on the lips. She drew back and winked playfully.

"For good luck," she said, now apparently cheerful. Ataru scowled his mouth, but his eyes were still full of worry. Lum pushed him away, wiping her tears and sending him out the door as she stepped out of the ship.

"You better be fine when I get there, Darling, or I'll bite you extra hard," she said with a smile. Ataru smiled back with a goofy grin and replied out the closing door.

"I'll try my best!" He waved to her as the ship's engine started to roar. He exited the cockpit with his grin fading as he saw Mendo pointing a steady stream of energy at him. Ataru readied his hands to stop the 'blade' as it drew in closer to his face.

"So," Mendo began with a twitching brow, "what did you two talk about?" Ataru glanced nervously at everyone in the room. Each face except Ryuunosuke's was giving him a degenerative and disgusted look. Ryuunosuke was seated the closest to the cockpit door and had seen part of what happened, so she wasn't looking at him. Ataru chuckled foolishly.

"Uh, well, the plan mostly. That's it…" Mendo drew in closer as the ship started to shake.

* * *

"So, he's okay now?" Benten asked as she riffled through a gun cabinet. Lum twirled her hair with a sigh.

"He'll be fine. Nothing's ever hurt him to bad before. Plus, his armor's some of the strongest on the known weapons trading market, so he'll be fine even if he's a little careless." She spun around and pulled several small pieces from a box that Benten was looking into and floated toward the door.

"Besides," she said before leaving, "he knows that dying would hurt me to much, so he won't do it." The door slid shut as she floated down the hall, leaving Benten with a smirk as she assembled her weapon.


	5. On the planet at last

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

As the ship descended into the mysterious planet's atmosphere, Ataru went over a checklist of life-long goals in his head to see if he was truly ready to face his own mortality in the fight to come.

He was positive that he had dated over or close to one thousand girls in his lifetime, he never got to eat his own weight in beef bowls, and Mendo was still very much alive. Not only was he alive, but he was glaring derisively at him.

Mendo refused to let his guard down, being aware that Ryuunosuke was present in Ataru's company. He didn't think anyhting about facing death because no one bothered to mention that to him. No one else was as nervous as Ataru right now, and Mendo could notice it.

Miss Sakura and her fiancée seem calm about everything and Miss Ryuunosuke is actually very eager. Moroboshi must just be mulling his sins over. What reason does he have against assisting Miss Lum in rescuing her parents?

Mendo continued pondering as the ship began to shake. The transport ship was mainly meant for over-ground reconnaissance, not space-to-ground travel. Even with the extra dimensional 'Easy-Paint, Quick-Dry' shielding, the ship was warming up noticeably upon entry. Ataru stirred, praying to several gods at once that the ship wouldn't explode or instantaneously melt.

Ryuunosuke caught herself impatiently tapping her foot for the umpteenth time and crossed her legs. She felt exposed in her strength suit, so she decided to cover herself with her school pants and jacket. The effect of looking feminine was more creepy than satisfying with Ataru and Mendo around.

"Can you guys here me?" Benten's voice cam into the room very suddenly. Ataru nearly fell out of his seat, and everyone else perked their ears up to listen over the rumbling.

"Listen, you're going in pretty deep, so keep yourselves on guard. We'll try to establish a better means of communication. In the meantime, just stay near the craft once you land until we get to the next step of the plan. Also, it's gonna be raining pretty hard, so I advise you against going outside. Benten over and out" The speaker crackled and fizzed out into silence. Everyone looked on affirmatively, understanding their orders.

Everyone but Ataru seemed to understand the entire message, however. The real orders weren't to just stay put, but to make sure Ataru didn't do anything regrettable or stupid. Mendo tried to stand up and attain a firm command of attention, but was sent tumbling into the main door as the gravity shifted violently.

Ataru was the first to notice the seatbelts, having secured his much earlier. Everyone else, with the exception of an unconscious Mendo, was busy fastening themselves in. Sakura fastened Ten's for him. Mendo finally recovered and crawled back into his seat, fidgeting with his harness to get it to fasten. Once he was neatly secured in his seat he attempted to get everyone's attention again.

"Alright," he began as dramatically as he could over the rumbling, "if we are to survive until Miss Lum and Benten arrive then we must establish a chain of command. I will be giving out the direct orders to…"

"Now hold up, Mendo," Sakura interrupted, "but don't you think that responsibility should go to the oldest person here?" Tsubame nodded. Sakura was indeed a few short weeks older than him, and he didn't mind.

"I'm with you, Sakura!" Ryuunosuke shouted over the increasing roar from outside. Ten raised his hand approvingly. To Mendo's displeasure, he was the only one in the craft that was not voting for Sakura to take lead. Even Shingo was against him. He sighed in defeat and raised his hand as well.

* * *

The ship's thrusters kicked in to soften the landing to a bump rather than a fiery explosion. The current crew sat tight until the hatch opened, revealing a slightly scorched earth under them. Sakura had opted to scout the immediate area around the ship first. She stepped down the steps on the inside of the large hatch door and set foot on the planet's ground.

In almost any direction she turned there was lush green rainforest. The rain itself was heavy enough to reach the ground below the nearby trees, but light enough that one could see for miles and miles. The ship was perched near the top of a hill that peaked up above the treetops. Sakura could see the leafy canopy of the expansive forest in front of them.

Feeling satisfied that no danger was present at the moment, Sakura proceeded back up the steps into the still warm hull of the ship. Ryuunosuke already unfastened herself and was stretching. Ataru stayed seated next to an anxious Mendo. All eyes met Sakura as she was about to deliver her brief report on their status.

"It's beautiful out there." She said longingly. Everyone looked confused at her. Ataru snuck past her and peered out the gazed at the view outside.

"She's right! Come on out!" Everyone jumped at Ataru's voice coming from outside. Apparently, no one even saw him move from his seat. Although still shocked form Ataru's 'teleportation', they got up one by one and headed outside.

From inside, a communication was attempted, but no one could hear it due to the rain and heavy static coming over the channel.

* * *

"Hello? Guys? Dammit!" Benten cursed as she pounded the communication console. She was trying to inform the group on the planet not to move to far away from the ship or go into the forest. Unknown to the whole group at the time, the massive planet-wide jungle was ripe with dinosaurs and other prehistoric fauna.

The planet itself was a research habitat for creatures from across the galaxy and how they developed when bred and forced to live together. Unfortunately, the researchers underestimated the raw tenacity of Earth's earliest predators, and the rest of the galaxy's species became free game for the terrifying carnivores. Subsequently, the alien flora perished as the Earthen flora overgrew wildly to the ideal conditions. Why Kalu decided to build a base here was beyond Lum and Benten's best guesses.

Lum wasn't as worried as Benten. _She_ didn't steal the transport ship or the shielding, but she was worried about her Darling's safety. If they ran off into the forest or didn't hear Benten's earlier message then they could be in serious trouble without her knowing.

"Okay!" Ran called from another room, "We're ready to send it!" Lum flew over in a hurry, trailed behind by Benten. Ran was sitting behind a large console with a flashing diagram of the area around the ship on the planet.

"Good. Let's do this now." Ran nodded and pushed a button. Outside the flying armory a small probe was launched down towards the planet. The main reason that Benten wanted everybody to stay put was so they could intercept and activate the communications beacon. With it activated, they would have a direct and secure line of contact between the ships until Team B was prepared to make landfall. So far, they were not and progress was stifling.

* * *

Lum and Benten marched through the hallway and into the large training room. Asuka and Nagisa were individually training to hone their strength. Nagisa was given a special outfit acquired from an inter-dimensional shaman that enhances the wearer's spiritual energy tenfold. Since Nagisa was mostly made of spiritual energy, the suit fit him best, giving him borderline psychic powers. The outfit itself resembled a sailor uniform, better suited to fit Nagisa's 'lifestyle' than anyone.

Asuka was given a special suit that didn't amplify her power, but controlled it. There was a remote control, which Benten currently possessed that had a dial on it, which would either uninhibit her power or drain it to nothing. It was on halfway right now; meaning Asuka could only use half of her strength at the time. The suit was a mirror image of her normal under-armor, only white and light-blue. She also had a headband that acted as a homing beacon to whoever she thought of by humming as she drew closer to the person in her mind.

All this equipment came as a delightful surprise and welcome addition to Tobimaro. Tobimaro's suit was the same model as Mendo's, only he was given a size-adjusting Oni War-Mace instead of an energy sword. The mace was a traditional Japanese version of an Oni's weapon, only it could shrink and expand at the will of the user. He was glad that his little sister could hug him without making his life flash before his eyes.

Benten walked over to Asuka to try and calm her down enough to stop trainingand rest for a while. Lum just told Nagisa that it was almost time to sleep. Tobimaro had been training earlier, and after one unfortunate shower incident (regarding Asuka) he was soundly sleeping in a locker room-turned-males-dorm. Since most of Team B was comprised of women, they all slept in the largest heated room.

Ryoko decided that she would stay behind and coordinate the ground movement and tactics from the ship, since she abhorred violence so. Shinobu and Inaba decided to rest the entire day, having been shocked and left tired from the constant barrage of surprises, and would start their training tomorrow.

Lum couldn't sleep, not without knowing her Darling was safe and sound. She was worrying more and more as the night progressed, until eventually she couldn't concentrate on simple tasks. She skipped dinner to attempt to speed up the communication link between the ship and the planet, but to no avail.

* * *

Ataru stared up at the sky. It stopped raining, so Sakura ordered that the party would camp on the soft grass near the ship for the night. Fortunately for them all, adequate supplies and sleeping bags were pre-packed into the ship for them. Everyone rested comfortably, with Sakura separating the boys and girls from each other. Ataru was the only one still awake, although barely.

_Lum is probably still awake too._ He thought. _She must be worried about me. That idiot, I'm fine down here. I wish I could tell her that, though…_ He reached a hand up to the sky, following the path of a shooting star.

…_I miss her…_ He shot up as soon as this though crossed his mind and slapped himself on the face. The stress must be getting to him about this whole deal. A war, hostages, fighting pretty-sounding girls…this whole thing went against his standards.

The shooting star grew closer and closer, until Ataru was positive that he could see something headed straight at him. In an instinctive berserk, Ataru grabbed his helmet and ran away. He glanced back to see the object veer off and land at the top of the hill with a muffled thud. Looking as curious as ever, Ataru crept up the hill silently so no one would wake up.

At the top of a hill was a steaming orb with a reflective, metallic surface. He motioned to touch it, but stopped his hand short, as it seemed still far to hot to approach. Suddenly, the orb started to crackle and pop with static bursts. A small screen appeared across the face of the ball and lit up with blue. Ataru stared in wonderment as to what this thing was, when all his anxiety was lifted from his shoulders as a face appeared on the screen.

"DARLING!" Lum was ecstatic to see that the communication probe had indeed touched down safely, and Ataru was the first to it. "I'm so glad you're safe, Darling. I wish I could kiss you right now…" Ataru was stiff once again with instinctual fear. He too was overjoyed to see Lum, but the surprise of seeing her so suddenly was a bit too much for him.

"Darling? Is everything alright down there? DO you need anything right now? Where is everybody?" Lum stopped her interrogation short as she noticed her Darling getting ready to start a shouting match. "Well, regardless, I'm glad you're safe, Darling." Lum leaned forward and kissed the screen, with the intended recipient to be Ataru. She winked at him and turned off the channel after sneaking in one last quip to drive him mad.

"I love you." The screen disappeared. Ataru stood firmly then exhaled the breath he had been storing to yell with. He smiled as he walked carefully down the rough hill to his sleeping bag.

…_Yeah. You too…_ Ataru tripped and started tumbling down the hill towards the camp sight. He picked up speed as he kept rolling down hill, bumping many small rocks loose. He tried to get his balance back and started to run, but was too late in trying and tripped once again, this time over Ryuunosuke. Then, he fell on Sakura and rolled over into Mendo, accidentally planting his foot in Mendo's face.

As Ataru sat up to check over his injuries, he was met by the icy glare of two dead-tired women and a few startled men. The only warmth that met with Atau was Mendo's beam sword as it streaked across Ataru's neck. The whole group gave a synchronized, hiss filled with spite.

"Moroboshi…" Ataru lit his face with a dim grin and bashfully rubbed the back of his neck.

_Damn you, Lum. That was your fault…_


	6. The events of the first day

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

In an act of brilliance and petty fury, Team A decided to tie up Ataru and lock him in the ship so they could sleep peacefully and communicate with Team B (mostly females, after all) uninterrupted. Ataru was still angry with the whole abduction mess, but he managed to get some sleep as well.

Sakura was supervising the reactivation of the communication mechanism but with little help. All Mendo could do was hit it, all Tsubame was doing was cursing and Ten just floated next to Sakura lazily. Ryuunosuke was relieved when she was told that making dents in the machine wasn't help.

"Ten, you're an alien. Shouldn't this stuff make sense to you?" Sakura asked as Ten floated casually around her head. Ten gave it an apathetic shrug.

"You can't count on me to get this stuff. I'm just a child, after all." Sakura glared at him. She was expecting him to be at least a small amount of help to them. Shingo, being the most coordinated of the group, decided to scout the forest for food.

Ryuunosuke was charged with keeping watch over the forest to look for a sign of Shingo or anyone else that may pose a threat. Ryuunosuke took her job diligently, wanting to particularly make her earlier behavior up to Sakura. Suddenly, there was a sharp shrieking of large birds as they hastily flew away from something in the forest.

Shingo popped up for a moment over the treetops, hauling a large and bulging sack of food behind him. Ryuunosuke jumped up and shouted her report back to Sakura.

"Shingo's back!" Sakura decided to walk over there, seeing as how well they were all progressing with the machine (sarcasm). Ryuunosuke was pointing to where the trees seemed to be moving, assuming of course that it was Shingo rushing back.

They both heard a loud, terrified scream from the woods, sounding like Shingo. Accompanying his screams was a loud roar from some creature that was working its way through the trees. Ryuunosuke decided to meet him as he came back up to the hill and jumped nimbly down the rocky hillside to the base where Shing was headed.

Oddly, Shingo met her halfway down the hill. He was sprinting madly upwards with his large sack bulging with food slung over his back. Ryuunosuke spun around to catch a glimpse of Shingo as he sprinted his way to the top of the hill. When Ryuunosuke turned back around she skidded to a stop and stared in shock at the Tyrannosaurus Rex that was peeking out of the clearing at her.

Ryuunosuke's lip started quivering as she took a shaky step back, then she shook her head and stepped forward with clenched fists. She was the strongest person on Team A and she knew it, so it fell upon her to defend everyone else. She struck a pose and tried to wipe the fear provoked grimace off her face. The dinosaur's eyes were now focused on her.

"Miss Ryuunosuke!" Mendo yelled from the top with concern, "Please, come back here!"

"Don't act like a hero, Ryuunosuke! That's a dinosaur! It'll eat you whole!" Shingo was hit over the head for his disheartening comment.

Sakura was already sliding down the slope with her hands making signs in the air. She drew out various sealing signs that floated in front of her in mid air. Then with one smooth swipe, she threw out enough pieces of paper to catch each one and imprint it on the paper.

She grabbed three papers and threw them like knives at the creature now slowly stalking toward Ryuunosuke. The papers hit it on the head and the beast stopped in mid motion. The sutras that Sakura placed had paralyzed the dinosaur from head to toe.

Ryuunosuke took this opportunity for herself and jumped up to the Rex's jaw, delivering a strong flying uppercut that sent the monster tumbling head-over-feet through the air and back into the forest. It landed with a crash in the dense trees, sending debris flying and birds scattering.

Ryuunosuke threw her arms up in the air with relief, then landed on her back and started to breathe again. Sakura herself dropped down and tried to catch her breath. The whole scenario was a bit too stupid for her to handle all at once. A dinosaur attack was the last thing in particular that was on her mind.

"Good job, Ryuunosuke" Sakura said between her breaths. Ryuunosuke put one arm straight up and gave a solid thumb up. Suddenly, an unknown force was grasping her hand and pulling her up to her feet.

"Indeed. What a daring rescue." A stunned Ryuunosuke was swept up in a heap into Ataru's arms, much to Sakura's shock. "So strong and brave, and so beautiful all the while." True to his nature, Ataru moved his face closer to Ryuunosuke's until she could feel his breath.

* * *

Ataru was, for the first time in his viable career as a leach, out for the count. Ryuunosuke's suit nearly overcharged with the hit and it took nearly two hours of searching through the jungle to find his limp body.

Strange looking lizards, none of which seemed to want to eat him, surrounded poor Ataru. They were all green with red spots running down their backs and were all roughly the size of a turkey. They were facing away from him, like sentries, and watching diligently for any movement. When a leaf fell or a twig snapped in the woods, they all turned in that direction.

Mendo and Tsubame, charged with finding Ataru, stood outside the clearing where Ataru had landed. They wanted to try and overwhelm the impish little beasts but were too afraid to move. The white-hot stares they cast simultaneously in any direction of sound were far to intimidating for the self-proclaimed great gentlemen to move past.

"What should we do?" Mendo asked in a very hushed tone so the creatures couldn't hear. Tsubame just shrugged without moving his eyes away.

"We can just leave him here." Mendo seriously considered this for a moment then waved it away from his mind.

"If Miss Lum found out that we abandoned Moroboshi in the wilds she would never forgive us. We have to bring him back for her sake." Mendo refocused on the herd around his target while Tsubame was busy with his own thoughts of what to do.

"I suppose I can try out my suit and conjure a demon to lure the creatures away, but I'm not sure exactly how."

"Well figure it out so we can go." Mendo had hissed loud enough that all the eyes of the lizards were upon them both. They froze instantly until the eyes turned away. It was like staring down a motion-sensitive rocket launcher.

Mendo nudged Tsubame, which Tsubame regarded as a silent code for 'Go for it'

He positioned his hands together and started chanting as softly as possible. A small flicker of purple light came from his hands and he could feel an unknown force pushing against the invisible wall between the realms that was held in his hands. Tsubame closed his hands, completing the spell, and stared deeply at the tiny creature he had spawned.

It had the general shape of a tiny human, female even, but a long tail-like protrusion and dragonfly wings. Its hair was styled to look like a insect's pincer mouth, and she was quite attractive besides. She looked up warily at her surroundings and spotted the giant man in the top hat. She stood up suddenly and curtsied with the frilled edges of her tiny dress.

"Greetings, master. I am Eukerial. How may I serve you?" Tsubame smiled smugly under the shadow of his hat, praising himself silently over a successful summoning.

"Yes," he nodded, still hushing himself, "can you fly?" The fairy nodded politely and spun around, showcasing her rainbow-colored wings.

"I am one of the fastest of my kind." She bragged.

"Then I need you to fly over there," he paused to point at the group of lizards, "and distract those creatures while we grab the young boy on the ground." The fairy scouted the scene and turned back around with a positive, almost cocky look on her face.

"No problem at all, master!" With that she flew off like a shimmering speck of dust in the wind and spun around in front of one of the lizards. The lizard tried to hollow her with unmoving eyes, but its neck couldn't twitch fast enough and it squawked. The rest of the group heard the squawk, and soon all the red and yellow eyes were on the dainty fairy taunting them in the air.

The fairy darted off when the lizards started jumping at her, and the clearing was once again clear. Mendo and Tsubame took this opportunity to rush in and grab Ataru, still not stirring, and run off into the trees toward the hill.

"Why is he so heavy?" Mendo whined. It was obviously the war-grade armor and the design was more eccentric and complex that either Mendo's or Ryuunosuke's suits. His helmet, however, was left behind in the woods.

"UWAAAAH! MASTER!!" Eukerial made a mad dive for her master's top hat and disappeared under it. Tsubame turned to see the herd of lizards were swiftly moving through the trees and chasing them down. Mendo and Tsubame started sprinting the distance through the trees, allowing Ataru's body to clear away most of the shorter brush under them.

* * *

Mendo and Tsubame came screaming through the clearing and up the hill, then into the ship. They threw Ataru into the hold and quickly fidgeted with the door controls as the lizards came screeching up the hill. They closed the door just in time, as one of the things mad a lunge at them and slammed into the closing door.

Tsubame and Mendo sank to their knees and sighed. While fighting them was a viable option on the hill, the sheer number would have been troublesome to deal with. Tsubame took off his hat and picked the quivering, fetal fairy up with his fingers.

"I thought you were going to lead them away for us!" Tsubame seared at the startled fairy. She twiddled her thumbs and tried to look cutely through her lashes for sympathy from her master.

"Well, I was distracting them, but they have these really long tongues, and I almost go eaten! I'm sorry, master, but at least you and I are fine, right?" Tsubame felt like fuming over her more, but she was right. They did get Ataru away from the lizards and they were back safely at camp…as was everyone else.

Tsubame shot up, sending the fairy spinning in mid-air and provoking Mendo to follow him on a whim. They rushed over to a small window and pushed the shutter up. The lizards were, as Tsubame feared, running with bowlegs up the hill towards an unsuspecting Sakura.

* * *

Sakura was now overseeing the maintenance and adjustments of the device made by Shingo and Ten. Ten had the most solid grasp of alien technologies in the group and Shingo was immune to the electric discharges the machine occasionally made. Ryuunosuke was restlessly pacing around the top of the hill.

She was now giddy with excitement over the previous events. She couldn't wait to fight something else, and she didn't know why. The apparent prospect of combat had under whelmed her at first, but the concept of beating a giant crocodile senseless with her immense power was purely exciting to her.

As Ryuunosuke rounded the hill for the umpteenth time, she came upon a sight that seemed to grant her unspoken wish for a good fight. An uncountable number of irritated looking lizards were slowly encroaching upon the hill summit. Sakura was curious as to the repeated squawking noise that was closing in and turned to meet the sight with Ryuunosuke.

"What are those?" Sakura asked the wind. Ryuunosuke was poised and ready to fight, the lust for war glimmering brightly in her eyes and across her grinning teeth.

"Obviously not friends," Ryuunosuke said happily, "maybe they're our dinner." She licked her lips and stared down the army of small dinosaurs. They continued charging and squawking up the hill, but stopped abruptly as the ground in front of them seemed to rise in front of them.

Ryuunosuke took a firm grasp of the boulder under her and raised it easily over her head. The boulder had in fact been a significant chunk of the hillside itself, but the creatures weren't deterred for long. They all swerved around the gaping hole in the hill and continued upwards.

With one giant heave and war-cry, Ryuunosuke slammed the massive rock down in front of her, causing a tremor to shake throughout the ground and force the creatures to go tumbling down the hill. The boulder was lodged unevenly in the ground as the rubble and dirt unsettled underneath it. With a positively devious smile, Ryuunosuke turned around and flashed a peace sign at a stunned Sakura and Ten.

"Hello? What's happening over there?" a very effeminate and worried voice inquired form the now activated probe. Sakura rushed over and faces the screen with a great sigh of relief.

"Hello, Ran. Everything's fine down here, and we're waiting for our next orders." Ran smiled sweetly, but her gaze was seeking something past Sakura. She raised a hand and pointed in the direction where a few unshaken lizards were pacing slowly up the hill.

"Did you try to make friends with the wildlife already?" Sakura turned with a start, but was reassured when she saw Ryuunosuke leap into action. She grabbed one and threw it a good distance into the horizon, then shot around and glared with a dastardly smile at the now terrified lizard who were frozen in mid step. Sakura turned back with an entertained yet sarcastic look and replied to Ran.

"You could say that…"


	7. The continued events that led into night

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

An overly cheerful Ryuunosuke was finishing her job of punting the invading lizards deep into the dense forest to ensure the protection of the communications relay, even if they weren't really a threat. This was a job that she could finally do and be happy with, so Sakura left her to it.

Mendo and Tsubame peeked sheepishly outside upon hearing the initial chaos to watch Ryuunosuke pummel the last of the lizards off into distance. Ataru was still unconscious, which was a blessing for the two gentlemen in their own ways.

"Good job, Miss Ryuunosuke," Mendo said to himself in a hush. He turned then to Tsubame, who was keeping watch for Sakura with the pixie from earlier still lounging under his hat. "Tsubame, now's our chance." They both nodded and moved to the back to haul off Ataru.

Mendo pulled at the hatch release lever, after which nothing happened. Looking worried, Mendo tried to pull the lever again, which now broke off of the wall, trapping everyone inside. Furthermore infuriating to both men was the fact that Ataru was audibly stirring form his sleep.

With a hand on his undamaged head he searched for bruises or spots of blood and groaned as he rose up from the floor. Ataru opened his eyes to meet the clearing images of his rescuers. Tsubame looked relieved whereas Mendo was starting to look peeved. Ataru donned his usual grin to avoid the men's conjecture for whatever wrong he had apparently done.

"Howdy, guys," he said happily, "how's it going?" Mendo pointed furiously at the broken lever, like it was his fault.

"We seem to be trapped in here" Tsubame calmly explained. Ataru nodded and picked himself up slowly.

"Why are we in here anyway?" Ataru asked. Mendo fumed and stuttered at him, again like it was all his fault.

"We rescued you from a group of small lizards after Ryuunosuke punched you into the forest." Tsubame explained. Ataru stroked at his chin to recall the events between then and now, but it was all just blackness. He shrugged and started pacing to the front of the ship.

"Well, we aren't completely stuck in here," he said. Tsubame followed after him while Mendo continued to simmer to himself over what a fool Moroboshi was. Ataru slid open the metal door to the cockpit and shuffled his way to the door. Tsubame followed after him and they were outside and on the grass soon after. It was late afternoon by now, and dark clouds were rolling in from over a mountain range on the horizon.

_That ignorant, foolish brute of a swine! We save him and not a word of thanks; and besides that he broke the hatch lever…somehow…_ Mendo growled lightly at not having anything to complain to about Ataru. He was safe and Lum would be happy, that's all that mattered.

As Mendo climbed over the seat and out the open door to the shuttle, his cape caught something. He tugged violently to release it and inadvertently pulled at something in the controls. Suddenly, the engine of the space-faring vessel started to rumble and the hull began to shake.

* * *

Sakura took a glace down the hill to see Ataru and Tsubame rushing up to meet her and hearing the building roar of the ship's engine. Her logical mind concluded the most likely possibility first, and her foot met Ataru's rushing face as he ran up the hill.

"Moroboshi," she seethed, "what did you do?" Ataru moved her foot down and looked innocentaly at her.

"Sakura, why are you looking at me like that?" he whined as Tsubame came to the top of the hill. "Why do you always assume that when something bad happens I'm the one at fault? Don't you have any faith in me?"

"No" she answered as bluntly and quickly as she could. She turned to Tsubame and left the pitiful Ataru to wallow in his own misery. "What happened to the ship?" Tsubame blinked, just now hearing the engine picking up. They both turned down to see Mendo racing away from the scene with a torn cape fluttering behind him.

"I have a feeling," Tsubame started "that you may own Ataru and apology." Sakura nodded but didn't move, readying herself to deliver justice to Mendo as he crested the hill. Ataru crawled over to the communication device and looked at it. The screen had a short message written in Oni against an unmoving background.

"Hello" Ataru jumped. He had forgotten about Shingo, who was holding two frayed wires in his hands behind the machine. Ataru gave him a friendly wave before noticing Ten floating in the air above him.

"Yo, Jariten." Ten turned down from a small device he was holding and reading and gave a half-hearted glare at Ataru.

"Yeah, what? Some of us are busy you know…" Ataru knew this feint. Ten missed him and was glad he was back, but didn't want to show it for obvious reasons. Ataru smiled to himself and stood up to look over Ten's shoulder.

"Well what are you so busy with?" Ten glanced at him and turned back. They both seemed to ignore the screaming apologies of Mendo on the other side of the hill.

"I'm trying to translate this stuff on the screen so we know what it says" Ten replied, trying to seem annoyed. By the look of things, however, even Ten didn't know what it said or how to fix it because he was just selecting options randomly on the small screen in front of him.

"WELL GO FIX IT!" Ataru's head snapped around to Sakura's screaming as she booted Mendo down the hill and toward the ship. With a light chuckle he turned to walk to the other side of the hill, where he saw Ryuunosuke standing and staring at the moving clouds.

"Hello, Ryuu-chan!" Ataru greeted happily. Ryuunosuke turned around and brandished her fists (as was her instinct by now) but drew them back when Ataru stopped short. She waved to him and gave a short grunt before turning back to watch the sky.

"You look awfully full of thought," Ataru jested. "Anything you wanna talk about?"

"No, not really; I'm just anxious." Ryuunosuke pulled her hands up to her chest and smirked. "This place sure is exciting, isn't it? Dinosaurs and aliens, this is a better vacation than I could ever have on Earth!" Ataru look surprised at the masculine girl who was preaching her heart out.

"Well don't forget that this isn't a vacation." Ryuunosuke looked over at the now leaving Moroboshi. "We're here to save Lum's parents, remember? When we do that we can have a real vacation." He smiled at her and continued on, back to the communication device. Ryuunosuke looked curiously, almost suspiciously, at Ataru, having never heard him be so serious before.

* * *

"Hello?" a voice from the machine called. Everyone (Mendo absent) turned to the warm and beaming face of their de facto commander, Lum. Ataru wasn't glaring or holding any contempt towards her image on the screen, as he normally would. Upon seeing him, Lum waved happily at her darling husband.

"Lum," Sakura started, "it's been a while. How are things going on your front?" The remaining audience had huddled around the relatively small device, even Shingo who just barely peeked around the corner. Lum gave an affirmative peace sign.

"Everything's going great! All of our equipment is working in top condition and the last minute training is nearly complete. We even got an estimate on when Oyuki's reinforcement's will be arriving." Sakura smiled. This was the detail she had been waiting for since they arrived on the planet.

"How long?" Sakura asked.

"Two days!" Lum exclaimed, as if it were a huge victory. Sakura glared with white eyes and Ataru sat down on the ground. Obviously, that was still far too long for Sakura to consider as Tsubame was using all his mystic power to keep her from moving. Regardless as to Lum's cheery disposition of the news, they needed the device.

"That may be a little long for some of us…" Tsubame hesitantly announced from behind his murderous fiancée.

"Well," Lum began with thought, "just take the probe into the transport ship and fly somewhere else. We'll be able to track and communicate with you as long as you keep this receiver safe."

"That may be a problem, Lum…" Ataru said from his seat on the ground. "Mendo messed up the ship, so you're gonna have to come down here." Lum was confused at first, but then her face lit up slowly as Ataru's turned white from the realization of what he just said.

"Darling, I'd be happy to come down and comfort you!" She exclaimed with her face almost against her screen. Ataru jumped up and stared her down angrily.

"That isn't what I meant!" He spat back. Lum giggled and receded back into her chair. She looked past Ataru to where everyone else was looking.

"Just what kind of ship troubles are you guys having down there?" Ataru turned around and dropped his jaw. The ship Mendo was attempting to fix was now hovering closer and closer to the group on the hill. Mendo was seen from inside the cockpit, flailing and apparently screaming to make the machine stop moving.

* * *

Across from the dense forests and high mountains of the Jurassic planet, and elegantly rustic alien fortress jutted out of the landscape like an out-of-place mountain. It struck a startling resemblance to the medieval castles of Europe, right down to the stone walls and guard towers lining the drawbridge.

Inside the castle, Kalu sat at a long table filled with exquisite and expensive looking food. Without her helmet, Kalu's hot-pink hair flowed down to her shoulders and around her pointed ears, framing her dainty and feminine face. She was drinking from a tall glass when a masked servant in a plain suit came rushing in.

"My princess," he announced as he knelt, "we have a report from region 4! We have…" he stifled through his own words and pulled out a paper "Invaders!" Kalu raised an eyebrow to this and took another sip from her glass.

"You said you had a report. Have the animals gone missing?" The servant looked up at his sarcastic liege. "Was there a forest fire?" The servant tried to speak, only to be stopped by Kalu's hand. "Do you think I'm stupid? Of course I know about the invaders." She slammed her glass on the table and stood up with glaring eyes and demonic teeth.

The poor servant seemed to be staring down his very death when another stranger came through the open doors. The newcomer stopped instantly when he saw the unconscious servant and the now calm girl standing over him. She looked at the new, more elegantly dressed man wrapped in a cape and addressed him.

"What is it, Luko? You look terrible." The knightly man put a hand to his face in surprise, then retreated it back into his cloak laughing.

"Always with the jokes, my dear." He said, smooth as silk in his effeminate tone. "I'm here to deliver an urgent report regarding the invaders." Kalu glared at the man, obviously tired of the subject the last man brought up.

"It seems," Luko began as he paced toward her, "these ruffians have signaled reinforcements…" Kalu prepared to sit back down in her seat with a sigh, "from Queen Oyuki." Kalu jumped at the last moment and fell flat on the floor. With a fear-twisted face she rose back up to her feet and pulled her mask over her head to hide her embarrassed face.

"How long until the Neptunian fighters arrive?" she asked, attempting to hide her shock with a deeper voice. Luko chuckled at his highness' feign.

"In approximately two days." Kalu sighed and sat back down at the table, pulling off her mask. She closed her eyes and started to breathe easily again as Luko dragged the unconscious servant from the room and shut the door. Kalu's eyebrow twitch slightly under the soft lighting.

"CRAAAAAAP!!" The terrified screech of the castle's mistress shook through the walls and echoed into the forest. Several large dinosaurs glanced at the structure with dismay at the noise now emanating from it. Even a few of the flying dinosaurs heard her and nearly fell from their flight in surprise.

* * *

It was already getting late. Lum had agreed to try and control the landing craft from orbit, but with little success. At least the team was now protected by the shade of tall trees along with the ship (now on its side, of all things). Mendo was essentially reduced to a broken ego in a heavily bruised shell, thanks in part to Sakura and Ataru's feet.

Because the storm was about to pick itself back up during the night, everyone slept inside. Mendo and Ataru occupied one corner with Ten sleeping under the overturned seat. Shingo slept with the receiver, being the most electrically conductive in case of an emergency broadcast. Sakura and Tsubame slept against the wall with each other and Ryuunosuke was collapsed in the middle of the floor.

Everything was relatively peaceful and everyone was sleeping silently, except Ataru. Ataru wasn't sleeping, finding the ordeals of the day a bit too much for him. That, and his knockout nap from earlier had thrown off his natural sleep cycle anyway. In the far back of his mind, he knew why he couldn't sleep; he just wouldn't admit it to himself.

He kept trying to change the mental subject of his insomnia to food, being that Sakura ate most of their days supply after the ship moved, but he was still content (having stolen some of Mendo's food during dinner). The concept of dinosaurs didn't scare him since he could defend himself with his hammer.

With his thoughts stirring ceaselessly, Ataru picked himself and his pillow up and headed for the overturned cockpit. He walked through the doorway and tried to lay himself down comfortably. The cool air hissed in through the broken window and sent a shiver down his spine.

"Lum," Ataru whispered to the black sky. "These are your parents, you know. You should be down here helping us get them. You know how to work all this stuff, not us…" His mind trailed off for a while as he drifted off to and uncomfortable sleep, thinking of Lum.


	8. The next day for the frazzled crew

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Ataru Moroboshi, epicenter of cosmic misfortune, awoke in the uncomfortable cockpit of his team's overturned transport vessel. An army of curious eyes met his from outside and stared him down to near unconsciousness. Ataru struggled to get back to the main hold with everyone else, but couldn't muster the strength to pull himself up to the door.

There was a light tapping on the wet glass. A lizard outside was holding up Ataru's Oni helmet, which had been missing since yesterday. Ataru patted his head in confusion, mostly out of idiotic habit, and slowly moved up to the cockpit door. The lizards passed the helmet along to his open hand like a conveyer belt, and he snatched it away.

The lizard's started bobbing up and down wit their knees, still staring with fish-looking eyes at a worried looking Ataru. Ataru grinned and slid carefully out the door and into the main hold, away from the lizard's view. After he closed the door, he could hear a slight rustling of brush and leaves outside, as well as the pitter of water on the window. The lizards must have left after he was gone.

That was creepy! Were those the same lizards that were chasing Mendo and Tsubame yesterday?…I should've thanked them for that, but they also attacked Ryuu-chan and that's unacceptable. I should try to be careful not to wake anyone up right now, or they'll probably strap me to the outside of the ship and make Mendo fly it around.

Ataru stopped at the sound of a sudden stirring from across the room. Sakura was tossing about lazily, searching for something with limp arms. The common thought of placing himself in her arm's path crossed Ataru's mind briefly, but reconsidered when the memories of his previous thrashing came to his attention. No more puncture wounds from her heels anymore.

Ataru slowed himself to a crawl as he nestled himself back to where he had left the previous night. Finally, a silent slip back into place, and his move had gone unnoticed. Suddenly, the hold began to vibrate softly. One by one, the team's members started to wake up. The ship jerked slightly, sending the still lying down people tumbling across the metal walls (or floor, depending on your perception).

The engine of the ship started to roar and rumble, and as soon as everyone could open their eyes, they shot them to the same person. Mendo was looking Ataru though, and he was the only one.

"Moroboshi!" Mendo yelled above the engine, "what have you done!?" Ataru waved his hands fervently in front of his face.

"I didn't do anything! I just woke up!" Mendo yelled something back, but was muted by the sound of the engine and the splintering of trees. Everyone stumbled around inside the hull, trying desperately to grab something and strap himself or herself down. The ship started hovering over the nearby forest canopy in a matter of moments. When the floor was level enough to walk on, Ataru staggered over to the cockpit to find the lizards from earlier attempting to pilot the ship.

"Moroboshi what-" Mendo's face mirrored Ataru's, with a deadpan glare and gaping jaw. The lizards were pushing buttons and pulling levers, with two grabbing hold of the wheel and trying to steer. Mendo and Ataru slowly backed away before the lizards could notice them and closed the door.

The noise as deafened slightly with the doors shut, but it was still problematically loud. Sakura looked at them questionably, still thinking that they were somehow responsible for whatever was happening. Her inquisitive glare changed to a shocked expression when she saw a lizard staring through the glass window from the cockpit. Ataru and Mendo turned in tandem, then screamed shortly and fell back. It was like watching clones to a degree.

Everyone crawled over into their seats as they ship's engine started to die down. With a bump, the ships stopped moving and the engine noise finally stopped. The group looked at each other with curious faces. The lizard was gone from the window, but they didn't know how far they had just flown, if anywhere. One positive thing was that their ship was now right side up.

* * *

A small, dainty yawn was heard in the awkward silence, and Tsubame's hat perked up by itself.

"Good morning, master." The little fairy Eukerial peeked out from her master's hat and peered around the familiar room. Her sweeping glance met the faces of several confused looking individuals, one who was staring very deeply, and a furious looking woman. She ducked back under the hat and reemerged in a grass colored gown to pose on top of Tsubame's hat.

"Tsubame…" Sakura seethed, hiding a raging fire under her glare and devious smile. "who is that?" Tsubame chuckled innocently and tried to ignore the attention-grabbing fairy on his head. Ataru started drooling slightly with his mouth wide open, and Ten was emitting a small waterfall in the air.

"I," the elegantly sexy fairy began from atop her master's hat "am Eukerial, the dragonfly sprite of the Flowing Eather. I am the loyal and loving subject devoted to my master, uh, hey, what's your name again?"

"Uh, Tsubame…"

"Master Tsubame! His every wish is my immediate command!" she looked up from her speech and glanced over at the familiar young man from yesterday, as well as the excited young man next to him. "And you two must be his apprentices/sidekicks! My master is so very great and powerful, isn't he?" Ataru glared for a moment at the prospect of being Tsubame's anything, and Mendo stuttered out a polite refusal.

"I am not his apprentice!" Mendo said in an outrage.

"Neither am I!" Ataru roared.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?" Sakura growled as she wrapped her hands around a very startled Tsubame's neck. The news of him having any kind of female anywhere near him (let alone under his hat) was enraging to his fiancée. Tsubame's head numbly rocked back and forth, toppling the little fairy off his hat and to the metal floor. Ataru and Mendo simultaneously undid their seatbelts and dived to catch the fairy.

"You two obviously aren't apprentices to my master, you're far to stupid." The fairy said, hovering in mid-air with her buzzing wings. Ryuunosuke awed at her, having never even heard of such a miraculous thing before. A perfectly feminine looking woman, and only the size of a large dragonfly; it was a prospect she just had to try out once.

"Hey, where'd you get that dress?" Ryuunosuke bashfully asked over the growling and gurgling of the couple to her right. Eukerial looked up at her, instantly noticing that she was a girl and smiled smugly.

"Oh? Why would you want to know?" Ryuunosuke wanted to answer the tiny woman in asking for an equally feminine dress, but the fairy cut her off. "You want to steal my master away, don't you? Just because you're as big as him?" Ryuunosuke was paralyzed with a smile of curiosity and a glare of white-hot fire.

The fairy turned her back on the enraged young woman and flittered over to her master. Ataru and Mendo did their collective best to keep Ryuunosuke from obliterating her target by attempting to restrain her arms as she struggled. By this time, Sakura had worked Tsubame's neck well enough and moved on to twisting his arm painfully behind his back. Shingo was watching with the frayed wires still in hand, just in case a signal came through.

"Why are you hurting me?" Tsubame pitifully squealed under the lethal grip of his fiancée.

"Why would you incarnate a demon like her if you have me?" Sakura hissed.

"It's obviously because you're ugly!" Eukerial interjected. Sakura glared at her and made a lunging grab, but the tiny fairy was far too nimble and ducked behind a dazed Tsubame's head. Sakura threw up her fists and aimed at the misfortunate man acting as a shield.

Eukerial was flapping her tongue at Sakura as she ducked behind the furious woman's blows to Tsubame's face. Soon however, the blows stopped. A bleeding Tsubame looked curiously at his fiancée, who was now crying slightly. Sakura shot up and ran into the cockpit with her hand over her eyes and slammed the door. Eukerial gave a triumphant grunt, then a surprised shriek as her master jumped up and went running after the woman.

"Sakura! Wait…" Tsubame's voice trailed off as he ran into and through the cockpit of the vehicle. Before the fairy could pursue her master, a vindictive Ryuunosuke snatched her from mid-air. Ataru and Mendo were hanging off her arms uselessly, too tired to attempt against her any longer.

"So," the devious Ryuunosuke began, "you're gonna make me a pretty dress like yours, **right!?**" Eukerial shivered from the fear and gave a short nod.

* * *

"Sakura! Sakura!" No matter how loud he called Tsubame was only met by the wild cries of flying birds and the cool wind blowing through the trees. He spun around on his feet as he walked, hoping to see his beloved somewhere. A white flash ran through the thicket of trees, and Tsubame followed it immediately.

Sakura ran through the branches of trees and the haze of her own tears. The emotional impact and subsequent guilt (from pummeling her fiancée ruthlessly) forced her into flight away. She could hear Tsubame calling for her, but she couldn't face him and continued to run. Suddenly, she felt a pulling at her foot and a drop of gravity as she fell to the ground.

Sakura landed on the hard forest floor with a grunt and tried to crawl her way back up to a run. She planted her foot, but a searing pain shot into he from her ankle. She fell back onto her knees and made a grab for her sprained ankle.

"Sakura! Are you okay!?" Tsubame had finally caught up with her, and had been watching her trip over herself with her reddened foot. He rushed over to her side and knelt down beside her. Sakura turned away from him as she felt the tears forming back in her eyes.

"Tsubame…I'm sorry." She wept softly. Tsubame looked up from her ankle and cast a caring gaze on her turned face.

"It's okay. I wanted to hit her too, actually." Tsubame clapped his hands together and summoned a long piece of white cloth that unraveled as he pulled his hands apart. Sakura chuckled to herself and turned over, still refusing to look at her fiancée.

"Everything's been so hectic since we got here…I've just been under a lot of stress, guiding everyone around and trying to be the leader. It's not as easy as it looks. Back on Earth if I ever had a bad day I would just have a few cups of sake…"

"So how hard was it to quit back at Tomobiki with Ataru running around?" Tsubame silently prayed and sweated that Sakura wouldn't be offended and try to light him on fire. She granted him a light laugh followed by a pained grunt as Tsubame tightened his mystical bandage around her ankle.

"Thanks," Sakura said at length. Tsubame offered her a hand up and she gladly took it. She grabbed onto his arm and hopped along on one foot with him to the shuttle. Then they turned and strode back. Pretty soon, the couple was lost in the Jurassic jungle.

"You don't know where we are, do you?" Sakura scowled at an unmoving Tsubame. He gulped. They were currently staring down into a vast, green valley with a variety of giant dinosaurs moving about their business. As hard as they looked they couldn't see any sign of their ship, nor did either of them remember climbing up the steep hill they were currently standing on.

Sakura took a light swing at her fiancée, not wanting to stumble down into the gorge, and he absorbed it with dignity. At least now she had a reason to be mad at him that he could understand.

* * *

"You're doin' great, hon." Benten praised. "Keep it up!" Asuka was still doing last minute training with reduced strength. She was dragging along a large dolly cart that was stacked with various metal objects and doing laps with it around the expansive hangar. Regardless as to the reduction of her strength, she dragged it along with great ease and enthusiasm.

Tobimaro was also deep in training, practicing with his massive alien bat. He practiced using a device similar to an automatic baseball pitcher, except it pitched timed explosives that blew up right next to him if he missed. The plus side to his lethal training was that his adaptive armor worked perfectly and he was immune to high levels of heat and explosive force.

Asuka occasionally abandoned her training and dropped her weights to go over and coddle her Big Brother, much to Benten's scorn. Lum had given up on attempting to train anyone herself quite a while ago. Shinobu was given a stockpiled suit of basic energy-absorbent armor and tasked to carry several high-power guns for her and Ran to use. Inaba had vanished as soon as his armor was explained thoroughly.

Lum was twiddling her thumbs in front of the communication monitor, which was continuously blinking a message of 'Ready To Transmit' against a tiger-stripped background. She desperately wanted to talk to her Darling again, spending every minute worrying over how he was coping with the dangerous surface life. Every thought of the raging dinosaurs and other unimaginable alien monsters just gave her another reason not to sleep at night.

Finally, deciding on a course of action, Lum shot up from her seat and floated away from the communication station and down a long hall that led to Ryoko's room. She decided the best way to get her mind off of Darling was to something proactive, like training Mendo's sister to properly use her equipment.

"Ryoko!" Lum shouted as she approached the metal door. "let's start our tra-" Lum was cut off by several sharp knives puncturing the metal wall and barely skimming across her flowing green hair.

"Oh my! My deepest apologies Miss Lum," Ryoko politely said. Her suit seemed to be working perfectly. She had requested one that matched with Shingo, a black dress and stockings that was coated in an imperceptible layer of sub-space shielding. She only had to swipe her hand across a part of the armor and a handful of weapons, usually throwing variety, would warp into her hand.

Lum squeaked and floated backwards, closing the automatic door. She fell to her knees in the empty hallway and started breathing heavily from the shock. She grabbed at her hair and started stroking it to find and breaks that the knives out of nowhere might have made. Relieved, she floated back up and started down the hall again.

_At least Ran and Benten have it easy, and Nagisa is just sleeping a lot. I'm sure Sakura and Ryuunosuke have their hands full with Darling and Mendo…and maybe Ten too. But Darling…I miss him. We've never been so close, yet so far away at once before. I'd love to just grab the controls and land this ship right down next to Darling and kiss him until the sun went down, but my parents…_ A small tear formed in the corner of Lum's eye. All the emotional thinking was getting to her, and she wiped it away with a smile. Tomorrow was only one day away, as they say, and that would be when she could be with him again.

"Although," Lum trailed off, "I wonder where Inaba went…"

* * *

In the jungle thicket, with a dense gathering of lush green plants and colorful birds, a door appeared. That door opened from the inside, where nothing and no one stood, to a deep and swirling vortex of strange colors. Out from the door stepped a young man in a white tuxedo, with wavy blonde hair and sky-blue eyes.

"Uh?" the young man grunted. "Where…Shinobu? Where am I?" Inaba started walking as the door out of nowhere receded back into the nothing it came from. Inaba, sans rabbit suit, started walking into the confusing terrain as he tried his best to figure out just where those alien doors had taken him.


	9. Some rather unexpected activities

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Wow. So, how's it look?" Ryuunosuke asked. She twirled around in her new, girly dress that was adorned with a long dragon design that ran from the frayed hem up to the neckline. Ataru was clapping and drooling lightly, whereas Mendo was just drooling. Eukerial was grumping to herself in the corner over why she had to use all her power to make that mean girl a dress.

"It looks fitting Ryuu-chan," Ataru said with honesty. He got up and 'teleported' behind Ryuunosuke and wrapped his arms around her. "We should check to see if there are any holes or tears though, right?" He chuckled, and in an unexpected move Ryuunosuke chuckled back with him. Then in a completely expected move, she pushed him off and sent him flying into the metallic wall.

Ryuunosuke was still wearing her power suit under her new elegant dress. For all intents and purposes, she just looked like a harmless, pretty young woman.

"Waha! Who's a girl NOW! YEAH!" Ryuunosuke shouted, flexing and posing quite manly in all directions. Eukerial got up, now fed up with how quickly this giant girl had desecrated the elegance of her own dress. She flew over and poked Ryuunosuke on the head to get her attention.

"Stop doing that, you she-male! You look like an idi-ERK!" Ryuunosuke snapped slightly at the insult 'she-male' and proceeded to lightly strangle the little fairy into dust.

"Miss Ryuunosuke, Miss Eukerial, please stop!" Mendo said, fearing that Ryuunosuke wouldn't hold back. She let up her grip and the fairy hovered in the air, breathing heavily and coughing slightly. "Let's all be reasonable. Miss Ryuunosuke, you look very feminine in that dress." Mendo praised. Ryuunosuke smirked, then smiled widely and started rubbing the back of hr neck in embarrassment, not used to ever hearing that in such a polite manner.

"Yeah," the upstart fairy began again, "but you still act like a boy." Ryuunosuke twitched and turned slowly with furrowed brow and glaring eyes to the undaunted fairy. "Just saying" the fairy shrugged.

"Then teach her to act girly! She's never done it right before." Ataru suggested, pulling himself out of the metal dent he was embedded in. Mendo took a second to contemplate Ataru's words, which to him seemed to make perfect sense. Mendo came across a perfect idea.

"Miss Eukerial." Mendo politely requested.

"What?" the fairy daintily responded.

"Perhaps you could lecture Miss Ryuunosuke on how to properly behave whilst in a dress as fine as the one you made. You know, a kind of crash course on feminine elegance." Ataru, now free, came over to pat Mendo on the back for his suggestion and to add a bit of his own.

"In fact," Ataru started, "you should start with how to stand like a lady." Eukerial looked at the boy, then the girl-boy, who was standing with chest out and fists balled with a glare and crooked jaw. Not a very ladylike pose, or a comfortable looking one.

"Okay," the fairy said with her hand on her chin in ponder, "I think I know what to do." Mendo and Ataru both moved back enough that she had space to move, but still close enough that they could watch her closely. Ryuunosuke blinked as the fairy lined herself up in front of the tomboy.

"First step" the fairy instructed while motioning, "stand to the side a little bit and put one hand on your hips. Ryuunosuke followed, stepping forward with her left foot and placing her fist at her side. "No, not a fist. Caress your hip, like this." Eukerial gave and example by spreading her fingers apart slightly on her hip. Ryuunosuke grimaced and imitated.

"This is weird." The tomboy whined.

"Oh well!" Eukerial barked. "Now, take your other hand and run it part way through your hair." Eukerial demonstrated and Ryuunosuke followed, with Mendo and Ataru applauding lightly after every correct step she took. "Lean your shoulders to the side of the other arm and try to scowl less." Ryuunosuke gave her one last good glare before getting herself in proper position.

"I think I'm doin' okay." Ryuunosuke said self-consciously. She connected her feet and bent at the knees slightly to accentuate her hips more. Eukerial applauded along with the boys.

"See? You're getting the hang of it. Now, just one last part." Eukerial praised.

"What is it!?" Ryuunosuke chirped excitedly.

"Your face." The fairy said very bluntly. Ryuunosuke, not breaking her pose for dear life, started twisting her face in anger. "See, that's what I'm talking about. It's not feminine." Eukerial saw Ryuunosuke's face continue to twitch and she was slowly slumping out of posture. "But, I can show you that too!" The fairy blurted out. She was saved for the moment, and was given only a squinted sneer from her student.

"Now, face me and just make a completely normal face" Eukerial instructed as she flew up close to Ryuunosuke's face. Ryuunosuke relaxed her face and just stared. Eukerial flew up to a quickly grimacing Ryuunosuke and started shifting her muscles and forcing her face. Ataru and Mendo tried to see what was going on, but couldn't get close enough without risking a concussion.

"There! Stay like that!" Eukerial commanded. She floated backwards to admire and judge her work so far. Mendo and Ataru stared on in total awe at what used to be a hopeless tomboy, pleasantly surprised at what had replaced her. A sexy body and pose, pursed kissing lips, one eye winking and the other half-open as if to beckon someone over. She was perfectly feminine up until Ataru took her picture to capture the moment forever (and for himself).

"There. Now I'll just save this and get it developed back on…" The Polaroid and picture started to drop towards the metal floor as Ataru's hands became suddenly preoccupied with holding Mendo's sword away from his face. Fortunately, Ryuunosuke jumped out of pose long enough to grab it before it broke.

"Moroboshi!" She yelled. Ataru looked over at her serious face and with camera and picture delicately held in either hand. "Make copies for me, kay?" Ataru nodded idiotically, Mendo sheathed his sword in embarrassment and Eukerial was busy hitting herself on the head out of shame.

* * *

Inaba screamed girlishly as he sprinted across the jungle floor. He jumped and leaped over the brush and roots of the trees, looking back occasionally to see if he had lost his pursuers. Every once in a while, a squawk would sound out from behind him or to his side and he would speed up as much as he could.

_Thank god those old rabbits made me all that work! It was great cardio!_ Inaba was still wary of continuing through the dense forest he knew nothing about. He tried to stay on a straightaway, but the lizards were far to smart for him (and probably only him) and continued to cut him off and force him to turn.

Eventually, Inaba came upon a large and unsettling sight. Many trees had been felled and there were a few square-shaped holes. He looked up at the treetops and saw that the upper leaves had been frayed and burnt, as if some big creature had skimmed the surface of the canopy as it was flying…and was on fire. After hearing yet another assembly squawk from the lizards in the thicket, Inaba allowed his curiosity drive him in the direction that the large creature must have gone.

"At least my armor is comfortable." Inaba said as he ran, trying to find good reasoning in all this stupidity. "I just hope Shinobu isn't missing me too much. She can be such a worrier."

* * *

"ha-SHOO!" Shinobu sneezed. She wiped her nose and looked out the window she was passing with Ran. Even with all the guns and crates of ammo she had been carrying, her mind still kept thinking of her boyfriend, who had disappeared without a word or trace.

_I sure hope he wasn't messing with his armor yet…Lum said it could be dangerous._"Moron. Jerk. Idiot. Wizard fool."

* * *

"I get it! Please stop hitting me…"

Sakura had been physically and mentally berating her fiancée the whole time they were lost in the extremely verdant valley of the jungle. She was also hitting him on the head with every insult. Despite this all, their relationship seemed to persevere and Tsubame didn't look like he would let her drop to the ground from his arms anytime soon.

It took some extra effort to step over the larger bushes, especially with Sakura in his arms, but Tsubame managed. They came across many monstrous footprints and large gaps in the ground that held streams of water that ran like a sewer. The trees also seemed to be much taller than the ones they were stuck in before.

After quite a while of walking, the couple came into a large clearing, populated by large bipedal dinosaurs that were approximately twice Tsubame's height. They were all eating grass off the ground and leaves from some of the lower bushes. Strangely, the exhausted explorers' presence had gone unnoticed as they made their way through the crowd at one angry woman's request.

"They don't seem hostile," Tsubame relievedly pointed out.

"That's strange, isn't it?" Sakura pointed out bluntly. Tsubame looked down at his pondering beloved. "They seem to be rather uncaring to the presence of two unknown creatures like us. Do you suppose the people who brought Lum's parents here have had a lot of contact with them?"

Tsubame shrugged. "Anything's possible. We're on a different planet populated by dinosaurs."

"Which is another weird thing, don't you think? Earth dinosaurs on an alien planet?"

"Well, maybe these are really natives and aliens brought them to our planet millions of years ago…after all, anything could be possible." Tsubame mused.

"Hmm" Sakura grunted. Her fiancée brought up a very good point, as blunt as he was. As they were about to proceed back into the thicket, a soft rustling was heard from the brush. All the dinosaurs in the clearing perked their lizard heads up and turned in that direction. Tsubame and Sakura had the front row seats to stare down a small army of velociraptors eyeing the herd with steely eyes.

"Sakura," Tsubame whispered as he stood in shock, "quick. Do something!"

"Like what?"

"Summon something, please!"

"How?"

"Just please!"

The panic and hurriedness of Tsubame's words sparked Sakura's own defensive panic. She slowly raised her hands as the sharp, demonic glare of the raptor followed her every move. Her hands carefully met her face and her eyes widened slowly.

"RUN TSUBAME! RUUUUN!" Sakura's selfish and loud request prompted the raptors to strike and leap out from the brush and into the scene. Tsubame, in an act of pure adrenaline and masculinity, started running like a girl as the raptors started pouncing and biting at their large prey.

"You can summon things too, y'know! Besides, I can't do everything!" Tsubame complained. Sakura stopped flailing uncontrollably for a moment and blinked. She clapped her hands together and tried to concentrate. She could feel something start to move from her closed hands, like many small hands were pushing against hers. She slowly opened her hands to a sea of eyes and mouths. In a brief moment of fear, she opened her hands completely, and a small army of Kappas armed with spears and clubs.

"Defend!" one Kappa yelled. Tsubame wanted to turn around to see what was going on, but ran into a low branch and demanded his attention forward. Sakura looked over his shoulder as he ran to watch as the Kappa she summoned fought off the raptors with their crude weapons. She could still hear them yelling faintly to defend and protect, but soon they were too far away to hear them anymore.

* * *

"Next pose!" Ataru instructed behind his camera. Ryuunosuke struck yet another feminine and sexy pose. The Polaroid flashed and a picture came out, which Mendo grabbed and started waving to help it develop faster. Eukerial had gone outside via one of the windows to get away from the morons and not get her picture taken anymore. She was still seeing dots after the last time.

"This is awesome!" Ryuunosuke exclaimed as she pursed her lips for another photo. After the flash she hopped into the next of her self-learned repertoire and waited for Ataru. "Being a girly-girl is everything I hoped it would be!"

"It's great, Ryuu-chan!" Ataru happily said while aiming.

"We're both so happy for you, Miss Ryuunosuke." Mendo said, moving in close to Ataru. "Remember our deal, Moroboshi" Mendo whispered with a stupid grin as cover. "I get the doubles in exchange for safekeeping these originals."

"Yeah, yeah. Come off of it" Ataru whispered back, silently fuming over the situation he had to push himself in to keep his photos safe from Lum. "Okay, now how about one by the window?" Ryuunosuke paced over and started to pose while leaning her back against the window, but something caught her attention and she turned around completely.

"Hey." She said alarmingly. "Some dude in a white tux is running this way." Ataru looked and Mendo, who looked at him, then at his sword and they both ran over to the window. Still keeping their distance from actually touching Ryuunosuke, they both poked their heads over to see what she was referring to.

Sure enough, Inaba came running at full speed from the thicket and looked like he wouldn't stop as he started to pick up his pace directly at the window. At the last second, Inaba took a flying, horizontal leap right through the window and into the ship. He landed gracefully with his hands out to his sides and kneeling. His grace was destroyed when two fists and a foot smashed together on his face.

"Well, whaddya know," Ataru started with a surprised voice, "it's bunny boy." Inaba chuckled and pushed away the party's fists, letting his new bruises get some air.

"Hello, friends!" Inaba pleasantly greeted as the people kept their distance. "Where exactly are we, anyway?" This question prompted a loud and annoyed

"**WHAT!?**"

Eukerial could feel the stupidity in the air start to thicken, but decided to slowly flitter back into the vessel as she stared down the hungry and angry looking lizards.


	10. Contact from friends in space

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"So, that's all? For sure?" Ataru said through his gritted teeth at the badly bruised Inaba lying facedown on the floor. Inaba, unable to say anything that resembled speech, gave a thumb up. He had just finished explaining, correctly, and after at least twenty other stories, what had been happening on the spaceship in orbit.

"Benten's been training, eh?" Ryuunosuke mused aloud. "I should probably get at it too." She hopped up from her seat and proceeded over to the open window as Inaba was getting up. Just as she was about to climb outside, a lizard came out from the brush and snapped at her, forcing her back to the metal floor in shock.

"The lizard's are out there." Inaba said. Ryuunosuke stomped on him with spite.

"So," Mendo began hopefully, "Miss Asuka has been properly fitted with a device that will restrain her…that could become useful in the future. I'll have to ask Miss Benten to make on for us to take back to Earth." Ataru overheard him muttering in his familiarly perverted tone and felt the need to interject with a short head-butt to Mendo's chin.

"What exactly for, Shutaro?" Ataru asked in the most prying way he could. Mendo seethed at his hated brother-in-arms for a moment before gritting a response through his teeth.

"Shut up, Moroboshi! It's not wrong for me to think about spending quality time with my fiancée! But it is wrong," Mendo said now growling and pushing Ataru away from him, "for you to do as such!" He drew out and extended his sword, holding it in his classical 'beside the head' style.

Ataru bounded back onto his stood low with his hands out to his sides, ready to catch the sword swing Mendo was obviously going to attempt. As the two fought with each other, Eukerial and Ryuunosuke continued to probe Inaba.

"So," Ryuunosuke began curiously, "what's with the tux? Does it do anything?" Inaba chuckled and looked down at his splendid (an expensive looking) white tuxedo.

"Ah, well, the tuxedo was Shinobu's idea" Inaba began to explain. "She thought I'd look more handsome if I slipped out of my dusty old rabbit suit. I have to admit though, I do feel more sophisticated in it."

"Well, what's it do?" Ataru asked as he held back the energy blade in his protective gauntlets.

"My actual armor is underneath the tuxedo," Inaba explained. "It's supposed to act exactly like my rabbit suit and allow me easy and safe travel through sub-space dimensions, but I haven't gotten used to it quite yet. I guess that's why I'm here instead of on the ship." Everyone turned to Inaba as he started unbuttoning his lavish shirt to reveal his armor. It was a white undershirt, plain as any that someone else would wear on Earth.

"That's it?" Ataru asked skeptically.

"Nope, there's also this." Inaba said as he pulled down his pants to reveal a pair of boxers adorned with many little bunnies in mid hop. Ataru was quick to floor Inaba with his mallet, saving the embarrassment of going through proper clothing etiquette for Shinobu.

"Put you pants back on, please." Ataru said angrily. Ryuunosuke was staring dryly into the corner, trying not to face the awkward young man desperately trying to pull his pants up.

_How does Shinobu live with this freak?_ Ryuunosuke silently judged.

* * *

Tsubame was walking through the brush and across the forest floor like a rusty robot. The intense workout of carrying his fiancée several or possibly more kilometers had finally taken its toll on his poor body. He was on the utter verge of collapse, both mentally and physically.

Sakura was taken in by her newly augmented powers. She was making origami figures out of ethereal puffs of air and summoning a menagerie of spirits and other creatures to follow her. So far, it looked like an army of cute little snake dragons and floating eyeballs was chasing her as she hummed happily.

"You know," Sakura started, "I think I can walk again." She hopped out of the already unconscious Tsubame's arms and tried to gain her balance on the ground. Her foot was better, and not quite as swollen anymore, so she started walking around briskly with her trail of demons following behind. Tsubame just laid face down in the dirt with his arms over his head and fingers twitching.

Sakura was nearly skipping about when the bushes started rustling behind her. She stopped in place and looked behind her, ready for a fight. She kept glancing around her, hoping to catch sight of something moving, but she still couldn't see anything. The rustling had stopped for now, but the ever-handy young nurse/Shinto priestess came up with a viable solution.

First, she manifested a short ogre with super strength to carry her KO'd husband-to-be. Then she turned to the mass of tiny demons.

"Search the area around us, then report back if any creatures are watching us." She elegantly commanded. The demons instantly started floating around and flitting through the air, looking for an alien presence that could disturb their mistress. "you," she said, now addressing the short and thoughtless looking creature, "pick him up and follow me." The ogre complied soundlessly, carrying Tsubame clear overhead behind Sakura, who marched triumphantly through the brush and dirt.

The demons continued to fly about over head, searching for something but finding nothing of particular interest or danger. Sakura had considered summoning something else to help her search for the ship, but the air was already thick enough with demonic energies. That being the case, she started marching of carefully with her cargo in tow.

* * *

Shingo slumped his head on the shiny communication orb, purposely avoiding the escalating arguments regarding Ryuunosuke's new outfit. Most of it happened to be biased praise from the boys who didn't want to be hit, and the objection came from the blonde boy who was far to forward and kept suggesting giving the outfit to his girlfriend instead. The whole thing was rather boring to Shingo.

_I wish grandfather were here_ he thought sadly to himself. _He would give me some proper advice on what to do…and explain what exactly 'outer space' is…_ Shingo's musings were cut short by a tickling heat in his hands. The frayed wires he was ordered to hold on to were crackling lightly in his hands. Upon his instructions, he closed his hands and heard the flickering of the alien mechanism's screen as an image came to view.

"Yo!" shouted the optimistic Benten. "How're we doin', boys and girls!" Benten quickly shut up and gazed curiously through her end of the feed. Ryuunosuke, the manliest young woman she knew, was wearing a feminine, short cut dress and being willingly swooned by Ataru and Mendo. Benten twitched as her laughter was held back by sheer surprise and shock.

"Eh? Benten?" Ryuunosuke questioned as she turned. She saw Benten visibly struggling to hold back her breath with puffed cheeks and a hand sealing her mouth. Ryuunosuke didn't assume anything, but she was glad to see her friends after all this time again. "Hey, Bente--"

"BENTEN!!" Ataru squealed as he leapt through the air with open arms. It had been an even longer time for him, or so it seemed, since he saw his plate-mail bikini-clad goddess. "Ah, Benten, you're looking just as wonderful as ever! When are you gonna get down here? I'm so lonely and cold at night, and your body would make a perfect--"

"Hello, Miss Benten," Mendo said suavely, having entered via his elbow on Ataru's head. "You are looking very well. Are my sister and Miss Asuka doing well up there?" Benten blinked a few times to readjust her mindset. She looked behind her to spot Asuka, making her 57th consecutive lap around the military-grade armory station with a few hundred kilograms of condensed weights attached to her at half-power. She didn't even look winded yet.

"Asuka's doin' great, and I haven't seen your sister yet, but I'm sure she isn't getting into any major trouble." A loud explosion followed, blowing Benten's hair and widening her eyes as the smoke started pouring in from one end of the corridor. Tobimaro came running out with his iron mace over-shoulder and eyes glaring forward. He turned around in time to bat away several small projectiles that were being thrown, apparently, by Ryoko.

"Yeah, Ryoko's fine" Benten finished. In the background, Tobimaro yelled something pleading yet threatening as Ryoko proceeded to chase him by running on the walls and jumping across the ceiling. Mendo blinked with frazzled hair, shaken slightly by the explosion, then combed the renegade frizz back with his comb (greaser style).

"So, we still have to wait until tomorrow for you to come down, right?" Ataru said sadly. Mendo looked down to notice that Ataru was indeed propping him up with his own body, making them both look like some strange totem pole. Benten nodded on her end of the screen.

"That's right, sugar" Benten confirmed. "Until then, try not to get the ship blown up, okay? It's a loan"

"And by loan," Inaba started honestly, "you mean you stole it, right?" Given Benten's absence and solid grip of her personality, Ryuunosuke belted Inaba across the room. And shoved the boys away casually.

"Okay, Ryuunosuke?" Benten said as dryly as she could, "can I ask you something?"

"Uh, sure." Ryuunosuke replied.

"That get-up," Benten said, wiggling her finger at the former tomboy, "what the hell?"

"…You like it?" Ryuunosuke said enthusiastically. "This fairy chick made it for me. I really look like a girl in it, right?" Ryuunosuke heard Benten stifling a fit of laughter on the other end, but her elegant posing made her miss the initial reaction.

"Sweetie," Benten said with pouring tears and an awkwardly hidden smile, "you look great."

"You're lying, aren't you?" Ryuunosuke shot back.

"I thought you liked that suit you were using" Benten pointed out, still keeping a hand over her mouth.

"Well, yeah. And I'm still wearing it," Ryuunosuke started lifting up her dress to reveal the enhanced strength one-piece, "see?" She could feel the saturated gazes of the two perverts behind her and belted them appropriately, leaving her alone to converse with Benten. "So, what's gonna happen when you guys get down here?"

"Well first off," Benten started, "we need to wait for the Neptunians to set up a solid enough parameter around the planet so the princess can't escape, then they need to appropriately distract them while we all team up and head for the castle. Once we get Lum's parents rescued we'll bail and head back home." Benten paused for a moment and thought of an appropriate piece of advice to end on. "Oh, and you do look very lady-like, Ryuu-chan." Benten said, just barely stopping a snicker from escaping.

"Well, one of us has to, I suppose" Ryuunosuke rebutted. Benten continued laughing inaudibly, unfazed by the over-played comment of her rival. "You're just jealous because you know I can kick your ass, even in a dress." Benten stopped laughing.

"Oh?" Benten started. "Really?" She stared at the grinning girl, who looked like a girl for a first, then gritted her teeth and began shouting. "You wanna make that bet! The second I get down there, I'm gonna beat you so hard that your gonna go sprinting outta that dress, DAMMIT!!" The line went to static, then dead.

"Heh," Ryuunosuke grunted, "Showed her, eh?" Mendo and Ataru complied by nodding, as did Shingo with a smile (happy that something was finally happening), while Inaba just sat on his back and drooled unconsciously.

* * *

Author note: Sorry for the shortness I made this in comparison, I just wanted it done with enough time. Expect some varied chapters until I can get more time.


	11. As the sun sets on the second day

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The huge video screen above the console began to flicker on with a crackle of static. The image of an ice-coated room came up, followed by the feet of several girls rushing about. The camera's view shifted as it was picked up and placed back on top of its proper pedestal. Then, Oyuki sat down in front of the camera.

"Hello?" she said into the feed. No one was there, although she could swear that someone was there just a moment before. "Benten? Lum? Ran?" A few seconds later, Ran paced across the metallic floor and into view, seating herself down in front of the screen.

"H-hi, Oyuki! How're you?" Ran said nervously but politely.

"Hello, Ran." Oyuki greeted back. "How is everything on your end?" A muffled explosion followed by screams and panic followed the Neptunian Queen.

"Uh…Good." Ran replied haltingly. "We're all almost ready to move out as soon as you guys get here."

"Yes." Oyuki started as she held onto the small camera. "About that, we may be further delayed as it is…"

"What!" Ran spat. "WHY!? Do you know how boring it is up here? I'm losing my mind without my Rei to keep me company…" she trailed off in her cute, dreamy voice as she cuddled herself at the thoughts of her honey waiting or her in subspace.

"Well, I'm sorry about that," Oyuki apologized, "but we are currently under attack."

Ran stopped and blinked. "By who?"

"Space pirates." Oyuki replied neutrally. "They must have thought we were delivering precious cargo of some sort and won't leave us be. Our battleship is keeping them occupied for now, but they keep calling for reinforcements. At this rate it may take us another day or two to get there. Until then, we have sent a scout ship ahead of us that should arrive ahead of schedule, so you may proceed to the planet's surface."

"You sure?" Ran said sweetly, obviously giddy over her terrifying friend's predicament. "We don't want to upset the plan at all."

"It's okay." Oyuki instructed as her waiting women ran through the background in full, arm-waving panic. "I'm altering the plan slightly. In the worst-case scenario I shall escort the remainder of my own troops through a dimensional closet back to Earth." The connection cut off to static, then went back to a sideways view of the room from the floor.

Ran switched off the feed and started skipping off singing. _This is fantastic!_ Ran thought with a grin. _Oyuki's under attack and we can go straight down now! I'll be with my Rei in no time and Lum can go and do her thing without me! Life is good!_

"Ran!" cried a voice from down the hallway. It was Shinobu, looking for her friend and technological mentor to help organize their weapons as they had been doing before Ran skipped off randomly.

"Over here! Just a minute!" Ran responded sweetly, then turned around with a snarl and balled fist. _Crap! I forgot about these annoying humans! They won't let me get any time to myself to look for a subspace opening to find my Rei! Especially not Darling…I need a better plan if I want to get out of here._

Ran skipped begrudgingly back to her room to help Shinobu with the weapons cache, completely forgetting to tell Lum about their new orders. She would do it when she had a chance.

* * *

In the armory of the ship, a huge boxing ring was set to take up much of the floor. In the ring, Benten held up a large, blue punching pad as Asuka took swing after swing at it (with greatly hampered power, of course)

"Left hook!" Benten commanded. Asuka grunted and shot a punch. The non-stop workout had her dowsed in sweat and fatigued to the point of collapse. "Right hook!" Asuka followed each command with precision and power, despite her exhaustion.

_I have to be strong!_ Asuka chided herself internally. _Benten told me that I have the power to protect anyone I want, including my Big Brothers! If they can't protect me and I can't protect them, what good will it do me!?_ This motivation carried her throughout her arduous training long enough for Benten to be getting bored of it.

"Alright" Benten said as she lowered the punching mat, "We're done for now. You can get some rest, Asu…" at that command, Asuka shutdown and collapsed to the floor. "…ka. You really were tired, eh?" Benten struggled to pick up the girl and start walking back to her room to situate her for the remainder of the night. "You could've said something, my little secret weapon."

On her way back with the super-powered girl slung over shoulder, Benten bumped into Lum. "Hi Benten." She greeted almost sadly. "How's Asuka?"

"She's fine, just tired." Benten said with a smirk. "What's up with you, Lum?"

"Oh, I'm fine" she spat out hurriedly, then floated up to the ceiling and bit on her fist.

"…Really?" Benten prodded. Lum sighed and floated back down to confront her friend with honest worry in her eyes.

"I'm just really stressed out about a lot of stuff, is all" Lum answered. "I can't contact Oyuki's ship for some reason, my parents are probably worried to death, and then there's Darling down on the planet…" Lum hung her head and stared at the floor. Benten raised her up by the chin and smiled at her.

"You're worrying about nothing, you know." Benten started. "Your husband's way more durable that you give him credit for, and you know Oyuki! She'll be here ASAP, and then we can go save you folks!" Benten repositioned herself and Asuka to put a calming hand on her friend's head. "Everything'll be fine! I swear." Lum smiled and perked herself back up.

"You're right, I guess…" Lum said, now calm.

"Hey you guys!" Ran called as she rounded the corner with several weapons in tow. "Oyuki called earlier and said she'll be late because of Space Pirates and to head down to the surface anyway. Later!" Ran skipped off with a smile and hummed, leaving Benten and Lum with gaping mouths and wide eyes.

"Uh…" Benten stuttered as she saw Lum's head start to dip down, "don't worry? At least now you can go see Ataru without having to wait, right?"

"B-but…but Oyuki's in trouble" Lum said mournfully. "And it's my fault…we have to do something to help her!"

"What can we do?" Benten asked. "This ship is basically shot for movement and can't defend itself in a major battle. Oyuki can handle the pirates herself, after all. We have to focus on our end, okay?" Lum looked up and wiped away some tears before they formed. "Let's go see our friends down there, okay?" Lum nodded pleasantly and set off hovering to the navigation console.

Benten gave a hefty sigh and lugged Asuka along to her room to finally get some proper rest. She would have gotten there, but Tobimaro came tearing through the hallway with Ryoko in hot pursuit and throwing many bombs. Tobimaro effectively deflected each bomb in any random direction with his giant club.

"Please, Master Tobimaro! We must!" Ryoko called out in an innocent voice as she prepped a crossbow with dynamite.

"Never!" Tobimaro called out in spite. "I'm not sleeping anywhere near you."

"HEY! BOTH OF YA!" Benten screamed with Asuka still on her back. "Shut up and get ready to ship out! We're leaving for the planet's surface soon." Before continuing on her way a final time, Benten turned again and commanded "and STOP blowing holes in the ship! It's the only one we got!" With that said, Benten entered a room, leaving Tobimaro and Ryoko alone in the hallway.

* * *

"We're home!" Sakura shouted into the clearing. It was now an eerie calm as the lizards had departed for the falling of night. The rays of the sun were shining at a strange angle through the remaining trees. Sakura stepped warily along the side of the ship and snapped her fingers to summon her demons back to her. None of them had found anything as they were searching, and the ogre carrying her fiancée was getting tired.

"Hello?" Sakura called as she rapped on the ship's cockpit door. No one answered. She motioned at the ogre to drop Tsubame on the ground and knock for her. The ogre swung its large arm and pounded a dent in the metal door. Before it could swing again, Sakura caught its arm effortlessly and shooed it away.

Tsubame woke up and gave a gurgling moan, rubbing his head and struggling to his feet. His vision became filled with the tiny faces of curious Japanese spirits and demons. He blinked, having expected something like this upon waking up, then tried to stand.

"Tsubame!" Sakura shouted in delight. "Thank goodness, are you okay?" she rushed over and knelt down next to her confused and aching boyfriend. Her eyes were shining with happiness, something Tsubame had never been present to actually see, nor had he ever heard of happening before.

"I'm fine" he said, "just sore. Are you alright? How's your ankle?" He inspected her leg to see it properly bandaged with some strange silken bandaging. Sakura grabbed his hand and brought it up to her chest.

"I'm fine." She said in an oddly sweet voice. Tsubame was getting worried now. He retrieved his hand and grabbed Sakura by the shoulders.

"Sakura, what's wrong!? Have you been possessed?" Tsubame paused for a moment to reconsider himself. The thought of Sakura being overtaken by a demon was rather farfetched.

"Tsubame, what are…"

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE'S MY SAKURA!" Tsubame shouted, now shaking the shocked woman to and fro. One solid blow to the head later, Tsubame's mind was back in place.

"Be less stupid, you moron!" Sakura growled in her familiar way. She went back over to the door and opened it without knocking. She peeked her head around the corner to see just shadows and darkness. She assumed the children were sleeping, but her conscious and the lingering fact that Ryuunosuke was the only girl among the two most perverted men in the cosmos drove her to investigate further. She clicked her tongue, summoning a lantern demon who came floating in with its one wide eye and hanging tongue. The bright light shone through the hold, revealing and waking a small army of the ferocious lizards from before along with the discarded suits of Mendo and Ataru.

The lizard's all woke up at once and glared at the frozen woman holding a terrified lantern. Sakura edged her way out of the craft slowly and cautiously, until the lizards started stalking towards her. She threw the lantern demon at them and jump out of the cockpit, praying silently that lizards couldn't open locks. The lantern floated back to the window and started crying loudly before a long tongue bursted it into ghostly flames and smoke that quickly dispersed.

"What's going on, Sakura?" Tsubame asked when he saw his fiancée holding back the door with terror. She stuttered silently and pointed frantically at the door, making quick hand signs and chaotic motions. She rushed over and picked Tsubame up by the collar of his wizard tuxedo and heaved him up to his feet.

"We have to run! The lizards ate them!" Sakura started stuttering for a moment, the screamed shortly in Tsubame's face before dashing off into the thicket. Tsubame automatically followed her with a look of pure confusion on his face. His pace picked back up after he heard the screeching squawk of the collective lizard armada that was bow-leggedly closing in on him.

"What happened exactly, Sakura?" Tsubame shouted as he sprinted along side her through the jungle brush. Sakura panted loudly between her words.

"I don't know, but we have to save ourselves and just hope for the best, I suppose!"

* * *

"OF COURSE I BLAME YOU!" Mendo screeched. He swung at Ataru with a sword-sized tree branch. Ataru, of course caught it with one hand, using his other hand to keep the leaf in place to cover himself.

The lizards worked their way into the craft earlier and tried to eat Eukerial. Ryuunosuke had tried to defend her by fighting the lizards, but they started trying to eat her as well (because of her dress). When Ataru and Mendo intervened, their suits got caught by the lizards tongues and they had to quickly dispose of them to get away. Shingo and Ryuunosuke had escaped with Eukerial and the communication console to head off in a different direction, leaving Ten with the boys.

"How can you?" Ataru shot back. "It's not like those lizard-things followed me!" Mendo squinted at him.

"Actually, they did." Mendo started sinisterly. "The very fact that we have those creatures to deal with in the first place is your fault EXCLUSIVELY!" Mendo made and instinctive reach for his sword, remembering that he was naked and grabbed a rock to cover himself instead.

"What?" Ataru prodded as he moved behind a bush. "Since when did anyone give you permission to blame me for this kind of stuff?" Mendo fidgeted with his heavy rock and scowled at the oblivious Ataru. "Besides," Ataru continued, "it's not like we can do anything now, with all our stuff back there. We just have to find Ryuunosuke and Shingo and set up camp." Ataru started walking off into the thicket, leaving Mendo alone in the darkening jungle thicket. Mendo came to the realization that the bushes and trees were all grown rather close together, and the moon was rising up rather high in the blue-ish green alien sky.

"M-Moroboshi?" Mendo whined. The fear finally set in and Mendo started running off. "MOROBOSHI! It's dark cramped and scary!! HELP!" This whole stupid transaction of moronic action had been observed by Ten, who chose to float along above the trees as all the flying creatures had long since gone to sleep. He turned on his propulsion accelerator and jetted off after Ataru and Mendo.

"These two idiots," Ten mumbled as he flew. "I hope Lum gets here soon to keep them in line. A kid like me can only do so much."


	12. The night the planet, and Ataru, shook

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Kalu, the vixen princess of the Jurassic planet on which our story takes place, was freaking out in a very royal way. The arrival of the Neptunian scout ship was only the first in what would be a never-ending stream of pain for her. She had the entire planet's security stepped up to maximum alert and for sentry patrols to take place in every region until the ship left. She had also confined herself to her room and placed every elite guard on duty outside to guard her.

"Is anyone here to see me yet?" Kalu asked a guard outside from over a two-way intercom. The guard leaned over and pressed a red button on his end to talk.

"No ma'am, nothing out of the ordinary" he noted. Some small dinosaurs ran through the hallway and around a corner, but that was it. "Just the usual stuff…"

"Good" Kalu said with relief from her safe house. "Just remember, if a girl in a kimono comes asking for me, send her away…or kill her! Yeah! Kill her!" the intercom crackled off and the guard turned snickering to his partner.

"Can you believe this nonsense?" he asked the other guard who was also laughing lightly.

"I know" he chuckled, "she's always like this when someone brings up Queen Oyuki". Both guards shared a good chuckle at their liege's expense while she cowered inside a fully insulated room.

"Curse you, Oyuki…" hissed the girl. All her painful childhood memories came back to her with a vengeance. The first time she had ever met that troublesome three in their middle-school phys-ed class.

* * *

"Okay!" Shouted the robotic squid/P.E. teacher to its students. "Today, we'll play tag to warm up! Since Miss Lum is an actual Oni, she'll be it first!" A young Lum stood in line between her friends Benten, Ran and Oyuki with a grimace. It was always the same with this class.

"B-b-but," Lum stuttered, "I'm always it first!"

"Well," her teacher chided amusingly, "you should've thought of that before you were born an Oni, eh?" he blew out a whistling sound from his digital mouth as everyone lined up across the field against Lum. She frowned and waited for the pain to start. Just as the teacher was ready to blow another whistled sound, a large metal pod crash landed on top of him.

"Woah!" Benten shouted. "What the heck is that?" The pod split open and hissed out a large stream of mist. The inner portion of the pod was lined with expensive looking velvet and cushions. Out from the pod stepped several archaicly armored guards, who each knelt down lower than the other to form a sort of staircase. Kalu, a young girl with hot-pink hair and a lovely lace apperal stepped down on the backs of her servants onto the fresh, artificial grass field.

"Hello, peasant people!" she shouted with a raised hand. "Be not alarmed! I am princess Kalu, come to attend you school as a fellow common learner of knowledge. Please do not mind my royal status and go about treating me as you would anyone else." She kept her eyes closed and her smile dainty, expecting a line to form or a clamor of intrigue to break out. Nothing but silence. She opened one eye and darted it around to see the bored and somewhat entertained expressions of the students around her.

"Okay" Benten started with a bazooka in hand. "New kids are it with Lum. Go to the other side of the field." Kalu blinked confusedly, but proceeded over anyway. She was now on Lum's team and stared down all the angry and psychotically eager faces that each seemed more lethal than the next. The green-haired girl beside her gave a sigh slumpe dher shoulders.

"Cheer up," Kalu said quietly, "for I am a master tactician! We can outwit those brutes if you just follow my orders, okay?" Lum just blinked curiously. The squid-bot-teacher struggled out from the rubble and blew a very weak whistle to signal the start. All at once, the front line of quadruped lizards and other bizarre aliens (plus Benten) went charging forward shouting. Lum jumped up and stayed up, out of the way, while she looked down at the new girl.

"Okay," Kalu started, unaware that she was now alone, "here's the--" she reached over for Lum's shoulder, which she couldn't find, hoping to throw her out in front and run away herself. Instead, Kalu was tackled ruthlessly by her peers while Lum watched from above.

"She never had a chance…" Lum said disappointedly.

* * *

"Princess Kalu!" a voice shouted over the intercom. Kalu snapped out of her painful dream world and answered.

"What is it? What's wrong?" She spat out. "WHO'S THERE!?"

"No one, ma'am" the guard responded, "We were just wondering if we could go on break, please." Kalu fidgeted and twitched slightly before answering.

"Sure, but keep an eye out." She rethought her latest orders to the troops and came up with an addendum to give them. "If anyone's wearing a tiger-stripe pattern I want them brought directly to me." The guards, of course, had departed upon hearing a 'yes', but she was still confident that they would do the job. She re-dialed some number on the touch pad beside the speaker and pressed a blue button.

Luko, the elegant knight in service to Princess Kalu, rode atop a moving tank that tore through the forest slowly. His wrist started to beep, a signal that his princess was in some great distress of some kind. He took his very finely dressed arm out with a white, operatic mask in hand. He placed the mask on his face, which covered all but his eyes and his mouth below his draping bangs, and pressed his wrist-communicator.

"Hello" Luko said into his wrist. "Beautiful General Luko speaking."

"CUT THE BULL, LUKO! We both know you aren't beautiful!" Kalu screamed through her end. Luko chuckled and ran his hand over his hair to push back his bangs and smiled. "Listen! I need you and your minions to be on the look out for Oyuki's ships! A scouting vessel was spotted in orbit, and who knows when the actual armada will come!?"

"Calm down, my liege" the princely man said, waving his other hand. "The sky is becoming dark enough for us to see anything, and we've seen nothing at all but fireflies and shiny stars in the night's sky…"

"Well, keep looking!" Kalu ordered. "Oyuki is our greatest threat as a planet, but she has friends on the planet already. Look out for a girl wearing anything tiger-stripped and another girl wearing a chain, okay?" Luko bowed.

"As you wish, my liege" he elegantly responded. "And what shall we do with them once they are found?" he asked. Kalu placed a finger to her lip and thought for a moment.

"Bring them to me" she decided nefariously. "I will see to it that they get what's coming to them…" With her piece said, Kalu disconnected the frequency and laughed and obnoxiously nefarious laugh. Luko sighed as she hadn't actually disconnected the feed, so he did it for her.

"A tale of untold vengeance and anger…" he sighed as he sniffed a purple flower, "how very beautiful…"

* * *

Shutaro and Ataru, still naked, paced through the jungle brush. The light from the curiously egg-shaped moon gave them enough light to see by, and enough that Mendo didn't get scared. Ataru had fashioned himself a wrapping of assorted leaves and vines to cover himself, whereas Mendo had a pair of short pants that were carefully knit together with vines and such. Finally, after they had trounced their way through endless brush, they came upon a clearing with a clear pool of water.

"Finally!" Mendo shouted derisively. "Now we can drink and rest" Mendo walked over to the water for a drink, while Ataru was cautiously staying in the bushes. Mendo stopped halfway and turned back to Ataru. "Come on, Moroboshi! Water!" he said, pointing at the glistening pool. Ataru shrugged and Mendo waved him off to continue forward. Then Mendo's foot caught in something and he was air bound. Ataru stepped out of the bushes, amusingly watching Mendo swing back and forth from a nearby tree branch.

"There might be traps around," Ataru started explaining vainly, "as this is a populated planet. Even if it's just the one hot chick…" Ataru started drifting off into his happy place, dreaming of what this Kalu could possibly look like under that charming mask of hers. Mendo's rampant screams and whines of help went slithering through the air into deaf ears.

"_Oh, Kalu!"_ The imaginary Moroboshi cooed as he swept up the hot-pink haired goddess in his arms and flew off into the horizon of his own mind.

"_Oh, Ataru! You're so very manly, and such a gentleman!" _the dream Kalu said dreamily. Ataru made a goofy inner smile and went to remove her mask. Then his world turned black and horrible. All the stars went dim and the colors turned to hideous goo. Under her mask was the face of…OF!!

A resounding crash in the distance shook Ataru from his dream world with a startled yelp. Not seconds later, a shockwave blasted through the trees and forced Ataru into a tumble out of the clearing. Mendo was blown through the air and into the tree he was bound to, then back to the ground as his tether broke.

"Now what?" Ataru whined. The sound of the blast, along with the wind, died down at length. Ataru glanced over at the warm glow of embers just beyond the tree line. "A meteorite, or something?" he questioned. Mendo moaned helplessly as he lay on the back of his neck. He sprung up and faced Ataru with anger.

"Moroboshi!" He shouted. His makeshift pants started to fall off and apart, so he quickly gathered them up and bundled them up in front of himself. "What have you done now?" Ataru sighed and glanced over with a cautious and angry face.

"How, how in every other world is this my fault?" Ataru asked.

"Nothing's _not_ your fault," Mendo pointed out as he tied his bundle into a steady boxer-shaped bunch, "and you should have some form of cosmic insight as to just what wrong is happening at any given time." Ataru winced at his explanation.

"Well, I can't, so shut up!" he yelled back in retort. The heat became steadily more intense as the tree border started to catch fire. Mendo and Ataru took a moment longer to stare at the flames before starting off in the opposite direction. Before they got very far, they heard the rush of steam coming from the fallen object. Huge jets of foamy-goo poured out across all the trees, dousing the fire and evaporating instantly into steam.

"Perhaps," Mendo started hesitantly, "we should investigate…?" Ataru shook his head fervently, but Mendo furrowed his brow at the cowardice and drapped him along anyway.

"Oh, Come on!" Ataru whined. "Why do I have to go with you to look at some stupid space rock!? It's not my fault, and I don't have to deal with it if I choose not to!" As he continued to complain, Mendo dragged him through the singed brush toward a large, bulky looking box with a four-point star with an orbital ring painted on the side. "huh?" Ataru grunted as he turned to look at this mysterious 'space rock'. It was no rock, but a shuttle.

* * *

The small space box hissed violently and let out a stream of steam from its side and started to open up. The steam spread out through the trees and brush, eventually lessening to an ankle-deep mist on the ground. Ataru and Mendo both stood bewildered as a feminine, (VERY feminine ;D) figure stepped out from the craft. In the soft shadows of the night, her definite face was indiscernible, but both world-class perverts could tell a woman when they saw one's shadow.

"Welcome to the planet, Miss!" Mendo said as he ran forward with open arms. Ataru managed to get the upper hand by planting a solid foot on Mendo's face and jumping from there to the maiden in the shadows.

"Hiya, there! I'm" Before he could say his piece, the girl's palm smashed into his face and she reeled her arm backwards.

"EEEEEEEK!" she squeeled, "A MAAAN!!" With that, the excited girl threw Ataru hard into and through several trees before one final tree stopped him for good. The dainty woman stepped down from the metal slant door and jogged carefully over to the injured Mendo.

"Big Brother!" shouted a familiar voice. A huge chill ran down Mendo's spine, like a gun was pointed at him, and he leapt out of the way. Asuka plunged her arms into the ground and crushed the dirt and rocks into bits and pieces. She looked up to see her beloved Big Brother Mendo, quivering slightly and twitching at the brow. He smiled awkwardly and fearfully and raised a hand in greeting. Asuka sat down and tittered.

"Big Brother," she started, "what happened to your clothes?" Mendo looked down, then bashfully reached for a nearby shrub to cover himself with, yet again.

"Heh heh HA!" laughed a ruggedly nasal voice from the craft. Benten leaned against the space chunk with crossed arms. "Ain't you two still too young to move so fast with your relationship?" She joked. Mendo turned red in the face and started shaking. His embarrassment had just peaked greatly.

"SUTARO!!" Shouted a male's voice from the craft. Tobimaro burst out of the steam with a giant club in hand, ready to swing down at Mendo. "How dare you reveal yourself to my little sister!" Thankfully for Mendo, something caught his leg and he tripped in mid air to the ground. His mace followed onto his head before shirking back to compact size. Ryoko had a whip in hand and a hand on her sad face.

"Oh, Shutaro…" she lamented. Mendo knew what was about to follow and tried desperately to run off. "How dare you be so very lewd while you own sister is forced to watch! I shall deliver justice upon you, my dear brother!" With that, she threw her whip up in the air and snapped it forward.

Meanwhile, while Mendo was being mercilessly tormented, Ataru was stirring back into semi-consciousness. He crawled his way back to his feet and rubbed his sore head. He felt to dizzy to stand and leaned against a tree, which splintered and fell over from the combined force of his impact and weight.

"You sure are durable," a female voice said. Ataru shook off his concussed feeling and perked himself up with an angry look. "I was pretty sure that would've killed you!" Ataru growled, but smiled.

"Well, you know me…the ever-living cockroach, Moroboshi." He turned around and met her upside-down eyes that swirled like little galaxies.

"Yup!" Lum exclaimed. "I married the toughest perv in the universe!" Ataru smiled angrily at her accusation and stepped back with crossed arms.

"Not the whole universe!" he complained as Lum flew back to her feet in front of him with her dainty smile. "Maybe just the galaxy…" he looked off in the distance thoughtfully as she came up and gave him a tight hug.

"I hope you didn't worry to much" she said with her mouth in his chest.

"I'm no worrier" Ataru replied as he placed his hands on her shoulders and drew her carefully away. She looked up at him with moist eyes at his confidently goofy smile. "That's your job, right?" Lum giggled and nodded. They stared at each other for a moment until an explosion grabbed both their attentions.

"Moroboshi!" Mendo screamed while desperately covering himself and running forward. Lum turned around and shielded her eyes, as did Ataru. "Quit standing there and help me! Tell them our suits got-Hurk!" Mendo's neck was caught by his sister's whip and he was being forcefully tugged back into the singed, steaming thicket to his sister's sobs and Tobimaro's rampant cursing.

"Say, Darling," Lum began. Ataru gulped. "What did happen to your suits?" she asked. Ataru rubbed the back of his leg and his neck while chuckling nervously. Lum squinted and decided it best not to learn the answer. "Nevermind, we'll get them later."

"Right!" Ataru replied. He turned to her at length and smiled. "So, Oyuki must be here too, right?" Lum blinked. "And ahead of schedule, eh? She msut've been really eager to see me again!" Lum sighed and put a hand to her forehead. This would be a long night…

* * *

"Hey, Sakura?" Tsubame said between his heavy panting. Sakura was leaning against a tree trying to catch her breath, while Tsubame was resting on the ground. "Are we done running yet?" Sakura wanted to say something, but no intelligible words came out of her mouth, Just breathy gasps and mumbling. She sat down as well, then fell on her back and closed her eyes. Tsubame followed suit and fell asleep beside her while the moon shone out from the sky like a silver sun on the couple.


	13. The day that many things happened

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

And so, after a cold night in the clearing inside the space-age thermal cots, Ataru and Mendo readied themselves to go out into the wilderness once again. This time, they had in tow their respective families and extended relatives; Benten and Lum went with Ataru while Asuka, Ten, Tobimaro, and Ryoko went with Mendo. Both teams split apart and headed away towards the transport ship on the radar's they were given.

First, 'team' Moroboshi made their way through the forest calmly and quietly, with the occasional random energy discharge from Benten's gun. Ataru was trying his hardest to retrace his steps, despite the fact that he wasn't aware of where he had been the night before.

"Are we lost, Darling?" Lum asked innocently. Ataru chuckled confidently with a cocked brow.

"Of course not!" He chided, wagging his finger. "I know exactly where we're going."

"Don't lie. We're lost" Benten said quickly. Ataru embarrassingly stumbled but picked himself straight and carried on through the jungle brush. Lum floated on behind him with worry on her face.

"You guys think my parents are okay?" Lum blurted out. Ataru kept walking but turned to her with a smile.

"They'll be fine" he said. She smiled and he turned back around, grumbling silently over how lost he really was. As luck would have it, however, Ataru started coming across more and more familiar terrain. The group started up a small hill that rose above the tree canopies. At the top, about a half kilometer away was the charred treeline bordering the ship's current location.

"Finally!" Benten shouted. Lum sighed in relief at the sight. Ataru crossed his arms and turned to his right.

"Who's lost, Sweetie?" he said slyly to Benten. She reeled in embarrassment and turned her head in frustration. Then her face lit up with a curious excitement. Coming out from the clearing was Ryuunosuke and Shingo, hauling with them the large, oblong transmitter. Benten wanted to rush down and greet them, or shoot at them with joy, but where would the surprise be?

"Let's go!" Benten said with a hush. "And hurry, in case more weird dinosaurs come out. Ataru and Lum nodded in tandem and dashed off over the hill and into the woods. Benten smiled very smugly down over the hill and dashed off behind.

Ryuunosuke and Shingo, now coming out of the woods and into a small clearing at the base of the hill, hadn't seen the trio as Benten had expected. They rested the huge object on the ground and sat panting.

"All night in the jungle" Ryuunosuke recapped between her gasps. "Lugging that piece of crap around! Why!?"

"We need it…" Shingo replied, "…to talk to Grandfather…" Ryuunosuke shot a very miffed glance at Shingo. She went back to panting and looking over her dress. The night in the jungle had gotten it dirty and tattered. She felt much less feminine and more the same as before now.

"We'll stay here for a minute" Ryuunosuke said with even breaths, "then pick up and get our bearings at the top of that hill." Shingo grunted affirmatively and went back to lounging.

* * *

In the meantime, Team 'Mendo' was positively heading in the opposite direction of their destination. Regardless of how lost they thought they were, popular opinion favored Mendo's method of path finding anyway (that opinion belonging to Asuka, whose power suppression was turned off). Tobimaro and Ryoko followed begrudgingly in tandem.

"Check the radar again!" Tobimaro shouted to the head of the pack.

"No!" Shutaro shouted back. Once we're within thirty meters it'll start beeping." Shutaro continued hacking down the shrubs and brush in his way with the sword his sister supplied him with angrily. _If Moroboshi beats me there, I may never live it down_ he thought regretfully. _Perhaps we should turn around…_

"What's wrong, Big Brother?" Asuka sweetly asked. Mendo had been visibly fuming as he chopped down the brush, walking bowlegged in his robe-wrapped blanket and twitching his fingers, although he didn't know it. He darted around dumbstruck and tightened the knot keeping his robe around his waist.

"Why, not a thing" he slyly lied. "We should be there within the hour or so…" he quietly started trailing off to avoid a direct confrontation by either of the two interlopers.

"We're lost" Ryoko pointed out. Despite his sister's frankness, Mendo continued for--

"You're lost, aren't you?" Ten asked directly in Mendo's ear. Mendo waved his arms frantically at the little devil after loosing all his patience and turned around with a huff.

"Listen!" he said sternly, mainly to Tobimaro. "We are _not_ lost! It's just taking us a while to get back, okay!? Now please, remain silent and follow me or you'll never find a way back!" Everyone stared at him for a moment. This brief flash of anger was enough for his sister to seethe silently for a few seconds.

"Alright" Tobimaro said at length. "We'll follow you, Shu-chan." Mendo started to smile confidentaly.

"I'll always be safe with you, Big Brother!" Asuka cheered. Mendo's smile widened and brightened.

"I guess I'm stuck with you anyway," Ten said begrudgingly. "I'll help you out until Lum comes to pick me up…" With Ten pouting in mid-air, Mendo felt the weight of his victory set in and smiled widely at the rising sun. Once more into the jungle and they were out! Before the group and the still self-confidently shining Mendo was a steep mountain face. After a steady silence, the air resonated with the sound of Tobimaro's words

"YOU MORON!" as he hammered Mendo into the cliff face with his club.

* * *

Princess Kalu, still ever fearful of a full Neptune invasion, was being escorted back to her private quarters by a rather large squadron of fully armed soldiers with her at the center. For added protection, she was riding along in a thermal pod with controlled temperature in case of sudden outside climate changes.

"Guards!" she shouted. No one moved. "Guards!!" she shouted again. From outside, none of the guards were looking at her and the glass was soundproof as well as climate controlled, so they couldn't notice that she was yelling at all. She continued to scream out in mostly curses until someone turned to notice her shouting.

"Men! Halt!" the soldier called out. The carriers gently lowered the pod to the ground and lifted the glass lid open. The soldier that had noticed her calling ran over and knelt down quickly. "What is your bidding, my--" the poor man was interrupted by the dreaded paper-fan of her majesty. An alien instrument that caused severe concussions when used properly (and when one can act out a severe enough concussion to sedate her highness's anger).

"Guards!" she ordered anew as two others dragged off the 'incapacitated' soldier. Each standing guard gave a quick and iron-willed salute. "I wish to take a less scenic route to my chambers! Pick up the pace!" She pointed over to a long, spiraling staircase that led up into the highest ramparts of her castle. The guards all looked on with great distress and sadness.

"Chop chop!" Kalu demanded, clapping her hands. The guards grimaced, resealed their princess and picked up the heavy pod. Then, with evil smirks all around, they took running positions.

"You heard her men…" the lead guard said deviously. "DOUBLE TIME!" Kalu sat elegantly for about a second, when all at once she was smashed against the back of her glass dome. She squirmed back up to see her guards running at full speed up the stairs, bouncing her up and down inside her chamber. The whole brain-hemorrhaging process forced some old memories back into her head that she had suppressed many years ago…

* * *

It was her second day of middle school. Kalu had made a shaky reputation the previous day when she had become the center of a hundred-person dog-pile and had to be rushed to the hospital for psychotic injury. Since then, everyone was calling her the 'glass-girl'. In a roundabout way, she had established her royal position as a 'do not hurt' VIP. There were still four girls that refused to recognize her as superior.

"Lum, Benten, Ran and Oyuki…" Kalu said under her breath at her own, private lunch table. "Those four are well known for being mischievous, vile miscreants among this student body. If I can make them respect, or fear, me then I shall in turn inherit the respect of the other students. The first step is to befriend them and learn their weaknesses…" She gently rose up from her table and eyed the one across the room. The four girls were all talking to each other blissfully.

"So what about you, Benten?" Lum asked probingly. Benten choked lightly on her drink and wiped her mouth bashfully.

"Come now, Benten," Oyuki continued politely. "There must be a boy you have your crosshairs on." Ran and Lum tittered at Oyuki's joke. Benten laughed harshly as well with an angry smile.

"No." Benten plainly replied as she went back to playing with her drink straw. "There aren't any guys here that can even stand up to me. No one's strong enough for me."

"Well," Lum started, "what about the captain of the war club?" She pointed over to the table of the accused, who was a towering young man with a perfectly circular bald spot and giant lips, wielding a tiny club and a metal loincloth. Benten shuddered loudly.

"Are you nuts!?" Benten shouted. It was at this time that Kalu had slithered up to the table and taken a stealthy position behind a very large hippo-man alien for cover. "That weirdo can't even pick up a gun, let alone fire one!"

"So, your preferences are based around dexterity?" Ran joked. The girls enjoyed a brief laugh at their friend's expense as Benten sank back down and fumed visibly.

"Then how about Tamaru?" Lum said still giggling. She pointed over to a monkey-like alien with hands bigger than his entire upper body. The girls continued to laugh as Benten glared angrily ahead. Kalu was taking notes the whole time.

The next day, Kalu showed up to school with one of her servants in tow. He was wielding duel pistols filled with point-based energy bullets that did no physical damage. He twirled them fancily and flipped them through the air with eyes straightforward, not even watching himself act. A sharp laser sound rang out and one kid's balloon popped. Another shot, an alien girl's books were blown away. Kalu kept a sharp eye out for the girl she as looking for, and then found her stepping off a hover-cycle.

"Yoo-hoo! Benten!" Kalu shouted happily. She skipped along towards the Metal-clad girl with the gunman still in tow. Benten looked curiously over at the pink-headed girl from…somewhere that she didn't know. "Look who I've got…" Benten looked up.

"…'kay?" she retorted. Kalu chuckled.

"He's pretty good with a gun, eh?" Kalu chided. Benten walked over to her backpack and started pulling something heavy out.

"Hey, suit-'n-tie!" Benten shouted. The servant looked over to the little girl wielding a massive bazooka. Even Kalu's jaw dropped. "You wanna have a duel?" The gun twirler screeched like a girl and ran off at full speed. Benten lowered her weapon to the side and cocked an eyebrow. "Mah That wasn't any fun." Benten glanced sharply at the girl.

"If you're gonna try and punk me this early," she warned with a challenging smile, "try and bring someone with actual heat." Kalu was still frozen with fear. As Benten stowed her weapon away, however, she accidentally pressed on the trigger. The cannon fired with a huge boom and a rocket was sent spiraling into the air. Benten cursed and ran off, as did everyone near the area proper except Kalu. She tilted her head up only slightly to watch the rocket stop accelerating upwards and change direction…

* * *

_I was in the hospital for a full week…_ Kalu thought, now seated finely on her soft and lavish throne in her private room. She reached over for her communicator and put on her mask. The video screen popped up immidiately to Luko's unmasked face.

"Hello, your highness" he said with a pleasant smile.

"Luko, are you still searching?" Kalu demanded. The boy put his mask on again, as was the polite thing to do.

"Yes ma'am we are." He responded. "At current, however, we are taking a short break so the men can rest."

"Have you found anyhting yet?" Kalu asked while holding back a gulp for fear of a positive response.

"Not quite" he responded. "We found a stray group of Militia Lizards, but nothing beyond that."

"Good…" Kalu said laxly. She perked her eyes and shook her head quickly. "I mean, bad! Keep looking and report anything to me immediately!" The transmission crackled to static and the blue-haired, princly young man removed his mask.

"My," he said, "how very…alarming. To think that our gracious highness is so afraid of only a few young women…they must be truly evil and strong." He whipped out a rose from his sleeve and held it to his face for poise as he continued monologue-ing to the embarassed workers eating their lunches. "It shall ultimately fall upon me, Luko the Blue Moon to vanquish these terrorists and bring peace back to our royal ranks!"

"…is he still posing?" one worker asked another. He glanced around quickly to confirm that Luko was indeed still posing like a statue.

"Yeah…" he said glumly. "If he keeps it up, though, we can rest for a while longer."

"We could probably even nap." The other replied enthusiastically.

* * *

"Uh, Miss Ran?" Nagisa asked in his feminine way. "I'm rather sure we were supposed to stay with Lum and Benten…"

"No" Ran replied in sing-song. "She said to fin our own way around…" Ran took a careful glance at her Sub-Space portal finding radar and looked up ahead at a curiously wiggling tree. "And there it is!" They both rushed over to the tree in question and stopped short of it. Nagisa eyed it over curiously.

"It's a tree…" he said.

"Yes," Ran replied anxiously, "but a very special tree! Just wait here while I investigate it, okay?" Nagisa nodded militantly and turned around on the spot. Ran slinked away into subspace with her basket of food in arm.

_That's right…_ Ran thought evilly. _Stand guard like a good little monkey while I go and find Rei!_ With a titter, she was off through sub-space, leaving Nagisa alone in the woods to defend, of all things, a tree.

* * *

Aboard the still orbiting space shuttle, Shinobu waited nervously for a word from the planet. She had been ordered to wait behind for any further instructions by Lum, which had made her slightly curious of what was really transpiring down below. She ahd already laid out her space-matress on the floor of the console room just in case no one called her again today. She could tell it would be a long night…

"Oof!" sounded out from down the hall. Shinobu shot up and ran over to investigate. She got halfway when her brain ticked on and she ran back to pick up a gun for safety. With a properly lethal-looking weapon in hand, she ran back again and rounded the corner. Almost as soon as she raised up her weapon, she lowered it back down again in shock and awe.


	14. Our players begin to move into place

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Shinobu dropped her gun and ran over to the stranger with open arms. From a doorway out of nowhere, Inaba had reentered the ship in a daze. Before he could gague himself and observe his surroundings, He was nearly tackled by an excited Shinobu's running hug.

"Inaba!" she exclaimed. "I was so worried. Are you alright?" Inaba held her against him likewise.

"I'm fine" he said, pushing her into a more loose embrace. "I got a little lost back on the planet's surface."

"So that's where you went" Shinobu laughed. "I thought you were going to stay here and train with your suit before you moved out like that."

"I know" he replied, rubbing his neck bashfully. Shinobu retracted her arms back to her sides and looked him over.

"Just what were you doing all day?" she asked, brushing off the loose dirt over his stains and going over his whole costume.

"Well, I met with Ataru and his friends," he began, "then lizards attacked us so I ran away with my door." Shinobu paused for a second with a face of disbelief, then shook it off and circled back to his front.

"Well, you look fine" she remarked. "No scratches or blood, just dirt. I'll wash your suit for you while we wait."

"Wait for what?" Inaba asked, taking off his top regardless.

"For Lum" she said, walking back to the console room. "She told me to wait up here for Oyuki to call and give her the news on what's happening, then tell her to move out." Shinobu turned around to see if her boyfriend got all that, and saw him striped down to his boxers.

"That makes sense" Inaba said in a suddenly serious voice. "Miss Oyuki seems to be the cornerstone of our strategy. If that's the case, why are you here alone?" Inaba put his fist to his chin to think, but was briefly shaken from concentration as Shinobu had thrown his clothes back onto his head.

"Keep your clothes on for a minute!" She screamed. A second later, she put a hand to her mouth as the embarrassment of her order just came to realization. "I mean…you can take them off in your own room…away from me." She laughed nervously and sat at the console chair. Inaba shrugged and carried his suit off to his room. What he had mentioned made Shinobu think though.

_If no one's here to answer Oyuki, won't she just assume that we've already mobilized?_ Shinobu leaned back in the chair with her arms crossed and stared up at the screen. _Aliens have confusing logic…_

"Shinobu!" Inaba called out from down the hall. "Where should I put my clothes?"

"Oh, just anywhere" she called back. "I'll pick them up later."

"Alright" he replied. Shinobu sighed and turned back to the still blank screen.

* * *

Amid the glowing pink flowers and rising luminescent pollen was a single standing tree. The rolling hills of imperceptive colors and transparent fish that floated through the air were all new to Ran. New and annoying, because if she didn't know where she was how was Rei supposed to find her?

"Oh, come on!" she said angrily as she made her way through the rainbow tall grass around the inter-dimensional oak. "Stupid subspace! This isn't the right place at all!" Ran was starting to get angry, bearing her teeth and growling openly. She reverted back to her sweet, innocent persona after wondering around for a half-hour or so. "Oh no! Little Ran is lost! However will I get back?" With a growing sense of panic, Ran started darting her head to and fro.

Outside the subspace entrance, Nagisa continued to guard with an unwavering sense of pointless duty.

"I do hope Miss Ran is safe" Nagisa said alone. "Who knows just what kinds of dangers are inside of trees…" The brush rustled in the trees. Nagisa perked up and stood at attention, readying for anything to come out. The rustling got closer, the brush was moving faster and whatever was in it was closing in.

"Eh?" Nagisa grunted. From the brush emerged a poultry-sized lizard with a blank stare and twitching fingers. Nagisa lowered his guard and walked over warily to inspect the curious creature. "Poor little thing. Are you lost?" The lizard payed him no mind and kept darting its head around. After a few seconds, it decided that it was indeed lost and went off through the brush yet again. Nagisa looked after it suspisciously.

"I saw one go this way" an unfamiliar voice said from the woods behind. Nagisa ducked back to his tree in alert, preparing to fight off a potential threat.

"You sure?" another voice said. Both voices were male, and they were coming closer. Risking a chance encounter, Nagisa attempted to duck into the tree where Ran had gone. Just when he was properly concealed, two men in regally colored jumpsuits came from the thick with lond rods in hand.

"Eh. Must've run off" one said, scratching his neck.

"You and your tunnel vision. We'll never round them all up like this."

"Well, ir couldn't have gotten far. Let's split up. You see it, shock it and bring it back."

"Right'o. You still have your compass, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. WE'll meet up back at base."

"Luck to ya."

With that, the two guards split up. One went back through the woods, and the other paused and took out his compass. "Base is…that way" he narrated to himself. The hints dropped were enough. Without the other guard to interfere, Nagisa leaped out from the tree and felled the guard with a single chop to the shoulder. With him defeated, Nagisa took the compass and looked at it.

"Odd" he said. "There's only one symbol on it." Indeed, it was a circular design with a short needle pointing forward. At one point of the compass was a marking of an oddly mask-like design. "That must be where their base is. I should go…" Nagisa was about to speed off with ghostly speed, but looked back at the still oddly rippling tree. "No, I should wait for Ran first…"

Nagisa sat back down in front of the tree, taking the guard's stick and toying with it for a moment or two. After a bit, he decided on another plan. "I'll just go tell Ran that I went off on my own. She'll understand." Nagisa leapt back into the portal, leaving the guard unconscious in the middle of the jungle.

* * *

Ryuunosuke and Shingo both rested against the opposite ends of the spheroid communiqué probe. The first ounce of rest they had all night (which only lasted six hours on the planet) was used as graciously as possible. Shingo decided to lounge flat on the ground with his ninja headband shielding him from the bright sun. Ryuunosuke, ever the cool guy, sat with arms behind head for cushions.

Up on the hill, Benten was keeping alternating watch on both parties of interest. Watching Lum and Ataru make their way carefully over to the wrecked ship and Ryuu napping. Her instructions were to shoot at the lizards to ward them away if they came out. Nothing was anywhere, so her attention was kept at a minimum. Besides that, if she shot _at_ anything, most of everything would get incinerated.

Lum and Ataru were just nearly at the ship once again. He could see all the tracks that the lizards had made when they ran from them.

"You know, Darling" Lum started, "you never explained why you and Shutaro had to get naked to escape."

"The lizard's were trying to eat us so we ditched our suits while their tongues were stuck on them" he quickly explained. The door to the cockpit was already open, so he went on in. Lum was about to follow after him, but he slammed the door shut in her face.

"Yes!" Ataru exclaimed happily. "My suit's still intact!" He rushed over and put it on quickly. Once again, however, his helmet was gone. "…ah well. My head's hard enough." Ataru started to march out of the craft confidently with his armor safely secured and fastened in all the right places. Before he could fully open the door, Lum was waiting with a nagging question.

"Did you get Mendo's suit too?" she asked politely. Ataru glared at her, retreated for a second, and came back with the whole of Mendo's suit in a crumpled heap gripped in his hand.

"There" he said, throwing it on her head. "Now, let's signal Benten and get this over with, okay?" Lum pulled the suit off her head in a huff and glared her Darling down for a moment before reaching to her side and pulling out her flare gun. She aimed up and fired a flashing ball of light into the air.

Benten didn't see it. She had taken the opportunity to properly greet Ryuunosuke while she was sleeping. A running drop kick would be a good enough alarm.

"HEADS UP!" Benten shouted as she jumped in the air. She aimed down, and kicked her legs fully forward just in time for Ryuunosuke to catch her and twirl her in mid-air. Ryuunosuke opened her eyes lazily after the shaking impact of Benten's face into the jungle floor.

"Yo, Benten" Ryuu said sleepily. "What's up?" Benten twitched from her position, her hands occupied to signify her pain and her mouth full of dirt and god knows what else. She pushed herself up finally, letting all the filth out of her mouth with wide, angrily tearing eyes.

"Oh, not much" she replied in pain. Benten rolled over and faced Ryuunosuke. In a better light, she looked exactly like a man. "I see you're looking just the same" she said with a smile. Ryuunosuke sighed.

"Well, I had a dress but it got torn up by lizards."

"Those guys again, eh? Don't sweat it!" Benten said as she slammed Ryuu on her back with an open palm. "Dresses are ugly anyway. Especially on a dude like you" While Benten smiled in her goofy way, Ryuunosuke bit her lip and tried to contain the rampant hostility that was building in her.

"POP ROCKS!" Shingo shouted as he woke up. He darted around, looking distressed, having woken up from a very troubling dream. Suddenly, he started to vibrate. The one frayed wire in his hand was sending a signal, so he took the other wire in hand and the screen appeared.

"Greetings" Oyuki said. Her ship seemed to be in fine enough shape behind her, with her many servants busily working about. "May I speak to Lum, please?"

"Sorry grandfather," Shingo said apologetically, "but I don't know where she is." Benten pushed him away and got in center screen.

"Yo. You guys take care of those pirates?" Benten asked causally. Ryuunosuke popped into the background and waved.

"Yes, we did" Oyuki replied sternly and quickly. "Where's Lum?"

"Out with Moroboshi, getting stuff from the transport" Benten reported. "We're thinking of setting up a more permanent base somewhere, particularly somewhere high up. When are you guys getting here?"

"Our rendezvous proper should occur sometime in the next evening" Oyuki said. "…planetary standard time, of course" she finished. Benten sighed, still trying to keep Shingo down without grounding the wires.

"You guys sure are slow. We got here in way less time and we had farther to go."

"Don't be so haughty, Benten. It's hard to keep ourselves inconspicuous if we hover an illegal planetary War vessel to close to a planet."

"Yeah, transporting crap like that can be hard" Benten replied earnestly. "Well, we'll set up a closet for you to hop out of once we get our base set up, 'kay?"

"That sounds like a good plan" Oyuki replied. "I shall see you al later." With her piece finalized, she cut off her transmission. Benten finally sat up off of Shingo's head and let him re situate the wires now that they were offline.

"Farewell, grandfather…" Shingo mourned.

"Benten, what was that about?" Ryuunosuke asked. "How're we gonna set up a base?" Benten gave the curious girl a confident glance and pulled out a small device with a trigger.

"Don't you worry your little head about that," she said, clicking the device on. A red beam shot out from a small opening, like a sight on a gun, and Benten pumped it up to her head. "We've got a plan…"

* * *

"Do you know where you're going?" Mendo nagged from the rear of his pack.

"Better than you do" Tobimaro answered. He hacked away through the brush and swayed away from the more hostile looking plants until the brush seemed to lessen. "I think we're coming close to a clearing."

After pushing the larger fan leafs aside, the group stepped out into the clearing. The sun was visible for the first time in hours, a peaceful river was heard flowing, and birds flew away into the sky. The length of the clearing was devoid of trees, right up to the hundred-odd meter drop to the valley below. Tobimaro stood with his mouth agape for a few seconds before Mendo and Ten both conked him with tree branches.

"You buffoon" Mendo spat. Ryoko was quick to rush over while Mendo walked over to the edge of the cliff.

"At least it's a nice view" Ten said, hovering over likewise.

"Yes, it is" Mendo agreed. "I suppose we can camp out here for a while. There's enough shade and resources nearby, and we can build a hefty fire to signal everyone else." Asuka came up and put a soft hand on Mendo's shoulder. Although his face stayed confident, his entire body started shaking in fear.

"You're amazing, Big Brother Mendo" Asuka cooed. She moved in close and kissed him on the cheek, mounding all the fear he had over his bones being shattered and causing him to faint. "…Ryoko, do you know how to make a fire?" Ryoko dropped the still unconscious Tobimaro back to the ground and got up.

"Well, I should have some incendiary devices in my suit…" was the last thing Mendo actually heard. After that, the amalgamated fear of his sister playing with fire and Asuka crushing him to death caused him to completely pass out.

"…Weakling" Ten chided over the brain-dead Mendo.


	15. A prepared encounter in the untamed wild

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Tsubame and Sakura gasped and wheezed their way over the last cresting hill of the rolling plains that seemed to stretch on infinitely. After walking for a ridiculous time, the duo was just about ready to fall over and give up. Fortunately, Sakura's guilt for the apparent deaths of the children pushed her onward to further her exile into the unknown wilderness of the dinosaur planet. Tsubame followed her because he was better off with her than alone.

There were a few dinosaurs in the distance gathered around each other, which led Tsubame to a conclusion.

"If we want to die out here those things will probably like to eat us" he suggested as he limped along. Sakura mustered up enough strength to furrow her brow and continue on.

"No" she said. "Those aren't carnivores...maybe." Her uncertainty slowed her to a halt, and the lack of kinetic energy made her fall to her knees. "We should go over there and see what they're eating anyway..." she said, picking herself up with her fiancées help. They proceeded over for what seemed like a long time, and arrived at a sight that neither of them chose to believe: water. Several large dinosaurs were taking powerful laps from a huge body of fresh water. There were even dinosaurs in the water, as well as many fish jumping up and down.

With a jolt of adrenaline and willpower, the two almost magically appeared lakeside and started splashing themselves with water, making sure it was clear before actually drinking it. Sakura abandoned her sense of safety and dunked her head into the water. The dinosaurs next to them just ignored them and continued to drink. Tsubame finished refreshing himself and stood up with renewed vigor and straightened himself out. He also took off his hat after forgetting what was in it.

"Wow! Look at all the water!" Eukerial exclaimed. The presence of a magical creature caused the huge monsters beside the two to bellow and run away. Glowing fairies from another plane do not a good companion make in the Jurassic period. Sakura shot her head up from the water in the commotion with a fish in her teeth. She spat it out on the ground behind her and let it flop back into the lake.

"What was that!?" she exclaimed.

"Oh nothing, just her" Tsubame explained, pointing to the fairy. He turned around to face Sakura and was stunned. With her hair shining in the sun and streaking down her face, she looked like an angel. Her soft eyes paralyzed him and warmed his entire body. She was so beautiful in that light he didn't notice her had reeling back and blazing forward. One slap later, Tsubame's mind cleared and focused again. As the little fairy was drinking her fill from the lake, Sakura sneaked up on her with a charm.

"Ew! There's fish in this water!" Eukerial exclaimed in disgust. "Nasty!" Sakura snapped her hand and the charm flew at, then through, the fairy and dissolved instantly in the water. Eukerial flittered up and went over to Tsubame, who was dusting off his hat begrudgingly. She flew in as he rubbed at the glowing red mark on his face and he set the hat atop his head. Sakura walked up and drew a little symbol on the hat as Tsubame watched her in confusion.

"What was that for?" he asked. He tried to pull the hat off to see what she had written, but it wouldn't budge.

"It's a magnetic curse" Sakura said. "That hat is now magnetically attached to your head until I erase the mark." She smirked and started strutting off away from the lake and toward a small tributary.

"Now where are you going?" Tsubame whined.

"Down river!" Sakura yelled. "Regardless of what era we happen to be in, there _are_ people on this planet, and they'll most likely be downriver! So come one!" She walked on down, avoiding dinosaurs and heading for another thresh of forest. Tsubame blinked a few times and started running to catch up.

* * *

"Over there?" Benten asked. She pointed the little device like a gun so the red beam was focused on a rocky ledge.

"No, it doesn't look safe" Lum said. Benten groaned and kept walking. Ataru stayed ahead of the pack, clearing away brush, while Ryuunosuke and Shingo tailed. They had left their communication device back where they left it, having no particular use for it anymore. At every oppurtunity, Benten would aim, ask and then angrily move forward. No spot seemed to look like a fitting place to spend the rest of their stay as a temporary apartment, but it couldn't be helped with Lum picking the spot. Even Ataru was flustered.

"How about at the bottom of a lake? Would we be safe there?" Ataru hissed at Lum. She put a finger to her mouth and thought for a second to peeve him further.

"We would, but we'd also drown" she said in all seriousness. Ataru grumbled unintelligibly and continued to push away all the brush. Ryuunosuke was trying to be as helpful as she could by keeping her eye out for potential spots that Lum would deny at a glance.

"What about there?" Ryuunosuke said, pointing up to a lush, green cliff-face. Lum looked at it and floated on up between Benten and Ataru.

"That looks to slippery," she criticized, "but the structure looks good. Keep looking for a cliff like that but without and vegetation on it, okay?" Ryuunosuke pumped her arm up and saluted happily, leaving Benten to fume venomously.

"So you can shoot my suggestions down because we're friends" Benten complained with a low, agrivated tone "but Ryuu gets her ideas approved because yopu live near her?"

"That has nothing to do with anything, Benten" Lum said, hovering ever closer to Ataru. "I'm just trying to keep everyone's safety in mind with where we put our base."

"That" Ataru began rejectingly, "and you want to know where it would look good for a random meteor to fall from space and transform into a small condo..." He finished his short rant flatly, which peeved Lum to the point wherein she wanted to zap him. The process of finding a suitable cliff to establish was taking much longer than expected, and it was starting to wear on everyone's nerves a little bit.

"DAMMIT!" Benten cursed, "HOW MUCH FARTHER!?" Her boisterous shout echoed over the trees and sent small dinosaurs flying away and larger ones glancing about curiously as the group continued to push slowly through the jungle thick.

* * *

"Asuka!" Ryoko called. "Have you got any firewood?" Asuka came back through the trees a moment later, hauling along a small branch with both arms. She spun around and threw it just short of the fire a meter away from her. "You know," Ryoko said, "I can remember you being much stronger..." Asuka panted briefly to catch her breath.

"Yes" Asuka confirmed. "To be honest, Ryoko, I'm growing worried about my strength. Perhaps neglecting my training for so long has left me weak...to men! It's so scary..." Tobimaro overheard his sister's desperation and took out her strength dial, turning it up to normal levels.

"Well, maybe you're nor trying hard enough sister" Tobimaro comforted. He picked up a thick log from the fire pile and handed it to her. "Why don't you just try harder?" Asuka took the log in her hand and crushed it into splinters instantly, without trying. She looked down and crushed the remainder of the bark in between her hands and her face lit back up.

"Hooray!" She shouted, jumping up and down with excitement. Ryoko applauded and threw the shrapnel onto the fire while Tobimaro prepared to congratulate her.

"Great job Asu-" before he could finish, Asuka jumped away and into the forest. A loud tearing and rumbling was heard next, then a full-sized tree started flying through the air at the campers. Tobimaro screamed out and attempted to run, if not for his sheer paralysis, and Asuka landed down daintily with the tree held upon her shoulders. "..ka" Tobimaro grunted in disbelief.

"My strength really never left!" she declared joyously, tossing the tree far over the cliff side and into the valley below. "Thank you for believing in me, Big Brother..." she began to charge with open arms. Tobimaro grimaced and turned her strength nearly off. She dashed past him and made a leaping hug at "...Mendo!"

"Well, of course I believed in you, Asuka" Mendo comforted. Tobimaro turned around to see his sister cuddling up to his rival and deviously increased her power level to the point where Mendo's face resembled an octopus from the pain.

"How chivalrous of you" Tobimaro said with a cocked brow.

"Turn..." Mendo wheezed, "...down...dying!" Tobimaro sighed and switched her down to a medium level, which still held about the same power as Mendo himself has.

"Big Brother!" Ryoko called out angrily. She threw a shuriken at him, but he instinctively dodged and let it whiz through a tree and into a stone far behind him. "Quit being so perverse and come help me start this fire!"

"Ah, certainly!" Mendo strained.

"I'll help too" Tobimaro said. "I actually start fires all the time in the wild."

"We're using this as a signal, not to cook sportswear!" Mendo shouted back. From the same edge of the cliff a distance away, Luko and his battalion of guards observed the teens and floating, tiger-stripe sporting child.

"What are they arguing about, do you think?" on guard asked his princely supervisor. Luko gazed through his opera-style binoculars over his stark white mask and sighed an elegant sigh. He withdrew a rose from his coat and prepared his own prose-y speech, for which one guard elbowed the questioner.

"You idiot. We agreed not to give him anything to talk about" He nagged. The accused guard shrugged and hung his head in shame.

"Mayhap" Luko started to his troops' dread, "it be an ancient tale of romance stirred up anew; two rivals lust for the heart of their honey whilst a monster distracts and confuses them. Perhaps it is all a quaint symbol of our modern youth, torn asunder in a mesh of lies, distrust, adulterous transactions and then more lies!" He dramatically danced around as he versed, forcing the guards to ignore him with all their strength. "The fire they all build is a testament to their closeness, or a wall for their separateness...what tragedy do we see unfolding hence!? What loathsome forces have torn apart these misguided youths whom on this planet walk...?" After a few seconds of silence, a guard came forward.

"Didn't her highness tell us to capture anyone in tiger-stripes?" he suggested meekly. Luko pounded his fist into his palm and in seconds prepared himself and his men to move out.

"Onward, brave starks!" he called form his opened canopy door on the brush-clearing tank he rode in. "We shall abscond with them and take them back to the palace for further study. Perhaps even more hostages can be taken before we culminate our ransom..." He deviously sniffed as a rose as the tank rumbled through the brush, cutting down the bushes more than a meter off the ground.

In the camp across the ridge, the guards observed the muted shoutings of those kids as the fully-clothed male stood up and yelled at the one wearing a toga. Then he retaliated to which both young women looked worried over. They continued for a few rounds before the clothed one kicked the naked one in the stomach. He fell over, and the ninja-looking girl took out a sword and slowly advanced on the aggressor, who backed away slowly while the other girl seemed to squeeze the life out of the downed boy...

"What's wrong with these people?" one guard asked.

"Who knows" another guard said. "Maybe aliens are just weird..."


	16. Out of the woods, into the jungle

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Miss Ran!" Nagisa yelled. No response from the red-head. "Miss Raaaan!" he yelled again. His voice was barely reaching over the throngs of odd, moving plant life. Disregarding the oddities of the inside of the tree, Nagisa continued forward through the rainbow brush. Meanwhile, Ran was equivocally lost in the density of subspace and was trying to ask directions.

"Can you please tell me how to get to the nearest Warp tree?" she politely asked a tiny kappa riding an upside-down fish. The kappa took a long draw from his pipe, then quacked quizzically, puffing out a question-mark smoke cloud. Ran got frustrated inside as the smoke wafted its way over her face. She snapped, flailed at the smoke, and growled with her fangs bearing.

"TELL ME HOW TO GET OUT" she roared, "or so help me I'll EAT YOU!!" The frightened kappa dropped his pipe, spurred his mount, and sped off vertically. Ran watched it fly away, then cursed loudly. Her spite was just loud enough that Nagisa could hear it over the very loud fruit trees he found himself at.

"Does nothing in this stupid forest work!?" Ran half-whined, half-roared. She sank to her knees and switched back to cute mode, trying desperately to work up some tears. She faked some sobs and drifted off into her own little dramatic world. "Oh, my poor sweet Rei" she said dramatically. "He's probably looking all over for me; lost, sad, hungry, who knows how long he can last against the cruel elements of sub space without me? Oh, my sweetheart, my honey, my...my..."

"Darling?" Nagisa interrupted. Ran shot up to her feet in shock, throwing her arms and palms back with super-wide eyes. She regained herself, set both feet on the ground, and pointed at the strange boy in disbelief.

"How'd you get here?" Ran said blankly.

"I just came to tell you that I'm going on ahead to the enemy's base" Nagisa explained. He took out the compass and held it up so Ran could see it. The needle, not surprisingly, was broken. "See? It points straight there." Ran took it and held it up to Nagisa, who squealed in distress.

"Please don't scream like a girl" Ran said heart brokenly. "It's embarrassing to my gender..."

Nagisa dropped to his knees and wept softly, holding the compass in hand like a dead bird. "No...now we're lost..."

"Really?" Ran said almost tauntingly. "Who'd've known." As Ran's personality started to shift to a more violent persona, she noticed something that kept her in a sweet mood. "Hey Nagisa, what's up with your hair?" she asked. Nagisa looked up at his ponytail that was pointing straight to his side like a branch on a tree. Ran poked it and it jarred, then shot back into position.

"That's odd" Nagisa said innocently. "My hair has never done that before..." Nagisa poked at his hair and boinged it playfully while Ran carefully analyzed it. Then, a thought occurred.

"Let's follow it!" Ran commanded. Nagisa looked over at her naively. "Think about it. You're a massive culmination of spiritual energy in a humans body, and in subspace the basic laws of physics or screw up royally! Your hair could be acting like a spiritual divining rod, and what would that lead us to?" Nagisa gave the though much contemplation, completely unaware of the fact that he was infact being dragged across the ground by the pull of his own hair.

"I suppose that could make sense..." he thought. Ran watched him go with ludicrous glee, finally having a chance to rid herself of the torture of being stuck in another dimension any longer, then gave chase as Nagisa's speed picked up. Feeling the astounding pull at last, Nagisa tumbled over on his side, then stood up and jogged along as the pace was still quickening. Through the forest the two ran, until Nagisa ran headfirst into a solid tree. Ran caught up while Nagisa's unconscious body kept dragging itself along the ground towards freedom.

* * *

Back on normal, ground level, on a cliff some hundred meters or so up from the fertile valley below, sat the most chaotic group of Japanese students on the planet. Granted, they were the most chaotic with each other at the moment. Mendo and Tobimaro had started a fight, which Ryoko tried to intervene in with heavy weapons and Asuka with her own brute, uninhibited strength, and all were now pointing their respective weapons at one another.

"Brother dear" Ryoko chided, "please tell your girlfriend to stop glaring at me..."

"Lower your gun first, sister" Mendo said, holding his own sword tight against Tobimaro's throat. Asuka kept a huge log held overhead, just in case Mendo made an attempt at the worst to her dear Big Brother.

"Please," Asuka whined, "let's not fight. I can't bear to choose between my two Big Brothers if you should begin to fight..."

"I'm your only actual brother, Asuka" Tobimaro whined. Mendo raised the tip of his sword, and Tobimaro's chin fearfully followed up. Ryoko pulled back the trigger until the gun's hammer was about halfway out. Asuka took a step toward her with a thud...and the guards in the woods just stared on.

"Should we just wait for them to kill each other, then move?" one guard asked optimistically.

"No" said another, "we have to capture them alive...especially the baby."

Ten, however, was long gone. Before the bulk of the conflict started, he had flown off into the jungle to search for food at Asuka's request. Thankfully for everyone, she only thought Ten was some kind of magical, talking animal instead of a very young man.

"Steady men" the lead guard hushed. The men held their stun-sticks and riot shields tight, their muscles tensed. The group was ready to pounce as soon as the conflict escalated into a distraction.

"Please put down the gun, Ryoko" Tobimaro pleaded.

"Tell Mendo to put down his sword" she replied.

"I can hear you" Mendo said "and I won't move until I'm sure I won't die."

"Please lower the weapon, Brother" Asuka pleaded. Her soft voice was enough to want to melt Mendo's icy demeanor, so he sheathed his sword. At the moment the metal clicked, Ryoko shoved the gun up to his head and clicked back the hammer.

"Now apologize to Tobimaro, brother" Ryoko politely threatened. Mendo glanced to his side in utter terror, and Tobimaro weighed his assets in the blink of an eye.

"Asuka! Stop her!" he shouted. Asuka nodded, threw her tree away and lightly pushed Ryoko to the edge of the cliff. Ryoko threw her gun behind her and fired, desperate that the recoil would push her forward. It didn't, so she flailed helplessly and fired off two more rounds into the trees blindly. Asuka gasped in shock, while Mendo shot over and grabbed his sister's arm just before plummeting down the steep cliff-face.

"Oh! Big brother, please hep me!" Ryoko shouted in fake desperation.

"Oh, please" Mendo chided, "you're not even in danger."

"Yes I am!" she protested. "I'm so used to acting for drama that I can't help my inflection" she explained, in a voice just as fake as before. Mendo glared derisively at her, then summoned his strength against his better logic and pulled his sister back up onto solid ground.

"Stay alert, Shu-chan!" Tobimaro said. Mendo darted his head over to see that he was already wielding his giant mace toward the woods, where a constant rustling was heard. Mendo straightened up, drew out his sword, and re-tied his toga with a stern expression. Of course, Asuka hid behind the pile of wood in fear that some man would burst forth from the brush.

"Ch-charge..." a very weak voice commanded. A single, mustachioed guard went stumbling out of the woods and collapsed soon there after. The group of kids looked at him curiously in silence, until Mendo noticed something particular.

"Look on his back" he said, pointing with his sword. On the guards' back was an emblem of a mask, almost the same as that of their apparent enemy on this planet, Princess Kalu. "Suppose this man is a member of her elite forces?" Mendo suggested. Tobimaro prodded him lightly with his mace.

"Suppose he _was_" Tobimaro corrected. Suddenly, off in the distance of the jungle, the group heard the loud rumbling of machinery and the rhythmic marching of feet against the forest floor. Asuka stayed back, Mendo re-drew his sword, and Tobimaro prepared to twist the handle of his mace to enlarge it at a moments notice.

"Go get 'em, Big Brothers!" Asuka cheered from the far back.

"Indeed! Show them what for!" Ryoko cheered along, hiding with Asuka.

"You get up here!" Mendo shouted. "You have all the firepower!" The rumbling grew closer and closer, the black shadows of the jungle thick started to turn a dark shade of purple. Finally, the troops that marched came into view with crackling batons of electricity and shields coated with rubber. Two rows marched along side a huge vehicle that pushed down and away the trees as it crawled forward. The kids backed up slowly, keeping what weapons they had held at the ready. All at once, the heels stopped clicking and the treads stopped moving, and on top of that armored vehicle was an elegant-looking man, wearing a white mask.

"So-"

"EEEEEEEEK! A MAN!!" Asuka interrupted before Luko could even begin. He waited a few seconds before opening his mouth, but as soon as he did the girl shrieked again.

"...could one of you gentlemen please take care of her?" Luko asked kindly. Mendo and Tobimaro glanced at each other, and Tobimaro went over, turning down Asuka's strength and letting her cling on him like a frightened koala.

"You pervert!" Mendo shouted, arming himself back at Tobimaro. "She's your own sister!"

"Please, don't let him near me!" Asuka begged from her brother's back. Luko watched the boys and girls have their back-and-forth, seeing no end in sight, and sat down lazily. He twirled his rose around with his fingers out of boredom, while his militant guards just gawked at the continually rising conflict between the children...


	17. Luko v Mendo v Mizunokoji v Luko

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Lum..." Benten growled. "If you don't point out a good cliff in the next two meters, I'm gonna drop it on your HEAD!"

"Eek!" Lum screamed. She floated in a loop behind Ataru and used him as a shield while Benten tried to point the device at her friend. "Protect me, Darling!" Lum pleaded with fake concern. Ataru stood like a deer in headlights while Benten made little circles with the laser guide.

"Wait, drop what down?" Ryuunosuke asked. Benten turned and let her flames die out a little.

"This thing's a homing device that sends a beacon up to our orbiting ship which will fire a big pod down where the beam connects" Benten explained laxly. Ryuunosuke was regardlessly amazed by the device that Benten held and tossed about like a rock. "The pod itself is a fully functional, fully stocked armory that we can stay in almost indefinitely. It will be our base of operations until we rescue Lum's folks and then we can use it to get out of here." Ryuunosuke was bewildered that such a thing existed and had a cracked smile on her face.

"It's just an armored UFO, really" Lum added from behind Ataru who tried to turn around and push her away. She swayed in the air and kept her arms around his neck, and caught a glimpse of something while she was flinging about in the air. She detached herself, flew over and snatched up the device from Benten.

"You find something?" Benten asked hopefully.

"Yeah" Lum confirmed as she took careful aim. She squeezed the trigger at a cliff off in the distance and the device started beeping. Benten looked over at the cliff of choice and put a fist to her chin.

"Ah! Nice choice" she praised.

* * *

A rapidly flashing, tiny red dot appeared suddenly on the back of Shutaro's head. Asuka took curious note of it while hiding behind her own Brother that was guarding with the cross-armed Mendo's against the recollected guard. Even if they were still using the guards with their basic motor skills and bone structures still intact, they only had three or four still barely standing. Regardless, Luko still stood with his air of invincible arrogance.

"So," Mendo started, "you're one of this princess Kalu's indentured servants come to try and stop us." Luko laughed the beginning of a retort but was cut off by the other outraged boy.

"Well you can forget it!" Tobimaro shouted. "We came here to do something and we won't leave until we're done!" Then, he shot his bat around and pointed it at his friend. "Tell us what we're here to do, Shutaro!" Shutaro scowled and snarled in response, having overestimated his friend's ability to remember basic things like interplanetary objectives. He pushed back his hair and began in equal elegance to his blue-haired opponent.

"We are here on behalf of miss Lum from planet...Oni, currently occupying Earth." Mendo explained.

"Ah!" Luko exclaimed. "So the Invaders really _did_ take over that little planet. I heard some rumors that they lost."

"They did" Mendo sourly replied. "_SHE _lives on Earth, and we have knowledge that her parents are being held captive by a one Princess Kalu." Luko gasped melodramatically at the accusation, although he knew it was technically correct.

"Our mistress Kalu would never resort to such forms of back-stabbery for the childish purpose of out maneuvering her old childhood rivals..." Luko's testimony only made Mendo and Tobimaro trade a glance of mutual distrust, then they both descended upon him with brandished weapons which Luko stopped with his own just inches from his face.

"Then why'd she do it?" Tobimaro said sadistically with an evil grin on his face.

"We have video taped evidence which shows that Kalu is responsible for the kidnapping of miss Lum's parents!" Mendo said harshly.

"Go, Big Brother!" Asuka cheered, peeking her eyes over the cliff while keeping herself up with one arm. Ryoko stood watching as her domineering guardians took care of their problematic flirtatious alien, but something caught her eye. The sharp glint of menace broke through the jungle darkness, and Ryoko took no time to wait. She jumped back, threw her arm out, and eight blinks of light came speeding out. Three grunts of pain were heard in the bushes, which caught the attention of the boys, giving Luko an opportunity to push them both away effortlessly.

"Ho ho!" Luko laughed haughtily. "You would have never suspected that I would call for back up!" On their cue, a fleet of guards came rushing out with loaded guns aiming down the huddled kids. All three of them stood with their weapons ready, while Asuka shimmied away from the gathering of men.

"It seems underhanded enough of you..." Mendo seethed, preparing his sword. Asuka started crawling up, taking a look back at her brothers and friend Ryoko as she prepared to speed away.

"You don't even know me..." Luko argued sadly. Asuka took one final, teary look back and hung her head sadly.

_I'm sorry, Big Brother_ she mourned to herself, _but I simply can't face all those terrible men like you can..._

"Ha! Gotcha!" one guard said as he leaped out in front of Asuka. To the shock she was at first paralyzed, then as he reached out his hand to grab her, she shrieked so loud that it echoed far across the valley below and across to the nearest mountain range.

"A-" she fearfully stuttered as she prepared to push, "A MAAAAAAANN!!" With a loud bash, she pushed away the guard well out of the hemisphere, and dashed back to grab her brother and flash away.

"Oh my!" Ryoko exclaimed.

"ASUKA!" Tobimaro shouted, watching her and the confused, displaced Mendo speed away in a blur down the cliff.

"Pay them no mind!" Luko commanded. "The girl's too fast and strong and pretty! Let's focus on these two instead!" He pointed his Fleurette sword at Tobimaro, who responded by rolling up his sleeves and growing his giant mace to his own height, taking a baseball position. Ryoko just stood with her fist clenched and her face steeped in shadows.

"Capture the girl!" the guards yelled as they all dove in at once.

"...ugly..." Ryoko muttered. The guards were stopped in mid-air by the resonance of evil energies that the girl was outputting. "How...am I...UGLY!?" she shouted as she turned her head, revealing a face with fangs and flaming eyes with a twitching forked tongue. The guards all passed out while Tobimaro guarded against Luko's advance of rapid stabs.

* * *

Meanwhile, Asuka sprinted through the jungle brush with a stunned and board-stiff Mendo underarm. "Don't worry, Big Brother" she said between breaths. "We'll be away from those nasty, disgusting men soon!" And soon enough, Mendo found himself staring at Tobimaro trying to match blows with Luko and Asuka slipped on her own fault of misdirection.

"Oh? You're back?" Luko asked casually while he pressed Tobimaro down to the ground.

"HELP, SHU-CHAN!" Tobimaro screamed. Mendo drew out his sword and ran forward. He raised his sword up while Tobimaro slipped away and connected with Luko's sword using his powerful down stroke. The force of Mendo's sword blew Luko's straight down, much to his shock, and Mendo raised his sword back up for another slicing motion. Asuka watched on in blushing excitement as her glorious big brother fought swing for swing with the blue-haired mystery man.

"Oh, Big Brother Mendo" she cooed. "Thank you for protecting me..." Asuka, for whatever reason, decided to look up, and in the sky she saw something that made her stand up. "What's that?" she asked. Tobimaro and Ryoko followed her pointing finger while Luko and Shutaro continued to duel. Eventually, the shadow enlarged to cover the entire exposed cliff and Mendo and Luko finally noticed with their weapons at a stand-still.

"What the heck is that!?" Mendo shouted, just barely over the roar that the falling object was making. Luko slowly started drawing away, and then he, Mendo, and everyone in the area broke out in a fevered sprint away. Asuka was still admiring the object blindly until Shutaro scooped her up on his shoulders and ran away with her. With a resounding smash, the huge UFO landed hazardously onto the side of the cliff and hissed for a while.

In the forest, the group was groaning loudly with many unconscious bodies laying about with dazed looks on their faces. Luko sat up and groaned, rubbing his head and trying to grip his sword, which wasn't there. As he got up to search for it frantically, Mendo slowly pointed his ready sword down at his defeated adversary.

"Game over, it seems" Luko laughed. Even in his defeat, he kept his cool.

"Yes" Mendo said gallantly, reaching down with an extended hand of mercy. "This game is done." Luko smiled warmly and took his hand, much to the chagrin of the observing Asuka.

"Ooh, Big Brother, don't do it. He's an evil man!" she whispered. Ryoko was about to say something when a huge rush of air blasted out from the ship as it opened up. Tobimaro looked over, hoping silently that something good was about to happen, when he spied the cowering, shivering huddled couple of Inaba and Shinobu in the doorway.

"W-w-we-we thought this was just a room on the ship" Shinobu shakily explained.

"KYAAA!" Ryoko screeched. Over in the woods where Mendo and Luko stood, Mendo had been frozen with a plastered look of confusing discomfort frozen in a bashfully smiling frame. His robe had been blown down, revealing his vulnerable body underneath.

"That's one thing Shutaro will never be rivaled in:" Tobimaro said, drawing out his bat to kill, "his evil of perversion towards my SISTER!" Mendo kept still while Tobimaro charged and Asuka just looked on curiously.

"I think we missed something important..." Inaba said curiously. Shinobu just nodded as they both kept close together and watched the ridiculous carnage. Ten was just now floating up with a sack of randomly assorted food on his tiny scooter. He took one good, analytical look at the random scene and floated back down the cliff.

"I'll take my chances in the jungle..." Ten complained. "Maybe I can find Lum or Sakura...someone smarter than that idiot. He's just a stones throw away from being Ataru..." Ten continued to grumble as he descended into the jungle canopy.

* * *

"You see, Tsubame?" Sakura chided. "I told you: water always leads to civilization." As Tsubame crested the hill he saw that his fiancée was indeed right! There was a small camp of what seemed to be human constructs like huts and tents, even buckets near the river.

"Great job...honey" Tsubame praised. Sakura straightened herself up victoriously for a moment while Tsubame caught his breath. Their confidence and rest was cut short, unfortunately, by a loud rustling in the bushes and a bitter string of curses being flung. Sakura readied her sutras. Tsubame readied his magician's wand, and out of the brush stepped...


	18. Kalu's painful flashback

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Kalu reclined against the soft back of her huge royal couch with a sigh. The confirmed reports of tiger-striped intruders had shaken her thoroughly, but the tension had lifted from her for now. In the safety of her multi-layered metal safety house, protective against anything except a direct meteor to the bunker, Kalu sighed and leaned against her hand.

"I'll never forget them..." she said with a snarl, and her mind drifted off into the past of her middle-school years again.

* * *

After returning from the hospital and being treated for her severe shell shock, Kalu was ready to take off her kid gloves and properly socially bury Lum and Benten. Even if her face was wrapped in bandages, her eyes glared through with a burning passionate hate.

"Excuse me" a tender, cute voice said. Kalu darted her head back and forth, looking for who was addressing her, and then looked down at a tiny doll in the likeness of Lum's friend Ran. "I have a message for you from Ran and company!"

"Really?" Kalu confirmed with nefarious thoughts. "What is it?"

"Lum wishes to apologize on behalf of her friend Benten," the doll said, "and Ran made this message possible!" Then it exploded, although it was only a small explosion from lack of effective wiring on Ran's part. The sound of something exploding still made Kalu fall over in surprise, though. Kalu recovered and stood back up with a smile on her face. Lunchtime rolled around and the girls were ushering Kalu over to their table.

_Payback will be sweet_ Kalu thought. "Hi" she greeted nicely.

"Yo" Benten said. Lum nudged her in the side and Benten straightened her face to a begrudged look. "...I'm sorry for...blowing you up" As Benten twiddled her fingers, Kalu took her own seat next to Ran without permission. Ran smiled at her and tittered.

"Benten never apologizes for blowing people up" she explained. Kalu laughed nervously as she planted a small explosive device on the underside of the table. It seemed that, for the moment, her plan was going well.

"Oh, well," Kalu started nonchalantly, "no harm done, really. These bandages will come off in about a week or so." Her nervous laughter seemed to worsen the awkward mood that occupied the table, but so far none of the girls had seen through her. Oyuki approached the table with an apathy to the new girl sitting in what was otherwise her seat. She sat next to Lum instead.

"Hello" Oyuki greeted politely. Kalu waved and hummed back, eager to leave before the bomb went off. She looked around nervously for an escape, but she was snared down premptively.

"So, Kalu" Lum started, "what clubs are you thinking about joining?" Kalu let herself get distracted from her want to not die, since Lum's charasmatic charm was like a lasso she couldn't escape.

"No," she said, "not really. There aren't any clubs that do stuff I like."

"Like what?" Benten asked.

"Well, like war games" Kalu said.

"Well, I'm in the 'Young Warlords' club" Benten said prospectively. "I'm the co-president."

"Seriously!?" Kalu said with glee, her mind now totally off of the bomb under the table. "Could you get me in?"

"For sure" Benten agreed. Kalu felt wonderful. The warmth from her belly was a sure sign of the radiant glow of friendship that was seeping in from all around her. Friends, finally, she had them!

"Attention!" a gruff teacher announced from the cafeteria entrance. "The principal would like to speak with Lum, Benten and Ran. NOW!!" The entire room was rich with laughter at the girls as they got up and sulked their way over with Oyuki in tow for moral support. Kalu watched them go, a little sad that her friends were in such trouble. Most of her emotions quickly shifted when she heard a rapid beeping.

BA-KOOOM!

"What was that?" Lum exclaimed. The strict old robotic hall monitor tapped her with his ruler and wagged it at her.

"No talking, trouble maker!" he shouted. Benten stood angrily with a series of building bumps on her head and Ran was quietly weeping. Oyuki stood enough away to separate herself from her miscreant friends and looked over at the smoke pooling out of the cafeteria.

"I hope that girl is okay..." she mused neutrally, taking a sip from her drink blankly. Kalu, unfortunately, was at the point-blank of the explosion, and was soon thereafter rushed to the hospital to get her body wrapped in an iron cast to prevent any further injury...

* * *

"My lady!" a soldier called from the impenetrable room's intercom. Kalu snapped back and turned to her communique button.

"Yes?" she droned.

"We have spotted a group of intruders heading through the jungle in F Sector" the guard reported. "Also, lord Luko has not yet contacted us about his reconnaissance."

"Well, he might be dead" Kalu added aside from the com. "Search for him in his last reported coordinates and send a team to apprehend the invaders."

"Yes my lady" the guard said. "Where shall we take them?" he asked.

"Straight here" she ordered, "to me."

"Yes, your highness" the guard said and disengaged the transmission. She sat back and interlaced her fingers evily.

"I'll make you pay, Lum" she uttered to herself, "by taking away what you want the most in the universe..."

* * *

Nagisa's hair pointed straight at Sakura's chest, much to her dissent. The combined forces of Sakura and Tsubame's magic overloaded Nagisa's magical senses and made him pass out, just when he had recovered consciousness long enough to get dragged back onto the planet.

"So there's another dimension in there?" Tsubame asked.

"There are entrances everywhere" Ran chided "not just there. Sheesh, even magicians should know about dimensional boundaries, even on Earth." Sakura glared at the suddenly mean-spirited girl that she had never known before.

"Just how far away from everyone are we?" Sakura asked. Ran shrugged.

"Who knows?" she said. "At the rate you two have been walking we may already be on the other side of the planet by now!" Sakura scorned as Ran cackled at her Earthling comrades' obliviousness. Tsubame palmed the tree, wondering in amazement at how a full grown young man in drag and Ran could just spill out of it like they did.

"At any rate" Sakura said through gritted teeth, "we should move. This jungle could be crawling with weirdos by now." Just as she said that, the brush rustled behind her. In the dank evening light coupled with the dense canopy around them, it was some invisible form that slowly crawled through the foliage. Sakura attempted to summon a lantern demon, but she was beat out by Ran's shoot first, feign ignorance method. When the lantern demon was conjured, the phaser-blasted body of a frill-necked lizard was visible. Sakura recoiled in terror.

"That's it?" Ran said, twirling her gun back into its holster. "A chicken lizard?" She walked over and knelt down to poke the limp little ambusher. "Poor little thing" she lamented, suddenly cute, "he must've just been hungwy..."

"R-ran!" Sakura said in an urgent hush. Ran turned to see Sakura backed up against a tree that Tsubame was hiding behind. "Get...away!" Ran cocked an eyebrow at the woman's antics, unaware of the army of lizards that was slowly peeking over the brush line. When she turned around, it was already too late for her, and the screaming lizards all swarmed over her with lashing tongues. Her screams of panic were delivered in futile, as Sakura and Tsubame were already jetting away with Nagisa's magnetic body close behind them in a zombie-like run.

"Those things are everywhere!" Tsubame pointed out.

"Help me, you JACKASSES!!" Ran shouted as the lizards continued to annoyingly stomp over her and not do anything else. "These things are dirty and disgusting...and they keep touching my butt!"

* * *

"I wonder how Ran is doing..." Ataru mused on the roof of the housing that fell from the sky for he and his party.

"You only think about girls, don't you?" Ten chided.

"That's not true, Jariten" Ataru said righteously. "I also wonder how Sakura's doing, and she's a _woman._"

"Ah" Ten said. "We have so much in common, don't you think?" There was a short silence.

"Did Lum send you up here?" Ataru asked suspiciously.

"She's having a meeting" Ten reported. Ataru sighed and sat back up and started sliding down the broad end of the saucer that led to solid ground. "Why are you so grumpy? We're here to save Lum's parents. Aren't you concerned for them!?"

"Of course I am!" Ataru snapped back. "I just wish Lum didn't involve me, is all..." Ataru's uncharacteristic sadness made Ten uncomfortable, which was fortunate for the unendurable Ataru who closed the door right behind him so the flighty Ten smashed face first into the metal frame. "Hee hee!"

"Darling" Lum said in a very low, almost dying way, "don't be mean to Ten..." Ataru was honestly afraid at this point, having never heard her in any mood that was close to seriously sad. He motioned over to try and approach her kindly but she took his hand and started dragging him on. "Come on."

"Hey, are you okay?" Ataru asked. When he realized that he asked what he asked, he wished that he could take it back, because he had never said that to her before. Not as sincerely as he just did. Lum sniffled and stopped in place. Ataru's eyes went wide with fear of what might happen next. She spun around and buried her face in his chest, shaking as she sobbed.

"Darling..." she sadly said, "I'm scared." Ataru was probably just as scared, mostly from the suspense of the electrocution he thought he was getting. "I'm sorry to tell you, but I'm really scared for my parents...I keep thinking, what if something happens to them because I wasn't fast enough to help them?"

"Uh..." Ataru's mind, for the life of his body, couldn't think of what to say to comfort her.

"I'm just so worried..." Lum admitted. She took a pause to sob some more, but jumped to the fell of Ataru's hand on her back. She opened her teary eyes and looked up at him, smiling at her.

"They'll be fine, Lum" he told her. "I'm sure of it." Lum felt like crying some more, but she sucked it up and let her rampant desire to kiss him overtake her, much to Ataru's surprising anger. He tried to pull away but couldn't. No matter how much he wanted out of Lum's lip-lock, he could never hurt a girl in any way, and Lum was no exception. So, he relaxed, looked up to the ceiling and waited for the moment to pass. Ten finally squeezed his way through the window to float in on his cousin kissing his half-wit rival and he floated past them with a terrified look.

"Oh, hi Ten" Shinobu greeted as he floated into the dinning room. "Where's Lum?" Ten reeled back and amplified his terror, like e was looking at a ghost, then floated slowly to his behind and had a mental collapse. Back in the hallway, Lum finally stopped kissing Ataru and looked up at his astonished and distant face with a happy, teary-eyed smile.

"Come on, Darling" she cutely commanded. "We have to go over our main battle plan for tomorrow..." so she floated on and dragged his mindless body behind her. Inside the lonely UFO lodge, the team would deliberate their plans for the following day.


	19. The teams plan their rescue and recovery

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The team was gathered inside the main dining area of the UFO with a white-board set up for the sake of planning. Lum and Ataru had just made their way in, and Ataru was uncharacteristically lifeless in the presence of the girls, but they didn't mind at all. Asuka was cuddling up against a nervous and redressed Mendo, much to Tobimaro's scorn.

"Alright!" Benten shouted enthusiastically. "Let's start the meeting!"

"Sure" Lum happily obliged. She took up the laser pen and started etching some basic battle diagrams and drawings of what the team assumed was the enemies battlements. After a few more minutes of quizzical sketching, she was done. "From what we observed in orbit, this is the surrounding area of the castle." And so it was, with a moat around an apparently medieval castle and clearcut forest up to the nearby mountains surrounding the entire complex. She also drew several routes that all led up to the front bridge.

"Our plan" Lum started, "is to divide ourselves into smaller teams and infiltrate the castle through multiple areas. Ten and I will fly in through the roof using mild explosives..." Shinobu got worried over the 'explosives' part, "Ran, Shinobu and Inaba will use Inaba's sub-space powers to break through the forward defenses and blast apart whatever defenses they have inside the castle. Darling, Mendo and Ryoko will enter from the east and use more mild explosives to create an entrance. Tobimaro, Benten, Asuka and Ryuunosuke will do the same from the west side..."

"But with much better explosives" Benten added. Ryuunosuke smirked at her compatriot.

"...Right" Lum continued. "That leaves Sakura, Tsubame and Nagisa on reserves to help wherever they're needed." Shinobu raised her hand. "Yes?"

"Where are Sakura and the others?" she asked, worried that she had not seen them since they left for the planet. Lum shrugged, much to Shinobu's prompted anger. "What's that mean!?"

"If they're not here" Benten said "then they're still out there, somewhere."

"Well" Shinobu started in protest, "Shouldn't we look for them!? This is a planet of dinosaurs for some reason, they could be getting chased or eaten right now!"

"Yeah, probably" Lum remarked, floating relaxed in the air.

"How can you not care!?" Shinobu shouted defensively. "She's our friend, and our nurse! She's the only one with passable medical knowledge here!"

"And she ain't hard on the eyes!" Ten said, trying to mask his voice to make it seem like the catatonic Ataru was joining the conversation. Lum finally picked up on her hubby's odd silence and floated over.

"Darling?" she asked sweetly. "You okay?" Ataru still didn't move or say anything, his mind unaware that Lum was already done kissing him.

"He's fine" Benten said. "He just wants another girl to get close so he can jump up and smooch her." Lum furrowed her brow, because she knew it was probably true.

"Darling, quit acting!" Lum shouted. Ataru still refused to move. "Wake up now!"

"Umm, Lum?" Asuka shyly asked. "should we be concerned for our missing comrades?" Lum looked over, keeping her peeved face that she used with Ataru.

"She's right, miss Lum" Mendo said, chivalrously standing up. "We should be more concerned with the missing Miss Ran and Miss Sakura."

"What about Nagisa?" Inaba chimed in.

"Screw Nagisa" Ryuunosuke butted in. "He can die, but we should find the others."

"You really hate hi, Ryuunosuke" Shinobu pointed out. Lum straightened up and flipped her hair.

"Fine then" she said diplomatically. "If you want, we'll go find them..." Everyone looked happy enough, "...tomorrow" she finished. Then everyone got angry again.

"Why not now!?" Ryuunosuke demanded.

"Simmer down!" Benten shouted, slamming Ryuunosuke's head into the table. "It's almost night right now. Looking in the dark would be useless."

"It'd be like finding a needle in a haystack" Lum suggested, "...at night."

"Okay then," Ryuunosuke said calmly, reaching her arm up and grabbing Benten's hair. "Let's just get some rest, eh?" Even though she was very calm, Ryuunosuke still broke the table with Benten's face. "G'night all!" she said and left. Benten twitched a little and Shinobu scoffed everything off as nonsense and left. Asuka left with her brother, until Mendo intervened and tried to guide her to her own room with the other girls. Eventually, Ryoko knocked them both out on the floor and walked with Asuka, while Lum and Ten stayed in the kitchen with the stiff Ataru.

* * *

"..." Ten stared wide-eyed at Lum, who was staring right back at him through her lashes with a resonating air of menace. "I'll just...bed..." Ten muttered and floated off. Before he got too far, a blaring beep from the living area sounded off, stirring Ataru out of his coma and onto the floor with a thud.

"Darling!" Lum said cheerfully. "You're awake!" Ataru darted up to his feet, rubbing his head with an angry look at the cute and innocent Lum.

"Never..." he threatened, "Never kiss me without warning again...my mind can't handle it." Lum smiled and tilted her head cutely.

"Okay" she said, latching onto Ataru as he started walking out to the beeping. She giggled lovingly the whole way, like he was intentionally carrying her. The screen of the UFO had a blinking sign that Ataru took to mean 'call waiting'

"Call waiting, eh?" Benten said, walking out shortly after Ataru did.

"Who's it from?" Lum asked.

"Go answer it" Ataru ordered harshly. Lum floated up over his shoulder and pressed the console button. The screen blared with the hot-pink image of the masked Kalu. Ataru was happy.

"You again!" Benten scorned.

"Grandpa!" Shingo said happily. Somehow, everyone forgot he was there and the shock of his voice sent their faces to the floor. Asuka and Ryoko came out worriedly next, Asuka of course hiding behind whatever she could to keep away from the men.

"Hohoho!" Kalu laughed obnoxiously. "Well, well. The whole Demonic ensemble had gathered at last! I was hoping to get you all together for this..."

"Kalu!" Lum snapped furiously. "What have you done to my parents!"

"Oh, nothing yet, sweety" Kalu said, pressing Lum's nerves to their limits. "What I have to show you may be more interesting for your comrades than to you." She moved out of the way, her fluttering cape revealing the tied up missing four members of the assault crew: Sakura, Tsubame, Ran and Nagisa who was bound in heavy metal chains. "And it gets better!" the camera recording from Kalu's evil castle panned over to a cage holding the blindfolded and bound Mr. And Mrs. Invader. Lum was crackling with anger.

"Lum! Please help!" Lum's father said.

"_Please, rescue us!"_ her mother called in her native tongue. The camera panned back to the evilly cackling Kalu.

"Despite your better judgment to come and save them" Kalu started, "you'd better not. My fortres is so heavily guarded, even _I_ have trouble leaving it safely! You're better off--"

"Lum, don't! It's a trap!" Sakura shouted. She was immediately gagged by guards from nowhere and dragged off.

"Sakura!" Tsubame shouted, trying to get up and hop to her aid. He got tasered by a guard standing nearby.

"You have until tomorrow night to get off my planet," Kalu began with gritted teeth, "or everyone you care about will pay the price!" The screen cut to static. The room was silent, until the crackle and hum of electricity began to sound.

"Lum" Ataru started. "Calm down. We'll rescue them, and your parents I pro--"

"It's not that simple anymore..." Lum growled, glowing with electric anger. "Even if she begs for mercy, even if she offers me her entire planet to compensate this little prank she's pulling..." Lum snapped around, her fangs bared and her eyes golden with electricity and rage, "I'll fry her into dust!!" Everyone ducked behind the couch in fear, except Asuka who just plainly ran to her room screaming.

"Calm down I said!" Ataru shouted over the Oni's roar and static crackling.

"Would you calm down if I kissed you again?" Ten voiced for Ataru. Everyone drew a blank face, except Mendo whose face became masked in an unexplainable darkness. Ten's ventriloquism obviously worked, for Mendo drew out his sword and activated it near Ataru's throat, and Ataru smiled goofily in response.

"...what?" Mendo growled.

* * *

Earlier, Sakura and her party excluding Ran were panting heavily in a clearing after running away from the militant lizards for so long.

"Are they gone?" Sakura asked between long breaths. Tsubame held his back and looked behind.

"Seems clear now" he said. Nagisa was leaning against a tree and gasping sickly.

"I don't even know..." he started, "why I'm here." They continued to pant long enough and loud enough for Kalu's guards to find them.

"You there!" one guard shouted. "Identify yourselves!"

"Oh, no way" Sakura growled. She twisted the aether between her hands and formed a small flighty menagerie of demons while Tsubame started to conjure a gargoyle. All the excessive magical energy in the air forced Nagisa into a violent dancing seizure. The guards watched on as Nagisa's body unconsciously moved to what seemed to be tango beats. He stepped forward, snapping his fingers rhythmically, and took one guard in dancing position.

"H-halt!" he ordered, but Nagisa couldn't help it. They strafed about with arms out, Sakura and Tsubame watching dumbstruck with their demons ready to fly. The other guards were also watching the spectacle, wondering what strange alien custom involved a greeting dance. Sakura's demon almost joined in with their own rhythmic bouncing and weaving, but her icy glare sent them back into hover mode. Nagisa darted his eyes back and forth, hoping the magicians would disperse their demons and make the madness end, but to no avail, his distraction was too good.

Sakura snuck up and used her magical chiropractic-techniques to incapacitate the other guards with Tsubame following her lead and hypnotizing the remaining ones. Then, seeing no further need for their conjured demons, they dispersed them, and Nagisa stopped dancing with the already unconscious and dizzy guard.

"Where do I keep going?" Nagisa asked with worry over his magic-induced blackouts. Sakura was ready to dust herself off and leave when the trees behind her parted and an entire army stood at the ready to shoot their various weaponry.

"...Nagisa...I blame you" Sakura said as she raised up her arms. Tsubame followed suite close to her, and Nagisa finally caught their drift and hit the ground submissively. The guards rushed in with high-tech handcuffs and some rope. They were just about to start tying the hostages up, when an explosion sounded from the largest cluster of guards. Shocked bodies went flying everywhere through the air and the other guards looked over at the trail of smoke to see a small girl with nebulously flowing red hair, a torn and tattered yet still hanging on dark-red bikini and gleaming eyes of rage.

"You, sorry little JACKASSES!!" Ran shouted and shook the ground. The guards were paralyzed with fear as Ran took up her massive guns of varying caliber and started unloading explosive and otherwise painful shells into the crowd. Sakura and Tsubame watched on in astonishment, but Sakura recovered her perception and pushed the nearby guards back into the crossfire to let them get punished. Ran kept screaming, somehow over the roar of her guns, keeping Nagisa glued to the ground in terror. Once her guns wound down and the field of unmoving bodies became clear to her, Ran dropped her guns and fell to her knees.

"Oh my!" she shouted, suddenly sweet. "Something terrible must have happened here! Oh, so many wounded people. I'd better start digging graves..." Ran took up a shovel from nowhere and started digging.

"Hey!" Sakura shouted. Ran turned around, delighted to see her older cohort.

"Hi! Are you guys okay?" She happily chirped.

"I don't really know anymore" Tsubame muttered. Sakura sighed, exhausted from the activities these children were putting her through. Suddenly, a high-pitched whine rang out. At first it was like an annoying cicada, but it kept getting louder until Sakura and the others were on their knees holding their heads in pain.

"Ah!" Ran screamed girlishly. "What's that horrible noise!?" The noise persisted long enough for the four to get captured, tied and dragged away. When Sakura and the others finally came to, they were behind iron bars in a long cell that was lined with guards and a movie projector at the other end.

"What happened?" Sakura groaned.

"I'm afraid" a young woman's voice answered, "that you were captured," which gree clearer as she turned the corner with her mask on, "by me."

"Oh!" Sakura grunted in angry surprise. "You're that princess Kalu, aren't you? What have you done with Lum's parents?" Kalu laughed at the question. Not only was it an insulting laugh, but one toned so high and so obnoxious that it hurt Sakura more than the noise that originally rendered her unconscious.

"Why don't you just be a good little hostage" Kalu started "and sit still?" She pulled out a remote and clicked a button on it. The movie projector on the other side of the cell came on and shot out a holograph of Lum's parents. Two guards stood by with what looked like voice amplifiers.

"So this is a trap!" Sakura realized. Kalu was already patching a call through, so far as Sakura could tell from the alien language on the screen.

"What better way to lure out Lum" Kalu started "than by taking the people she loves the most in the world?" Sakura felt like correcting her, by saying that she loves someone else more than anyone in the galaxy, but she refrained for the safety sake of the annoying young man with Lum. She'd rather not have to endure Lum's crying over Ataru getting kidnapped because of her for however long she'd hold the grudge. The communication finally clicked through and Kalu let out her "Hohoho!" laugh again, much to Sakura's chagrin. "Well, well. The whole Demonic ensemble had gathered at last! I was hoping to get you all together for this..." she continued...


	20. They love each other, they really do

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

After a good night's sleep, the roar of a cacophonous arrangement of dinosaurs awoke the team in the UFO. Although everyone woke up at roughly the same time, Lum was the first to prepare for her day and get to the bathroom.

"Lum!" Benten shouted, pounding at the door, "If you're not done in the next five seconds I'm pulling this door off and beating you with it!"

"Go ahead and try" Lum shouted from inside the bathroom. "It's Space Steel paneling, you can't scratch it.

"WE'LL SEE!" Benten roared, making futile grabs and yanks at the door with a line behind her.

"What's this about?" Ataru asked, being the last conscious person in the room.

"Lum's still in the bathroom" Shinobu said, wiping the sleep from her eye.

"Ah" Ataru confirmed. "Yeah, she's not coming out for a while. Well, I'll be outside."

"Doing what?" Inaba foolishly insisted.

"Well, I have to use the bathroom too" Ataru explained, "But I'm not waiting here." So he left, leaving Shinobu a little disgusted, but she expected it from him by now.

"You know" Ryuunosuke realized, "I don't want to wait either..." Shinobu gave a disgusted, shocked face at her friend's notion. Meanwhile, while Lum continued to aggravate everyone inside, Ataru relieved himself in the brush. As he did, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was watching him. He finished and started back to the UFO, but the feeling became even more apparent. He turned, looking into the dense and dark morning jungle for signs of life, and as his eyes scanned the bushes started to move.

"Eh" he nervously tried to shake off, "it's just a little thing...looking for bugs..." Then he heard a familiar chirping. He knew what it was without turning around, so he didn't and walked quickly back to the clearing. Unfortunately, the little chicken-lizards followed him that far. He saw them walking beside him, keeping their pace and staring at him as he tried to walk up to the UFO steps. As he reached his hand out, desperate to ignore the little creatures, a tongue caught him. Then another.

"GAH!!" Ataru's scream shot into the UFO, catching everyone's attention. Even Lum opened the door and looked out. She didn't notice the line, but she did notice her Darling wasn't there.

"Where's Darling?" Lum asked. Benten seized the chance and threw her out of the way to rush into the bathroom and lock the door. Lum ignored it and turned to Shinobu.

"He went...outside" Shinobu said fearfully. It was fearful because, in the window staring her down, was one of the militant chicken lizards. Lum gasped in horror at the thought that her Darling, resilient though he was, was now out against the uncountable numbers of these wild lizards that nearly killed him once already.

"What do we do?" Inaba asked concernedly. "We certainly can't fight those things. There's hundreds of them."

"Hundreds isn't so bad" Ryuunosuke cockily retorted. "I'll take care of 'em..." she continued until her stomach region loudly gurgled and she flew over in pain. "...in a minute. HURRY UP, BENTEN!"

"They can't fly" Ten said "so Lum and me can just go up through the roof and scare them away."

"Good idea, Ten!" Lum praised. The two Oni floated off through the UFO to look for a window that they could open and escape through. A minute later, they came back in defeat, finding that the lizards were indeed everywhere. Lum looked especially down.

"Poor Darling..." Ryoko said sympathetically. Lum nodded in agreement. "Those nasty beasts are probably tearing him to pieces and eating him now." Lum cringed at the thought and curled up in the air with bugging eyes of fear.

"Ryoko!" Tobimaro, suddenly conscious from sleeping on the floor all night, shouted. "Don't upset her! Moroboshi is fine. Even if these lizards are carnivorous, they wouldn't eat him immediately." Lum gasped loudly and spun around with tears. She decided to leave anyway and jetted to the nearest window, zapping the lizards as she ascended up to scan the forest. The group stared at the open window for a second before Tobimaro decided to make a mad rush over and shut it.

* * *

"Hey! Can't you understand me?" Ataru shouted, riding the wave of lizards that carried him through the jungle. "Take me back! I still haven't eaten yet. It's to early for this crap!" The lizard swarm stopped in an instant, sending Ataru skidding forward off the pile and onto the ground in a clearing. He rolled to a stop and carefully got back up. When he looked up, the lizards were all looking at him intently. He slowly stood up, and the lizards straightened themselves up to their toes.

_What's with these stupid chicken-lizards?_ He thought. He sighed and closed his eyes in annoyance.

"I'm being held hostage by lizards" he complained. When he opened his eyes, he saw that the lizards were imitating him. His hands were on his hips, their arms were at their sides. He raised an eyebrow curiously and they mimicked it with their own lizard faces, tilting their heads for added effect. Ataru smiled nervously and chuckled under his breath. The lizards, in turn, made odd quacking sounds that Ataru assumed were laughter.

Meanwhile, Lum and Ten combed the nearby area for signs of Ataru, though Ten was more concerned with the pressing situation at their base.

"Stupid lizards" he muttered angrily. "Why can't they pick on someone else?" He looked down at the lizards, most of which were staring up at him blankly. He leaned back and let them stare, but the collective gaze of about a hundred lizards was starting to bother him. He glanced down and they were still looking. He grumbled a little and turned his back to them. He wanted to see if they were still looking, as he could feel them looking at him, so he turned back and they still were. No he was angry.

"You know what!?" Ten shouted, catching most of the lizard's attention to listen. Ten drew in a large breath and started up his furnace mouth, activating his suit's flame enhancing funnel attachment, which extended out and propped up in front of his mouth. In one humongous breath, Ten cleared the area with a fiery explosion that shook the ground on which the UFO was set. Everyone jarred inside the shaking structure which was just next to Ten's meteoric fireball.

"What was that!?" Shinobu demanded.

"Earthquake!" Tobimaro shouted.

"We're not on Earth" Asuka pointed out.

"...oh. What is this planet called again?" Tobimaro asked. Shinobu shrugged.

"PLANET QUAKE!" Shingo screamed in terror. He ran screaming with his arms up to the back to hide. Benten stumbled out of the bathroom with a red eye.

"Ha!" Ryuunosuke quickly laughed at her friend. "What happened to you?"

"Shut..." Benten started wearily, "it, _dude_. I hit my eye...and punctured my brain...off the sink..." then she fell over,defeated by the bathroom. Ryuunosuke hopped past her, pointing and laughing as she went into the bathroom not caring over the strange quake that just occurred.

Of course Lum had heard it, she was just far to involved in finding Ataru to care. She flew low, over the canopy, searching tirelessly and vigilantly for her Darling's body, hopefully as it was still moving. She was completing yet another sweep of the nearest jungle to the UFO when she saw the lizards...exercising. Then she heard something wonderful.

"Okay!" Ataru shouted. "Next, we bend! Everybody, one-two! One-two!" He bent over his side with his arm slung over his head and reaching, while his lizard followers did the same thing. "Hehe. Having fans rocks!"

"DARLING!" Lum yelled happily. Ataru noticed to late as she dove down like a hawk and snared him in her loving hug. He reeled back, letting his arms drift forward a little, and the lizards continued to follow his moves. He pushed her away gently, which she must have interpreted as 'Kiss me', because she did. The shock that jolted through Ataru was similar to getting zapped violently by the same girl. She parted, leaving him shaking and confusedly angry.

"I was so worried that the lizards ate you!" She cooed loudly. Ataru's hands went up over his head, giving his instinctive pain symbol with pinky, index and thumbs out. He looked down at her with contempt, then sighed and pushed her away completely.

"Lum" he started sweetly, the kind of sweet that leads to a Ran-styled explosion of personality change. "Didn't we agree you wouldn't kiss me without a proper warning first? By at least a week!?" His tone got more annoyed near the end of his reminder to his insistent wife.

"No" she said. "You said that, but I didn't really agree."

"YES YOU DID!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. The lizards, in turn, squawked as loud as they collectively could, reminding Lum that they were there. She grasped tight onto Ataru's suit collar and whipped her head around. There was an army of them, all staring her down.

"Eh..." she nervously quivered. "Darling, we're trapped" she whispered, Ataru ignoring her troubled tone.

"No we're not" he said. "Watch." Ataru demonstrated his pack leadership by raising up his hand. The flock of lizards raised their hands up as well. Lum calmed down the more he demonstrated. When his legs bent, their legs bent, and so forth.

"Well, look at that" she said, floating above the ground. "They're like chicks following a mother hen."

"I'm not a mother hen" Ataru insisted, although at the time he was acting and posing like a chicken. Regardless, Lum just laughed and clapped at the antics of her Darling and his subjugated lizard army.

"I just wonder" Lum said thoughtfully, "why they don't attack you like they attack anyone else?" Ataru stopped. He never considered that.

"Not sure" he said. "Maybe they just like me."

"Maybe" Lum started, "you're such a vortex of bad luck that these lizards are naturally drawn to you because they're seen in a bad light as well." Ataru scorned at her, and she stuck her tongue out with a happy joking face. Regardless, Ataru knew what to do. He turned to Lum so his lizards would, then he aimed and flicked his tongue out at her. Twenty slimy lizard tongues impacted her from the side, sending her floating through the air in total shock, shaking and nearly knocking her wrists together.

"You alright?" Ataru asked insincerely. She was shaking and holding herself, still in shock, but she was able to slowly turn her head and drain her rage by spontaneously latching onto Ataru and frying him. The lizards mimicked his painful contracting arms and legs as the voltage lit him up like a light bulb.

* * *

"I'm angry at you" Ataru said, spitting out smoke as he and Lum stepped back in front of the UFO. Lum was lovingly holding onto his arm and walking alongside him. Both of them decided to ignore that the lizards were following them. Suddenly, Lum's body was jerked down as Ataru had stepped into a large, black hole in the ground.

"You okay?" Lum shouted obnoxiously. Ataru lifted himself up, using Lum as a floating ledge, and brushed himself off.

"Huh. This wasn't here before, was it?" Ataru asked. Lum shrugged, but she knew how it did get there even before it flew down to admit it.

"Lum!" Ten cried. "I'm sorry! Please, don't zap me."

"Oh, Ten-chan" Lum cooed, floating up and taking Ten in a hug. "I'm not mad at you. And look, I found Darling!" She was much happier about that than the fact that the lizards seemed to be gone. What's more, the ones that followed her and Ataru refused to step beyond the brush line.

"Yeah, hi" Ten apathetically greeted. He felt Lum's nails start to cautiously tighten, so he reiterated himself with a much brighter tone. "Ataru! So good to see you again!" Ataru glared at Lum, but she was happy and let the infant float on his own again to pant heavily.

"Well," Ataru started, walking up the burnt slope, "I guess we should rally the troops again."

"Yup" Lum said, still cheerful. Ataru decided to be nice for once and leaned against the UFO wall.

"We'll save them Lum" he said with iron resolve. "I promise that I'll do anything I can to help." Lum became speechless over her Darling's uncharacteristic chauvinistic words. She still could think of anything to say and she didn't want to kiss him and make him angry again, so she settled for a surprise embrace which he seemed to tolerate.

"Thank you" she said. Ataru smiled, glad to help, and reached up for the door. Unfortunately, the weight that had shifted during Ten's catastrophic fireball had loosened the ground under the already unstable UFO, and a loud creaking was heard. Ataru and Lum watched grimly as the entire structure started to precariously tip over and fall down the chasm below with a heavy crash...

* * *

"AH! Wha-what..." Mendo stuttered as he shot himself up from the floor. Everything looked wrong. Firstly, everyone was unconscious, especially Ryuunosuke and Benten who had large punch bruises on their faces coupled with the large lumps they shared with everyone else. Second, Mendo woke up on the ceiling, not the floor. "Is anyone alright?" Mendo asked. A few audible groans were heard from Asuka under a pile of rubble, Tobimaro in another room and Shingo from the far back.

"Quick survey" Mendo shouted, being the only one unhurt enough to act at all. "Who thinks this is Moroboshi's fault?" Everyone conscious groaned, and some groaned while still knocked out. "Thank you..." He took a pause to draw in his breath so he could scream loud enough for Ataru on the cliff to hear "MOROBOSHI!!"

Ataru and Lum were white-eye shocked, frozen in the position from just before they watched the entirety of their operations plummet down a cliff.

"That's just bad luck, isn't it Ataru?" Ten mocked.


	21. Kalu's horrible past revealed!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The following evening was calm in the jungle where the Tomobiki gang had huddled together for warmth in the one room that still had an intact floor over it: the kitchen.

"That just figures" Ataru grumped. "The one room that wouldn't get destroyed is Lum's kitchen..." His arrogant insult provoked Lum to hit him repeatedly on the head, but just with her fist so he only winced a little in response.

"OK!" Benten shouted to the huddled mass. "We have our plan of attack, so let's get moving! The castle should be located somewhere along the planet's major river, the _Rigu_." On a holographic map of the nearby planet's digital imaging surface taken from orbit, there was a large blank space of gray that was on the banks of the river that miraculously made a halo around the planet, effectively acting as a huge moat around the castle in question.

"Yo!" Ryuunosuke shouted, raising her hand. Benten fired a blast from a laser gun, shocking Ryuu's hand down.

"No questions" Benten said. "We depart now!" With a snap of her fingers, Benten summoned from the wreckage a perfectly intact speed-built jet-bike. She signaled her team to hop on and they prepared to speed off. "We'll meet you guys later!" Benten yelled. The bike's jets caused a huge gust of air that nearly knocked everyone down. The bike left sight quickly, heading the apparent North. Inaba extended his hand out for Shinobu and they both walked to the only pillar of twisted space-steel that could support a door.

"Will this be alright?" Shinobu asked. "You said you still couldn't completely control your powers..."

"Don't be scared" Inaba said reassuringly. "As long as we're together we'll be fine." His warmth melted her fear, and she nodded letting him create a door out of nowhere that led into nothingness. The both hopped in and the door slammed shut behind them, quickly disappearing from existence as well.

"That leaves us on foot" Mendo said, looking at his sister, his menacing rival and the two floating Oni in the air.

"Right!" Lum said enthusiastically. "Let's move out! To the castle!" With heroic poise, she pointed in mid-air. However, she was pointing the wrong way, so Ataru turned her around to the actual north.

"Wait!" Shingo shouted, leaving everyone's face on the ground because they had forgotten about him again.

"Brother!" Ryoko blared, "Make it a priority to put a bell on your bodyguard! He nearly gave me a heart attack that time!"

"How can I help it?" Mendo asked, getting back up and rubbing his head. "I never know where he is either!"

"North is this way!" Shingo said, pointing in the approximate direction that Benten had thereafter jetted off in.

"Yeah" Ataru butted in, "we know that!"

"No" Shingo said, "but North isn't our destination. North-East is!" Everyone looked at him curiously. He paced over the broken gravel of the walls and floors to the holograph of the surrounding topography. "We're here" Shingo noted, pointing to the approximate area where the UFO had crashed, "and the castle seems to be over here." The group looked on, astounded at the stand-alone fact that Shingo was communicating without being a grammatic trip mine. "So, if the wreckage is currently facing the West, we need to travel that way" he pointed "in a straight line through the jungle!" To Shingo's curiosity, no one applauded.

"Shingo" Mendo began. "You're right, but you mixed up 'East' with 'West'..." A sweat drop accumulated from Shingo's head.

"Yeah" He admitted bashfully, "I always get those two screwed up here and there. Heh." Despite his best intentions and bashfully goofy mood, everyone else still fell to the ground with bottling rage.

* * *

"Yo, Benten!" Ryuunosuke shouted over the whipping winds, clutching her driver's iron stomach tight.

"What?" she shouted back.

"Can you loan me a bike when we get back to Earth?" She asked.

"HA! No chance!" Benten replied. "These things cost insane money, and my planet's economy is a hundred times stronger than yours! Save up for a few lifetimes and I'll rent you one!" Benten's devious bartering ways reminded Ryuunosuke of her father so much she decided to elbow the driver in the back of the head. Even with her crash-tested helmet on, Benten still felt the blow.

"I'm a bit curious as to something myself" Tobimaro politely interjected, clinging to Ryuunosuke's manly belly from behind. "What did Lum do to this Kalu girl that provoked her so much?"

"I had the same thought!" Asuka screamed over the wind, her strength suit making her arms bore into her brother's gut like leather straps tied to a lead weight.

"Wall" Benten said, gathering her thoughts, "I remember when Kalu formed this grudge, way back in middle school..."

* * *

After the last incident with some random explosives at school, Kalu returned in crutches and full body bandages. She hobbled her way down the halls of school, her personal guard carrying her books for her, straight down to the after-school meeting of the War Games club. She had her soldiers kick down the door, which caught the attention of all the students. Among them were Lum and Benten with Oyuki as an audience and Ran providing snacks.

"Oh, there you are!" Benten cheered at the fuming girl. "We were just talking about you! Guys, this is-"

"Don't you dare patronize me!" Kalu growled evilly. "Because of you four demons, I have been injured for life! My bones may heal over time and these burns may go away," she paused, reaching up for her face bandages and yanked them off. "But my pride will never live again!!" Indeed, her pride was gone. The only proper sized face-cast the hospital could supply was that of a silly-looking crow with wide, googly eyes that had been braced to her head to prevent any more of her face from getting broken. Despite her harshness in tone and the silence of the rest of the gathered students, there were just enough immature young students to fill the room with mocking laughter.

"She looks like a bird!" one student cackled.

"A stupid one at that!" another added. Her anger was such that steam started to rise off her hot-pink hair. She shot her hand up into the air and, with but a snap of her fingers, signaled her men form inside and outside the building to open catastrophic fire on the room. Tanks from outside blew the entire wing to pieces, while Kalu's men shielded her from the debris. When the dust settled and the rock ceased to crackle, Kalu's victory was taken from her as well.

"You," Benten started, standing up from the onslaught of fire with a bazooka in arm, "you dumb little jerk..." Kalu's head darted around to see Ran also rising up with a then uncharacteristic air of total murderous intent and malice, also wielding a gun. Lum was of course in the air and crackling with static. And Oyuki, angry as ever, was surrounded by ice. "How dare you crash our MEETING!!" Benten let loose a hail of rocket fire which Kalu nimbly dodged by waddling and slipping away on her crutches. Her men got the force of the blast and flew away in trails of smoke. As Kalu clicked and clacked her way away, many laser blasts went past her from Ran's gun.

"You think cooking for all those loud-mouths is easy!?" Ran shrieked, firing away with her deadly automatic gun. Kalu screamed in terror and kept on hobbling at top speed. From even within her steel mask, she could smell the evil stink of ozone filling the air.

"I really liked this outfit!" Lum screamed from above, referring to the minor scorch marks her bikini ensemble suffered from the battery. A blast of white lightning sheered through the sky and impacted directly on and into Kalu, who happened to be wearing conductive instruments as part of her 'recovery'. As she lay twitching in a smoky crater, the air began to chill.

"You are an unforgivable young girl" Oyuki said, circling her on a descending spiral of ice. The ground began to freeze under her, and Kalu started to freeze along with it. Her last image was that of the angry four girls looming over her with weapons in hand, the closest being the horrifically apathetic Oyuki as the ice solidified in a terrible coffin around her. Minutes later, a space-age carriage arrived.

"Oh, no!" yelled a boy in dramatic form. Out stepped a young, masked Luko, who rushed over to the scene with a girly skip in time to watch Kalu get cut and pried out of the main body of ice. Her face, masked though it was, still made Luko gasp in terror. "Oh, my poor sweet fiancée. Who has done this to you!?" Kalu's best efforts to move from her frozen prison went unnoticed. She as placed within a space-ambulance and jetted off to her normal hospital.

"Dumb little...so-and-so" Benten muttered, watching the girl get carried away. The young, blue-haired man cam over and hearkened upon the young girls.

"Hark!" Luko began, throwing up his arm dramatically. "Have any of you maidens witnessed such a villainy that took the life of my dear you fiancée, princess Kalu?" The girls all looked at each other and made a silent vow to hide the truth.

"Uh...no" Lum said. "Who knows what happened?" Her shrug and over-acting only made her friends more wizened to her obvious acting, but Luko was obviously fooled.

"I shall haste" he began, "and discover to doers of this heinous deed. And may their blood" he continued, pulling out his sword, "fill the rivers of passion!" And so, Luko skipped off to inquire the rest of the student body and faculty about what had happened. The girls made their own hasty getaway to their respective homes, overhearing the clueless boy disregarding everyone's correct testimony.

* * *

"I guess that's my best guess" Benten concluded. Ryuunosuke was disgusted under her helmet at the over-violence that had been used.

"Well" Ryuunosuke started under her breath, "not wonder she's so hateful..."

"It couldn't be helped!" Benten shouted sternly. "That little ... wrecked our club room!" One particular word from the angry girl's mouth was silenced over the rushing air that sped by. Ryuunosuke took a new look upon her friend, weirded out by her vindictiveness over such petty things like that...

* * *

Meanwhile, Shinobu and Inaba tip-toed through the space between spaces.

"Are we going the right way?" Shinobu asked. Inaba scratched at his cheek.

"It's hard to tell" he started "way from way in here. We may not be going any which-way at all anymore!" He laughed nervously, trying to offset Shinobu's sinking feeling of dread. It wasn't working.

Meanwhile once more, Lum and her team carved their way through the thick jungle, with Ataru's loyalist lizards stalking behind.

"Are we sure this is the right way?" Lum asked as Mendo cut through the brush.

"I am" Mendo demanded. He tilted his head and asked Shingo to his side "are you sure this is the right way?" Shingo took a moment to gauge the sky, then nodded. Mendo was satisfied and kept pushing forward, but then Shingo began to question himself. He took a pause to analyze the sky and plot out their course based on their current travel, but he still ended with a shrug and continued after his team.


	22. Busting in and Breaking out

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Speeding along through the sky, Benten and her crew of Ryuunosuke, Tobimaro and Asuka drew ever closer to the castle perimeter. With the target in sight, Benten took the opportunity to brief the soldiers at her back on safety proceedings for their guns.

"You know" Ryuunosuke started, taking her bazooka up to her shoulder, "I had a different image of 'mild explosives' in mind than this."

"Yeah" Tobimaro commented, eying his field mortar, "this is much less 'mild' and more...excessive."

"I thought I told you" Benten answered "that our explosives were less mild than Lum's."

"Uh, Miss Benten?" Asuka cooed form the back of the cruiser motorcycle, "I have no gun."

"Sweety" Benten said sweetly, "you don't need a gun. You're the least mild explosive we have!" Tobimaro made a yelping shout at the apparent idea of just tossing his sister down and watching her explode on the castle walls.

"No way!" Tobimaro shouted in protest. "You're not sending my little sister into battle with the intent to have her destroyed! I won't let you!" Benten, who received the shouting, just threw her helmet back let it smack Tobimaro in the face. He nearly fell of if not for his sister's death grip.

"Eh, shut up" Benten responded. "She's not a literal bomb, she's a powerhouse. With her power and ridiculous fear of men that drives her into a berserk of destruction, she's a figurative powder-keg!"

"I think our guns are more powerful than gunpowder" Ryuunosuke pointed out, trying to make another argument.

"Gunpowder?" Benten said curiously. "No, Exploding powder! Used by the Fukujin military to propel ships into orbit and level cities!" Ryuunosuke blinked a few times at the statement, then looked back at Asuka who was whining in panic over her bleeding, unconscious brother.

"This won't end well" Ryuunosuke predicted.

"Here we are!" Benten shouted, reviving Tobimaro. Just on the other side of the wide river that had a flock of large sea dinosaurs swimming in it was a castle. The huge structure seemed to be made of either stone and cement or of some other super-hard space metal that had the appearance of stone and cement.

"Heads up!" Benten shouted, arming her shoulder-mounted cannon. A shot was fired, a missile spiraled through the air, and a portion of the castle's wall exploded out in a cloud of dust and fragmented rock bits.

"It's really made of stone!?" Ryuunosuke shouted. Benten flipped a switch on her bike, then on her boots, and hopped off more than a few hundred feet above the ground. Ryuunosuke watched on in a panic as Benten gracefully glided down, then flipped over and landed on her feet. An explosive cloud of dust kicked up as the bike sped away to the west side of the castle, near where the hole in the wall was. Benten stepped up out of her crater perfectly fine, with her cannon rested on her shoulder and another gun in her hand. She continued to march on, keeping her eyes hidden in a shadow, until a group of mildly-armed guards came and aimed their blasters at her.

"Surrender, intruder!" the guards demanded. Benten raised her head slowly, revealing her evil smirk and glaring white eyes angled from her furrowed brow. It was enough of a slow fright that most of the guards became stunned in fear.

"P-put your weapons down!" some guard foolishly shouted. Benten refused to comply, instead raising up the large battle-equipped automatic and aiming down the line at the guard across from her. The wind sopped for a moment, heightening the suspense and tempting Benten's trigger finger. "I'm warning...you" the guard whimpered. Benten's smile grew slowly and, without warning, a loud hail of shots started blasting out from her gun. She swept the barrel along the line, hitting and downing every guard that was there. The bullets continued to zip along exploding upon impact with anything. When the chaos was finally over, Benten walked across the threshold of unmoving bodies and retrieved a bullet. Then she ate it.

"Exploding-shell beans" she said to herself. "Delicious if you can get to them!" She cocked her gun, checked her ammo, and continued on towards the castle seeing the rest of her team already at work demolishing it without her.

* * *

"Inaba?" Shinobu said fearfully. "Are you sure this is the right direction?" Inaba and Shinobu were walking through a curiously dense area of subspace populated by dramatically disproportionate monsters from what would seem to be a child's pop-up book. Never the less, the constant melodramatic moaning and creepy monster caricatures creeped her out, but not Inaba.

"Yes, I'm quite sure" he reassured. "It was a left at the twelve-headed centipede, then down at ninety degrees from the haunted closet." Shinobu peeked around at all the anomalies that her boyfriend ignored so callously and cringed.

"Whatever" she whined, "let's just hurry!"

* * *

Deep in the guts of Kalu's fortress, Sakura was being detained and starved in a quiet, dark cell guarded by elite soldiers.

"So, how's life?" on guard asked the other.

"Meh" he responded "I can't complain. I wish I had better hours, though."

"Yeah" the other replied. "We don't get paid nearly enough sometimes."

"I think she just switches shifts to piss us off" the guard complained. Sakura sat in her cell and listened to all this stupidity while she tried to concentrate her powers on the spy she sent out. She sat in a praying pose and her vision slowly blurred and swapped to that of her lantern-demon spy. It hovered through the halls, turning its light on and off intermittently. Some guards who saw it out of the corner of their eyes assured themselves they were just hallucinating.

"You saw it too, right?" one guard shouted, Sakura's demon overhearing them. "It was a ghost, or something."

"Don't be an idiot" his fellow at arms responded.

"We'll be ghosts if Kalu catches us off guard." one guard retorted.

"Worse yet" the frightened one said "if Luko catches us slacking..."

"...he'll kill us with a speech and bore us to death" the other guard whimpered. Sakura commanded her demon to continue down the hall. Everything looked like the same rustic, medieval castle interior as it hovered about, looking for an exit as Sakura mapped her way. Suddenly, the demon picked up a noise. Sakura decided to track that noise by summoning a small demon with large ears that resembles a mouse with headlights. The lantern became dormant and hung from the rafters of the deep hallway while the mouse pursued the noise.

"Get me down!" the rough but feminine voice shouted from another cell in the dungeon prison. "If you don't get me down-"

"What?" a guard next to the cell taunted. "You'll smother me with your man-chest?" The other guard cackled evilly along with his cohort.

"A guy in a girls dress" he mocked. "Only a moron would think you're a chick!"

"Shut up!" Nagisa shouted, chained to the wall with his boxers exposed. "I was raised as a lady but I can kick any guys butt physically! Besides, you can't threaten me. I'm already dead!" The guards continued to laugh, with Sakura listening, and she decided to break her focus and make her move. First, she summoned up a frog demon in the same room far away and another one in her cell. The frogs would act as a portal where one would eat her and the other would vomit her. A surefire move that she held off for a truly desperate opportunity because it was disgusting. So, she canceled her connection with hre demons and crouched down in front of the frog while her guards were still talking away.

"Have you invested in the new wing project yet?" one guard asked the other.

"No" he responded. "i don't see the benefits for me to invest-"

"**GEROOOO!...GULP!"** From within the cage, that strange sound roared out.

"She never stops being hungry, does she?" the startled guard asked.

"Keep your stomach quiet!" the other yelled over his shoulder. The demon frog hopped into the wall, disappearing, while the exit frog waited in the hall with Sakura peeking out of its mouth.

"Hey, I have an idea" the weaselly guard said aside to his friend. "Let's cut his hair!"

"NOOO! Not that!" Nagisa yelled desperately. Sakura waited for them to enter the cage, then let her exit frog vomit her out with a noisy retching. She plopped onto the floor covered in a sticky, gooey orange bile that she became disgusted at instantly.

"What was that?" the guard asked referencing the frog's vomiting noise. They both went out and saw Sakura, conjuring a continuous stream of demons that flew from her hands and onto the guards faces, gnawing at them noisily with their huge teeth. Nagisa became dizzy from the spiritual energies, but no so much that he couldn't keep awake. Sakura ran in and undid the latches with quick bolts of magical energy.

"Come on!" Sakura shouted to the still wary Nagisa.

"What's happening?" Nagisa asked tiredly as Sakura ran him out. "Are we escaping?"

"Yeah" Sakura assured him. "We just need to find Tsubame and we can get out!"

"What about Miss Ran?" Nagisa asked concernedly. Sakura kept running, but turned her head and pretended she didn't hear the question. "Oh, come on!" Nagisa demanded. "We can't just leave her here!" At the pace Sakura was running down the empty hall, trailing behind her a small army of tiny demons, it looked like they were.

"Just concentrate" Sakura ordered "and help me find Tsubame!"


	23. Ran's Terrible Torture Scene

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

In a small hut on planet Uru, home world of the Oni, a delivery was about to be made. Marked as a priority order from a distant system sent via subspace, the delivery hover-scooter that carried it sped along hastily down the backwood trail. The hut to receive the package was just barely small enough to accommodate one person, or maybe a small dog, and the mail-port was stuffed to brim with various letters. The delivery Oni was personally curious as to how anyone important enough to receive something this important could live in the middle of nowhere.

"The tip better be worth this drive" the mailman muttered to himself. He pulled up to the front door and pounded on it. There was a pause of silence in the clearing of red-and-purple woods, then a young man opened the door. "Package, sir." the delivery man said. The recipient stared on through him.

"...umm, here?" the delivery boy said nervously as the boy took the package form him. Upon ripping off the wrapping, the boy's eyes shot open. Suddenly, he transformed into a huge tiger-cow and roared contently with his package in his stubby paws. This prompted the delivery Oni to run to his scooter and rocket away.

Rei slammed his door shut and took a single step across his tiny house. He placed his parcel, a basket filled with steaming-warm pastries from far away, onto a small table, and sat down as himself again. Upon opening the wonderful basket, a signal from a tiny camera was transmitted and Kalu watched Rei eating all of her own confectionery goodies. Of course the entire charade would have been pointless without a victim in the mix, so she also had Ran acting as her personal ottoman to watch Rei watch another woman's food.

* * *

"No Rei, don't!" Ran shouted. "They're poisoned!"

"No they're not!" Kalu shouted defensively, kicking Ran into submission. "They're just too good for him to resist."

"Now way!" Ran spat. "Rei loves Ran and Ran's cooking! No matter what you decide to shove in his mouth he'll never forget how good my food tastes!" Regardless to her testimony, Rei continued to swallow and gulp down each individual piece of food that was in the never-ending basket.

"Now observe" Kalu said, reaching over to a button next to her seat in front of the screen. She pressed it and a noise came from around her and the screen at the same time. "Is it good, Rei?" she asked. Her voice came from the screen as well, and Rei was seen darting his head about briefly before resuming eating. "Hah! I'd say that's a yes."

"Don't eat anymore, Rei!" Ran shouted in vain. "It's not you Ran's cooking! It tastes vile and stupid!" Kalu kicked her head and grinded her boot heel into Ran's hair.

"Silence, you captive little wench!" Kalu ordered. "You have little choice but to watch your man consume my food!"

"I doubt you even cooked anything!" Ran shouted. "You probably had your servants cook it for you!"

"What's wrong with that?" Kalu asked.

"If you don't bake with love" Ran began, "than nothing will taste good! Rei knows that! Look!" On the screen, Rei had stopped eating and was holding his mouth. Kalu was almost ready to look up in disgust that her plan had failed to stir up Ran's temper, but all he was doing was pushing the overflowing food back into his mouth. Kalu sat back down, but was still in a state of disgust.

"Ew" Kalu huffed.

"No..." Ran sadly. She lowered her head, refusing to watch her lovely Rei consume any more of Kalu's food. Kalu sat back happily, feeling the warmth of her victorious capture and subsequent torture running up from her leather boots.

"...wait..." Kalu said. It was one word too late. Ran's rage was manifesting in a dangerous, violent way. The metal braces that held her wrists down suddenly snapped off. Her leg restraints were torn apart by the force of the red-head shooting up onto her feet and roaring beastly.

"AAAAAARRRRRR!!" Ran screamed with glowing eyes of hate. Kalu pushed the 'Call Guard' button on her throne as she quivered and curled up in fear. Ran heard the click and darted around, stealing Kalu's gun as she shrieked and tried to feebly bat her aggressor away.

"You're pathetic" Ran said, glaring at Kalu down the ray-gun's narrow sight. "You honestly think I'd let you feed my hubby without retaliation? I'll singe off your taste buds for what you've done..." Ran continued darkly glowering down at the quivering princess, keeping her devilishly sadistic facade up until she skipped straight to the other end of her bi-polar continuum and cutely finished "...and Ran and Rei will live happy-ever-after forever!"

"YOU'RE INSANE!" Kalu screamed.

"Tough!" Ran cutely replied. "I'll still kill you!" Just then the guards of Kalu came in through every available opening in the room, which happened to be plenty for a safehouse. All their guns at the ready and aimed at Ran, the lead guard issued the basic decree.

"Freeze and drop you weapon!" This order wasn't enough to make Ran consider her position. Instead, she just slyly huffed with a smile, keeping her gun aimed.

"Or what" she venomously replied, "little man?" The glint from Ran's rage-filled eye was enough to cause the poor guard to suffer a mild heart attack and fall over unconsciously. The guards around him backed away and considered putting their guns down.

"She-" one of the stuttered. "She has weird powers!"

"No she doesn't!" Kalu interjected, "She's just super-bipolar! NOW TACKLE HER!"

"YES MA'AM!" Her guards, obviously undaunted by mental unevenness in women, rushed the unprepared Ran and pinned her to the ground. In her last act of defense, she fired her gun which was aimed straight up at the time, before Kalu retrieved it angrily.

"What do you think you're doing!?" Kalu snapped at Ran. "You're my hostage. You don't get a gun!"

"AH! Help!" Ran shrilled. "Ran's back is going to break! Your troopers are all too fat!"

"They aren't fat" Kalu defended, "they're just undisciplined." The guards all scowled silently at their princess. "Besides, it defeats the purpose of torture if you don't watch the screen! Now tun around and-" a loud crackle and snap came for the screen. Rei, having eaten everything in the bottomless basket of goods, had found the tiny concealed camera within it and was about to eat it. Then he ate it and the feed went to static. Ran turned around long enough to see Kalu's efforts get destroyed and was able to shout out her own retort.

"HAH!"

* * *

Meanwhile, down in the dungeon, Sakura and Nagisa searched for Tsubame by randomly running from hallway to hallway and corridor to corridor. So far the plan wasn't working and they were both getting quickly out of breath.

"Okay" Nagisa began. "I think I can find him if he uses his powers."

"Are you sure?" Sakura said, panting a little. Nagisa nodded. "Well, I'm not sure how we can get his powers to activate...well, there is one way I guess."

"What?" Nagisa asked.

"Can you track him based on something else's energy?" Sakura asked. Nagisa thought for a moment, then nodded. Sakura turned around and removed a sutra from out of Nagisa's sight, not seeing that Nagisa still thought about his answer to the question. Sakura finished her spell by taking out her lighter and flambeing the sutra instantaneously.

"Now then" Sakura started again. Nagisa snapped to attention. "Do you remember the little pixie Tsubame had with him?" Nagisa put a thoughtful finger to his chin and concentrated hard.

"Yes" he replied. "Ariel, right?"

"Close enough" Sakura confirmed. "Can you hone in on her signal, or...whatever?"

"'whatever'? Aren't you a priestess for real?" Nagisa questioned. "Shouldn't you know how spirits work?"

"JUST DO IT!" Sakura bellowed. Nagisa jumped frightfully, then gathered himself and concentrated. A vein pumped in his forehead as the feint signature of the tiny fairy somewhere in the dungeon. Somewhere...

"Over there" Nagisa pointed. Sakura started jogging off in that direction with Nagisa behind her. Her smile returned and fused with her stern gaze, giving her a wildly confident sense as she ran down to dank halls. In that direction, Tsubame was in his cell, chatting with his guards.

"So, what, about here?" a guard asked, holding his hands a little closer to his chest then before.

"About" he said. The guards whistled at him

"Nice" the skinny guard complemented. "I'll bet they look ever better in the light though, right?"

"Sakura always looks nice to me" Tsubame said. "She and I click in a way, we're compatible on so many levels."

"Maybe that's because your both magic!" the less skinny guard pointed out jovially. His fellow guard snickered with him. Tsubame chuckled along, drifting back off into a blissful state as he thought about his fiancée. Then, just as calm came to him, his hat fell off.

"That's odd" Tsubame noted. "I could swear Sakura magically tethered this hat to my head." The guards looked up on his head in amazement. Eukeriel was sleeping comfortably in the matted-down section of Tsubame's hair she made for herself. Tsubame's mind finally picked back up, and he reached up to scoop u the pixie he had forgotten about for so long. "That's right!" he shouted. "Sakura got unreasonably jealous with her and sealed her inside my hat, then sealed my hat to my head!"

"...huh..." the skinny one grunted.

"At least your relationship is never boring" the other guard noted.

"ugh..." the little fairy grunted feeling the cold, damp air of the jail hitting her. "Wha? Where? Whom?"

"Morning" Tsubame said. Eukeriel looked down and saw, for the first time in what felt like days, her master's manly face.

"Master!!" she shouted with glee, fluttering her wings and flying down into his face. "I thought I'd die in your hat!"

"Well" Tsubame admitted hesitantly, "you probably wouldn't be the last thing then. What with Sakura's penchant for random, wild fits of rage she might seal a dog in its own house if I gave it any attention at all. Hahaha!" Everyone laughed at his own snippet at Sakura's expense, unaware that Sakura was already there and her eyes bulged with rage.

"Found him!" Nagisa shouted. The guards both jumped, and upon seeing Sakura, Tsubame jumped and hit his head on the ceiling.

"S-s-Sakura!" he stuttered at the enraged woman.

"You're Sakura?" The skinny guard asked. His coworker measured her chest by eye and sized up to the earlier estimate.

"Yeah, it seems about right." Without explanation, Sakura hurled two bolts of sparkling magic that threw the guards away. Then, glaring at Tsubame, she wrenched off the cell bars and picked him up with her leg.

"Sakura, you're alright! Thank-" Tsubame was cut off when Sakura kicked him away and into Nagisa, who didn't move at all. Tsubame slid off him like egg off a wall while Sakura used her magic to tie up the guards.

"Yeah, 'hello' to you too, babe!" the more masculine one said.

"Okay" Sakura said, making sure her knots were tight, "let's find Ran and leave. Lum still doesn't know she's walking into a trap!" As they ran off with Tsubame drifting behind in Nagisa's hand, the guards took their chance and bid farewell to their former captive.

"See ya Tsubame!"

"Good luck with the wife!" Sakura became surprised at the second shout and turned to Tsubame who had just started running on his own.

"Did you tell them we were already married?" she asked.

"No" he quickly answered. "Of course not." Several seconds passed and Eukeriel returned with her master's hat, handing it off to him as she fluttered onto his shoulder. Tsubame glanced at her, then at Sakura, who still bore her gaze into him. "Yes." Sakura groaned as they continued down the stark and unpopulated corridors of the jail.

Upon nearing the end of the first endless pathway, Nagisa called out to his running mates "Are we there yet?" prompting another loud and aggravated groan from Sakura.


	24. Charging the battlefield of Insanity!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"That's odd" Inaba said, scratching his head in a field of strange shapes and distorted objects. "I could swear there was a door here..."

Shinobu stood shaking, holding herself, and stomped her feet rapidly before letting out a shrill, scared "KYAAAAA!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!"

Meanwhile, still partially lost in the jungle, Lum and her team hurried over to the direction of a building plume of smoke. If Benten was anywhere, she was already attacking the castle with her explosives. To that effect, Lum had instructed her team to prepare their weapons on the go.

"Hurry!" She commanded, snapping together another gun in mid-air. "If we don't come fully prepared we may get overwhelmed!"

"It's not easy" Ataru complained, fumbling around with a gun still dismantled, "when you need to use your arms to run properly.

"Man up, Moroboshi!" Mendo snapped, running freely while Shingo mechanically assembled gun after gun and holstered them on his back.

"Oh, sure" Ataru griped. "You're so weak that you can't build them yourself?"

"Shut up!" Mendo demanded, running faster. "My hands are sore, you nitwit!"

"Leave poor Ataru alone!" Ryoko snapped at her brother, zipping along without any guns in hand.

"And where are your guns?" Mendo asked. Then he noticed Ten, floating above him, quickly palming together a gun that was to large and complex for him to hold.

"I promised him candy if he helped me" Ryoko admitted shamelessly.

"Bad girl!" Lum chided from above. "Ten, don't sell yourself for candy!"

"But it's expensive candy!" Ten argued. "The kind that dead-beat Ataru could never afford! That's what Mendo said." Lum, assuming he was talking about Shutaro and not Ryoko, glared down at the Mendo boy and gave him a light zap in the gut. He fell over on his knees, clutching his static organs in pain, falling far behind the advancing group. Suddenly, they all hit a clearing that dipped very suddenly to a drop that led to a river below. Ataru, being the only one not flying or equipped with wall-climbing gear, tumbled down into the water.

"Gack!" he spat in surprise, finding it difficult to swim.

"Darling!" Lum shouted. She flew down, abandoning her guns to the flatter bank, and offered her hands as Ataru struggled to gain balance.

"What's a river doing here!?" he shouted. Lum strained and grunted to heave him up and out of the water and onto the sloped bank. After that, she bent over and sat beside him to catch her breath with him.

"The castle mus be really close" Lum noted. "This is the moat that goes around it."

"It is!" Shingo shouted from the top of the slope. Mendo came stumbling into the clearing, not knowing about the river, and fell down the slope into the water. "I can see the castle it's over to the west!" he announced as he pointed east.

"I knew he was stupid" Ataru commented.

"Help!" Mendo shouted. No one really cared too much to help him, though. "I can't stay afloat! The current is too strong!"

"See!" Ataru shouted to him. "You are weak! Ha!"

"I'll die!" Mendo shouted. "Please, help Moroboshi!"

"For a price!" Ataru said with a grin.

"Darling!" Lum said disgustedly. "Just help him out." Then Ataru pulled her down by her bikini and got her ear close to his mouth.

"Think about this" Ataru whispered. "I'm broke unless I can manage to steal some pocket change off this chump, and then who gets stuck with the bill on our dates? Just enough to get us through the month or so..." Lum thought about it for a good long second before she hovered back up.

"Take your time, Darling" she sweetly encouraged.

"Damn you" Mendo growled, clinging desperately to the vertical bank. "Both of you!!"

* * *

At the castle steps, the onslaught raged on as Benten and her team continued to siege mercilessly against the stone walls. Fleets of guards kept pouring out from the entrance, only to wind up being additions to the piling mounds of defeated bodies off to the sides of the stairs in front of the castle.

"Keep it up!" Benten shouted over her loud gun, firing away. Ryuunosuke wielded a bazooka and blasted away at the gray stone until she saw a reason to stop in the clearing smoke. A solid, unscathed wall of deep blue steel was under the fragile coating of the rustic rampart walls.

"Crap" she mildly cursed. "Hey, Benten! The walls are steel!"

"No problem" Tobimaro said, stepping in front of her with his mace-bat readily in hand. "With one mighty swing, I shall destroy this wall!" So he wound himself up, preparing a baseball style swipe into the steel wall. His mace grew exponentially, becoming a menacing tower of spiked doom, and with a roar the massive bat barreled through the air. It clanged loudly on the surface of the wall, shaking the entire castle all the way down to the subterranean safehouse.

"What was that!?" Kalu shouted as the walls shook loudly.

"Your highness!" a guard reported. "A group of the invaders is besieging the castle from above!"

"Hurray!" Ran cheered from her binding on the floor.

"Release the land-shark-dinosaurs!" Kalu demanded. "I shall make sure those ruffians are turned to fish food by the end of the day!"

Ran was about to speak, but the loud rumbling cut off the first part of her heated expletive " YOU!"

Back on the ground, Benten had abandoned her priorities and was just beating up some of the guards that were able to slip by her initially.

"Asuka!" Benten shouted to the girl quivering on the ground. "Pick yourself up and get in the game!"

"But" she frightfully mumbled, "there are men everywhere. KYAAAA!"

"Asuka!" Tobimaro protectively shouted. He tried to run for her but was still too shaken to move properly and ran headfirst into a stone section of wall.

"I'll go" Ryuunosuke told him. She sprinted over to Asuka, who was on the verge of tears. "Asuka, what's wrong?" Ryuunosuke comforted.

"There's men everywhere" Asuka sobbed, clutching Ryuunosuke in a death grip. "I'm so scared..."

"You shouldn't be scared, Asuka' Ryuunosuke wheezed out. "These guys are pushovers." Asuka let go and saw a random man approaching from behind. With her martial-arts honed senses, Ryuunosuke caught him in time and stopped him with her foot. Then, with a push, he went flying far across the battlefield, blowing apart a mound of bodies like a grenade in a pile of manure. "See?"

Asuka, pleased with how easily her Big Brother handled the man, nodded confidently and got up. "They're nothing to worry about." she mantra'd to herself.

"That's right" Ryuunosuke cooed.

"They're nothing to--"

"Gotcha!" a guard gruffed from behind, taking the dainty Asuka in a subduing hold. For a moment, her mind was blank, then unbridled fear overtook her and she screamed.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" and her scream was so loud that Ataru and his compatriots could hear it as they ran onward to the castle. It was loud enough to unsettle the remaining stone and mortar on the upper levels of the castel walls, causing it all to fall off. It was so loud that Ryuunosuke and the guard clutching Asuka went temporarily deaf. Then Asuka grabbed his arms and threw him into the sky. He didn't fall back down. "MEEEEEENNNNN!!"

"Asuka, calm down!" Ryuunosuke shouted in vain. Asuka went berserk across the open area, flailing her arms a light speed with her strength-decreasing suit turned off by Benten.

"There's our explosives" she said, holding a guard or two under her foot. More guards came out of the castle, very reluctantly, before darting quickly back inside. "Now's our chance!" Benten shouted to her troops. "Storm the castle!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Ryuunosuke shouted. Tobimaro got up and wobbled a little. "What about Asuka?" Benten looked over at the girl, still rampaging her heart away, and then ran forward without a response. "Oh come on! She can't do this by herself!"

"She won't have to!" a gallant, arrogant voice said. Ryuunosuke turned and saw Mendo, dripping wet, with his laser sword activated and in hand. "You go on ahead, Miss Ryuunosuke, and I shall defend you."

"Thanks bud" Ryuunosuke said before sprinting off. "See ya!" That was it. Ryuunosuke caught up with Benten and both manly-women charged into the castle weaponless except for their fists of fury while Mendo watched them go. Hearing the chaotic, vibrating shrills of Asuka, Mendo turned and charged for her.

"Asuka!" Mendo called. Asuka stopped for a moment and looked over, seeing her beloved Big Brother running towards her. "Are you alright!?"

"Oh, Mendo!" She said compassionately. "Yes, I- KYAAAA!!" Mendo looked at he curiously as to why she screamed, but then he heard it. There was a shrill, deep growling from behind him as well as the hot, damp breath of some huge creature. Reluctantly, he turned around, and came eye to pitch-black eye with a large dinosaur. Roughly four times Mendo's height with a long, grinning mouth of razor sharp teeth and tiny arm, standing on thick legs fit for a tyrannosaur; the dreaded _Sharkosaurus-Rex_ of the planet.

* * *

"That looks bad" Ataru noted from the distant bank edge, hanging on and watching Mendo shriek girlishly and run around. Asuka soon followed in his routine, then Tobimaro in the distance after seeing the monster he was sized up against.

"You think they'll die?" Lum asked, floating just under the bank to watch.

"I hope not" Ataru said. "Mendo owes me thirty-million yen!"

"Come on!" Ryoko said, pulling up Shingo. "We have to help them!"

"Oh, feel free!" Lum offered politely. "Darling, Ten and I will stay here until the coast is clear."

"Alright" Shingo said, grasping Ryoko's hand and preparing to run. "Don't say we didn't warn you, though..."

"What's that mean?" Ataru asked. "We're safe here."

"Well, Grandpa says it all the time in situations like this" Shingo explained, obviously referencing movies with dramatic scenes such as this. Lum shooed him away as he sped off with Ryoko behind him.

"Wait, change of plans!" Ryoko begged, trying to break his grip. "I want to go back! I love life!"

"Cheer up!" Shingo shouted sternly. "And have a pleasant tomorrow!" Ryoko looked at him oddly as he stopped and hoisted her up over his head. "Get ready!"

"For what!?" she demanded. Shingo raised a leg and leaned back. Just as the monster noticed him, he hurled the screaming Ryoko at its head. She latched on for dear life, glad its face was so expansive but dreading when she found out how slippery it was.

"Shingo!" she shouted as the creature whipped its head around. "I'll kill you!!"

"That's the spirit!" Shingo shouted back. "Now aim for the head and go straight on til morning!"

"Stop talking!" Mendo demanded as he ran past. "Right now!"

"Monster!" Asuka shrieked from away. "It's not a man-monster, is it!?"

Ryoko formulated a fiendish plan of attack upon hearing Asuka speak so fearfully. "Why yes! I'm certain it is!" she shouted. Asuka screamed yet again, just as Tobimaro arrived, and she latched grimly onto him, forcing him to the ground as he felt the pressure build on his already weakened bones.

"Save me!" she pleaded into his chest. The chaos continued at a similar pace, so Ataru decided to sit on the edge of the bank peacefully with Lum.

"Your plan seems to be going well" he said. Lum sensed the sarcasm in his voice and pushed him back down the bank again.


	25. The Sharkosaurus versus Team Lum

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Sakura sneaked along through the widening corridors with Nagisa and Tsubame close behind. They gave up on finding Ran quite a while ago, but managed to free several other alien prisoners who seemed grateful. Finally, after lavishly-decorated hall upon hall, Sakura found a door.

"Thank god!" Sakura exclaimed. "Let's go."

"Wait!" Nagisa warned in a hush. "I can sense a very malicious intent beyond that door. It could be Kalu...or something else."

"If it's that little girl" Sakura growled "then I'll let her know what 'malicious intent' really is!"

"Sakura" Tsubame said fearfully, "you're a frightful priestess." To the ghost-man's heed, Sakura cracked the door only a little. Inside was a sparsely but brightly furnished room. On a throne against the center wall sat Kalu on her throne, and tied up with chains all around her and in her mouth was Ran right next to her. "Oh...there she is" Sakura quietly noted. Suddenly, Kalu bent back in her chair and laughed, kicking her legs and pointing forward. Ran struggled in vain.

"Did you see their faces?" Kalu said, still laughing her sentence. "They nearly jumped out of their skin!" Ran continued to writhe about in her binding. Sakura noticed that she was watching a screen of some kind, but couldn't make out what was on it. For the idea, she pulled Tsubame aside.

"Sweety" she said, sternly, "can you switch vision with Eukeriel?"

"Uh..." Tsubame grunted, confused. She never brought her up with any positive inflection before. "I suppose it's possible..."

"Have her fly behind the girl" Sakura instructed "and see what she's watching."

"Fine!" Eukeriel shouted, kicking off Tsubame's hat. Everyone hit the floor, afraid that her loudness had alerted someone to their presence. Sakura crawled over to the door and peered through again, but Kalu was far to intently engaged in watching her program. "I'll do it, but not for you!" she chided at Sakura. Then, the fairy dashed off and appeared right behind the pink-headed girl instantly. Tsubame softly clapped his hands together and muttered a silent chant. His eyes started to glow a bit, as did the fairy's. Then, Tsubame saw what she did: a camera feed from outside where the kids were being chased by a monster of some kind.

* * *

"OH GOD!" Tobimaro screamed, running at full speed. "Does this thing never stop!?"

"Just keep running!" Mendo commanded as the beast catching up to them roared. "Ignore your broken ribs and RUN!" The beast made a lunge, taking a small jump forward towards Tobimaro, but he dodged into the forest where the creature wouldn't chase him. He peered out through the leaves and watched as it bent back and roared at him again.

"Why not a shark?" Tobimaro asked the heavens. "Why not a dinosaur? Either of those and I might be comfortable to fight it but _BOTH!?_ Someone up there doesn't like us, Shu-chan." Mendo glared over at him, biting his tongue to keep from insulting his weary friend.

_This is troublesome _Mendo thought _I will admit that, but there's nothing to stop me from blaming Ataru Moroboshi for this! Perhaps I can get him in this fight and let the thing here finish him off!_

"Personally" Mendo started, a bit arrogantly, "I blame Ataru for all this!" Tobimaro stared through only half-open eyes at Mendo's remark. "Oh yes! That fiendish moron of a man! The very Galactic Core from which all negative karma exudes! The king of cowardly idiots and the prince of all---" He would have gone one, but Ataru's hammer shut his face up.

"I don't like where you're going!" Ataru brashly yelled, sheathing his hammer once more.

"Yeah!" Lum shouted, hanging on a tree branch behind them all. "Darling is not a coward!"

"What about that other stuff?" Ataru asked, derisively staring at her. Lum met his gaze for a moment, then neutrally looked off into the sky. "You're kidding!!!" he shouted.

"Looks bad" Ryuunosuke observed, lying on her stomach and freely kicking her legs in the air.

"We should help" Benten said, sitting against the broken wall with her gun against her shoulder.

"Yeah" Ryuunosuke sighed. "We should..."

"KYAAA!" screamed the shrill voice of Asuka. Both the fierce girls were perked straight up, eager on all tenses to help out the fragile, berserk girl.

"Asuka!" Ryuunosuke shouted. She increased her suit's power and jumped from the steps straight to the fearful girl. "You okay?" she asked. Asuka kept quivering and whimpering, keeping her hands in front of her face defensively.

"Don't let it touch me!" She pleaded tearfully. "It's a horrible man-monster! It'll eat me!!"

"Well, yeah, that's what monsters do!" Ryuunosuke said, making little effort to comfort her. She took her by the shoulders and quickly escorted her away. Asuka and Ryuunosuke fled, attracting the monster's attention. It roared violently and began to chase after them. That's when Benten, with her trusty trigger-finger, shot a pod of missiles at the beast's head.

* * *

"How do ya like that!?" Benten shouted, propping her cannon up next to her. The best simply shook off the pain and glared over at her with its dead, doll eyes. It was about to make another berserk charge, headfirst at the plate-mailed girl, when its leg got caught on something. From the brush, Ataru had extended his hammer and secured the blunt mace end against a tree, using it as a perfectly sturdy trip wire that the monster fell over nicely.

"Hah!" Ataru shouted, mockingly at Mendo. "That's better than anything _you've_ done!"

"Yay!" Both Lum and Ten cheered from the trees. "Fight on!" Ataru retracted and settled his hammer arrogantly on his shoulder, and accepted the praise with a haughty grin. Meanwhile, the monster struggled to get back up, tossing and kicking about with its powerful legs. Shingo and Ryoko, who had hidden themselves in the shadows until now, took the opportunity to attack together. They both took out and charged their electric batons to maximum power.

"Now's my chance!" Ryoko announced, gallantly flipping over to the monster's head. Shingo sped along from a different angle and they both prepared a synchronized attack.

"Stun Baton!" they both shouted, emphasizing the togetherness of their attack. "CRASH!!!" They both thrusted down hard, hitting the ground and electrocuting themselves.

"Failure tastes like fire" Ryoko noted, being the only one prone to shock. The monster itself ha drolled away, flipping over on its back and bouncing to its feet, just before they could hit it again. Ryoko feared for her life, and Shingo for hers as well seeing that he didn't know what fear really was anymore. The monster roared at them, ready to charge, when Benten launched another volley of explosives from her stoop at the castle steps. Ryuunosuke had rejoined her with Asuka ,and they both had guns pointed at the beast.

"Okay!" Benten shouted to them. "Fire whenever!" Ryuunosuke shot her shoulder-mounted cannon and the missiles barreled through the air, exploding all over the creature's body. It was scorched and burnt a bit, but more importantly it was mad. It roared louder than it had before and started to charge with building speed. "Anytime, hon!" Benten reminded. Asuka, who hadn't fired, just held her crouched pose and aimed, her eyes shaking with building water.

"Pull the trigger, Asuka!" Ryuunosuke encouraged. Asuka, finger twitched, but it wouldn't pull.

"I" she started, almost weeping, "I can't!"

"Yes you can!" Benten encouraged harshly. "Just fire already!" Her hot eyes gave Asuka a jolt of confidence, and with her eyes sternly set forward, she fired her gun which didn't recoil form her powerful grip at all. The rockets shot ahead, but the monster knew by know how to dodge, and flipped over its own feet to the side. Now, it was even closer to the steps than before, and ready to charge up.

"Well, crap!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "Time to run, I guess."

"I never run from a fight!" Benten shouted. The monster roared again, shaking the steel under layer of the castle floors and loosening the dust from the fractured ceiling. "Tactical retreat!" Benten screamed, dashing off through the broken halls.

"How is that different!?" Ryuunosuke shouted after her. The monster continued to stomp after them, with Ryuunosuke dragging Asuka through the air after Benten. As the beast began its stomping up the steps, a rock hit the back of its head. Curious to what would challenge it so stupidly, it turned around. In the open stood Ataru, tossing a rock up and down with his hand, and his mechanical hammer on his Oni-armored shoulder.

"Yo" he casually greeted, clutching and pitching his rock at the monster's head again. Annoyed, the monster growled loudly at him. Ataru activated his mechanical monstrosity and extended his hammer up. The gravitational mechanisms started to click and hum across the open field, unbeknown to the monster that was ready to charge ahead.

"This won't end well" Tobimaro observed.

"Of course not" Mendo added angrily. "Moroboshi only inspires failure." And to that remark, Lum kicked him in the head. The hybrid creature began to charge, and Ataru was ready. He took his hammer in both hands and strongly struck it on the head, forcing its jaw into the ground. Teeth were broken, legs were sprained, and a wave of amazement went everywhere.

* * *

In her room, Kalu had just spit out a large amount of liquid in shock and guards had already come to clean it up. Ran wiggled about in her binding and hummed happily, if only to taunt her angry captor.

"How'd he do that..." Kalu mumbled.

"Amazing!" Tsubame said in a hush, still focusing his vision through the spying fairy.

"What happened now?" Sakura asked.

"Ataru just beat the Shark-Rex like it was nothing!" Tsubame noted. "It was so cool!"

"Ataru?" Sakura said bewildered. "That seems unlikely. Are you sure it wasn't someone else?"

"It was him" Tsubame said. "Him and his giant hammer."

"Hey!" A gruff voice called. A group of guards were watching from the opened doorway that they had opened, finding the three escaped prisoners huddled together on the floor. Tsubame, trying to make the best of his dire situation, waved a greeting at them.

"Nagisa!" Sakura commanded "Knock 'em out!" Nagisa, from behind the opened door, followed his orders and punched out all the guards easily. OF course, more of them came from down the hall and from the rest of the room. Kalu sat up in her seat and looked across the room as guards were being thrown around like dolls from the open door.

"What's going on now!?" Kalu angrily demanded. Suddenly, static came on her screen and a new transmission came up.

"Greetings" Luko said, sudden;y appearing. Kalu struggled to get her mask on in front of him, keeping her face off the screen until she could.

"Wh-What is it!?" she demanded.

"I have good news, my lady" he reported. "We have captured three of the invaders."

"Excellent!" Kalu replied. "Bring them to me at once." Luko bowed, just as she affixed her mask to her face, and the transmission was cut off and the channel was changed to a cooking program. Kalu searched for the remote and found it in Ran's mouth, so she snatched it away.

"Princess!" a guard shouted. "We have re-captured the prisoners!"

"That's good" Kalu replied, "but how did they get out in the first place?" The guard stood silent, playing possum for a moment then stirred nervously.

"PRINCESS!" A voice called urgently over the screen. "What should we do about the intruders out front!?"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!" Kalu roared. No one moved in her room, except Ran, who leaned over and rescued the remote again to change the channel back once more. Kalu didn't notice, as she was busy rubbing her partially exposed temples. "Just shut up for a minute and let me think...stuff's happening at parsecs per minute around here!" The guards looked at each other. Even their prisoners shifted nervously. "Gah...Everyone just hold of for a second and let me plan..." So no one bothered her for a minute while she agitated over herself about a plan, trying to think over the coking show that she gave up on changing.


	26. The Princess Treaty Dilema

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Well well well..." Kalu taunted. "Look at this!" Lined up, bound in energy-shackles, were her prisoners. Sakura, Tsubame, Nagisa and Ran were on one side of her throne room and her newest captives, Ryuunosuke, Asuka and Benten were on the other. "I have nearly everyone under my control! How good for me."

"Cram it!" ran roared. "You can't keep us for long!"

"Oh no?" Kalu said, sipping victoriously from a glass.

"No, you barely kept us in the building" Sakura said insultingly. Kalu glared at her and bubbled up her drink until it spilled over her glass.

"Guards!" Kalu shouted, pointing at Sakura, "Gag her!" Two guards came up from behind and tied a cloth in Sakura's mouth, much to her limited protest. "I'll not let any of you ruin my great plan! Not even the icy Neptunian can stop my vicious plans!"

"Well you can tell her yourself" Benten said. "She's in orbit around your planet right now." Kalu's jaw dropped and her eyes bugged out. She tried to hide it by shaking fearfully and turning away.

"Oh? Really?" she shook out.

"Hey!" Ryuunosuke shouted, "Get off you butt and let me out of here!"

"She can't do that" Benten whispered. "We're her prisoners." Ryuunosuke blinked.

"To hell with that!" she roared. "I ain't staying around for this stupid little-"

"Guards!" Kalu shouted, pointing at Ryuunosuke. Two guards came up and gagged her as well, though she bit at them and snarled continuously.

"Oh, Big Brother" Asuka cooed with twice as many shackles and restraints as anyone else. "Please, calm down! I know Brothers Tobimaro and Mendo will come and save us!"

"Not likely" a suave voice said. In the corner was Luko, wearing his operatic mask and holding a flower to his face. "You see-"

"KYAAA!!!" Asuka shrieked.

"Guards" Kalu said annoyedly, holding her ears. Two guards snuck up and gagged Asuka as well who only writhed and struggled all the more with the nearby presence of men.

"You see" Luko continued, rubbing his head, "the children outside are oblivious to our castle's ingenious trap system. The moment they proceed within to capture their friends and accomplices, they will be caught in a deadly web of inescapable traps and snares designed specifically to stop them cold..."

"Please stop talking" Nagisa pleaded.

"Hohohohoho!" Kalu laughed, causing most everyone in the room (including the guards) to grimace with pain. "It is all but useless for them to attempt a rescue! Even the rescue team they sent in needs rescuing! Lum is really hopeless after all!" Kalu leaned back in her throne and started breathing heavily. All the gloating and laughing had worn her out.

"Of course!" Tsubame shouted. "So Lum's parents are the final trap!" Benten glanced over at him, not having the details that he did, and probed him.

"you mean they're still here somewhere?" Benten asked.

"No! They aren't!" Tsubame replied to Benten's horror. "In fact, they aren't here at all! The images we saw were mere holographs!" Benten looked at him as if he would catch his grammatical mistake, but sighed it off.

"Well, that's at least good" Benten said with relief. "Now we've just got to tell that to Lum."

"Okay!" Kalu shouted, overhearing her victims spoiling her plans. "Guards, gag everyone! There shall be no more conversing amongst the prisoners! And when you're done with that, take them to the maximum-security holding cells!"

"But, your highness" one guard started, "where will you go to protect yourself from the Neptunian ship in orbit? The maximum-security cells are the safest places to be in the event of an attack." Kalu blinked, then decided on the spot.

"Take me with them!" She ordered. "I will watch them squirm in their shackles while I sit safely on my own throne! HOHOHOHO!!!"

_Again with that laugh_ Sakura groaned internally.

"It's ear-splitting" a random guard noted, lazily gagging Nagisa. Once everyone was properly bound and silenced, a transmission began to crackle through. The screen had a message: 'Incoming call from Oyuki of Neptune. Accept?'"

"EEEEEEK!" Kalu screamed. "Quick, run them to the cells! Hurry, HURRY!!!" The guards and Luko fled out at full speed while Kalu accepted the transmission, making sure her mask was on tight and her hands weren't shaking.

* * *

Oyuki sat staring at the monitor, waiting for her call to be processed by the communication link she had hacked into. "Is the signal clear?" she asked one of her nearby technicians. A mangled-looking space pirate with his legs chained together fearfully glanced up at her.

"Yes, your high majesty ladyship!" he dutifully reported. His voice cracked with fear repeatedly as he talked. "The array has been successfully hacked into."

"Hmm" Oyuki mused. "They must not have gotten my hailing."

"I'm sure they did, my lady" a Neptunian female technician said. "The transmission hasn't been cut off." Then the transmission came through. Kalu sat, draped in elegant robes of multiple brilliant colors, with her servants fanning her and her mask on, trying to keep up with a 'better-than-you' royal appearance.

"My my" Kalu casually said, "if it isn't Oyuki, the Ice Queen. To what do I owe the...message?"

"You certainly know why" Oyuki said, an exclamatory statement with her emotionless voice. "My friends asked for my assistance in rescuing the parents of Lum of the Oni." Kalu lazed back in her seat, thankfully that her bit lip and still bugging eyes were behind a mask. "You are aware that you are currently breaking a long-held treaty, correct?"

"Hmm?" she lazily asked. Oyuki sighed and one of her technicians brought up a new image for Kalu to see. It was a historical slide show that began with a fleet of ships fighting out in space.

"You are aware of the Princess Treaty, correct?" Oyuki began. "In the first major intergalactic war nearly 400 years ago, the princesses and other heirs to the kingdoms fighting were capture by their enemies. When the war was over, multiple hostage negotiations were held, and lives were lost in the process. Since then, all the major factions united in forming a decree that would abolish such dirty warfare once and for all. The Princess Treaty was established, stating that any individual planet that holds the royal family of a waring state or empire is subjugated to destruction." And with that the lovely slide show of taken from many historical documents and, oddly enough, theatrical posters finished as well. "So, please tell me, is Lum's immediate family in any particular harm?"

Kalu was white-eyed with fear. The fact that Oyuki was there was enough to get her to pass out, but the threat of her planet getting blown up was the final nail in her terrified coffin. Although she sat with the shining radiance of regal, she was now shock-still with her fingers digging into the carven metal throne she sat on.

"I will allow you 24 hours to give me word that Lum and her parents are out of harms way" Oyuki said. "Until then I shall remain in orbit."

"A-a-and if I refuse?" Kalu stuttered.

"Then I shall come down and destroy you" Oyuki said in ultimatum. The transmission cut off and left Kalu frightened to the core. The guards who had been rushed to the corner with the captives on the short notice of Oyuki's message looked expectantly at their princess. She was completely speechless, scared so much she had short and stuttering breaths. Then, suddenly, she threw off her mask and retaliated against the silent screen.

"Oh YEAH!?" she roared. "My planet's lined with a defense array that will tear your puny little shack of a ship apart! You have nothing against me! Try all you want, but Lum and her family are _my_ prisoners, and there's nothing you can DO TO STOP MEEE!!!" Everyone backed far away from her as she screeched her last words. Then the fear of it all mounted up again, her brutal history with that frigid girl flooded back in, and she fainted.

"You highness!" the guards shouted. She stuck her hands and legs up, as if she were pressing up against something, stuck in the past when she was frozen alive. The guards did their best to remove her and place her somewhere safe, while Luko watched on in the corner, lifting up his mask in disbelief.

"Wow" he observed. "I didn't think she was that scary..." Of course, Ran had chills herself.

* * *

"Alright!" Mendo brightly started to himself. "I know this all seems bad, what with us invading a foreign castle and hanging upside-down" which they were, he and Ataru from a ceiling just barely over a pit of spikes, "but cheer up, old by! Today can get worse!"

"Argh!" Shingo yelled from above, pulling the rope that held Mendo with all his might. "I think I'm slipping!"

"GUAAHHHHH!!!!" Mendo shouted in response.

"AH!" Ataru jerked. "Don't spook me like that, you jerk!"

"Moroboshi!" Mendo shrilled. "This is your fault! I know it! You can't stop me from blaming-" he stopped because he heard a snap. He looked down, which was up, at the rope. Part of it was starting to come undone. As he cursed his miserable luck and the miserable Moroboshi, he fell. Ataru, in a fit of wild heroism, caught him with his hammer while the four untrapped people above pulled them both up.

"Could you be less stupid for a while?" Ataru asked. "We need to find everyone!"

"Everyone who?" Lum agonized.

"Everyone...who's in here?" Ataru answered, unsure of his own response. Lum wanted an answer that pertained to her specifically, like her parents, but she knew he wouldn't learn this close to death, so she just pulled him up with Shingo and Ryoko.

"Benten and her group are already inside" Lum noted as Ataru climbed up to safety. "If they can save everyone, then great, but I doubt they can avoid detection for long."

"How do you mean?" Ryoko asked. Lum gave her a blank stare, as if she didn't believe that Ryoko didn't know any of the three berserk girls that went in together.

"It doesn't make much sense, though" Ataru said, standing up again.

"What, Darling?" Lum asked.

"You mean this castle?" Ten asked.

"Yeah" Ataru remarked. "It's like it was designed specifically not to keep us out, but rather to hold something in..." and he said this staring down a tunnel of quickly moving razor-sharp blades and poking spears coming from the wall.

"Really?" Mendo asked sarcastically.

"Well, whatever" Lum said. She blasted some lightning into the wall and the gears of the mechanism that twirled the bladed hall stopped. The parts all fell between the cracks that Lum and the others daintily stepped over as they went forward. "Right now, all that matters is that we rescue my parents before Oyuki finds out we haven't yet..."

"Why's that?" Shingo asked.

"Because she'll destroy the planet if we can't." And now, Lum noticed that she was the only one who reached the other side of the hall. Everyone else was stopped dead in their tracks with thoughts of dread and fear in their minds. Even Ten was just hanging in the air. "What?" Lum asked. "You didn't know!?"


	27. Team Lum skips through the Hall of Traps

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Team Lum, which comprised of Lum, Ataru, Ten, the Mendo siblings and Shingo was on route to rescue all of their captured comrades, excluding Benten and her team whom they thought had just gotten lost. Up ahead in the castle safety-throne room, Kalu watched them speed down the hall and narrowly avoid her brilliant yet escapable traps with growing frustration.

"She can't fly!" Kalu roared. "The point of a massive spike pit is to fall in it!" Still, Lum floated above the spikes and daintily reached the other side, pulling a lever that raised the floor and allowed the others to safely cross.

"You know" Ataru said, "having you here is actually a good thing."

"Really!?" Lum happily shouted. She flew over and gave Ataru a hug, the kinetic energy of which nearly sent him over the edge of the narrow walkway he was on. "I'm so happy to hear you say that, Darling."

"Sure, whatever!" Ataru desperately shot out. "Just help me up!"

"Of course" she cooed. Ataru was standing upright again, but with a sword at his throat. Mendo, who glared down with an angrily twitching mouth from the hateful shadows of his brow, was poised to kill Moroboshi as he nearly always was.

"Mind yourself" Mendo growled, retrieving and sheathing his sword. "I'll not have you defiling sweet Lum on any planet, or in any galaxy! Not on my watch!"

"Ah, let it go, Octopus-face" Ataru said. Mendo's face contorted to suit his nickname an he turned a shouted

"WHO'S an Octopus FACE!?"

"Lum's just being," Ataru started, "Lum. I can't help it and neither can you. It's a sad fact that we all have to live with for the rest of our lives..." Ataru's danger sense kicked in and he instinctively caught Mendo's blade in a down stroke.

"Then if your life is cut short" Mendo crazed with a flicking, serpents tongue of rage, "Miss Lum will come to her senses and-AGGHH!!" That's when Lum intervened and zapped him viciously. Mendo fainted and started falling off the side of the walkway. Ataru lazed back to resettle himself on solid ground, but time started slowing for everyone else.

"NO!" Ryoko shouted. Shingo immediately heralded his inner ninja and sprang down. Taking ground just between the ankle-high spikes, he stood and was able to catch Mendo before catastrophe.

"No worries, Ryoko" Shingo called up, hoisting Mendo above his head. "I have caught the Octopus."

"Haha! Great job, Shingo!" Ataru laughed, seeing that he has effectively coined the nickname octopus for Mendo. "Now get that grubby fish up here, will ya!?"

"Octopi aren't fish" Ryoko explained. "They are cephalopods. Be careful you don't bruise his fragile, jelly skin!"

"Hey now" Mendo softly moaned. "I'm not enjoying that name..." Kalu observed it all through the camera system and nefariously started rubbing her chin.

"Hmm..." she mused. "Lum seems to be very attached to that young man..." Sakura, in the corner, heard her and hung her head. She knew it may be over for Moroboshi, and part of her was happy for that, but Lum would definitely fall into a huge trap because of it later on. "Perhaps I should test this bond and see what it leads to..." and then she reached over for a switch. She pressed it, and the spiked floor that Shingo was daintily crossing started to hum. A massive amount of electricity started pouring into the spiked pit, making it glow. Shingo didn't mind it, or feel it, but Mendo started glowing as well. His body didn't twitch, as it had long ago given up on its convulsive instincts when electrocuted to seem more suave.

"Jeez" Ataru said as he walked along the safe path. "He's getting baked."

"I hope his hair doesn't fall out" Ryoko said. "It's one of the few things he has going for him..."

* * *

"New plan" Kalu deviously started. "I know the path that will lead Lum to hell, and it lies in her own heart!" Sakura muffled out some protests, still adamant on not wanting to be Lum's tear cushion for when Ataru gets abducted, but the guards were on her. They tased her and she dropped down onto her face, twitching. Tsubame became outraged and attempted to mentally conjure up some monster from thin air. When they saw him trying to do something, the zapped him too. Then Ran's nose itched so she twitched it, and she got zapped as well.

"Get me another drink!" Kalu ordered. She pressed a button on the side of her throne and the large screen split apart into many multiple screens. "I shall lead Lum outside! That way Oyuki can't act aggressively seeing that the princess is no longer in captivity! Then, I shall capture the rest of her friends and hold them here so she can't leave! But she'll have to leave! Even the emotionless Oyuki will force her away from here, during which time I shall publicly humiliate and demean each and every one of these troublesome invaders!" She let out an annoying, high-pitched cackle that split the ears of all who heard it. Benten had reached the end of her tolerance chain and started barking vehemently through her gagged mouth. Then, she bit it apart and spit it out as the guards encircled her.

"You stupid little son of a-" the guards halted her with a shock to her gut. Benten fell to her knees coughing as Kalu marched haughtily over. "Guhk! You won't get away with this! We'll beat the crap out of you just like back in middle sch-ah!" Kalu stomped right on Benten's neck, much to Ryuunosuke's anger and Asuka's distress.

"Oh, sure you will" Kalu said sarcastically. "Do you not understand that you are literally under the heel of my boot right now? You should be grateful that I haven't already decided to destroy you for all the pain back then!" Kalu kept her boot grinding on Benten's neck, and the guards kept everyone else down who was making a desperate attempt of rescue.

"Actually" Kalu said thoughtfully, "why don't I just torture you now!?" Benten's eyes shot up in desperate spite. To avoid whatever kind of wretchedness her captor had in mind, Benten decided to take the Fukujinn warrior's way out by snapping up and biting Kalu's bare leg. "KYAAAA!!!!" Benten kept her teeth dug into Kalu's leg, even as she shook it all around with great pain. "Get it off! Guards, get it off me!" The guards obeyed, though not as well as they should have, by shocking Benten. The electricity traveled through her and up into Kalu, shocking and singing her all the way up to her head. She fell before Benten decided to give up and laid in a painful, crumpled heap. The guards suppressed their laughter and smiles as long as they could.

Meanwhile, Lum and her team were still progressing through the traps uninhibited. With Kalu temporarily incapacitated, they reached a crossroad with only two of five available choices. Moreover, the security system was still technically off, so the doors were even labeled 'Throne room' and 'Dungeon'.

"Hmm" Ataru hummed. "This is a tough choice."

"No it's not!" Lum cried. "My parents are this way!" She pointed to the dungeon, of course.

"Maybe" Ataru said, "but Kalu knows we're in here. She may be holding your parents in the throne room with her to confuse and distract us! The dungeon may be a trap!"

"Like the Throne Room isn't an obvious trap!?" Mendo shouted.

"Like there haven't been traps up until now?" Ataru asked. Mendo was speechless, so he leaned back and huffed his head away from Ataru. "It's obviously a toss up. Either way could be a trap or a real path."

"Or they could both be traps" Shingo noted. "If this person really knows that we're in here, looking for them and Lum's parents, they could just cover their bases entirely."

"True" Ryoko agreed.

"Whatever" Lum interrupted, her tone changing form confident to desperate. "Darling, you choose. Which way should we go!?" He sensed the panic in her voice and, not wanting another episode, turned and pointed dramatically.

"We're going that way!"

* * *

Meanwhile, this time in sub-space, Shinobu angrily pouted while Inaba searched through every door he found.

"Well, it's not this one" he reported. He came back out from peeking inside with many welts and bruises on his face. "Let's try this one..." he walked over to another door like a beaten dog while Shinobu kept right behind him.

"If we don't get back soon" Shinobu threatened, "I'll tear your fluffy butt apart!" Inaba, now fearful, looked into the next door and instead of reporting back kept his head in. "Well?"

"It's sort of right..." Inaba said hesitantly.

"Then let me through!" Shinobu shouted. "Anyplace is better than this freaky dimension!"

"HEY!" a floating head shouted back, "I resent the term freaky!"

"HIIII! LET ME IN!" Shinobu screamed. Inaba caught her at the stomach and pulled her in.

"This is the right place" Inaba explained, "but the wrong scenario. It's a 'possible future' door." Shinobu was able to peek in and saw, to her utter amazement, Ataru in a white tuxedo, marching down a chapel aisle to a girl wearing a gallant wedding dress.

"My god!" Shinobu gasped. "He's getting married!?"

"Yes" Inaba said. Oddly his answer was filled with dread. "But look in the corner." Shinobu followed his stealthy finger to Lum, who was chained and crying to the wall.

"But" she stuttered. "But then...who?" The bride turned around, with hot lips and pink hair. "That's-!"

"Exactly" Inaba said, closing the door. "This girl must have some truly dastardly intentions if this is the end result of her plans!"

"That's so wrong!" Shinobu protested. "Ataru getting married just sounds wrong, but why her?"

"She must be luring them into a trap as we speak!" Inaba shouted. "We must hurry and find the right door!" so he dashed of and opened one at random. "Oh, look. Here it is!" Shinobu, after the trouble she had gone through, expressed her relief by kicking her boyfriend in the head and proceeding through the door on her own. She was inside the castle, in the right time and place, just in time to see Ataru and company come running down the hallway.

"Phew" Shinobu sighed. She ducked back into the door for a moment and let them pass without seeing her. _I can't tell them what I saw_ she decided. _Lum will have a fit and Ataru will go crazy. Mendo might kill him, too. I should just make myself scarce and help out from the shadows..._

"Shinobu..." Inaba grunted from behind, grabbing onto her suit. "Shinobu, I think my head is bleeding..."

"Oh well..." Shinobu callously shrugged off. She kept crouching in the inter-dimensional doorframe in the hallway that led somewhere...brightly lit...


	28. A Master of running away

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Hey, Moroboshi" Mendo asked. "I can't tell. Is this a throne room or a dungeon?" It was neither. They managed to wind up in an intricate looking indoor garden furnished with some of the strangest plants from all the cosmos.

"AH! It's so pretty!" Lum exclaimed. "We should go to a garden like this for a date sometime, Darling!" She took Ataru's arm and shook it with excitement. Ataru just ignored her and kept walking, curiously analyzing the surroundings.

"Something's wrong" Ataru noted. "This place seems really obvious. My danger sense is going nuts here. I think we're being watched!" His announcement startled the group except for Lum, who just hung in front of him and put on an innocent face.

"What danger sense?" she probed. Ataru jerked at her dangling and asking unnecessary questions. "Where's you develop that, huh? Darling?"

"Ah, from Mendo of course" Ataru nervously answered. He knew saying otherwise was just an excuse for her to shock him.

"He's lying" Mendo said. "He got it from you."

"WHAT!?" Lum shouted, as if this was news to her. She started jolting Ataru full of voltage while the rest of the team went on ahead.

"He's right, oddly" Mendo said. "This place just reeks of ambush."

"If that's so" Shingo started, "then why haven't they ambushed us yet?"

"Good question" Ten agreed above.

"Wait, Ten" Mendo started, "can you do some sort of scan for life forms with any of your gadgets?" Ten looked at his hover scooter and analyzed it carefully. There didn't seem to be anything that could do such a thing, but then, what did he know? He couldn't exactly read them.

"Hmm, I think so" Ten hesitantly said. "Maybe it's this one?"

"Maybe!?" Mendo growled.

"Little one, wait" Ryoko shot out. Ten looked down at her. "Can it be, oh you poor thing. Can't you read?" Ten blushed, and prepared a speech on how he was really just a young man that would end in him bursting in tears. But then his 'inner Ataru' clicked on, and sensing the sympathy hug he would get from the girl, he began to sniffle like a child.

"You mean..." he sadly started. "...you could tell? And I've tried so hard to hide it! WAH-ha!"

"Oh, you poor dear" Ryoko cooed. Ten flew down and Ryoko caught him, nestling him gently in her chest, just as planned. "There, there. I'm sure you can be of use to us some other way." Ten pretended to sob into her bosom but was quick to flash a manly thumb up to Mendo. The universal 'OH YEAH!' sign of manhood.

_He must be spending too much time around Ataru_ Mendo growled inside. _I'm quite tempted to kill him now._

"Well, Ten is just a child" Lum said, going over to his hovering scooter and searching it over herself. "I know this thing has one on it somewhere. Oh, and Ryoko, make sure Ten doesn't start drooling on you like he always does."

"Ew!" Ryoko grunted. She tossed him away and let him slowly glide through the air. He bounced off the ground and started up mindlessly lost in his little world. Ataru held up a hand and caught him.

"You aren't to smooth, are ya?" Ataru joked. Ten didn't hear him. He was far to happy to care about what he said.

"Oh no!" Lum exclaimed.

"What!?" Mendo shouted back.

"Where?" Shingo asked.

"They're coming! Hide!" Lum urgently reported.

* * *

Moments later, Luko and a team of men busted into the room through the opposite entrance.

"Ho!" Luko triumphantly shouted. "Divide and conquer, my merry men! Find them and capture them with the utmost haste!" On the far side of the room, among the wild growth and jungle brush, the Team heard all.

"This isn't good" Mendo whispered. "If they find us we're as good as dead."

"They won't find us" Lum protested.

"Yeah" Ataru added.

"Darling will get us out of here safely!" Lum finished.

"Hmm?" Ataru asked. Lum quickly covered his mouth from the audible grunt as the guards came closer. They all went silent for a while until they passed. "How am I gonna get you out?"

"Because" Lum said with her starry eyes on full dazzle, "I believe in you."

"Do you believe in my, Ryoko?" Ataru asked with his goofy grin. Lum grabbed his ear with her nails and dragged him back. "Regardless, a little faith won't get us out of here."

"Of course it will" Mendo hissed. "Moroboshi, I know you, and I know that you are miserably bad at many things." Lum glared at him once she thought that was the end of what he had to say. "But the one thing you excel at, possibly the only thing you excel at, is running away. You can escape, Moroboshi. No matter what impossible predicament you are in, you always find a way to escape!" Mendo's hushed words inspired Ataru with a strike of confidence.

"Okay then" Ataru bravely began. "Follow me." Using his naturally monkey-like attributes, Ataru engaged his 'escape' mode and climbed effortlessly up the branches of a tree. Lum floated up quietly, then Ten, Ryoko and Shingo, and finally Mendo finding the climb the hardest out of them all.

"Hey, wait" Mendo hissed. "Why am I having the most trouble here?"

"Well, you said it yourself" his sister chided. "Moroboshi is the greatest at escaping. There's no helping it is there?"

"What about you two then!?" Mendo demanded.

"We're ninjas now" Shingo said, flashing a victory sign. "Climbing trees is nothing for us." Mendo scowled silently as he trailed behind them. Ataru always made sure to watch all possible sides where a guard could see them before he leaped.

"That blue-haired weirdo" Ataru quietly warned behind him "is our biggest obstacle. He'll want to take us in himself for all the glory."

"How can you tell?" Lum asked.

"He reminds me of Mendo" Ataru explained "the way he always flashes those fancy words and dramatic crap around. It's annoying."

"I find that interesting, Moroboshi" Mendo calmly noted from above. Ataru shushed him quietly. They were moving through the middle of the room now, completely covered by the jungle thick that grew freely in the garden.

"Let's wait a sec" Ataru ordered. "They might regroup or change tactics to find us."

"You're awesome, Darling!" Lum cheered quietly. She latched onto him and started rubbing against his arm, much to Mendo's displeasure.

"Well, I placed my judgment in you well, it seems" Mendo humbly, although arrogantly, admitted. "You're quite the escapist."

"Thank you" Ataru grinned.

"But, isn't it odd?" Mendo noted. Ataru blinked at him curiously, ignoring Lum's cuddling. "You can escape nearly anything, responsibility, honor, me in some rare cases..."

"Rare?" Ataru laughed.

"And yet" Mendo continued undaunted, "you cannot escape the clutches of marriage." This struck at Ataru's heart. The words were true, and they burned him. Lum opened her eyes and pursed her lips with interest to what Mendo had said.

"What do you mean?" she said, looking up and inadvertently squeezing Ataru into her chest. "Darling and I are happy together." Mendo nearly had a stroke with unprovoked anger. "Right, Darling?" Ataru knew it was a trick question, but what Mendo said had still put him into a state of partial shock. He calmly removed Lum from his shoulders and crept around the side of the tree.

"Let's keep going" he ordered. Ryoko and Shingo darted after him, then Ten, then the worried Lum. Mendo took a moment to take in his victory over Ataru's ego, then arrogantly pumped his arm, which nearly sent him off the branch.

* * *

"Sir!" a guard reported to the flower-sniffing Luko, "We found nothing."

"Nothing?" Luko asked.

"Nothing, sir" the guard repeated.

"Ah, cruel fate, failure is thy dagger!" he began. The guard groaned and walked off, knowing he couldn't actually stop him from talking. "We have not found them. Lost they are, lost from we, who only mean to subdue them before a tragedy unfolds! Oh, woe is them! Their winds of fate blow in the most tragic and worrisome of directions. A plight shall soon visit-eh?" this is when he noticed no one was listening. "Oh, you droll, droll fools. Do you not appreciate the spoken art?" With Luko's back to the door and his attention on his ignorant men, Ataru made the silent leap down and motioned for the others to follow. One by one, they all slowly and carefully dropped down, except Mendo, who took a moment or two longer to perfectly land.

"I can remember a time, I can" Luko started again, "when theater was a respectable art no matter where one went. Actors were treated as kings; Hell, I _was_ once a king. That was a time ago though, my friends." He sniffed form a rose and turned around to pace dramatically. "Ah yes, the good old-Huh!?" And that's when he saw the team escaping, spotting Mendo first. "There they are! Guards, to the hallway!"

"Crap!" Ataru shouted. "I thought he was too busy talking to notice us!" Mendo scowled from the back ranks. Then, to everyone's surprise, he started walking towards the room he had just narrowly escaped.

"Brother, where are you going!?" Ryoko shouted.

"Get back here, numskull!" Ten ordered.

"Hmph!" Mendo huffed loudly. "You truly are an expert at escaping, Moroboshi. Not a single being in the cosmos can deny that. Unfortunately, my honor restricts me in such a cowardly art." Then, he drew his sword, and aimed at Luko. The guards stopped their advance and Luko withdrew a step to draw his sword. "Swordplay, now that's what I excel at. This and breaking apart iron bells, none can top me!"

"Oh?" Luko interestingly grunted. "You wish to duel me? How very dramatic! Come then, face me with all your might!"

"We'll capture the runaways!" a guard shouted out.

"Nay!" Luko responded. "I have a better idea. If I win our duel, young man, then you must watch as I and my guards go to subdue your friends. If you can win, I shall allow you and they to be free."

"Sir!" a guard snapped, "that's highly irresponsible!"

"Perhaps," the elegant swordsman said, "but it is also very dramatic!"

_Well, nothing to do now_ the guard thought.

"Fair enough" Mendo agreed in his superior way. "Shall I make the first move?"

"Please do" Luko invited.

"Too kind" Mendo thanked. "HhrrrAAAAH!" Mendo made a rush forward, sword up, and slammed it down into Luko's drawn alien rapier. The fight was on!


	29. Luko v Mendo the Final Battle

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"This won't be a good fight" one of the guards said upon observing Mendo and Luko lock blades.

"Yeah" another agreed. "If anything it'll be loud."

"I brought cards" yet another offered. All the guards were more excited to play a game in the corner than to watch Mendo and Luko duel.

"Ha-HA!" Luko haughtily laughed. "Methinks you are out of your league!"

"Who says 'methinks' anymore!?" Mendo shouted. They broke the sword lock and skidded away form each other. "Hmph!" Mendo grunted.

"I have royal training" Luko bragged "in the Galactic Royal Military for ten whole years! You cannot match me in pure skill!"

"I am Shutaro Mendo!" Mendo announced. "The heir to the vast Mendo Conglomerate fortune, and I have had years of private kendo practice at the hands of the nations experts! It you who cannot match _I_!"

"Phe!" Luko scoffed. "You planet and all of its nations are spitable! Observe, as I spit at you!" Luko began wriggling his tongue around to gather the proper amount of saliva to produce a proper insult, while Mendo stood bored with his sword still drawn. Mendo decided that he wouldn't waste time and increased the wattage on the sword, extending and increasing the severity of the light-blue beam. Mendo roared as he charged, just as Luko prepared to spit. Mendo's danger sense went off at the last second and made a downward swipe, splitting apart Luko's massive, corrosive spit that burned and melted through whatever it touched. Mendo's eyes went blank.

"Didn't see that coming, did you?" Luko said, swiping away the energy blade. Mendo's continued shock forced the sword from his hands, diffusing the energy and breaking against a tree. "Now you fall!" Mendo was quick to draw out his other, more practical steel blade.

"It will be a waste to finish you with this sword" Mendo said, pushing Luko away. "I intend for only Moroboshi's blood to spill on this fine sword. But no matter! You shall never take Miss Lum while I am here!"

"I know" Luko said. "That's why I want to kill you." Luko ran forward with his rapier. Mendo armed himself in his traditional beside-the-head style. Luko stabbed and Mendo dodged. Mendo struck downward and Luko's sword flew back. Luko still gripped it hard, feeling his shoulder tug to let go of his body, as Mendo prepared to strike again. Mendo took a mighty step forward and stabbed with a roar. Luko jumped away just in time to a tree branch above.

"My my" Luko said, "that's quite a down-stroke you have!"

"Hmph" Mendo humphed. "I'm glad you like. Honestly, though, I should thank Moroboshi for this. It was his horrid existence that peaked my true interest in swordsmanship and led me to perfect the Helm-Breaker strike. I'll never admit he helped me, but I am glad he has been around, for once. Still, that is the strike with which I shall fell Moroboshi, not you."

"Oh?" Luko hummed. "So, you don't consider me worthy of dying by your superior attack?"

"Of course not" Mendo quickly fired.

_He's so harsh!_ Luko thought. _That boy he's talking about must be an absolute monster. I'll have to deal with him afterwards as well..._ "You may be arrogant" Luko admitted like it was a compliment "but I doubt you can back such claims up. Come and face me, one on one, no retreating, a foot-locked battle!"

"Fair enough" Mendo growled, still scowling at the arrogant bit his opponent said. He paced over, not letting down his guard, and and stood in front of his ready opponent with a confused look.

"Now what?" Mendo asked.

"No, no" Luko corrected. "We have to cross our feet." Mendo blinked at him. He placed his foot perpendicular to Lukos in response. "No, that's wrong" Luko calmly said. "Just stand normally." Mendo stood in his normal fighting pose and Luko got into his. Their right and left feet were nearly touching. "Now then, when I give you the signal, we attack each other!"

"Do we have to take turns?" Mendo whined.

"Of course not" Luko said. "That would be silly. Now, En Garde!" Both haughty men drew up their swords and prepared for the land-locked brawl while the guards shouted happily over their secluded, Luko-less card game.

* * *

"Darling" Lum said with worry, "will Mendo be alright?"

"That uptight moron?" Ataru started. "He'll be fine."

"How are you so certain, Ataru?" Ryoko asked. "My dear brother isn't the sharpest sword in the armory, after all. He tends to get very reckless and stupid in high-stress situations. And, of course, he's a moron like you."

"You said that already" Ataru shot out.

"Shouldn't you have more faith in your brother, Ryoko?" Lum chided. Ryoko just shrugged and kept running.

"He and Ataru are both idiots" Ten pointed out "but they've both survived worse."

"Indeed" Shingo agreed.

"Who even are you!?" Ataru shouted. "Don't butt in where you aren't wanted!" Shingo hung his head shamefully.

"Still" Lum started, "they wouldn't send a half-weight to capture us. That guy is probably good enough to take down Mendo."

"Pfft" Ataru scoffed. "That guy has a one track mind. I'll admit, we are similar. Heck, I'll say it to his face to get him angry, but it's true. If he can beat that guy, it means he can join back up with us and, as a result, finally meet that Kalu chick in person!"

"You're not serious!" Lum growled. "She captured my parents, Darling!"

"I know" Ataru said smiling "and I resent her for that. But come on, she sounded so sexy!"

"She could be repulsive you know" Ryoko said.

"Please" Ataru started sarcastically, "when has that ever happened?"

"Darling!" Lum shouted. "When this is over, I'm hitting you!" Ataru laughed his goofy laugh and kept running forward.

"Still, we shouldn't worry about Mendo" Ataru said with finality. "He won't rest knowing that I'm, still alive and doing the things I do." Lum smiled at his summary, knowing that he said it in all honesty with Shutaro as a friend in mind.

"How very ironic" Ryoko chuckled. "He seeks to kill you for doing the very perverse things that _he_ does!"

"I know!" Ataru said, laughing along with her. Lum swooped down and gave him a knee to the beck of the head. Ataru stumbled and fell, then jumped back up and sprinted back to the group as they ran on.

"Shinobu" Inaba said from far behind the group, "don't you think they'll notice an inter-dimensional potted-plant following them around an otherwise abandoned castle hallway?"

"No!" Shinobu said with strain from carrying the mighty plant. "Just shut up and keep up with them!"

"Still, why are we bothering?" Inaba asked. "We can easily track them through Sub Space."

"Never!" Shinobu grunted. Inaba moved a hand in and picked up where her hands were already grabbing. "I refuse to go back to that creepy, weird place ever again! We're doing this my way."

"Whatever you say, Shinobu" Inaba said. "Although, can't you lift this thing more? You're much stronger than me, anyway."

"I told you" Shinobu said, raising her cover above her head with a grunt, "I'm only strong when I'm mad!"

"Okay" Inaba squeaked. "Calm down..."

* * *

"Are they done yet?" a guard asked.

"Let me check" another said. Mendo and Luko were loudly exchanging blows in their foot-locked duel faster than he could follow. "Nope, not yet."

"Ugh! It's been forever!" a guard complained.

"It's only been a few minutes" another corrected. "Give me another beer, will ya? This'll probably go on forever..."

"Feel like giving up!?" Luko shouted over the clashing of steel.

"Not in your life, pretty boy!" Mendo shouted back. "I'm just getting started!" Mendo parried and pushed away Luko's sword, bringing his own above his head. "Mendo rapid strike!" Mendo started slamming his sword down with repeated stroke on Luko's fragile defense. One of his feet slipped out of place as he leaned back to defend himself better. If the other foot gave, he would have to forfeit.

_What power!_ Luko thought, using both his hands to block desperately. _That Moroboshi fellow must be a master swordsman to inspire such ferocious tactics! It seems like my strength won't help me here. I'll have to resort on my skills instead!_ Luko finally broke the attack, letting Mendo swing his way down to the ground as Luko prepared his arm to stab. "Take this!" Luko shouted. He stepped forward with his offset foot, placing it back in position, with his sword-tip drawing forward quickly.

_Crap, he's thrusting!_ Mendo thought. _At this range I won't be able to block it more than once, but I can't retreat or I'll lose! Only one thing to do. Honorable or not, I'm fighting for my sister, and for Miss Lum, and for all the others...and Moroboshi incidentally._

"Luko's blue-hot thrusting rush!" Luko announced. One stab into the attack, Mendo stopped it by taking his sword in both hands, reversing his grip, and shoving the rapier aside.

"Death Blow!" Mendo began, reeling in rapidly. Luko grimaced as he saw the attack unfold. Then, Mendo butted his steel against Luko's clay and shattered the mask he wore with his ignorantly thick skull. "HEADBUTT!!!" Luko's feet lifted from the ground and he went flying backwards. Mendo only lifted one of his feet, the free one, to deliver all his power into the attack. The fight was unanimously over as Mendo planted his foot once more and rubbed at his head. Luko groaned form the tree trunk he was now lodged in backside first.

"Well played" Luko dizzily said.

"But of course" Mendo replied, coolly smiling and rubbing the swollen bump on his forehead. "I told you, wasting my splendid stroke on you would shame my blade."

"Good fight!" the guards cheered, clapping apathetically. "Way to go, whoever..."

"That was a spectacular fight, you jerks!" Mendo shouted, insulted that he was the only one to see his fantastic finisher. "Anyway, a duel's a deal" Mendo said, sheathing his sword. "If you'll excuse me, I'll just be on my way..."

"Fair's fair, I suppose" Luko sighed, sniffing a nearby flower. "Go to your comrades then, young prince. My your princess of the future welcome you with open arms..." To Luko's farewell wish, Mendo's inner mind theater clicked on. He gleefully skipped away, watching as all the wonderful girls of Tomobiki embracing and otherwise snuggling up to him at once, all in the garb of dainty princesses and he in a regal suit.

"I say" Luko called with a rather care-free face, "can one of you gents help me? I'm in a bit of a spot here."

"Say it normal and we _might_" one of the guards said angrily.


	30. End of the Line!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Darling?" Lum asked from above.

"What!?" Ataru grumped between panting.

"Aren't you getting tired from all that running?" she asked.

"Of..course..not...stupid..." Ataru said through his heavy breaths.

"We should stop and rest, Darling" Lum said. "Mendo won't catch up with us if we keep running full speed. Let's just stop for a second." There was a crash and a skid of Ataru's armor behind her.

"Fair enough" Ataru said, face down on the floor. So Team Lum rested for once in the entirety of their sprint through the castle and took some time to reassess themselves. Ataru took out some food from sub-space that he had been saving, including wild fruits and cooked meals from home. Ryoko and Shingo did the same, although Shingo sat away from the group and watched his 'grandfather' as he ate.

"Are you okay, Darling?" Lum asked, keeping close to his side as they ate.

"Yeah" Ataru said, slurping his delicious lunch. "I'm a bit tired, but I'll be fine. What matters right now is moving forward."

"Yeah?" Lum said, edging toward a question.

"Yeah" Ataru said in a obvious tone. "We need to rescue your parents."

"Ah! Darling!" she squealed, jumping on him and nuzzling him intensely.

"What the heck!?" he shouted.

"I'm so glad you're still focused on that!" she exclaimed. "I thought you were only in this to meet Kalu. I thought you'd forgotten what we're here to do..."

"Of course I wouldn't forget that, Lum" Ataru said, equipping his serious face. Lum's mind trailed off and though about how wonderful it would be if they kissed in the heat of that moment. "If we didn't save you parents you'd just cry everyday and if I were only here to see that chick you'd rake me to death." Now Lum was back in the world and angry. "I don't really have a choice in the matter anymore, do I?" Ataru trailed off into a happy laugh while Lum tensed her hands into claws with gleaming eyes and crackling static in her mouth. Ryoko and Ten calmly edged away, anticipating the thunder to come from the furious Oni.

"Hah..." Lum sighed. She just blew away all her anger like that, surprising Ataru and company. "Regardless, Darling, I'm happy you're here. I don't think I could handle this alone...not without you." He linked, becoming very uneasy very quickly. Lum draped her arms around him and sighed peacefully as she rested her head on his unarmored shoulder. "I love you, Darling..." she said. Ataru looked at her cautiously, then at the others. Ryoko was leaning to see what he would do, Ten was grumping in the air and Shingo was lost to the world in intergalactic television.

"Uh...sure" Ataru said, trying to hide his nervousness as best he could. Lum cuddled up closer, nuzzling into him and moaning happily. Ataru froze for a second, fearing a spontaneous kiss would come soon, and in front of Ryoko. So, instead of fighting it in vain, he just laid back and let Lum get comfy. They still had a lot of running to do anyway.

"Moroboshi!!!" an angry, distant voice shouted. "How dare you! As soon as my back is turned, you're up to your tricks with noble Miss Lum!? I'll DESTROY YOU!!!"

"Brother!" Ryoko shouted happily. "You're alive!" Mendo noticed his sister fearfully, watching her bound in the air. His fear was well placed, as in one of her jumps, she threw out several grenades in his direction. Mendo saw them coming and tried to dodge one, but they all exploded behind him anyway. Luckily, his suit caught the brunt of the blast and sent him harmlessly barreling forward through the air and crashing into the floor again. Shingo didn't notice anything.

"Ryo...ko" Mendo grunted, breathing out a wisp of his own soul.

"Oh, Big Brother!" Ryoko shouted. Ataru stood up, obviously amused with the unfolding scene, letting Lum hang onto him like a scarf. "Are you hurt!?" She rushed over and knelt at his side humbly ,as if she didn't do it.

"I...I..." Mendo tried to begin. He was at an apparent loss for words which Ryoko interpreted as a desperate state of ill-health from the mysterious blast.

"Don't speak , brother" Ryoko pleaded. "Here, take this. It will help." She gave to his an object and closed his hand around it tenderly. He looked down at it, then double-taked. It was still more dynamite. Before he could gather the strength to gasp, he was blown into the ceiling, perfectly fine except for the shell shock.

"This is fun" Ataru said.

"Quite" Ryoko agreed. Shingo continued to volunteer out of the affairs that his friends took on in favor of, what else, television.

* * *

After some emergency trauma recovery, the team was ready to move out once again, this time assisted by Mendo and his old, steel-cutting sword from Earth.

"What happened to the laser sword?" Ataru asked. "Did you lose it?"

"Of course not" Mendo protested. "I'm not so careless as you that I'd lose something of importance like a sword."

"It got destroyed" Ryoko pointed out.

"SHH!" Mendo hushed. His sister cackled arrogantly while Shingo lined up behind his master and nodded blankly. Lum stayed close to Ataru, knowing that he could latch onto Ryoko as soon as her eyes were averted.

"Okay" Lum announced. "We still have a while to go, so no splitting up. If we fight ,we fight together!"

"Right" Ataru neutrally responded.

"You can count on me, Miss Lum!" Mendo enthusiastically said.

"Lets' go!" Ten shouted. With that the team was off and racing down the hall. After a few steps, they reached the end of the hall and found nothing there. An irked silence fell over the group.

"Uh...let's go backwards!" Lum announced, attempting to re-stir the morale of their previous, albeit short, sprint.

"Wait a sec" Ataru said, catching Lum as she fled by the foot. "We're lost, aren't we?" Ataru's eye twitched angrily at her. She couldn't decide whether or not playing innocent and cute would do anything, but she did it anyway, making her eyes fill with stars and widen as much as possible. "That won't work on me!" Ataru shouted.

"Shoot" Lum humphed.

"Moroboshi!" Mendo shouted, rushing to Lum's defense. "Miss Lum isn't to blame for our predicament! How dare you attempt to accuse her our poor condition! It's not her fault that she has no idea of her arch-enemies architecture, and how she can't find her way, and how she can't see through walls! If anything, that's all your fault!" The air started to smell like O-zone again. Ataru let go of Lum's leg and hid behind a stunned Mendo while Lum demoniacally floated toward him.

"Farewell, Mendo" Ataru said, preparing to crawl away. "Save me a good seat by Styx, will ya?" As Lum loomed closer and closer, crackling the ground with her powerful lightning field. Mendo started quivering in fear, anticipating the horrid shock he was about to receive, when suddenly salvation! Lum's energy stopped. At first, Mendo thought it was out of devoted, spontaneous love that made her stop, but an actual glance revealed a rubber mesh net that covered her and negated her electric powers.

"What the-!?" Mendo started. Then he too was incapacitated from out of nowhere. One by one, the team fell by the invisible hands of the guards and special ops from the ceiling. If Lum and company had looked closer, they would have seen that the dean end actually forked straight up. From there the troops repelled down and subdued the renegades.

"The invaders have been captured" one of the reported.

"There's one missing!" another said with alert.

"Well, oh well" another guard apathetically said. "They won't get too far. It's a one-way hallway, after all."

"Grah!" Lum shouted as she struggled with the net around her. Ryoko and Shingo got shackled together and Ten was caught in a fire-proof bubble. The only one mising was Ataru. "Where's Darling!?"

"Don't you worry, little girl" the sleazy special ops guard said. "I'm sure your 'Darling' will get to see you again..."

"This isn't a joke, you freak!" Lum shouted. "Where's Darling!? If he's hurt at all, I'm killing you all!!!"

"Give her the spray" another ops guard ordered. The guard that picked Lum's binding up that she dutifully chewed on pulled out a small canister and sprayed an odd mist in her face. She blinked a few time,s then fell straight asleep.

* * *

"Eh? What?" Ataru said with confusion. He was in a strange, swirling mass with Inaba and Shinobu.

"We saved you, Ataru!" Inaba happily said.

"Really?" Ataru said with relief. He jumped up and rushed over to Shinobu, who was half-fetal with fear of the zone and aggravation that she was there, and he hugged her paying special attention to her chest. "You're the greatest, Shinobu! How can I repay you? How bout a date?" She elbowed him so hard he only traveled halfway through the space before his head crashed and broke the air, leaving him looking at a sort of sub-sub-space.

"You must've been _really_ angry, Shinobu" Inaba said. Her fist was still steaming.


	31. Preparing the Front for War

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"WHAT!?" Ataru screamed through the sub-spacial skies. "I'm gonna marry Kalu!?" Shinobu and Inaba nodded. After reconciling with their guilt, they felt a need to tell Ataru their reasoning behind yanking him from normal space so suddenly. "And you say she's, how hot exactly?" Ataru's edging caught Shinobu off guard, but she kicked him anyway.

"This is serious!" Shinobu shouted. "Think about Lum! What will she do if she finds out you might marry the girl who lured her here and captured her!?"

"And kidnapped her parents" Ataru added sternly.

"No, that was fake" Inaba said.

"EH!?" Ataru grunted loudly. "B-but...they-"

"Holograms" Shinobu answered. "She was just after revenge for her horrible middle-school past."

"What the heck!?" Ataru roared in anger. "So this was all just a lame set up!?" Shinobu and Inaba nodded.

"Anyway," Shinobu began again, "that's not the most important thing right now"

"Right" Ataru said seriously. "How hot is she really?"

"That's not it either!!!" Shinobu chided, taking an inter-dimensional washtub to his face. "We have to save everyone else before Lum blows her secret!" Ataru got up from the ground and looked at Shinobu curiously. "Kalu wanted to make Lum suffer by threatening her most 'precious thing' in the universe. Since that's you and you're technically there, we don't want you getting captured and married off to a cruel alien overlord."

"Well" Ataru started, "I'm already in a position like that. However, I do agree with you. Lum's ridiculous hot-headedness will get the best of her and she may end up frying everyone in rage after the reception. And, because there's less casualties if I just stay with her, I shall help in _not_ marrying Kalu!"

"You're so honorable!" Inaba said with dazzled fascination. Shinobu just shook her head.

"Inaba?" she started, "can you find us a door? We need to get inside the current castle and break everyone out of jail." Inaba nodded, rolled up his tuxedo sleeves, and reached for a door-knob. As soon as he touched it, the entire door changed shape and model, and he opened it to peek inside. It was the castle, that was certain, but not the right place.

"Let's head down this way more" Inaba instructed. "I'm sure that's where the jail is."

"Are you sure you're sure?" Shinobu warily asked. Inaba, taking a lesson from the confidence of his human friends, turned and gave a smiling wink. Then of course he tripped over a rock that stuck out of the purple ground. Shinobu smacked her forehead and Ataru stared blankly.

"We're doomed, aren't we?" Ataru asked.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the prison of Kalu's castle, the tortures for all her inmates began...

"NOOOO!!!" Benten screamed painfully. "You can't!!!" Her torture was a miserable one. Kalu had a novice guard attempting to assemble a Positronic Rifle by hand, and he was messing up in a way that could only strike Benten the War Goddess as torturous. "That doesn't go there! Stop trying to force it into place! If that part discharges you'll get 10,000 volts of neutronic energy!"

"And that's...bad?" the guard said curiously, still twisting and shoving things in and out of place. Benten roared ragefully and writhed around in her holding cell while the other captives took their torture in a much more dignified manner. Sakura just sat and took the ridiculous supposed 'torment' of watching her fiancée surrounded by beautiful vixens and damsels from what she assumed to be an intergalactic street corner. Tsubame just stared lovingly at Sakura, not budging or flinching toward the wonderful torture a bit.

"This is pointless" Mendo said. His eyes were mechanically kept open to watch a history of perverted behavior caught on tape from the various planets in the galaxy. It was a sort of bizarre, inhuman voyeur for how to grope creatures that are comprised entirely of immaterial, gooey matter. "I don't see the goal you intend to reach by showing me this..."

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUTRAGED!" Kalu screamed. "Why aren't you chivalrously outraged!?"

"I don't even know what's going on here!" Mendo shouted. "These things don't _look_ the least bit womanly! How should I care when I can't tell when something is being violated or eaten?" Kalu growled and proceeded to the next chamber. Asuka's torture was just being alone because any time a man got near her she berserked and crushed his body with a signle blow, then calmed down and stared longingly at one of her Brothers adjacent to her cell.

Tobimaro was put in the same cell as Ryoko, which was enough raw suspense for his heart to border constantly on an attack. Ryoko was just there...punishing her seemed futile because she was so sadistic towards her tormentors. Of course, Ryuunosuke's torture was working well enough to get decent results.

"Quit it!" she shouted from the wall she was fastly bolted to. "What's wrong with you people!?" After much interrogation, it was revealed that Ryuunosuke was in fact a girl, which Kalu didn't anticipate, and so all the most gorgeous womanly gowns and dresses were incinerated in front of her. "Grr! You won't get me to kill myself over destroying expensive-looking girly stuff, y'know!"

"It was all on sale" Kalu said to deepen the wound. "75% off. Nearly got them for nothing..." Her casualness in burning such wonderful items infuriated the inner woman in Ryuunosuke, and she flexed furiously to bend her metal restraints and attempt to pry herself from the wall.

"And as for you, Ran," Kalu evilly began to the teary girl mummified in chains, "you'll get an encore performance of your proclaimed 'one true love's' loyalty!" Ran shook her head defiantly as a video screen came down again. It overlooked the same little shack wherein lived Rei, this time with a line of young women and some men at his door with food in arm. "You'll watch him accept every gracious gift of love-made food from men and women alike! Where is your feeble romance now!?" Ran started bawling, muffled by her restraints, and writhing around as the scene played out. Rei burst out of his humble little hobble in his tiger-cow form and started rampaging all over the gathered masses, stealing their food and forcing them to take flight out of shock and terror. To that scene, Ran offered up a victorious and pompous laugh that was still muffled by her chains.

Minor setbacks aside, at least two of the intended subjects were being appropriately tormented, and Kalu moved in evilly to check on her prize catch. Lum sat, head on her knees in the corner, casting a dark lament over the already dark cell.

"Ah, how the mighty have fallen" Kalu said, trailing off into her evil chuckle. Lum glared up through the shadows with a glowing eye of electricity. She gave off a horrible aura of death that made Kalu (and most of the guards) freeze like stone.

"Mock me all you want" Lum lowed sadly "just don't push yourself. You know this stupid little cell won't hold me for very long."

"Oh?" Kalu squeaked confidently.

"We still have friends on the outside" Lum said, "and they'll be here to free us much sooner than later. Then you'll be sorry!"

"You're not still sore about me tricking you into thinking I kidnapped you parents just to leave you in a prison cell to rot, are you?" Kalu asked. Lum's hands grabbed her face and throat, then zapped her until she started to smoke and plopped her back on the cold floor. Again, Ran gave a snotty huff through her chains at her captor. Lum went back to sulking in her corner now that she had flash-fried her nemesis and her rage was temporarily subsided.

"Oh Darling" she said softly, "I hope you're okay..."

* * *

"Oh no" a lookout groaned. He reached for a speaker button and pressed it down. "Can we get some animal control in the yard?"

"What for?" A voice crackled back in response.

"It's the Militia Lizards" he reported. "They're picketing again."

"Oh, crap" the other voice said with a sigh. "What do they want now?" The lookout looked down again. The lizard, the horrible little chicken-sized monsters with lashing tongues and soul-piercing stares, were marching in a rhythmic circle holding crude signs that had etchings of what looked like paper on them.

"They want the news" he reported.

"What?" the other one said. "We already gave them the newspapers for the week. We can't give them anymore!"

"Give them a reprint!" the lookout said. "They'll be happy with anything that has 'their' faces on the cover page."

"Alright" the animal specialist groaned. "I'll get a team out today...just don't aggravate them in the meantime."

"Roger" the lookout said. He clicked the com off and looked back through his telescopic viewer. The lizards were gone. There were plenty of them, about ten or twenty, and now there were none. He blinked, rubbed his eyes, and looked again, but they didn't stop being gone entirely.

"Is that all of them?" Shinobu asked. At a loss for finding the correct place inside the castle, Team Ataru had reconciled to build up a force of the fiercely loyal lizards under Ataru's guidance and storm them from the nearest place possible within the castle walls.

"Looks like it!" Ataru happily said. From all across the jungle a legion of over a hundred terrible chicken-lizards had been gathered, and they all flocked to Ataru for guidance and model behavior. If he smiled, they smiled by opening their mouths and flicking their tongues. If he spoke, they softly chirped in tune with him. If he crossed his arms, they all crossed their arms as well. A perfect army.

"Now what?" Inaba asked, keeping his girlfriend close from the influentially challenged lizards.

"Now we train them" Ataru said. He started making directions and motions, watching the lizards follow him in perfect step. They were hardly the movements and mantras of a military regimen, but it was the best Ataru knew.

"After the training?" Shinobu said impatiently.

"Well, the door's right there, right?" Ataru asked, pointing to a nearby, stone and mortar archway. It was the door to the lowest level of the castle that wasn't the prison block. "We'll just send them in and free everyone with out lizard army!"

"I'm not seeing how this will work..." Shinobu said.

"Why not?" Inaba asked.

"Well," Shinobu started, "if they mimic Ataru completely, then all they'll do is taunt the guards and run away at the first sign of trouble."

"Hey!" Ataru sternly gruffed. "I can hear you, you know. Besides, just watch!" Ataru, in a very commanding state of mine, sought out something he could demonstrate on. He pointed to a rock, which hall the lizards gazed at, then flicked out his tongue. With the force of nearly a hundred lizards shooting out their sticky tongues at once, the rock was decimated. "Any more questions, miss Doubtful?" Ataru asked arrogantly. Shinobu was effectively shut up.

"Why do they like you so much?" Inaba asked.

"Who knows?" Ataru answered, leaning back. "Maybe they just like me for me! I guess we lucked out on finding these little dudes, right?"

"They tried to eat us!" Shinobu hotly reminded him.

"Yeah" Ataru said, "but now they're cool! We'll just use them to save everyone and then leave them to rule the planet as they see fit! Everyone wins!"

"How...?" Shinobu asked. "Well, if we're ready we should go. Everyone's not going to get any more patient from waiting for us."

"True" Inaba agreed. "Are we ready, Ataru?" Ataru wasn't ready, and neither were his soldiers. They were doing windmill stretches. Shinobu smacked her forehead again and growled to herself. They were doomed.


	32. Operation Ataru: In Progress

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

It was a solemn day in space. Lum and almost all of her friends were captured by the tyrannical Kalu after a daring rescue attempt on Lum's parents. Unfortunately it was all a trap to get Lum in the proper place for Kalu to embarrass and torture her and all her friends for the terrible abuse she had gone through in school because of them. Now, to counter her vindicated rage, Ataru has staged an elaborate plan involving his zealous lizards to free everyone (and Lum) before Oyuki blows up the planet!

Inside the castle, a small patrol of guards was roaming through the halls, looking for the remaining invaders that came with the captives.

"What makes you think they're in the pantry?" the head guard asked his nosy subordinate.

"We should check everywhere" he reasoned. "We don't know what kind of environment these people can hide in."

"He's right" the other junior said in support. The troop leader huffed and rolled his eyes while his underlings checked the cupboards and closets. Everything was checking out alright, only food where the food was supposed to be.

"Looks like we can move on" the leader said. "Form up! These kids may be on the move."

"Just one last thing" the underling said as the group moved out.

"Now, private!" the leader commanded.

"Just a sec!" the careful guard said. He ran towards the refrigerator, expecting to find nothing, and indeed found nothing. Four lizards had devoured all the food in the entire fridge and, upon seeing the young guard, they lashed their tongues out and caught him, pulling him in and beating him up.

"It's an ambush!" the leader shouted, turning back towards the kitchen. Suddenly, every door and cabinet rattled violently, like an earthquake was happening.

"Where are they coming from!?" one of the guards shouted. Just as the guards mobilized inside the kitchen, every cupboard and pantry closet flew open and the entire army of lizards rushed out, overwhelming and overtaking the armed force. From the dimensional doorway in the freezer stepped Ataru, who stood triumphantly watching his minions work as he chewed on an alien delicacy.

"You would attack from the fridge" Shinobu scoffed, "you glutton." Ataru just giggled in his playful, goofy way. Once all the soldiers were in submission, Ataru rallied his forces with a whistle and had them disperse from the apparent leader.

"Hey there!" Ataru politely greeted.

"So you _were _hiding in here! I knew it!" the leader shouted. His subordinates rolled their eyes behind him.

"Do you know where the prison is?" Ataru asked. "I need to free my friends so we can get off this rock."

"Feh!" the leader shouted, "I'm not telling you!"

"Yeah, why would you right?" Ataru said, sitting down and acting casual to the bound-up hostile. "I'm your enemy, after all."

"Yes you are" the guard growled.

"Although," Ataru started, "we don't really know each other, do we? I mean, how can you make an enemy from someone you barely know?"

"Uh..." the guard grunted, confused. "Well, you're princess Kalu's enemy, so that's good enough..." Ataru picked up on his unsure tone and went in to exploit it.

"Well, we're both men" Ataru reasoned. "Men like us shouldn't pick unnecessary fights, right?"

"I think that's what being a man is all about" the guard said.

"Really?" Ataru began. "What about women?"

"Well, they're important, of course" the guard said with a building smirk.

"What kind of girls do you like?" Ataru asked. "Big chested or round bottomed?"

"Me?" the guard started with a happy demeanor, "Well, I personally like more curvy girls, like my wife."

"Oh! You're married?" Ataru inquired.

"What's he doing?" Inaba asked Shinobu quietly.

"Ataru's got the devil's luck" Shiobu explained. "I think he's fially learned how to exploit it. No matter where he goes in this galaxy, he'll always meet the most perverted men, just like him, and end up hating or liking them with no real reason. Just look at Shutaro and Tobimaro and even Lum. No matter who he meets, they always lead to some perversion that gets him excited."

"How does Lum fit in there?" Inaba asked.

"Have you ever seen her wear anything to cover her stomach?" Shinobu asked. Inaba's eyes perked up and he nodded, continuing to watch Ataru's happy interrogation. He and the guard were now laughing, obviously very friendly with each other on the lustful scale they both enjoyed living on. Finally, Ataru got to his point in the psychological game he played like an expert.

"So, where are the prisoners again?" he asked. The guard, still laughing, responded.

"Oh, they're actually upstairs" he said, to the surprise of his troop. "Go up two flights and head east. The cell blocks are pretty well pointed out."

"Alright! Thanks, man" Ataru said. He got up and sped off, his lizards and friends in close pursuit, while all the guards laid roped up looking at their happy leader as the moment quickly washed over him.

"GAH! Oh no!" the leader shouted. "What have I done!?"

"You're slow!" one of the guards shouted.

* * *

"Guards!" Kalu shouted, "relocate these prisoners!" The guards went to work binding and carefully removing all the convicts from their cells and spacing them out from each other to move them to another holding area. "We've lost contact with the patrol. That must mean that the remaining invaders have made it inside the castle!"

"Really!?" Lum shouted excitedly. "That means Darling's coming to save us!"

"Darling?" Kalu repeated questionably. Sakura shook her head, trying to silence Lum from behind.

"You again!?" Mendo shouted from the back of the line. Kalu glanced in his direction and became full of panic, scrambling to fit her mask on and adjust her regal dress.

"Ah, you were captured after all?" Luko asked his worthy foe. "You know, my head still hurts from the blow you gave me. Good show!"

"Shutaro!" Tobimaro shouted, "I didn't know you fought this man."

"Yes" Mendo started arrogantly, "and I won!"

"It was quite a show!" Luko admitted. "Wasn't it, men?" The guards he turned to just mumbled and apathetically looked away.

"I can't believe it!" Tobimaro said. "I thought you couldn't hold a stick up to this guy before, but you really beat him!? That's amazing Shutaro!"

"Hooray, Big Brother!" Asuka and Ryoko cheered. The constant patronizing from his rival and his better female halves was giving him an octopus face of anger.

"How lucky are you?" Luko said, patting Mendo on the back. "You have the support of both these wonderful girls and all these wonderful friends...it makes me feel so warm inside. I am glad I was able to fight you, Mr. Mendo. You have shown me the error of my callous ways?"

"How so?" Mendo asked.

"You both seem equally callous" Sakura pointed out.

"All these young women" Luko continued with a breaking voice, "swimming around you so happily. I shall become more like you and gain my own beloved friends! I shall...get a haircut!!!"

"What!?" Mendo growled. "That's what it boils down to? My hair!?"

"Well" Ryoko started, "certainly not your personality..."

"Or skill" Tobimaro added.

"Or hair" Tsubame added, ignorant to his wrongness in the conversation.

"Luko!" Kalu growled. "Quit fraternizing with the prisoners and get this caravan moving!"

"Yes, your highness" Luko sounded off. "Sorry," he whispered to Shutaro, "but get moving, you knaves!" he now roared, lashing a prop whip. The line of prisoners marched, Asuka under careful supervision by an all-female squad. Lum was given a pair of rubber cuffs to cancel her electricity so she couldn't fry anyone anymore. Otherwise, everyone hobbled down the hall in their metal cuffs and shackles in the direction that Kalu led them.

"Where are you taking us!?" Ryuunosuke shouted.

"Now now" Kalu patronized, "just calm down little boy." Ryuunosuke started growling and thrashing violently while the guards struggled to restrain her at the mention of the word 'boy'. "I can't let you ruin my plans just yet."

"You already got you revenge, didn't you?" Lum lowed. "You embarrassed me and endangered all my friends! I think you're done, so just let us go."

"Oh no" Kalu said, turning around and walking backwards to continue lecturing her. "I'm nowhere near done with you yet! I've got some tasty little information on you, Lum Invader, and I know just how to push you over the edge of despair...just like how you pushed me from ward to ward of the galactic hospital!"

"That was your own fault!" Lum said. "If you weren't such a terrible little girl in middle school we wouldn't have beaten you to a pulp continuously! It's Karma!"

"It's not Karma!" Kalu shouted. "It was torture!" She walked away and took some time to regain her composure, then came back and confronted her adversary again with no words. Lum glared her down and forced her to huff away to the front of the line again, leaving Lum victorious. The prisoners and guards came upon a giant, elegant marble staircase that came up from the lower floor and spiraled up to the upper floor.

"Fast and away!" Luko shouted. "Up to the higher steps of thy doom!"

"I don't like doom" Asuka cooed, starting to hyperventilate. "There could be men up there. Horrible men everywhere! I'm scared! KYAAAA, Someone HELP ME!!!" At her shriek, a lizard came upstairs, waddling along in a hurry with a full legion of similar lizards behind it. Upon the back of the chicken-sized wave rode the arrogant Ataru, the imbalanced Shinobu and the fallen Inaba.

* * *

The lizards came to a stop, allowing Ataru to glide across them and land in the front. Once his feet planted, he started doing more calisthenic poses and finished off in a very flashy, stupid looking pose with his legs spread apart and his hands brought up above his head with the nails together rested on his hair.

"..." There was a shared silence around, as Ataru's ridiculous pose and other gestures were multiplied by nearly a hundred behind him. Even Inaba took up the pose once he found his balance, much to Shinobu's embarrassment.

"Team Moroboshi" Ataru began to his lizards, "prepare for war!" The lizards squawked in unison and continued to mirror him as he shifted to a normal charge position.

"Ah!" Kalu excitedly mused, "so you came here at last!"

"Darling!" Lum shouted with tears of joy. Ataru looked at her in surprise, apparently unaware that she could be caught or contained at all. From the corner of his eye came a blinding white light that grew and encircled him entirely. He and Kalu disappeared underneath the growing, globulin white light. Again, but with more fear in her voice, Lum cried "DARLING!!"

"Eh!?" Ataru said, looking around in confusion with his lizards that were caught with him following his motion. They all looked around with confusion until they caught sight of Kalu. The lizards growled at her, and Ataru swooned at her. "Hey, beautiful! How're you doing?"

"So..." Kalu began nefariously, "you're Darling?" She stood above him in mid-air with hr dazzling pink dress and her emotionless, evil mask. She hadn't even done anything and he was already in her clutches.


	33. Operation Ataru: ABORT!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Eh?" Ataru gulped. His lizards all continued to hiss under the white shell that Kalu had, somehow, enclosed them in. Kalu slowly drifted down from the air she floated upon and lightly landed on the ground. Her formal evening apparel robes had Ataru's perverse gaze under her complete control.

"You're a very fickle man, aren't you?" Kalu said. Ataru drooled over her for a second longer, than shook off his goofy grin and clenched a fist up to his face dramatically.

"Enough flirting!" Ataru shouted. "Kalu, I demand you release my friends and other associates, like Mendo, at once!" Kalu stared at him through her mask, not saying anything or moving to give a response. Ataru and his lizards held the pose until Kalu tilted her head to the side and gave an arrogant smirk.

"Alright, that's fair" she said.

"Eh?" Ataru grunted again.

"In return," Kalu started, "I do want one thing from you..."

"Oh yeah?" Ataru said goofily, shaking it off again and considering what an evil alien would want from him. "I'm not killing anyone for you, so don't ask!"

"Oh, I don't want you to" Kalu said. "Instead, I should tell you a bit about my people's traditions."

"Huh...?" Ataru groaned.

"You see" Kalu began, pacing slightly, "it all began a few brief centuries ago. The Oni race had driven my people from our home planet, forcing us to settle wherever possible and hope for the best. My parents eventually came here, an intergalactic animal research station where most of your planet's ancient dinosaurs had gone before their extinction."

"Wait" Ataru interrupted, making a T with his hands. "Wasn't that, like, millions of years ago?"

"Yes" Kalu answered. "Anyway, once I was of age they left me in charge of this entire planet and left for another one in a faraway system. It's been quite a sullen life, living alone on a planet of barbarous lizards and the like...even my royal guard and former fiancée Luko couldn't console me forever. That is when, on a whim, I decided to pay to receive the _Monthly Universe_."

"Lemme guess" Ataru said. "Is that some kind of weirdo, alien kind of newspaper?"

"No" Kalu said, "it just a normal kind of newspaper."

"Really?" Ataru asked.

"Anyway" Kalu said, getting back to point, "in every volume of the paper since a little over a year ago, there has always been one very curious couple appearing on the front of every issue..."

"Who's that?" Ataru asked. Kalu pulled up a paper written in some alien calligraphy, displaying a very well taken picture of Lum making a flying hug/tackle on Ataru.

"In return for freeing Lum and the others" Kalu said, "I wish for you to marry me, here and now..." Ataru gave the newspaper a good, hard gaze, ignoring the soft cooing and thrilling of the lizards behind him. He adapted his serious, 'thinking' face and deeply considered Kalu's proposal with a few wincing grunts.

* * *

"Darling!" Lum shouted as she pounded on the bright spheroid that held him from her. "Darling, please get out of there! Whatever you do, don't be yourself around her!!!"

"It's no use" Ran cutely, sadly called. "Darling is lost to Kalu forever!"

"NO WAY!" Lum roared at her. "He's getting out of there if I have to pry him out myself!"

"Don't do it, Miss Lum!" Mendo heroically shouted. "Who knows what kind of strange, foreign stuff that ball is made of!"

"I do!" Lum growled. "It's an electromagnetic barrier, and I'm an electric Oni!"

"Ah" Mendo said, "well, good luck then!"

"Shingo!" Lum shouted, "Be useful and help me!" Shingo looked over from the guard he was easily overpowering and nodded. With a spring he was next to her. She grabbed his arm and they made a grab at the structure of the shield. Lum zakked as much energy through them both as she herself could handle. Sparks and streaks of energy flared up between her gritted teeth and crackled at the ground beneath her.

"Look!" Asuka shouted. The pair was indeed ripping apart the barrier. The separation that Lum and Shingo forced created only a tiny sliver that everyone could see through.

"There they are!" Ryuunosuke pointed out. Lum looked through and saw Ataru staring down Kalu and muttering something with his 'serious' face on.

"Darling!" Lum shouted.

"I got him" Benten said, aiming a nasty looking bazooka into the shell. Before anyone could try and stop her, she fired and the entire field was disrupted. All Lum's energy went surging through the ground and shocked everyone but Shingo. After the smoke cleared, Lum saw Ataru standing firm, although slightly ash and soot covered.

"Hooray!" Lum chirped cheerfully. "Darling!" She flew over and gave him a snuggly hug, rubbing her face into his chest. "I missed you so much, Darling! I thought I'd die!" Ataru grabbed Lum's shoulders and brought her face up.

"Hey, Lum" he said nicely. "Don't worry, everything's going to be alright."

"I know it is, Darling" she softly said, ignoring the smoldering of Kalu's body nearby. "As long as I'm with you, everything will always work out..." At this point, Lum would imagine that they would kiss. So did Mendo, the first to fully recover from the shock and slowly unsheathe his sword. He watched Ataru bring his hands up from Lum's shoulders and pat them back down in a friendly fashion.

"Well, I guess you guys should get out of here, right?" Ataru said.

"Yeah" Lum said, unpursing her lips. "Let's go." She grabbed Ataru's collar but he held his body back, refusing to budge for her. "Come on, Darling. Everything's alright, remember?" Sakura could see what was happening, even from the far back of the ranks. Ataru's unwavering grin and Lum's strained efforts to budge him were enough of a tell, but she could even see the evil in Kalu's eyes from behind her mask.

"Oh, Lum" Kalu said disappointed. "You were almost home free, but now I've won in the end. I've won." Kalu started endlessly repeating herself, adding more mad chuckling as she danced around screaming her victory remarks.

"Won?" Lum said inquisitively. "Darling, what does she mean?"

"She means" Ataru started, "that you guys are free to go. She has no qualms with letting you guys go...but...I'm staying."

"...mah?" Mendo grunted. "MAH!?" he then shouted. "Moroboshi, what meaning of stupid is this!?"

"No stupidity, Mendo" Ataru suavely responded, "just negotiation..." He looked sadly, distantly at Lum, who was tearing up quickly herself.

"That's right!" Kalu shouted, dancing back into scene. "I'll let you all leave without a second thought, as long as Ataru stays here, as my HUSBAND!" The words went through Lum like a freight train, sending the coldest shock up her back that she had ever felt in her life. It was so bad that she fell to the ground as an ice statue, complete with hollow clatter, so Shingo dragged her away.

"Sorry guys" Ataru said, "but you're all more important to me than anything else. I'd rather have to stick out a lifetime here to let you guys get away unscathed than have us keep fighting like this..."

"...Moroboshi..." Sakura sadly said.

"You FOOL!" Mendo roared. Even his eyes had some very minute tears welling up in them. "For once in your life, be more considerate of everybody else! What about your parents, Onsen-mark and Kotatsu-neko? You moron, what about LUM!?"

"...I'm sure she'll find someone" Ataru sullenly replied.

"Come, Darling" Kalu snidely said. "Let us find you a proper suit for the ceremony tomorrow. I'd invite your friends, but I'm afraid it will be quite a private ceremony." Kalu lavishly threw up her long robes and entwined herself and Ataru with them. In her last seconds of depressed consciousness, Lum observed Ataru ascending into a hidden passage in the ceiling with Kalu as he winked her good-bye...

* * *

"My lady" a Neptunian technician reported to Oyuki on her battle throne, "we have an incoming transmission from the planet surface.

"Is there a signature?" Oyuki asked.

"Yes" the woman responded, "it's Lum."

"Put it through immediately" Oyuki commanded. After a slight delay, the audio came crackling in.

"UUUWAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" screamed the sad voice of Lum. Oyuki turned down the volume and shook her head lightly.

"Lum, what is the matter?" she asked. A frantic blubbering filled with sobs and mixed Japanese/Oni lamentations was heard until someone activated the screen. Benten appeared as Ran led the hysterical Lum away. She looked none too happy, so Oyuki kept the volume at its low setting. "What's wrong with Lum?"

"That stupid little ***** Kalu stole Ataru from her!" Benten shouted. "you should've blown that smart-ass to kingdom come when you had the chance..." Benten started off on a random tangent of curse words after that, painting Oyuki only a partial picture.

"I can assume you're all safe" Oyuki said. "However, are you off the planet yet?"

"We're staying here!" Benten roared. "Lum won't leave without Moroboshi, and we've tried for a few hours to convince her otherwise."

"...very well" Oyuki said. "Tell Lum I will be in transit for your approximate position by the next morning. I'll join you on the surface."

"Really?" Benten asked. Ran was seen cringing in the background. "That's great, Oyuki! If you're here, our military power will skyrocket!"

"NO NEED!" Ran shouted, jumping in front of Benten to block the monitor. "We, uh, we've already got our own, economical plan to get Darling back ASAP. No need to come down here or blow u the planet, we're fine! Hahahahaha!" Ran's nervousness around the icy woman was obvious, but Oyuki wasn't one to bend to only one person's opinion. She sat back down and relaxed with no intention to depart anymore.

"Fine then" Oyuki said, "I won-"

"Ignore her!" Ryuunosuke shouted, tackling her way into view. "We need all the help we can get!"

"Please, Miss Oyuki!" Mendo shouted from away.

"At least make Lum quiet down" Sakura groaned off screen.

"Please hep us, Miss Planet Destroyer!" Ryoko called.

"Please...although I don't now why" Asuka called.

"We're begging you, grandpa!" Shingo called.

"Shutaro needs more help than me" Tobimaro said.

"What!?" Mendo retaliated. Oyuki sat back and listened to the overlapping cries for help, trying to discern one argument from another in the chaos.

"Oyuki..." a soft, hoarse voice said. Lum, still full of tears, approached the camera and looked in with puppy eyes. "...please? For Darling's sake?" Even with all the danger present, Lum refused to put things into her own perspective. She only thought of Ataru and his safety, nothing else. With a nod, Oyuki began her response.

"Prepare a proper military base" Oyuki instructed. "I'm on may way now." Lum cracked a happy smile. Everyone started cheering except Ran, who just stared on dumbfounded by how quickly she was overturned. The transmission ended with Oyuki marching away down her ship towards her room for weapons and suit up. "For Ataru's sake, maybe. For Lum's sake, of course. All she had to do was ask me..." she told herself in her heel-toe militant march.


	34. Operation Ataru: Replan

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"I have arrived" Oyuki said. Her pod landed just barely north of where Lum and her friends had set up camp. With billowing steam to mark her presence, Oyuki stepped out onto the planet and was confronted instantly by a menagerie of alien-influenced velociraptors. She glanced around at them as they glared her down with there hungry eyes and spiny backs. Then, they pounced.

"Hey" Benten called, "Oyuki's here."

"Where!?" Ran shouted. She was keeping herself locked firmly in a storage cabinet that had an 'No Cold' sticker on the front. "Where!?"

"Uh, she's coming" Benten said, observing the building frost that raced across the jungle floor from the nearby crash site. "She'll be here in a minute or two."

"Giii!" Ran squealed. "That doesn't give me enough time to prepare my defenses!"

"What for?" Tobimaro asked. "She's our ally, right Lum?" Lum didn't respond. She decided to stay curled up in the corner of the military armory they based in.

"Don't bother with her" Ran said. She was busy trying to get a flamethrower to light with a match. "She's dead to us now. Unless we can get Darling back she won't come out of it."

"Miss Ran" Mendo began, "please be a bit more considerate of Miss Lum's feelings. For reasons I myself cannot fathom, she deeply misses Moroboshi. Of course, with him out of the way..." and so begins yet another installment of the 'Mendo Inner-Mind Theater'. This time, with no Ataru, it stars only Shutaro and a sundress-clad Lum as they frolic together in harmony.

"_I'm so happy, Mendo" Lum said to him on the romantic beach._

"_As am I, Miss Lum." he replied, then chuckled lightly. "Rather, I should start saying 'Mrs. Mendo'"_

"_Oh, new Darling" Lum sighed._ With all this swimming in his brain, Mendo didn't see the baseball bat coming from behind and got floored.

"You perv!" Tobimaro growled with flaming eyes. "You would dare think such loud thoughts with a girl wallowing in grief and your friend in mortal danger? I'm ashamed to call you my rival right now."

"All of you shut it!" Ran growled. "Oyuki's a whole new level of evil than what you've seen thus far! Darling at least smiles around her, but she's a cold-blooded demon queen down in the very depths of her black soul!"

"Ran" Shinobu exclaimed. "Don't say those things! She's your friend!"

"She's nearly killed me before!" Ran argued.

"We've all nearly killed you before, Ran" Benten pointed out.

"Plus, she sounds nice" Ryuunosuke pointed out. "As long as she helps us, we'll be fine."

"You would say that!" Ran growled. "Once Oyuki gets angry, she gets murderous. And even when she's being nice, she's always working some twisted angle to get money out of people. She's a frozen blood-sucker! The only thing she'll want to freeze is your funds once they're tapped!"

"Ran" Benten said.

"Shut it!" Ran shouted. "I'm not done yet!"

"I'm here" Oyuki said. "I jogged part of the way and got here faster than I thought. Those dinosaurs out there didn't give me any trouble either." Ran was already frozen with a shocked smile on her face.

"Ah, she'll be fine" Benten said, waving her hand. "Now, about Ataru?"

* * *

Inside the castle, which was just a hike away for the defecting invaders as they prepared their counter-attack, Kalu celebrated her victory over the humility of her middle-school tormentors by getting her new fiancée fitted for his tuxedo to be worn the next day.

"In my society" Kalu said, "a kiss is a sealing pact of marriage. One kiss, and you're married."

"That's lame" Ataru said. "On my planet, you have to arrange a whole ceremony and stuff. You still kiss at the end, but you can kiss all the time without getting married."

"How barbaric" Kalu said.

"I like it!" Ataru happily said. He winced loudly and bit his lip as his belt was sudden;y tightened into his bone by his fitter, Luko.

"Ah, but what wonderful courting that must give way to" he started. Only hearing him talk once and Ataru already tried to drown the voice out of his head by thinking over his own problems. "Imagine, walking up to a girl with the thought of the purest intentions and, with but a kiss, sending her into swoon. Have you even attempted a woman's heart in such a romantic manner, Mr. Moroboshi?"

"Eh?" Ataru grunted. "I just walk up and ask for their name. And phone number, and address, and sometimes their measurements."

"Much luck?" Luko asked. Ataru sighed and tilted his death-stricken face his way. "I suppose not. Well, you'll no longer need to worry about such things. Married life is divine!"

"LUKO!" Kalu screeched. "Less talk, more fitting!"

"Yes, your highness!" he sounded off.

"Say" Ataru whispered, "what's with the masks? Will I get one too?"

"Oh no" Luko said. "These are masks Kalu and I wear out of our humility. A long time ago, we had a falling out, and now she demands we never see each other again. This way, we can continue to work together without actually seeing the other's face."

"I don't get it" Ataru said. "If it's that way, why not just leave? You can't even see her cute face anymore like that..."

"Well, it's half my planet" Luko said. "Our divorce gave me half of her possessions to hold so long as I can occupy this planet."

"Divorce?" Ataru repeated fearfully. _So that's it, eh? You don't want to stop at humiliating Lum by throwing her in prison, but because we're the focus of the dating universe, you want to smear my reputation across the cosmos with a divorce!? Heh-heh-heeeh...not happening, sweet-cheeks!_

"Finished!" Luko called. He nudged Ataru from behind his veil and let him walk in front of Kalu in his formal wear. It was a pink tuxedo, of all things, with a checkered white-and-blue tie. His Oni armor was thrown in the trash when it was removed.

"Oh!" Kalu exclaimed, clapping her hands to her face with pleasure. "Oh, Darling, you look fantastic!"

"Well, I can wear a great tux!" Ataru noted, puffing out his chest vainly. _Trust me, sweety, you'll regret this plan. I'm a master at getting dumped, and a quick reversal of roles can make me the absolute God of Dumping!!!_ "But, what're you gonna wear?"

"Oh, so glad you asked!" Kalu happily cheered. She pressed a button on the wall and a fleet of guards came running in with a huge, billowing dress of cream orange and sparkling lavender. Kalu swooned over her dress with hands clasped together in an oddly nefarious way while Ataru just looked at it with a serious, analytical face.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Kalu said proudly.

"Hmm..." Ataru hummed. "Won't it make you butt look huge?" he bluntly said. Kalu nearly broke her fingers. The guards took a good couple of steps back and let the dress fall onto the ground. The vain in Kalu's head started pulsing wildly. _As much as it hurts me to purposely anger a girl, I enjoy life too much to actually get married just yet._

"You're right!" Kalu said. Ataru jumped at her reaction, as she was acting as analytical as he was. "As the future queen of this system, my butt must hold a dainty and regal appearance at all times. Take this to the royal tailor and have it scrapped! I have decided on a more slimming robe for the ceremony!"

_Damn!_ Ataru shouted within himself. _She saw through my attack! Well, no matter. I still have a whole day to get her to dump me, and I'll do it. I swear it! _He started clenching his fist and shaking it behind her back. _As the universes number-one ladies man, I shall use everything in my arsenal of womanly self-confidence attacks to make you hate me!!!_"Wait" Asuka shivered, "we're saving Ataru!? Kyaa, no! I don't want him running around anymore! Let' just go home!"

* * *

"Asuka" Tobimaro said calmingly, "please consider Lum's feelings before saying that. She misses him horribly, and we have to rescue him for her!"

"Why?" Ryoko asked. "He got himself into wedlock just to anger Lum anyway. Let's leave him to rot or get divorced."

"Please," Tobimaro pleaded, "let's just stay calm, okay? Talking about this so loud will just get Lum even angrier, and the only one who can survive her anger is Shingo! Do you want Shingo to take care of us while we recover? We'll surely die!"

"Who's talking about me?" Shingo asked. Tobimaro just laughed and shrugged and Shingo was off again to console the still inconsolable Lum. She was given a safe distance from anyone she could easily barbecue and only trusted Ten to talk to her.

"It's alright, Lum" Ten said, floating in front of her. "We, we'll definitely get him back! He's not the kind of Idiot to just get married on his own! You know that. Please ,cheer up." Lum didn't budge.

"That didn't work" Shingo said. "I'm telling you, try a funny dance! Dancing makes anyone happy!"

"Shut up, idiot!" Ten chided to his face. "Who even wants you to be here?"

"I dunno" Shingo answered, totally serious. "But I'm here, and as a bodyguard I'm here to help. But as a ninja, I can never be seen. Such a quandary..."

"Be serious!" Ten shouted.

"How are things going, Ten?" Oyuki asked. She walked into the corner to comfort her defensive friend the only way she knew how. "Lum, how may I assist you right now?"

"..." Lum answered.

"Surely I can help you recover your Darling" Oyuki said with a royal smile. Lum looked up at her with her tear-streaked face and took in a shaky breath.

"Actually" Lum began with a steady voice, "I've been thinking about that for a while. And I've decided," and the group leaned in to listen to her words, "that I'm _way _to angry to think right now." Oyuki retreated back a few steps, with Ten clinging to her arm as his own escape. Lum started crackling with energy, which Shingo didn't notice, as she slowly rose up from the ground.

"...Lum?" Ten fearfully squeaked. Oyuki took preemptive measures and started to form a wall on non-conductive ice to block what would inevitably be a huge surge of electricity. "Lum, calm down. We trust you to get him back too!"

"Don't encourage her" Oyuki said. "She's about to explode, it seems."

"All I can think of" Lum said, shaking with anger, "is how to get back at Kalu now! And I've reached a decision! She needs to pay, and not in any juvenile way like we planned earlier..." Lum slowly turned her face to the front of the armory to everyone else. A wave of fear, and crackling static, swept over everyone.

"What's with her horns?" Ryuunosuke asked.

"I don't know!" Benten answered. "She must be pissed beyond reason!"

"Oh boy" Mendo quivered.

"...we're blowing up this planet" Lum said. Her horns had grown out and extended up like the horns of a demon and the static electricity climbed up them in bursts of violent lightning. "Oyuki, can you get your ship in proper orbit before we leave?"

"Yes" Oyuki replied.

"But" Ten started, "what about Ataru?" Suddenly, the surge died down to just a field of energy around her and her horns shrunk back to their cute size again.

"I'm sure he's trying his best to escape" she said with a somewhat sad smile. "He's not a guy you can keep tethered down for very long, or at all, really. He'll do everything in his power to prevent that marriage ceremony from inside. Meanwhile, we'll break down the castle from the outside and give Kalu a roughing-up in the process."

"Great plan!" Benten shouted.

"Everyone suit up!" Lum ordered. "We're not taking any sweet time to wait. We're charging ASAP!!!"

"Yes, ma'am!" the soldiers cheered. War has been declared by the demonic, furious Lum!


	35. Long Distance Relationship

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The night before the wedding of Kalu and Ataru fell. The dinosaurs planet was calm. All the tenants of the castle rested, most of them in traction from their wounds and other shocking injuries, in the cool planet's night. Even Ataru, who's dread was built up high as a tower, sat comfortable mumbling in his Earth clothes at the edge of his guest suite bed.

"This girl's pretty tough" Ataru said. "She's already read my strategy and built up a defense! She's just like Lum! No matter how I insult her, she just agrees and backfires with a sweet wink and nod. I told her the cooking sucked, the decorations were boring and her entire house was plain stupid, and she agreed! She's going to fire her caterers, hire a galactic decorator and tear down the entire castle next month. Nothing's working!" Ataru got up in frustration and paced over to the window. He opened it to let some cool air in to keep his head from steaming and too some deep breaths.

"Even the attacks on her person bounce off her" Ataru noted. "Then again, she does have a perky enough chest for most things to bounce off of. Hee! I told her she was lopsided and she unbuttoned her dress...then I passed out. I wanted to tell her her butt was too flat, but after losing that much blood, I don't think I'd have survived, Guh...how do I usually do this?" After a minute of slouching and sulking on the windowsill, Ataru came to a sudden epiphany. A perfect plan to completely destroy Kalu's self-esteem in an instant!"

"I'll escape!" Ataru heroically said. He stood looking around frantically for a second, then jumped over to his bed and snatched off the covers. "I'm a master at running away! I'll leave, find everyone, and we can get the heck outta here! That'll embarrass the hell outta What's-her-face! HAHAHAHA!" In his fit of temporary madness, Ataru braided the sheets together and secured them tightly to a stone pillar near the window. As he draped the rope out, he took a look down. The ground was far down, very far down. The tree tops looked like tiny algae on a muddy pond from his window. Ataru stared down for another moment and gathered his courage.

"I wonder what story the kitchen is on" he muse,d walking away with abandonment to his previous plan.

"Darling!" Lum's voice happily cheered. Ataru's head perked up at first, but then it lowered again.

"Haaah..." he sighed. "I must be going insane. I'm getting so frustrated that Lum's voice is going off in my head. I need to calm down, not get angrier." He started rubbing his temples and squinting his eyes in an effort to get some other girl's voice and visage to appear in front of him.

"Darling?" Lum's voice again called. "What're you doing?"

"Come on" Ataru pleaded, "Sakura, Ryoko, Shinobu, Ran, Benten, Ryuunosuke, Oyuki. Anyone, any cute girl! Come onnnn..."

"Darling" Lum's voice now angrily snapped. "Stop ignoring me." A physical sensation like a slap across the head came to Ataru and he opened his eyes. He saw Lum standing with her hands on her hips and haughtily stared him down. Ataru blinked at her, then squinted hard and started shaking his fists for luck. When he opened his eyes again, he became disappointed.

"Come on" Ataru groaned, trying again, "Sakura, Sakura, Sakura, Sakura..." so Lum hit him on the head again and broke him out of it. "Oh, hi Lum" Ataru half-heartedly greeted. "What're you doing here?"

"Oyuki sent up a dummy ship" she explained "so Kalu doesn't know that we're all still here."

"You didn't leave?" Ataru asked.

"I couldn't" Lum started. "I completely broke down when you said you'd marry Kalu to save us. Darling, I don't want that kind of guilt on my conscience. I love you too much."

"Yeah" Ataru said sternly. "That's why I'm ditching Kalu."

"Oh" Lum said. "Good plan!"

* * *

"The problem" Ataru began, "is that my methods aren't working quite right. I'm trying to get her to hate me and throw me out before the wedding, but nothing's working. I've given her every insult I could think of, but she responds just like you."

"She beats you?" Lum snarled. "How dare she! No one's allowed to hurt you but me!"

"No, she smiles it off" Ataru corrected. "I come up with something insulting and she either agrees with me or shrugs them off as jokes!"

"Really?" Lum said. "Yeah, I tend to do that on my better days."

"She's pretty adamant on marrying me, too" Ataru added. "I think she just wants her name in the papers as a last ditch attack on your name and mine."

"Umm..." Lum shyly started, "Yeah. About the magazine pictures? Freelance photographers usually pay me to get you in the open with me...sometimes...but other than that, I have no idea how they get all the private pictures of us. I swear!"

"Like I care" Ataru said. "The fact that the pretty ladies of the entire cosmos can admire me from their homes is pretty gratifying." Lum just stared him down for saying that. "As soon as she marries me she'll divorce me and slander my name as a romantic ladies man!"

"When was that ever part of you name?" Lum asked.

"It'll hurt you too!" Ataru said, pointing dramatically. "The universe thinks we're engaged, and seeing you man getting married and then dumped by some backwoods chick will make the the most unwanted girl in the cosmos!"

"Like I care" Lum said. "As long as you and I can be together, my reputation can go to hell! I love you, Darling. I'd take a bullet for you, and a worthless reputation is little to lose if I can be with you for the rest of my life." Lum's body started to warp oddly, like a television image, which was when Ataru realized she wasn't really there.

"A-ha!" Ataru shouted. "I knew you were an illusion! Everything I said was null and void. I take anything affectionate back as of now!"

"Too late, dude" Benten's voice said.

"We all heard everything!"

"NOOOOO!!!" Ataru screamed. The holographic imager that projected Lum from the safety of the camp had a visual send only, so they couldn't see what Ataru was doing, but it sounded painful. Benten was at the console operating while everyone stood by in attendance.

"I feel dirty" Sakura growled "the he used my name the most..."

"Just hold out a while longer, Darling" Lum cutely pleaded. "We'll all be back to bring you home ASAP."

"But..." Ataru began shamefully, "but I thought you guys left..."

"You're a fool, Moroboshi" Mendo said, "but life isn't the same without you. We're going to save you, because no living female of any species should have to marry you against her will!"

"Exactly!" Inaba agreed. "Of course, the potential of you and Kalu having a pleasant future together is actually pretty good, but we'll save you nonetheless!" Shinobu pinched between her eyes in frustration.

"Thanks, everyone" Ataru said. "I'll try to make the job easier."

"Please try quickly" Oyuki said. "The longer we're here, the more at risk we are for my fleet to declare war on Kalu and kill us along with her." A petrified silence struck the room.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence" Ataru said. "I'll be waiting!"

"Not for long" Lum said, he projector loudly crackling off. "I love you!" Benten switched it off and pulled her away from the reader that projected her to Ataru. Then she kept carrying her as the imager began sparking and crackling loudly, and everyone got the same idea to run away while they could. A minute later, when everyone was behind cover, it exploded and took the corner of the ship they were in with it.

"Well that was...something" Benten said.

"Should we be concerned for Ran's health?" Oyuki pointed out. "She's still comatose from my entrance." Another chilling silence brought on by the ice queen. "Oh my..."

* * *

"Ahh" Cherry sighed on earth. "It's actually quite peaceful without that boy's negative energy filling the sky. Can you notice the difference?" Kotatsu-neko, who sat near him smoking his pipe, nodded and puffed out a ring. "I wonder how Sakura's doing, though. She has a tendency to get into trouble around those youngsters." Kotatsu-neko nodded again.

"Hello?" a voice called into the lot. "Mr. Monk?" Cherry looked behind him and saw Ataru's mother walk in, trailed by the other parents of all the earth kids who had gone missing for so long. "Cherry, can you help us?"

"Is this about your children?" Cherry asked.

"Yes" Ataru's mother exclaimed alarmingly. "Do you know where Ataru and the others have gone?"

"I may be able to find them" Cherry bargained "through my psychic channeling, but the price will be steep." Mrs. Moroboshi huffed and snapped her fingers. A cart of Mendo estate guards walked up with Mrs. Mendo riding in the back.

"I will pay you any price for the return of my son" she said. Cherry looked at her eagerly, then a kitten hopped into his lap and he started stroking it.

"I am a devout Buddhist priest" Cherry began. "Money and material things have no worth for me. All I ask for is the respect that I have been denied for so long..."

"Kotatsu-neko" Mrs. Moroboshi pleaded, "can you tell us where our children have gone?" Cherry's neck collapsed in shame as all the parents flocked to the silent ghost cat for guidance rather than pay him a little respect. Kotatsu-neko drew from his pipe and doodled on a few signs to tell them what he knew.

"_I think they're in space_" he explained. The women all turned to a startled Mrs. Moroboshi with hot gazes. Kotatsu-neko just nodded away and puffed occasionally from his pipe.


	36. New Plan

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

The morning of the wedding came. It was an ominous, cloudy morning, and even the ravenous dinosaurs stayed in their nests. Lum and her team prepared for war, a last ditch assault on Kalu's castle to recover Ataru before the noon wedding, while Ataru was already waist deep in his own mortar shells. He was barred from seeing the bride again until the wedding, as was a normal custom, but he also had to wear an uncomfortable mask with a goofy, crayon-drawn face made by his lizards.

"Thanks for the mask, guys" Ataru huffed as his lizard devotees. They bobbed up and down happily while Ataru strained to move his mask off for a bit. "Sorry you had to get locked up in the holding pens, though. I really want you guys at the wedding. It'd probably get on Kalu's nerves." The lizards all clucked in their own, odd laugh at their master's humor. However, seeing no way for them to be used in his plans, he donned his mask once more and left for the dinning hall.

_If I could just let those little guys out_ Ataru plotted, _they'd go crazy and ruin the wedding. Without them, I have to keep up on my own. I can tell she's just about ready to break. My tactics will have to be more indirect now that we can't see each other, but I'll manage..._ As Ataru walked through the castle halls, trying to find a familiar room, Kalu's waiting women and dress maids came running up behind him.

"Master Ataru!" they worriedly shouted. "Thank goodness we found you!"

"Hey ladies" Ataru reflexively greeted with a smile under his mask, "how's it going?"

"Lady Kalu demands your presence!" one of the girls said urgently.

"She says it is of absolute importance" another continued. "You must meet her immediately!"

"But I can't" Ataru said. "We can't see each other until the wedding, remember?"

"It's alright" one maid said, grabbing him by the arm. "She's found a safe way to talk to you."

"Oh" Ataru said, getting dragged along. "Good."

_HA!_ Ataru triumphantly laughed to himself. _You've just put yourself in check! I've already thought of the ultimate insult..._ The women continued to speed him through the halls and up the stairs until they finally arrived at Kalu's changing room. Once there, Ataru was thrown into the room on his face and was greeted by the soft glowing of light from behind a silky curtain. Kalu sat daintily in he mask behind that curtain.

"Hello, Ataru" Kalu said very cutely.

"Yo" Ataru greeted, face still on floor.

"I...I've been feeling regretful about this" Kalu said. "We should have gotten more time to know each other before we married. I feel like we're being rushed. I just wanted to hear how you felt."

"Uh..." Ataru stalled, "I don't know what to think..."

_Now's my chance!_ He told himself.

""I just know that Lum would be really sad if she saw this wedding..." Ataru lamented openly.

"I would think so" Kalu replied, smiling nastily behind her curtain.

"I mean, she could plan a better wedding in her sleep" Ataru said, striking a knife in Kalu's frail back. That was indeed a pus hover the edge for her and she silently grit her teeth and scowled at Ataru. "I'm sure she has planned better weddings. She would know just who to invite and where everything would go. Her ceremony would be perfect for her. Heck, if she wanted, she would be able to make it comfortable for me too!"

"Really?" Kalu said, straining to keep the regal quality in her voice. "How is our ceremony not comfortable to you?"

"Well" Ataru said, "I never even got a chance to run for it. Lum would at least let me run so she could chase me down...She'd make it a big event, or something. Also, she'd have her god-awful cooking everywhere and my sinuses would explode. But, at least knowing she'd be at the alter at the end, I'd be able to bear it...and I'd be happy." Kalu was now wringing and twisting a piece of steel.

_I feel a need to brush my teeth after saying all that... _Ataru admitted. _But, I'm more than sure it work.._.

"GRAHHHHH!!" Kalu roared. She leaped out at Ataru from her curtain, but got caught in it and fell to the floor in mid dive.

"I can see you have some issues" Ataru said, "so I'll leave you alone for now." Ataru left, his confidence brimming from his happy smile, now that Kalu was broken. She would either call off the wedding or give a lenient time for Ataru to escape while she shook off his words and re-prepared everything. As Ataru left, a long and continuous scream of frustration echoed through the castle. The lizards all gave out a clucking chuckle.

* * *

"RAAARRHH!!!!" Lum roared, suited from head to foot in ammunition and holding two huge guns. "Let's go save Darling!!!"

"Hold on, Lum!" Benten shouted. "We can't just go running in, guns blazing, and expect to pluck him outta there!"

"This is a first" the recovered but still frazzled and singed Ran said, cocking and checking her gun, "you don't want to rush into battle head first and see how many bullets you can catch with your face."

"You got something to say to me!?" Benten growled. "I'm right here, red."

"Don't you dare get on my bad side" Ran hissed back.

"Please" Asuka pleaded, "stop fighting! We're all reasonable women here! I'm sure we can rescue...Ataru...if we try hard!" She had said Ataru with a gulp and a shiver, which begged to question her ability to save him when the time came.

"I'll meet you ahead" Inaba said, opening a door in the air. "Nagisa, thank you for the trans-dimensional compass."

"Oh you're welcome" Nagisa said. "I had forgotten that I had it." So Inaba left, leaving Shinobu under Mendo and Tobimaro's care.

"Fear not, Shinobu" Mendo said gallantly. "I won't let you come to any harm."

"Indeed" Tobimaro continued. "And where Shutaro fails, I shall persist."

"Hey, wait!" Mendo shouted. "Who said I'd fail!?"

"We know you'll fail, brother" Ryoko said as Shingo sharpened her swords and nails. "It's part of your duty as a Mendo heir to fail at life and friends."

"Shut up!" Mendo shouted at her.

"My, Lum" Oyuki said, trying to be polite, "your friends are very noisy." Of course, Lum didn't hear her. In fact, she had flown away to start roaring at the sky and the distant castle over the wind outside. "Oh my, this won't end well."

"Finally" Sakura said "a voice of reason...This is obviously a bad idea."

"Recovering Moroboshi is a bad thing?" Oyuki said curiously. "Is he that much trouble for you on Earth?"

"Well, no" Sakura admitted, lighting up a cigarette out of exacerbation. "If we show up too late, Lum will flip and force you to blow up the planet. However, if we do get there on time, she'll still flip out, beat Kalu to death and then force you to blow up the planet. Whatever way you slice it, all these dinosaurs are gonna die...among other people, of course."

"Oh" Oyuki said. "I see what you mean now. Lum can get slightly hot headed, but not so much that she'd risk her friend's health for a vendetta." As she said that, Lum started shooting lightning all around, hitting her friend Ran and accidentally forcing her gun to discharge. The laser blast from Ran traveled right onto Benten's lower metal bikini, which heated up instantly and forced Benten into a painful panic.

She went dashing around in search of water or any cool liquid and ran into Mendo, who fell over backwards into Ryoko, who retaliated with a volley of grenades into the base. The chaos continued until Sakura and Oyuki were caught up in it, then everyone was forced to freeze and calm down.

"That was so oddly coincidental" Oyuki said. Sakura seethed silently at the ice girl. She protected herself with a huge ice shield that also had Sakura freezing behind it.

* * *

An hour later, Kalu hadn't calmed down. The time for the wedding was unexpectedly pushed back to the afternoon with a reception dinner in the evening. The men and women working at the castle rushed around in panic to get everything ready. Amidst the chaos, Ataru enacted the next part of his stalling plan. He was able to steal the keys to the lizard pen and was now en route to his loyalist lizards.

_This is just waaaay too easy_ Ataru said to himself. He stopped dead in his tracks after he said it, though. _Although, from past experiences, this is about the time someone comes in and stops me. I should hide before I keep going!_ After looking around quickly, Ataru chose a large plant to hide in. Sure enough, the luck of the cosmos shifted with him, as a panicking Luko passed through the halls just after Ataru was hidden.

"Moroboshi!" Luko called. "Sir Moroboshi, please come hence! Your future lady Kalu has spite to distill upon you!"

_Not this time, blue boy_ Ataru said. He snuck off to the pens. Once the lizards saw him crouching to the ground and softly creeping over, they got the hint to stay quiet. So, they all smiled and held their stubby hands to their mouths, bobbing their heads like they were stifling chuckles.

"I'm counting on you guys" Ataru whispered as he unlocked the cage. "Make some noise, cause some damage; don't let this wedding happen. Got it!?" The lizards nodded in unison, then sped off on their own. Ataru decided to take a shortcut to get back to his upstairs room, but as he rounded the first random corner he became quickly aware of how little he knew about the castle itself. Now, Ataru was lost and just waiting to get discovered.


	37. Chaos, Moroboshi style

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Now, of all things, there's lizards!" one guard complained. The lizard he griped about was hitting him in the face with its tongue. Ataru's chaos plan was in full motion. The militia lizards were tearing the place up, eating tapestry and rugs, terrorizing the staff, biting guards and eating the clothes off the maids and waiting women. All the while, Ataru moved stealthily through the castle to his room, where he would be discovered post incident and not assumed responsible for the incident. Finally, he was in familiar territory.

"My room should be near here" he said. For once in his life he was ignoring the shrieks of the scantly clad women around him and concentrated solely on escaping blame for causing all the ruckus. Getting back to his room was the only thing on his mind, but now as he was within steps of returning to his sanctuary, the thought of his single-minded objectiveness got to him.

"Well, maybe I can enjoy the scenery a little" he thought. "No, there's guards around here too. They aren't your average, brainless Mendo-grade grunts. They'll piece two and two together eventually if they see me out. Then again, why am I in such a hurry? It's not like Kalu will be able to find me either. The lizards really hate her for some reason. I won't get busted. I need to calm down." So Ataru stood in front of his door, laughing to himself for a while. The floor was quickly cleared of all personnel and lizards, leaving him alone to stare at his door until the finish on it peeled. After a while, he just went in with a sigh and locked the door to cement his alibi.

"Lady Kalu!" Luko called as he ran down the halls with his sword handy, "if you can hear me, barricade your door! The militia lizards have mysteriously escaped!" As he ran past Ataru's door, he thought he'd check in with the soon-to-be groom in light of the developments. "Sir Ataru, are you alright in there?"

"Huh?" Ataru jumped. "Yeah, I'm fine. What's going on out there? I heard screaming."

"It's nothing to be wildly concerned about, sir" Luko said. "The lizards have escaped somehow. Just stay inside for the time being."

"Awkk!" squawked one of the lizards. Luko turned his head and saw the whole army facing him down. They took a step forward and frazzled Luko's hair. The next thing Ataru heard was the running away of leather boots and the advance of nearly a hundred furious lizards. Once the stomping passed, he unlocked his door and peeked out again. The hall was empty once more, just a ruffled carpet and panicked marks on the walls.

"Well that was easy" Ataru told himself.

"ATTENTION!" blared a voice over the castle-wide PA system. "This is not an emergency, so evacuation is not necessary. The lizards are currently pursuing Luko outside and through the jungle, where they will eventually disembark and return to their nests. I suppose Luko will come back as well...maybe."

"No one likes that guy" Ataru noted.

"Please remain within the premises" the voice continued. "The wedding will be prepared by late-afternoon due to the setbacks. Please report quickly to your work posts and continue working!" The PA went off and Ataru leaned back, catching his head with his hands. It was still the morning and he had already set the wedding back twice since he got there. If all went according to plan, he could set it back even further.

"All I need is one more push" Ataru told himself. "If I can get it pushed back to tomorrow, even by the morning, I can ditch this planet with everyone!" Still, a nagging question was poking at the back of his head. "Although...why would I want to escape this desperately? Just because I'm getting married, or because I'm concerned about Lum...?"

* * *

Speaking of Lum, she wasted no time in getting her team suited up and moving out through the forest. She didn't care about anyone's state of health besides Ataru's, and even Benten kept a few steps behind her friend as they sped through the jungle thick.

"This is getting old" Sakura pointed out. "I'm beginning to get familiar with these trees..."

"At least you're wearing loose clothing" Tsubame pointed out. He was scratching himself all over like a monkey and made an uncomfortable face. "This suit is bunching up in the worst possible way!"

"So take it off!" Sakura growled.

"He can't dummy!" Eukeriel, the fairy yelled from under Tsubame's hat. "The suit helps him channel power. Even I know that, stupid-hair!"

"What's wrong with my hair!?" Sakura shouted. Eukeriel just stuck out her tongue and shut herself back in her master's hat. "We're getting rid of her the first chance we get" Sakura ordered. Tsubame nodded at her.

"This sucks" Ran growled. "Why should I care about stupid Moroboshi? He's not my fiancée!"

"We're not really doing it for him" Ryuunosuke said. "We're doing it for Lum. If we refused to help, she's either get really sad again or shock us to death."

"Hmph" Ran huffed. "Good point, but I still shouldn't be going along with this."

"Please cheer up, miss Ran" Asuka pleaded. In the past few days, Ran had learned, among other things, that Asuka was scary when she got scared or angry. Therefore, she forced a smile so the super-strong girl wouldn't force a smile that would split her face apart.

"Thatta girl" Ryuunosuke said with a grin.

"I refuse to believe this" Mendo grumped. "I'm using my valuable time and physical resources to bail Moroboshi out of a marriage to someone other than Miss Lum!"

"Oh, quite griping" Tobimaro said. "It's not like you have a chance with her anyway."

"Shut up!" Mendo growled. "That's not true!"

"It is true" Ryoko said. "She wouldn't show this kind of aggression if you were captured."

"So?" Mendo said. "That isn't proof of admiration. This persistence of hers is cute, granted, but it is only for a temporary lust of hers. She will come around eventually."

"Come around to what?" Tobimaro asked. "Your perverted mid-day fantasies and distorted view of reality outside the rich house?" He noticed, however, that Mendo's lucidity was gone and he was walking through his own personal dream-land. "Idiot..."

"Isn't he though?" Shingo agreed.

"Hey Lum!" Benten called to her speeding friend ahead. "Are we almost there?"

"I don't know" Lum admitted. "I know it's in this direction, just not how far away we are...we'll get there eventually, okay?"

"Eventually isn't good enough!" Benten demanded.

"We must be close" Oyuki pointed out. "There are less and less dinosaurs around now, signs of nearby industrialized areas such as a village or, in this case, high-maintenance castle. We should be there momentarily."

"Good" Lum said. "The sooner we can rescue Darling and blow this stupid planet up, the better!"

"I suggest we hurry" Oyuki said, "as Kalu had most likely anticipated our actions and is holding the wedding early today."

"Then she's as good as dead!" Lum growled, cocking her electric gun.

"Miss Lum!" Nagisa called, speeding up to the front. "Everyone is becoming very impatient. Are we nearly there yet?"

"I don't know" Lum said. Then, the forest stopped and Lum and company went running out into the open area in front of the castle. In the distance, a blue-haired swordsman was facing off against an army of lizards, and of course the castle defenses were up and running.

"Intruders at the west gate!" the guard in the tower reported. All he got back was static. In the receiving room, the guards still weren't back from the lizard attack, so Lum's team went unnoticed for the most part. "Hello? They're attacking. I repeat: they are atta-GACKAH!!!" Tobimaro took the initiative and batted the entire tower away. He shrank his mace back to normal size and mounted it on his shoulder triumphantly.

"Show off" Mendo groaned.

"Well you weren't doing anything" Tobimaro shouted. "All you could do was fantasize about Lum!" Lum turned around curiously, and the boys looked away nonchalantly. The less she had to worry and zap, the better.

"Okay" Lum began, "let's begin! Operation: Rescue Darling, GO!"

"Aye!" Benten sounded off. She took a step forward, dropped to a knee for balance, and let her bazooka automatically extend out. She wasted no time in making a new hold in the outer gate and blasted a path into the huge, west-wing inside garden area.

"Oh, this place again" Mendo sighed.

"RUSH!" Benten commanded. The Earthling militia went running in with guns ready to blaze in search of the missing Moroboshi.

* * *

"What now?" Kalu groaned in her dressing room. The blast that Benten made just a second earlier shook most of the castle, and smeared her make up in the process. Now the wedding would be pushed back again, as the make up process Kalu was devoted to took well over an hour. "Are the guards back on duty yet?"

"Yes, your highness" a servant said.

"Then get them down there!" she screeched. "And you!" she pointed to a waiting woman, "get Ataru into the chapel! I don't want him moving from there until the ceremony is over! The more things we get done beforehand the better." The maid nodded and sped off to Moroboshi's room.

While in his room, Ataru wasn't still. He had been working to find a way out for the night escape since he was locked in by Luko. Now, his efforts seemed to be paying off, as he finally figured out a way to get down to the ground safely.

"Now I just need a couple minutes of diversions to get this done..." he told himself. He draped his corded rope of sheets and other clothes out the window and let it swing down to the next window down the tower. He was about to test it out when he heard a door open and close behind him. He was paralyzed, caught in the act, and very slowly turned around. Inaba was standing in his room and scratching his leaf-ridden head.

"That's the last shortcut I take" Inaba said. "Oh. Ataru! You're here!"

"Well yeah" Ataru said, "it's my room. What're you doing here?"

"I'm here to rescue you" Inaba announced. "Are Lum and the others here yet?"

"I'm not sure" Ataru admitted. Just then, the tower was shaken and a loud explosion was hear somewhere in the castle. "Oh, yeah, that must be them!"

"Great" Inaba said. "Come on, let's leave."

"Great plan" Ataru said. Inaba opened the real room door into the hall, looked about, and heeded Ataru to follow him. The great escape plan was fast in action!


	38. Kalu and her walking Tank appear!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Ataru and Inaba sped down the hallways, looking for an exit or a window to run through.

"Hey Inaba" Ataru said, "why can't we go through your weird doorways?"

"Uh..." Inaba bashfully began, "that's not a great idea, Ataru. I get lost pretty easily in this planet's sub-space area. It's like a jungle in there!"

"It's a jungle everywhere here!" Ataru pointed out. "We'll be alright if we can reunite with everyone else, right?"

"Yes, that should work" Inaba said. "When is your wedding scheduled?"

"Late afternoon" Ataru said, "but with these lizards, Kalu might have to change it again. I was hoping to get it pushed back to tomorrow so I could escape tonight, but your plan works just fine too."

"I'm sure Lum will be very happy to see you unharmed and single" Inaba said. "She's been so distressed about this whole situation."

"Really?" Ataru asked, sounding concerned. They stopped at a corner and looked around cautiously. There were guards patrolling around again wielding electric rods. Inaba turned back and held a finger to his mouth at Ataru. Ataru nodded and the two carefully crept across the hallway so they guards would not notice them. Once they were across the wide gap, more guards started coming from another adjacent hallway. Ataru nearly snapped, but Inaba kept his cool and opened a door on the wall. HE ushered Ataru inside, then closed the door to a sliver to watch from.

"Hey, has that door always been there?" one guard asked.

"You're seeing things" an elder guard said. "There's no door there, just a weirdly painted part of the wall. Keep marching!" The soldiers fell back in line and passed. Once the coast was again clear, Inaba looked about and let Ataru follow him. He closed and deactivated the door, then ran after the master escapist already in motion.

"You said Lum was upset" Ataru said quietly. "Just how upset was she?"

"She was utterly inconsolable for a while" Inaba said. "Then she went comatose, and most recently she has become viciously vindictive." Ataru forced a chuckle at the last bit, as it explained the explosions, but he had a more concerned air about him regarding the other information. He knew when he formed his plan that Lum would be upset with him, but not so dramatically as Inaba had described. Inconsolable? Catatonic? And now she was blowing up the castle like a maniac out of anger.

_When this is over_ Ataru said, _I need to give Lum a break. Maybe take her on a date or something._ Ataru was too caught up in his good-guy train of thought to see that Inaba had stopped and ran into him. Inaba was tough enough that he didn't move, and Ataru fell off of him like he hit a wall.

"More guards" Inaba said. "I don't see this ending anytime soon. Perhaps we should trap them?"

"They aren't stupid" Ataru said. "If we make an obvious trap, they won't fall into it."

"Then let's make it a good one!" Inaba said. He pointed first at the floor, which had a huge and lavish rug on it. He then pointed to the wall the were against and made Ataru notice the continuous door-shaped pattern of the paneling. Ataru formed a devious trap, and it seemed that Inaba had the same idea in mind. As the guards patrolled around the corner, they were blissfully unaware of the new door and the hidden trap waiting for them.

"What are we patrolling for?" one guard whined.

"I'm not sure" a more experienced guard said. "Let's stop for a second." Ironically, they were stopped just at the hidden edge of the giant opened door Inaba had laid under the rug. Ataru and Inaba peered through the cracked doorway in the wall with gritted teeth, mentally urging the guards to fall in.

_If ever I needed my luck to serve me_ Ataru prayed, _it's now! WALK FORWARD!_

_I think my boxers are bunching..._ Inaba articulately thought.

* * *

Down below, Lum and her team ascended through the castle's huge hallways looking for the throne room...and Kalu.

"UWAAAAAA!!!" Lum roared. "Where are you Kalu!? You dirty little snot!"

"I'm glad she's on our side" Ten said, tilting in the air out of fear. Mendo nodded, keeping a safe distance between himself and the alien princess. As the team rampaged through the castle, a heavy stomping came their way. From the end of a dark hall, one that led in the direction of the prison level, the stomping got louder.

"Head's up!" Benten shouted. The team formed a circular wall, with Lum in the middle and hovering above the weapons and guns. She aimed her space-bazooka down the hall and peered through with heat vision. There was an oddly shaped, blocky signature that was cold all over but had a super-hot center. "What is it!?" Benten asked.

"I..." Lum stammered, "I don't know. It looks mechanical."

"What kind of mechanical?" Benten shouted. Ryuunosuke poked at her shoulder for attention, and when she got it she fearfully pointed down the hall. The stomping had turned to whirring, and a massive tank was speeding towards the team with Kalu herself at the helm. Since she came straight from her dressing room to the garage, she was smeared with colorful makeup and her hair was sticking up like hot-pink fire. She looked demonic.

"OHOHOHOHOHO!!!" Kalu obnoxiously laughed. "I'm going to flatten you for the final time, Lum!"

"CRAP!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "We're gonna die!"

"Who can I blame for this?" Sakura shouted in equal desperation."

"Please don't bother yourselves" Oyuki calmly said ,stepping forth, "I shall deal with this."

"Grr" Kalu growled. "I'm not afraid of you, Oyuki. I know your one true weakness, and I'm not afraid to exploit it!" Oyuki stared her down and started using her powers, turning the hall around her into a frosty corridor. Kalu fearlessly hopped down from her tank cockpit and marched over in a tattered gown to face down the ice queen personally.

"Oh my!" Ran cutely dreaded. "Little Ran can barely stand to watch!" She covered her eyes with her hands out of the fear of seeing Kalu frozen.

"But you're watching" Benten pointed out. Ran gave a nefarious chuckle and peeked out between her fingers. Kalu breathed vapor as she faced down Oyuki, only a step away. The two young women stared each other down hotly, a tangible battle of the minds. Kalu went to reach in her back pocket, and Benten caught the motion.

"Watch it, Oyuki!" Benten shouted. Oyuki's gazed shifted down at once, but she didn't move otherwise. Kalu pulled out a small, black pocket book, flipped it open, and wrote out a check.

"Here you go" Kalu politely said, handing her the check. "Just leave the planet and I won't void it."

"Very well" Oyuki said. She lifted the frost immediately and started walking back the way she came. "Farewell, everyone. I'll try to get you out of prison once I get the proper funds."

"Are you ****** serious!?" Benten shouted. "You're selling us out!!!" Oyuki held the check to Benten's face, and she fell under a cloud of shame. "Oh wow, we must be worth a lot to you."

"Of course" Oyuki said, stuffing the check away in her one-piece crystal suit. Then she left, with all eyes locked on her in disbelief and mixed hatred, giving Kalu the opportunity to hop back in her tank and start it up again.

"Ohoho!" Kalu laughed. "Now nothing can stop me!"

"Some friend of yours, Lum" Shinobu lowed. Lum laughed embarrassedly and prepped her gun for a close-range artillery fight. The tank again went stomping on its bipedal, robotic tank treads towards the huddled mass of youngsters...

* * *

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the castle, Luko was stumbling dizzily through the halls.

"Oh my!" he exclaimed. "It seems I have become lightheaded from the running around I've been doing..." As he stumbled drunkenly through the halls way, knocking over end tables and curiously placed potted plants, he came upon an odd, unbelievable sight. There was a giant hole in the middle of the floor with metal hinges at its edge. He stared at it for quite a long time until someone came out of, oddly, the wall. It was Ataru, or so it looked like to the winded and delirious Luko.

"Well, it took a while" Ataru complained, "but it worked."

"These things are really uncomfortable" Inaba complained, scratching and snagging at his underpants. "Why do guys wear these things?"

"For the ladies" Ataru explained confidently. "Briefs are lame."

"But what's the equivalent of boxers for women?" Inaba asked the wise ladies-man that he thought Ataru was. Ataru put a finger to his chin and scratched at it thoughtfully.

"Well," he began, "if boxers make guys more attractive, then the equivalent must be lingerie."

"Hold!" Luko shouted, hopping out and drawing his sword. "You shan't escape me, Sir Ataru! I will stop your progress forthwith, and cement you to a blissful life with lady Kalu!" Ataru ignored Luko initially, but the nagging sound of his voice eventually pierced through his mental wall, so he turned with no surprise on his face. Inaba just looked over with no particular emotion as well.

"Oh, hey guy" Ataru said. "What kind of underwear does Kalu wear again?"

"She mostly wears lingerie" Luko said, "although I've seen her wearing normal panties from time to-GAH!" Luko slapped his mouth shut. "How dare you, good sir?" he shouted in embarrassed shame. "Making a gentleman such as myself divulge such secretive knowledge, knowledge that others would kill and die to know! You have sullied my good name and the good name of her highness Kalu as well!"

"I should buy some lingerie for Shinobu" Inaba said incidentally. "I think she'd like that."

"Nah, she's too prudish" Ataru said. "Plus, it's weird for a guy to buy ladies underwear. Store clerks give you real funny looks."

"Hey, I'm talking!" Luko insisted. "You are being rude!"

"Well then" Ataru said, now sternly facing Luko, "I guess you're gonna have to stop us, right?"

"Indeed!" Luko announced. "And that I shall! Prepare thyself!" Luko brought his sword up to his face, then went charging forward in a fencing pose. Ataru nudged Inaba in the gut, a signal to step in front and intervene. "Hiding behind a friend won't save you. I shall pierce through him as well!" Inaba took hold of the air in front of him, grabbed a doorknob, and threw out a door into Luko's face. Not only was he dizzied all over again, but his body went limp and hes tarted teetering towards the edge of the space door. Ataru flanked around, blew on Luko, and let him fall into sub-space. Then Inaba closed the door and made it disappear.

"Nice teamwork!" Ataru said.

"Indeed!" Inaba replied. They brought their hands together in a manly way and gave each other a firm grip. "What kind of underwear would Shinobu like?" Inaba said in a manly way. Ataru became embarrassed and went on without addressing the subject.

"She's your girlfriend, dude" Ataru said. "Just look at what she has and get something like it." And so Ataru inspired the uneducated Inaba and spread his own brand of perversion around the cosmos in one fell swoop.


	39. Mad Dash for the stairs!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

So, Kalu has a tank now and Lum and her friends are fighting her. They are wildly out gunned, out manned (now that Oyuki left them hanging for a check) and in generally bad sitting. They are still racing to rescue the already rescued Ataru to prevent his arranged marriage to Kalu that will occur very soon if the team doesn't move...

"OHOHO!!!" Kalu laughed loudly. "You know Lum, I think I'm going to start calling him Darling now that you'll be out of the picture!"

"SHUT UP!" Lum roared. Kalu instantly backed into her seat and gripped her controls. "I'm not letting lay another disgusting, harpy hand on my Darling!"

"Yeah!" Shingo shouted.

"Well, what're you gonna do about it?" Kalu mocked. "I have the tank! The only way up to the next level is past this tank and through the staircase marked 'C-24', and you all have puny weapons!"

"Yeah" Benten started, "but who said we had to beat you? Can you even turn around in that thing?"

"HAW! I wish!" Kalu said in a gloating tone. She had forgotten that she didn't want to divulge her only real weakness because she was so set in bragging to her enemies like cornered rats. She suddenly turned around with a fear-shocked face and hands on her cheeks.

"Ha! Stupid girl!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "I'm pretty fast, so I'll slip under her first. You guys just distract her...or something."

"No, that's right" Benten said. "You're getting the military jargon down fine, dude."

"No way!" Kalu growled, now refocused on the battle. "I'll make sure you're stomped flat before you slip by me! Super-tank, FORWARD!" And so the tank steamed and hissed and roared as it stomped forward menacingly. "Guns, on!"

"Will you be alright, Big Brother?" Asuka asked Ryuunosuke, who bulged a vein to being called her brother yet again. Still, she grinned and bared it, then flashed her smile with resonating manly-beauty at the troublesomely powerful girl.

"I'll be okay" she said. Asuka was swept completely away in a state of bliss just from seeing Ryuunosuke's face. Benten started cracking up and Mendo started slumping into depression, but the whirring of guns brought them all back to their senses.

"Eat lightning, weaklings!" Kalu roared. Lum reflexively threw herself in front of the gun's sight at the mention of lightning, exactly according to Kalu's plan. _Fool, it's not really lightning, it's explosives! I'm going to blow you away once and for all, you pestering DEMON!!!_

"NOOOOOO!!!" Mendo roared. "Miss Lum, don't risk yourself!"

"Be a man the, Shu-chan!" Tobimaro said. Mendo didn't like the sound of his rival talking in such a chivalrous way, and he turned around. Tobimaro had one leg cranked up and his bat drawn back, as he eyed his pal down like a baseball. Shutaro only had a brief second to lament his horrible fate, then got socked through the air, in front of Lum, and intercepted the missiles. Thankfully, his space-age armor suit dampened the damage so only his mouth exuded smoldering smoke when it opened. Regardless, he was down, and Kalu's trickery was foiled.

"CRAP!" Kalu growled.

"Here I go!" Ryuunosuke announced. She started sprinting forward, guns dropped, at the front end of the tank. Kalu noticed this brash move and started setting up for the next attack.

"You wanna try it!?" she growled. "Eat some laser, then!"

"You little PUNK!!!" Ran roared. She rose up a huge gattling gun to the tank and started opening fierce fire on the exposed guns sticking out from the hull. Ryuunosuke jumped up with aide from her power suit and made a graceful bound over the whole of the tank. She landed hard behind, gaining balance on her open palm, unaware of the rear battery guns the tank sported.

"My back-side isn't totally blind" Kalu growled. "I'll rip you apart! Go, Saw guns!" Approximately eight razor-saws on what looked like cross-bow launching pads aimed at Ryuunosuke as she sprinted away and prepared to open fire. First, the blades spun to dangerously high speeds, then they were drawn back into position. "That staircase is too far down the hall for her to make it! She'll get cut into ribbons before she can find 'C-1'! Hohohohoho!!!"

"Don't count me out!" Shingo announced. He was already up on her panel, sitting right next to her, and preparing his random attack.

"Who are you!?" Kalu shouted. Shingo raised a valiant finger, then pressed a random button. It was, ironically, the manual fire button for the rear guns. "You moron, you just killed her!"

"No" Shingo said, "the robot killed her. And, she isn't dead yet."

"What's up with you, freak?" Kalu growled.

"Evil Spirits, Disperse!" shouted Sakura and Tsubame in harmony. She held out a glowing, magical Japanese seal and he held open a glowing, magical tome of ancient letters.

"Attack, kappa!" Sakura incanted.

"Defend, Troll!" Tsubame summoned. To their orders, out came their respective monsters. A band of angry, spear-wielding kappa came to defend Sakura and poke at the machinery of the machine and a huge, one-eyed troll with a long beard and stone skin came sprinting out between the tank's legs like an athlete.

"Whatever!" Kalu shouted, pushing Shingo off her perch, "I'll just crush that thing!" So she tried, but the magical properties of the mythical monster just broke the tailbone of the tank and disabled any further walking or movement at all from Kalu. She as in shock, and didn't bother to notice Benten climbing up onto her console with a rocket-launcher aimed down into her face.

"Time to give up, girly" Benten threatened. Kalu glowered up through her lashes, slowly put on her elegant mask, and pressed a button with her foot. She was sudden;y wrapped in steel and glass in a rocket-propelled escape pod aimed for the floor above. "Shoot!" The rocket blasted off and went straight up through the ceiling above, leaving Lum and her team to stare up in dismay before they sprinted off above and under the broken tank towards the stairs.

* * *

"YAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "What the hell, why saw-blades!? Darts or missiles would be more subtle, and at least they wouldn't be so frickin scary!!!"

"Muuu" groaned the troll chasing after the blades.

"And what's that thing!?" she again shouted. "Who decided that should be in the story!?" Suddenly, Ryuunosuke regained her focus and noticed that she had just passed stairwell 'C-23', and she could see the next stair-case just up ahead. "Alright, I'm almost there. Just a short sprint forward and a juke to the left...but those blades are getting pretty close. Darn, I might not make it!!!"

"Muuu" groaned the troll, still chasing and now catching up with the blades.

"Shut up!" Ryuunosuke shouted behind her. "It's now or never. I'm just gonna have to jump for it." Ignoring the whiz of the blades behind her, Ryuunosuke began to spin an instant turn to the left as she neared the star-case and jumped to the side. The troll was now in proper range to jump in front of the blades and block them with its rock-hard hide. So, unseen by the girl, the troll saved Ryuunosuke the trouble of getting injured by blocking the blades until they were spun into chipped and blunt discs that fell to the ground or stayed lodged in the golem's back.

"Muuu" the troll groaned in satisfaction. Then, it disappeared just as magically as it had come. Ryuunosuke, meanwhile, was now sprinting through the rug-lain halls in search for Ataru.

"Okay" Ryuunosuke said to herself, "the easiest way to find Moroboshi is to let him find you. In that case..." she screeched to a halt and wrinkled a rug completely, "I just have to say something that would attract a pervert, and I'll find him. Now, what to say..." Ryuunosuke's brow twitched as she probed her mind to find whatever usable information she could act upon to lure Ataru out. Any lines or actions that would send a signal to his sixth-sense and send him running towards her. Then, drawing upon a recent memory, she came up with her bait.

"Oh no!" she shouted very unconvincingly. "It seems that, immediately after my hot bath, I have forgotten my clothes! Now I am exposed, except this towel, which seems to not cover me completely at all. Oh no, what ever to do!?" _Okay, I puked a bit..._ However, her efforts were not in vain!

"Hey" Ataru said, not but a few large corners away, "I just felt a weird twitch in the back of my head."

"What kind of twitch?" Inaba asked. "Is it an itch?"

"No" Ataru said, "and don't rhyme. It was like...I was being guided against my will...but not really. Like I really want to go in that direction for some reason."

"Why?" Inaba asked.

"I...don't...know" Ataru answered. "I'm going."

"I'll follow" Inaba offered. Once they started walking, Ataru's tingling sting of perversion got stronger. The closer he got to the unheard sound, the more he got excited, until his head was practically burning and he rounded the corner with his nearly trademarked skip of excitement.

"Who's there?" he gleefully asked. Ryuunosuke's strong leg answered him, right in the jaw.

"I knew that would work, you freaking pervert..." she lowed. Then Inaba rounded the corner, saw his felled friend, then looked up in relief at Ryuunosuke.

"Oh, thank goodness" Inaba said. "Please, is Shinobu alright, Ryuunosuke? I've been worrying about her."

"You're standing on me" Ataru groaned. Inaba was, indeed, accidentally standing on the back of his neck, and stepped back off.

"She's fine" Ryuunosuke reported. "I think she's getting tired of all this though. Let's get you two out of here."

"Right" Inaba affirmed. "I'll open a proper door in no time at all."

"No way" Ryuunosuke denied. "I don't want everyone else's efforts to look stupid just because you can cheat. We're running out of here."

"But I'm tired" Ataru whined. "Why don't you carry me, Ryuu-" another kick in the face was her answer.

"Let's just book it already!" Ryuunosuke demanded. "You think you guys can, like, sail down on one of your doors like a paper airplane?" Inaba nodded with definite assurance. Then Ataru got up, brushed himself off, and the silence allowed doubt to start clouding in Inaba's mind. He changed his answer to a modest shrug of his shoulders. "Which is it!?" she annoyedly shouted. The floor started shaking, and a not-so-far rumble started roaring towards the three.

"What's that?" Ataru asked suspiciously.

"Probably Kalu" Ryuunosuke answered. "Let's go, over here!" Ryuunosuke started running down the hall to hide from the alien princess's view. Kalu was indeed hovering loudly on a new, mobile throne made from her escape pod earlier. She regally crossed her legs and glared through her royal mask with a fist daintily clenched on her chin. Then she started kicking and screaming obscenities under the roaring engines.

"What's she doing!?" Ataru shouted over the roar of approaching engines.

"Hunting you!" Ryuunosuke replied.

"She's pretty clingy, eh Ataru?" Inaba said, nudging him to the side.

"She's not as bad as Lum" Ataru sighed. "Still, she's a bit too over-committal for me. I don't like rushing relationships."

"Then why grope every girl as a 'hello'?" Ryuunosuke asked angrily. Ataru, in response, jumped onto her back and clutched at her wrapped chest hungrily.

"Because it's much more prolific!" He answered. She knocked him out completely with her strong arm, and now Inaba had to carry him as he ran with Kalu in pursuit a hallway across and away.


	40. For the last time, SPREAD OUT!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

Ataru, with Inaba and Ryuunosuke along with him, dashed through the halls with Kalu in distant pursuit. The hum and rumble of her small ship was growing dimmer in the halls as they retreated, which told them that they were going the right way. Ataru was up on his own again, after Ryuunosuke's brutal pummeling earlier, and was leading his small pack from room to room in search of a staircase.

"We know she can't go down" Ryuunosuke noted "without some kind of lengthy preparation."

"So we need to find down fast" Inaba said. "It's brilliant!"

"No more form you" Ryuunosuke commanded.

"We'll find something useful soon" Ataru said. "I can nearly smell it." Working on a whim, Ataru ducked into the next door he saw and Inaba shut it once they were all inside. They then waited, pressed up against the door, and waited. The rumble intensified, then became deafening, then lessened until there was none. "Phew" Ataru sighed with relief.

"What luck" Ryuunosuke sighed as well.

"Uh..." Inaba interrupted in fear, tugging at Ataru's tux. He pointed into the actual room, which was poorly lit, and forced the scenery to Ataru's eyes. It was, apparently, some kind of garbage room with overflowing dumpster filled with questionable content. The three blasted out of the room as the horrific stench finally came to them and panted in the open hallway. Inaba did the honor of closing the door and putting an inter-dimensional biohazard sticker on it.

"Moroboshi!" Ryuunosuke growled. "You and your luck! That's it, I'm leading us now!"

"Okay" Ataru agreed.

"Wait a moment" Inaba began, "perhaps we could just-"

"I said enough out of you!" Ryuunosuke shouted. "I'm the boss now. Let's start moving and get the heck out of this crazy place!"

"Alright" Ataru obliged. Inaba pumped his arm in agreement and enthusiasm.

Meanwhile, Kalu grew restless inside her hovering pod of doom. She had her hands tightly clamped around the firing controls, ready with hairpin triggers to fire on anything that moved. She turned each corner and darter her head around every corridor, but still saw no sign of anyone or anything. It was frustrating her endlessly.

"Where is he...?" she hissed. Her patience now at the breaking point, she began to fire randomly and rapidly everywhere. "WHERE ARE YOU!?" she roared through the speaker. She reeled her head back and continued screaming, unaware that one of the laser blasts nearly missed a misinformed Ryuunosuke who nearly lead her team into the crossfire.

"Now where?" Ataru asked almost skeptically as they hid behind a wall. Ryuunosuke wanted to punch Ataru out, but at the risk of getting spotted, punched Inaba in the gut. He doubled over quietly and writhed on the floor to leave Ryuunosuke to her plotting.

* * *

Lum's team, which encompassed everyone else, finally arrived upstairs and decided on a plan of action.

"Okay gang," Lum ordered, "let's split up!"

"Boo" Sakura called.

"Sakura and Tsubame" Lum began, "you will go in that direction. It looks like the most likely path that Kalu took." She of course was pointing at the direction with a charred carpet trail and debris from the hole she made coming up everywhere. "Shutaro, you and me will go in that direction."

"YES!" Mendo cheered. He recomposed himself with a comb through his hair and held up a rose to his chest. "I won't let you down, Miss Lum. We shall find Moroboshi if we have to break every bone in his body!"

"What was that, brother dear?" Ryoko asked, holding a sword to his throat.

"Ryoko and Shingo," Lum continued, "I want you to search for Kalu and try to stop her!"

"Yes sir!" Shingo saluted.

"I'm a girl" Lum corrected.

"Ma'am!" Shingo reiterated. He grabbed Ryoko by the wrist and went sprinting off.

"Oh my" Ryoko quickly said in a swept-away voice, "what be this? A man has finally come to sweep me off my feet? Surely this must be..." and she trailed off after that.

"Asuka and Nagisa" Lum continued, "you'll go in a north-westward direction."

"Which way is that?" Nagisa asked.

"Who cares!?" Lum shouted. "Shinobu and Ran, go in the opposite direction that Shutaro and I start in. Benten and Ten, you guys go wherever you feel like and blow things up. Ten, you are especially in charge of setting things of fire to burn this whole place down!"

"While we're in it!?" Benten shouted. She became relaxed and proud very suddenly. "Wow, you get pretty wild when your hubby gets kidnapped. I like it! Maybe we'll have to replay this scenario next Setsubun!"

"Not likely!" Lum shouted. "Shutaro, let's move! Once someone, anyone, finds Darling, get him out of here and signal the rest of us somehow."

"How?" Benten asked.

"SOMEHOW!" Lum roared. "Now, let's move out! Operation: Find Darling NOW is in effect!"

"GO!" Shouted everyone nearby. The race was on to find Ataru and escort him quickly to safety, and everyone was determined to get first place. Of course, once all the dust from the initial rush settled, Tobimaro stood in utter confusion as to where to go.

"Hello?" he shouted into the empty halls. "Um...guys...?" Tobimaro was forgotten, so he slumped down to his knees and sulked in place...

* * *

And so, just as quickly as the race had begun, it ended! Sakura and Tsubame came across a quick glance of Ryuunosuke leading Ataru and a sickly looking Inaba through the hallways!

"Oh, come on" Sakura pleaded to the spirits. "Why is it always my destiny to look after these brats!?"

"Maybe it's a sign" Tsubame answered. "Like, the universe is telling you that you'll be a great mother someday, and taking care of everyone is just training for that."

"Bah!" Sakura scoffed. "If I wanted sagely advice like that I'd read a fortune cookie! Let's just get him out of here and be done with it."

"Aww" hummed the sweet fairy under Tsubame's hat, "is the poor hag-lady afraid of raising some babies? You think they'll turn out too much like you?" Intensely frustrated, Sakura removed Tsubame's hat, sealed it with a piece of wood from thin air and violently shook it around. Eukeriel screamed with vibration as rapidly as Sakura shook the hat, then she placed it back on Tsubame's head and let him listen to the writhing sounds of the fairy's dizziness.

"If you ever agree with her" Sakura glowered "I will make you eat your tux!" She went stomping forward with Tsubame staring after her with great longing. He was unfazed by her outburst, as he saw far past it to her beautiful core...however far it really was. Tsubame chased after her, cutting quickly across the long hallway, and Kalu just barely noticed them. She was so angry, though, that she brushed the slight vision off as a frustration-induced hallucination.

Meanwhile, the rest of the team didn't have the same level of undeniable destiny-based luck that Sakura seemed to have. Lum and Mendo wandered into an elaborate and well-decorated chapel, but ignored it and went onto the next set of rooms. Shingo and Ryoko continued to flit form hallway to hallway and from wall to ceiling back to the wall again like a couple of ninjas, finding nothing despite the obvious trail Kalu left for them.

"Maybe we should follow the smoke" Ryoko suggested.

"No" Shingo said dramatically, "that's what she expects us to do. We must anticipate where she will go next and lay a trap, an elaborate and risky trap that won't initially work! Grandpa taught me such amazing techniques, and I shall use them!"

"You're Grandpa was a television" Ryoko chided. However, she just sighed and followed after him, finding his unswaying anti-logic to be oddly amusing. Benten and Ten had no luck in finding any important rooms or signs of their target's progress, but they did burn down the better half of every hallway they went through.

"I'm getting impatient" Benten growled.

"How come we got stuck with the kid assignment?" Ten whined. "I'm not a kid. I'm NOT!"

"Ah, shut up I know" Benten grumped. "I'm mostly surprised your cousin got as mean as she did! She has some issues, little man."

As for Asuka and Nagisa, they threw open one of the first doors they found and looked down from the upper levels of a multi-story barracks. There were men everywhere. Everywhere. Asuka was on the brink of having a berserk freak-out, but Nagisa stopped her.

"Don't worry, Asuka" Nagisa cooed, "you're okay. They can't see us or get to us."

"Hi" a random guard courteously greeted, just a yard or so away. Asuka shivered audibly and finally snapped, screaming her shrieking battle cry as she pushed him and broke his ribs!

"KYAAAAA! MEEEEEN!!!!"

Nagisa sighed and put a tired hand to his head.

Back to Sakura, who now caught up the the running children, and Tsubame right behind.

"Ahoy" Sakura greeted. "You kids ready to leave yet?"

"Yes!" Inaba pleaded. He skipped right behind Sakura and cowered away from Ryuunosuke, who had been giving him nothing but grief and trouble.

"Anywhere you want to go, Sakura!" Ataru obnoxiously said with his perverted chuckle. Ryuunosuke growled at him to stop.

"We'd like to leave" Ryuunosuke said, "problem is we don't know where to go."

"Shouldn't you leave that to Inaba here?" Sakura asked, knowing full well of his strange powers.

"No way!" Inaba demanded. "I'd just get lost in this area of sub-space. Trust me, we'll get out faster here in normal space, I promise!"

"Well we can find a way together now" Tsubame said. "It's not like we don't have time!" As he said that, the rumbling of Kalu's war-pod came roaring dangerously close and she flew straight around the corner to stare the group down menacingly.

"Ohohoho...." she growled with laughter, "I have you now, new Darling...!" Everyone stood white-shock still, as if they had just seen Mr. Fujinami way too close, except Ataru. He stood in serious and dramatic shock, furrowing his brow at Kalu's windowed shuttle. The laser blasters aimed carefully down at the group and a cold wind blew through the hall...


	41. Getting over him fast

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Kalu" Ataru began, "don't think about doing anything stupid. I know you're prone to it!" Sakura and Ryuunosuke nearly fell over at Ataru's insulting comment. They had never heard him say anything even remotely insulting to any female but Lum before! Even as he realized what he said, Ataru had to cover his mouth in surprise.

"What did you just say?" Kalu shouted. "How dare you!? You've done nothing but demean and pick on me since we got engaged! Is this how you treat Lum!?"

"Oh no" Ryuunosuke said suddenly, "they act like they're really married instead of like this. It's almost sickening to watch them skip and walk along together through town everyday." Ataru motioned to Ryuunosuke to ask her what she was doing, but she already knew what was going on. She had intercepted Ataru's strategy and amplified it with outside force. She was now helping him get Kalu to lose her temper, and Ataru realized it as well.

"It's true" Ataru said with a dramatic sigh. He threw his head up and let his hair bounce, revealing a stunningly sparkling face in an instant. "She's my princess, after all..." Kalu's face became grim and disgusted, like she had just smelled some horrid, rancid and rotting food. Sakura almost made that face as well, because she knew it was such a blatant lie, but then she suddenly picked up on the strategy when she saw the lasers lower because of Kalu's reaction.

"Oh, Moroboshi" Sakura sweetly mustered out, "we really must hurry! Your darling wife is searching and looking for you through her tears! She can't bare to be apart from you any longer!"

"That's right" Inaba interjected, picking up on the game as well. "We cannot keep her waiting. You four, go on ahead!"

"What?" Tsubame dramatically added, unaware that it was indeed a game but picked up on everyone else's strange acting and decided to do it as well on a whim. "No, Inaba, you mustn't! Think of Shinobu and how terribly she'll miss you!"

"No! I cannot!" Inaba yelled. Ryuunosuke looked up and saw that Kalu was completely confused, so she took the moment to tap Ataru's shoulder and try to drag him away. He nodded and they left to another hall. Inaba, meanwhile, continued to distract Kalu by ripping open his shirt and exposing his chest. "I love Shinobu, but she must not interfere with this! I cannot dream of a life without her, and Ataru must think the same about Lum!"

"Inaba!" Sakura shouted while Tsubame carried her away, "NO!" All the while, Kalu just sat in total bewilderment over the utterly stupid actions of her opponents. Only too late did she notice that everyone had run away and turned a corner. Inaba noticed it a moment too late as well and tried to shuffle his way out. Down the hall, Kalu's blasters could be heard pummeling Inaba into ashes.

"Will he seriously be okay!?" Ryuunosuke shouted.

"Yeah, he'll be fine" Ataru said. "It's not like he's human or anything." Human though he looked, Inaba was intact. He was scorched head to toe and smoke trailed from his mouth and innards, but he was alive and wheezing with weak breath. Kalu growled at her wasted efforts and prepared to move forward. Then a beeping startled her.

"What!?" she hissed. Her fuel was too low to continue hovering around and the pod dropped to the floor. Then it toppled over on its front side, effectively trapping Kalu inside. "ARGH!!!" She roared. Pressing a few buttons, Kalu found a way out by overloading the jets to propel with no fuel to heat and blow the back off her pod. Then she emerged in tattered dress with two big guns in her arms and a knife in her mouth. "Darling! I'm over you now! Prepare to die!!!"

* * *

"I'm getting really bored" Ran whined. She and Shinobu had reduced themselves to a leisurely walk through the halls after they realized they didn't want to run to find Ataru.

"Not that we can help it" Shinobu pointed out. "You'd think, in a castle this big, there'd be more important rooms around here or at least an elevator."

"Exactly" Ran agreed. "Say, I never really bothered to care before, but how is your relationship with that bunny guy? Are you two as serious as Lum and Darling are?"

"What?" Shinobu asked. "Well, no, I suppose not. Then again, comparing any couple to those two always makes them look a little...odder."

"Not better?" Ran asked. Shinobu just sighed. "Well, if you ever need some pointers on love, come to me first. Trust me, I know just how to make men waver and swoon."

"Food?" Shinobu guessed.

"That's right!" Ran said in her sweet voice. "Rei always loves it when little Ran cooks him big meals and picnics. He's always so happy and sweet to me! It's such a wonderful love!"

"That so?" Shinobu said. She turned her head to give a skeptical look in stealth and scoffed very quietly. "Sounds like you just bribe that love out of him."

"WHAT!?" Ran roared, hearing her confidential aside. Shinobu was startled and jumped at Ran's angry voice. "You think my Rei doesn't have true feelings for me!? What would a floozy like you know about true love!?"

"Floozy!?" Shinobu snapped back. "Who's a floozy!?"

"Any girl that would willingly ask Darling to marry him must be some sort of deranged person!" Ran shot back. Shinobu became a little confused at her insinuation and stepped back. "Oh yes, he told me all about how he and Lum 'met'. It's all just a flimsy lie! A stupid little misunderstanding that she's too dense to get out of!"

"And what about you?" Shinobu snidely retorted crossing her arms. "I've seen Rei before. I know what's on his mind just by looking at him, and trust _me_ it isn't you. All he loves is food, and the only reason he'd hang around anyone if they didn't have food is because he wants _them_ for food!" Ran gasped deeply, then scoffed nonchalantly.

"Like I don't know that?" Ran retorted. "He's the most attractive guy you've ever seen, though, and as long as I know how to control him he'll always be mine! I know you Earthlings are a little slow, but I know a certain philosophy called 'Pavlov's Theorem' that originated from your planet. It says that any animal, even a person, can be trained to respond to certain positive stimuli. Ran loves food, and I cook food. Don't you see it, you moron!? Once he associates me with food, he's nothing but mine!"

"Unless someone hands him a roll or scrap of food on the street" Shinobu added. "Then he'll associate the food that person gives him with love because of you." The wait for Ran's snappy comeback was excruciating for both girls, as it took quite a while. Eventually, Ran was reduced to a state of utter embarrassment, turned around and grabbed her hair while screaming.

"AAAAH!!! How could she see the flaw in my plan so easily!!!"

"How couldn't I?" Shinobu replied. Suddenly, Lum and Mendo came flying around the corner. One literally and the other figuratively in his speed and stance.

"Girls" Mendo said happily. He slowed down while Lum kept flying ahead. "Come. We found nothing that way already. We'll double our power if we run into Kalu this way!"

"Okay" Ran sobbed. She and Shinobu decided to sprint along with Mendo and Lum rather than waste their time searching an already searched area. However, as they left, Ataru and his group rounded the corner in a hurry.

"Now where?" Ryuunosuke asked. Sakura pressed a finger to her head and thought about it for a second.

"My women's intuition tells me to keep going straight" Sakura said.

"Okay!" Ataru shouted, "then straight we shall go. All the way to victory!"

"Eh?" Ryuunosuke questioned.

"I mean, to escape!" Ataru corrected.

* * *

And meanwhile, where everyone was busy searching for Ataru to make a hasty and stylish exit, Tobimaro had been forgotten and just walked sadly through the halls and stayed within sight of the huge hole in the floor where Kalu's pod broke through.

"Haaa..." he sighed. "I'm getting pretty bored already. I wish Lum would have remembered me. I mean, she paired everyone else up but me. I'm not useless, am I? Not like Mendo...right?" Tobimaro turned around, perhaps hoping someone would be there to answer him, but had no response. Finally, he decided that enough was enough and took a righteous, fist-clenched pose.

"That's it!" Tobimaro declared. "I'm leaving and helping them regardless what they say!" So Tobimaro sped away, roaring all the time, until he found his first door. He threw it open with his hand on his bat that he had stowed in his robes and expected some kind of confrontation. What he got was the aftermath of Asuka's rampage, which was still in progress one room over.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Nagisa exclaimed. Tobimaro nearly drew his bat on the cross-dresser, but refrained when he saw him. "Please, go talk Asuka out of leveling the whole castle! She's unstoppable!"

"Yes. She is" Tobimaro plainly stated. He could hear his sister screaming form the whole room away. The huge hole in the wall seemed to be where most of that screaming was coming from. However, being the only thing he could do at the moment, Tobimaro sighed and started jogging over.

"At least I'm not with Ryoko" he noted with relief.

"Explain this once more, Shingo" Ryoko said. She and Shingo were laying an invisible thread of wire just ankle-length above the floor in one particularly wide hallway.

"It's simple!" Shingo shouted across the hall. "Once someone comes this way, they'll trip and fall! Then they'll be out of commission and we can jump them!"

"You realize this sounds stupid, right?" Ryoko said. "It's not just me, right?" No answer from the too-happy-plotting-a-stupid-scheme-to-care Shingo. Ryoko sighed in defeat and pressed the bridge of her nose between her fingers.


	42. A Fatal Conclusion?

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Where are we running?" Sakura asked.

"Anywhere else" Ataru shouted behind. "If we can find a window we can try to scale down or something."

"Aren't we several stories up?" Tsubame pointed out.

"I've survived worse, surprisingly" Ataru mentioned. "Let's check in here." Ataru and Ryuunosuke flung open the huge double doors and saw the inside of a large chapel. Ataru visibly cringed at the sight and closed the door up. "Let's not go in there."

"Come on then" Ryuunosuke ordered, running down the hall. Elsewhere in the castle halls, Lum's team was running as fast as they could to hopefully intercept with Ataru down the way.

"I think we may have to turn around" Mendo politely said.

"Why?" Ran asked. She looked back to address him and slammed into a dead end face first.

"There's no more hallway" Shinobu said. Ran got back up and growled at her while Lum observed the stretch of hallway they had just run through.

"Something troubling you, Miss Lum?" Shutaro asked.

"I haven't heard any explosions lately" Lum said. "I'm worried about Benten. She may have fallen into a trap. Ten's with her too..."

"Don't worry" Shutaro said comfortingly. "I'm sure they're fine, if not a bit bored. Benten may be the type to go off and blow things up randomly and Ten is the sort of child who enjoys causing misery to us all, but trust me, y..." Mendo had to stop himself there. He was starting to sound much less encouraging than he wanted. Lum sighed away Shutaro's words and started floating away.

"Let's face it" Lum said. "We could be lost for a long time in here. It might take us the rest of the day to find Darling and the others and get everyone off the planet. Then it's still a full day until we get back home...I don't know. Maybe...maybe we should give up for a while."

"Lum?" Ran said curiously.

"You can't be serious" Shinobu exclaimed. "Saving Ataru was your idea. We can't abandon him, or everyone, like this. We need to keep looking!"

"It's no good..." Lum lamented. "I'm tired of searching so hard. I just want to give up and cry..." She started sniffling and quietly sobbing, and everyone backed away. The fear of her outbursts was overpowering their initial want to help.

"Miss Lum..." Shutaro began. He made a step forward in an attempt to help her, extending a hand to place on her shoulder, and his mind started taking over his senses. Suddenly, he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around to her chest and gave her the most comforting hug of her life. She gasped in surprise and turned around. "It will be alright. You have my word."

"Oh, Shutaro" Lum said breathily. Both leaned in, and then everything became obvious and blurry in Shutaro's head. In reality, he just stood with a stupid, lustful look on his face giggling softly far behind Lum as she sobbed in the hallway.

"Let's go this way" Sakura's voice commanded. Lum stuck her head up a little from her hands and saw the priestess round the corner. Behind her was Tsubame, and then Ryuunosuke, and finally Ataru. "Drat. A dead end. Oh, it's Lum."

"Lum?" Ataru repeated. He leaned out of the line and peered at the Oni girl on her knees, hands folded back in her lap. A cool breeze passed as the moment rolled by, then suddenly Lum started crackling with ecstatic lightning and jumped up from her knees with the happiest face she'd ever made.

"DARLING!" she cried. Ataru ignored his initial impulse to run away and just stood with a smile breaking his face. Lum darted into his chest, tackling him to the ground, and nuzzled him until his suit started to burn from the electric energy. "I missed you so much, Darling! Darling!!!"

"I'm gonna be sick" Ran growled. Sakura slapped a hand to her forehead seeing the couple finally reunited.

* * *

So the newly formed super group of everyone started running down the halls again with their objective clear. Now they just had to find the stairs and get out of the castle at last. Lum and Ataru were forced to tail at the end, as Lum was too overjoyed and refused to stop peppering his face with kisses and clinging to him like a scarf. Ataru tugged at her like a noose.

"Will you cut that out a minute!" Ataru brashly cried. "We have to catch up!"

"We can still see them" Lum said, not moving her lips from his neck. "We don't need to go any faster!" She continued to kiss and, rarely, bite at Ataru's head out of pure joy while everyone else just shuddered silently as they ran.

"It's getting really annoying" Sakura groaned. Tsubame huffed along with her.

"Momo, mo, mo, mm, mmmm..." Shutaro mumbled. He was too angry to fully utter the name he was feeling so much hatred for at the moment and his hands twitched to quickly draw out his sword and slice immediately.

"Hopefully she'll quit once we totally regroup" Shinobu said. "But, like I said, we can only hope for something like that..." Suddenly, from the ceiling, the group's route was cut by two mysterious figures. It was Shingo and Ryoko, standing back to back, making a gun gesture to the tam and made a tandem 'BANG!' as well. Shutaro immediately attempted to oust his frustrations on simple Shingo and made a mad hack at his head. Shingo caught it and was forced to lean far back as a result.

"Good to see everybody again" Ryoko said. "It looks like Lum found her Darling after all!"

"It's so nice to see you too, Ryoko!" Ataru said, teleporting somehow away from Lum and right up to Ryoko's side. Lum was hissing and sizzling with anger, but somehow was still standing in one spot. "How have you been? Great?" Ryoko drew a gun out of her hammerspace suit's arsenal and aimed it at his head.

"Oh you! Hohoho!" she giggled elegantly. Ataru got the hint, oddly, and backed slightly away. "Has anyone seen my Tobimaro? I don't believe Miss Lum sent him off with any groups."

"Oh yeah" Lum said, pounding into her open palm. "I guess I forgot about him. We just don't hang out that much anymore."

"We haven't seen him, Ryoko" Sakura said.

"Asuka!" Tobimaro's voice shouted in alarm. Ryoko immediately darted her head in its direction and saw Tobimaro, a battered wreck of a man, running for his life away from his sobbing sister with Nagisa in pursuit. "Calm down! Your hugs can kill lesser men and I'm barely standing as it is!" Ryoko, using her ninja speed, dashed forward and knocked Tobimaro clean to the ground with a huge hammer, then threw the hammer away and dropped to console him.

"Big Brother!" Asuka cried. "I'm too scared!!!" Asuka immediately spotted Ryuunosuke, her other big 'brother', and ran for her as Shutaro was occupied and looked scary with his tongue flickering like a snakes. Ryuunosuke was able to intercept Asuka and her suit was able to absorb most of the force from her steel-breaking hug. Still, enough of the hug got through to make Ryuunosuke cough. "I'm so scared, Big Brother Ryuunosuke! There are men everywhere!"

"Well, prepare to get scared" Ryuunosuke said. She pointed behind her, where Ataru was, and Asuka nearly went into full panic mode again. However, having used up more than enough energy fending for her life against the endless throes of Kalu's soldiers, she decided to just duck behind Tobimaro's gurgling body that Ryoko was 'tending' to.

"Now we just need Benten here and we can all go home" Ataru pointed out.

"What about Inaba?" Shinobu demanded. Tsubame put a hand on her shoulder, opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted.

"****!!!!" cursed a familiar sailor-mouthed voice. Everyone turned around once more, including Shutaro, and heard some nearby explosions. Ten came speeding around the corner on his toddler hover bike just as an explosion blew form the wall he rounded. He immediately made a dive for Lum and Ataru.

"Ten?" Lum said. "What's going on?"

"It's that pink-head!" Ten shouted. "She's gone nuts! Benten's a goner!"

"What!?" Ataru shouted. He looked over and saw a badly scorched and bruised Benten retreating with a bazooka over shoulder. She fired a shot, let the weight and kickback carry her around the corner, and started making a very sloppy dash for the gathered group.

* * *

"Run!" Benten called.

"Watch out for the trip-wire" Shingo quietly pointed out. Everyone stepped over the wire unconsciously and started running away, except Ataru and Lum who both ran back to help Benten.

"You guys" Benten groaned. "Don't you know what 'run' means...?" Benten passed out with a sigh and left Ataru and Lum to carry her with them. Her feet tripped over the wire, proving it was there, but didn't do anything beside. Kalu soon rounded the corner, hair flaring up like flames and face twisted with an evil grin, and aimed her laser bazooka. She just clicked the trigger and a huge red wave was sent out, hitting the ceiling above the group and sending a rain of shrapnel and rubble down on them. Shutaro managed to slice most of it away and Asuka managed to berserk her arms around and force it all away. Kalu dropped her bazooka and pulled out a pistol. She started shooting at the group, clipping a few arms and legs.

Sakura and Tsubame both fell, getting hit in the arms and having their armor ripped slightly. Ryuunosuke got hit as well, on the back, and her armor effectively broke. She was, however, alright. A beam came aimed at Shinobu, but a door out of nowhere intercepted it and blew up.

"Shinobu!" Inaba called at the opposite end of the hallway.

"Inaba!" Shinobu answered. More blasts came and the group was forced down. As Kalu's gun clicked to empty she glowered and pulled out another.

"What the heck...You blithering jackass!?" Ran roared. "You could have singed my HAIR!" Ran pulled out her own bazooka, but got shot in the hands by a relatively weak laser blast. The large gun was forced out of her hands and onto her feet, however, forcing her to scream her way to the ground in pain. Ataru watched all this go on with resounding dread and grief in his eyes.

"STOP!" Ataru shouted. He shot up, arms spread outward, and demanded to hold his own against her.

"Darling, no!" Lum demanded. "You're not allowed to risk yourself anymore!!!"

"Shut up, Lum!" Ataru said. He was totally serious. Seeing his favorite girls, and Lum, getting hurt was too much for him to take on the ground. Kalu sneered at him and rotated her head so she could glare at him from every possible angle. "I...I have to take responsibility for this...or I may lose someone close to me..."

"Darling..." Lum whispered.

"Ah, you" Kalu lowed. "I've been wanting to do this for quite a while!"

"You mean a few hours?" Ataru asked. Kalu growled and snapped out a normal, steel switchblade. With a roar she started rushing forward. Ataru was scared but refused to move.

_Better me than them..._ Ataru thought. _...Lum!..._ Suddenly, Kalu's leg snagged on the trip wire and she fell straight onto her face, dropping the blade and letting her hands point up upon impact.

"It worked!?" Ryoko said with amazement. Shingo just chuckled righteously. Ataru took a step back and drew a very thankful breath. Lum jumped up from the floor and gave him a neck-wrap hug with a kiss one the cheek. He tittered fearfully for his apparent safety, but his laughter and overall cheer was short lived. Kalu started crying on the floor.

"It's not fair..." Kalu wept. Ataru ignored the obvious feelings of hatred and leaned in, taking his role as the prolific ladies man he was. "You and Lum have so much love that it makes me sick! You're always together, just enjoying each other's life in your own way. I want that...I deserve that!!!"

"I don't think so" Lum said, wrapping around Ataru's arm. "This kind of love isn't something that you can demand or try to buy, it just happens. It's destiny. Everyone has someone, it's just a matter of time until they find you. Until then you have to be willing to wait. You can't jump at love at every opportunity." Kalu looked up and saw all the couples regathering themselves at last. Tsubame ignored his wounds and helped Sakura up. Shutaro comforted Asuka at a distance while Ryoko tried to gag Tobimaro with gauze as Shingo watched. Shinobu leaned protectively in Inaba's chest. Ran had a tiger-cow plushie of Rei to clutch while she whined in pain. Even the manly Ryuunosuke had the cross-dressing Nagisa hanging annoyingly on her. Of course Ten had a brother in Ataru, and Ataru had a wife in Lum.

"..." Kalu silently wept. She finally decided to get up and wipe her tears away like a woman and face the most prolific couple in the universe with a smile. "You're right" she admitted. "I guess I just have to wait a while for true love to come my way, don't I?"

"That's right" Ataru said. "Don't worry, it'll happen."

"Yeah" Kalu agreed. "But...it only happens once, ya know?" The lilting nature of her voice made Ataru look at her with great suspicion. In a flash, Kalu reached behind her, activated what looked like a bomb, and pinned it to Ataru's chest. "Good luck finding a second chance in this universe, Lum! Finally, I WIN! OHOHOHOHOHO!!!!"

"What did you do!?" Lum roared.

"You don't want to know!" Kalu demanded. Lum started blazing with electric energy that scaled up the walls and burnt the floor below her. "You've got about three seconds left to say good-bye to your ONLY CHANCE!!!" Lum, in a fit of frustration and desperation, blew up. Her lightning crackled straight through the ceiling, conducting into Kalu and smoking her from the inside out, and connected with the bomb forcing it to beep louder. Than, she piled into Ataru one last time with an incomplete coo of

"Darling!" Then, in an instant moment where the universe seemed to slow down, they both disappeared with the lightning. Kalu was left a smoldering mess, but there was no trace of Ataru, Lum, or an explosion.

* * *

In the chapel that was more than twice passed-over, Ataru and Lum came back into existence.

"Eh?" Ataru grunted in confusion. "What the heck? Why're we in the chapel?"

"This isn't a bomb!" Lum growled, looking down form Ataru's own tight embrace. "This is a teleportation device! She was going to send you away with it! I must have shorted it out with my lighting so we wound up here...huh."

"Yeah" Ataru said shyly. "That's...that's really lucky of us, Lum..."

"Yeah" Lum agreed with embarrassed laughter, "we sure are lucky." Still hugging, they both laughed a bit and looked away from each other. After all the altar-dodging Ataru had been intentionally doing, he was now standing center-aisle in a lavishly decorated chapel room. Things just got...awkward for him.


	43. Awkward at the Altar

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

"Cough it up!" Ryuunosuke demanded. Nagisa had trapped the immobilized Kalu in a four-figure leg lock, squeezing her legs and making her shout with pain to get her to break. "Where did that stupid thing send them!?"

"How should I know!?" Kalu blared back. Nagisa gave a quick twist and Kalu let out a quick yipping sound at the pain.

"Maybe she doesn't know" Benten said, sitting against the wall.

"She does" Ryuunosuke hotly argued. "She's just being stubborn, and I don't like it! Now spill, dammit! Where's Lum and Moroboshi!?" While Ryuunosuke attempted to prod a truly clueless Kalu, Shutaro Mendo was gathering all of his power with Sakura's help to hone his greatly sharpened reflexive nature towards Ataru and find him base on where he wanted to kill the most.

"Getting anything yet?" Sakura asked, standing with her hands together and burning incense all around herself. Mendo groaned slightly and twitched his brow in deep concentration, but he eventually had to sigh in defeat.

"Nothing" Mendo admitted. "I am getting the strong sense that something is wrong and I want to kill Moroboshi, but it's the same feeling as always, even when I'm sitting at home."

"Well, wherever he is" Sakura said "we should keep in mind that he is there with Lum. Alone." Mendo took a second to reboot mentally, then flared up with his sword unsheathed and ready to kill. He gritted his teeth and screamed inside his mouth, but because there was no path to find his target, Mendo just collapsed to his knees and seemed to break. His upper body froze and his head went limply forward. "Well, that didn't work..."

"Can't we use Inaba's doors to the future to find them?" Ran asked. Inaba hid behind Shinobu and glared at Ran slightly.

"He's not up to using those doors anymore" Shinobu said, nervously chuckling. "Why don't we do what we always do when we need to find Ataru?"

"Not it" Sakura said ,raising her hand. Asuka imitated her on a whim. Shinobu, Ran, and Benten also raised their hands. The only one left, aside from Ryuunosuke who wasn't paying attention, was Ryoko.

"All you had to do was ask" Ryoko said. She hopped up on her broken brother and let him collapse forward like a piece of furniture. Everyone gathered and watched as Ryoko took in a long, deep breath that puffed out her chest. She then lifted her leg and put her wrist to her forehead. "Ah! Someone help me! My clothes have somehow disintegrated for no reason at all! Oh, how I do need assistance!" Everyone went flat-faced at her over-the-top performance except Mendo, who looked up and revived on his sister's vulgar taunting. He shot up, forcing her to flip through the air to her feet and ebgan raving.

"What are you doing, Ryoko!?" he shouted. "Acting in such an un-ladylike fashion! Are you trying to attract every pervert in this decrepit palace!?"

"Asuka" Ryoko chirped, ignoring her brother. "Will you join me? It's quite fun!" Innocent and dainty Asuka nodded happily at her friend's request and both girls went off on tangents yelling for help. Where Ryoko's screams were more maiden-like, Asuka's were less desperate and more gleeful.

"Help!" Asuka unconvincingly shouted, "my clothes are gone! I think a man stole them! Kyaaaaa!"

"Please!" Mendo pleaded. "Both of you, stop it! Hearing it from Asuka is a little arousing, but not my own sister! I feel tainted and disturbed!"

"Welcome to my world!" Tobimaro cried. Both royal young men fell to their elbows and knees, pleading for their sisters to stop assaulting their ears and everyone else with their overly acted and suggestive talk. Everyone else was either confused or jaded to the point of apathy.

"Ataru is on this floor" Sakura mentioned to break up the ridiculous tension. "When Lum shocked Kalu, she must have shorted out the device, and as a result she and Ataru were only sent a short distance."

"That makes perfect sense" Ran realized, pounding into her palm.

"Well, where on this floor?" Shinobu asked. Sakura pressed against her forehead and tried to make a guess in general direction, but even her woman's intuition was fizzled out.

"OKAY!" Kalu suddenly blared. Nagisa now had her in a swastika hold and Ryuunosuke held a device from a satchel she had hidden under her dress. It showed an abnormal electronic frequency resonating from inside the chapel, which filled Kalu with a seething sense of hatred she felt would get passed around a bit if she let everyone know...

* * *

In the chapel, Lum and Ataru were still standing in a looser embrace, now just hanging off of each other with their fingers clasped together. The situation had somehow spiraled to the point where neither of them could move without the other grunting quizzically. Ataru looked off to the opposite side that Lum was blushing in. Truthfully they were both enjoying the moment, but Ataru was getting uncomfortable fast.

"Okay" he said, ignoring the coo from Lum as he moved, "let's reassess our situation here." He very calmly pushed himself away and let Lum float in the air. She quickly got the gist of her Darling's feelings and just stood with her hands folded in front of her. "We're obviously in the chapel that I passed when I was running away."

"We passed it too" Lum said.

"Oh good" Ataru said. "So then, we should know where to go to get back, right?"

"That's right!" Lum agreed. "We should ,shouldn't we?"

"We don't" Ataru sighed.

"At least we're still on the same planet" Lum cheerfully pointed out.

"Yeah" Ataru agreed, "that's something good. I guess I'm not the universe's most unlucky guy!"

"Of course not" Lum said. "I mean...well...yeah, I guess you aren't all the time!" Ataru had already guess what she was about to say before she trailed off and sighed. He didn't sigh because she almost said it but, for some reason, because she didn't.

"Lum" Ataru said in all possible seriousness, "we shouldn't be here."

"What do you mean?" Lum asked, seeing that Ataru had something painful on his chest.

"I mean," Ataru continued, "we may have come here to save your parents, but after that we should have left! In fact, once we realized that there was nothing here we should have just taken off. I'm still a little surprised you didn't just call home to see if your parents had really gotten kidnapped in the first place! We should be at home, eating sweet potatoes or oranges if it rains while you hang off me like a parasite!!!"

"What are you getting at, Darling?" Lum asked, now totally confused.

"I think I miss our calm afternoons" Ataru admitted. "Lum, these past few days have been chaotic. Way to chaotic for me to really describe. I'm just so tired of everyone right now that I could explode!"

"Well we're alone now, Darling" Lum said ,trying to be comforting.

"On an alien planet!" Ataru shouted. He took a breath, calmed down, and gathered his thoughts again. "Lum, why can't we ever just be alone when it counts?" Lum blinked a few times in utter shock at her Darling's question.

"Because" Lum started with her hands on her hips "you always go skipping away to flirt with other girls!"

"That's not when I'm talking about" Ataru said. "The times when everyone is so tired they could fall down and black out because we were having too much fun making things explode or chasing each other around. When our stupid, aimless treks are over we always hang around, you and I, with everyone else. By the time we get home the only thing we care about is being able to pass out. Where's the time when we can say 'well that sucked, let's not do it again'..."

"Oh, Darling" Lum cooed. "I, I never thought about that kind of thing."

"I know you haven't" Ataru said. "I'm the only one who thinks about it."

"You always just seem so distant afterwards" Lum said. "You have a nasty tendency to shut down when I approach you with good intentions, you know."

"Yeah" Ataru said. He turned to face Lum modestly and looked at the floor. "I do do that...I don't know why. I guess I'm just reacting to you automatically, like a pest. I mean, you did barge into my life."

"Well being open won't kill you" Lum said. "Nothing's been able to keep you down for long, you know."

"Yeah" Ataru chuckled. "I am pretty damn near invincible!" They both smiled happily at each other, then slowly started moving towards each other. Lum held back as best she could, but once she saw Ataru's arms coming up to her back she exploded and dove into his with a warm embrace. He responded with a slower but still warm hug of his own. "I'll give you more lenience from now on."

"I'll try to control myself" Lum replied. "And I'll cut back on my electrocutions. And biting. And scratching. You don't mind the hammers though, do you?"

"I barely notice them" Ataru said. They moved apart just enough to look into each other's eyes and Ataru started laughing in his handsome voice.

"What is it?" Lum asked.

"I was just thinking" Ataru said. "Here we are, hugging, in a chapel of all places. I've placed myself in death's way to avoid this scenario before, you know. In fact, this is probably the last place in the universe I'd willingly want to be with you. If there were a priest here I'd probably just bolt! But...now that we've taken this moment as slowly as possible..."

"Mmm?" Lum edged on. Ataru had no more words. Instead he just leaned in with his eyes closed. Lum did the same.

The outcome here is rather predictable, right? They kissed!

* * *

"Are you positive about this?" Ryuunosuke demanded, holding a gun to the back of Kalu's head. Kalu nodded as she ran the course of the map on her GPS to the chapel room where Lum and Ataru were.

"We can't be far now, right?" Mendo shouted just behind Ryuunosuke.

"It's this huge doorway up ahead" Kalu said. "Please lower the gun! It's making me really nervous!"

"No way!" Ryuunosuke growled. "Until I see that Lum and Ataru are safe your life will remain in constant danger!" Kalu finally reached the door, touched it so her genetic encoding automatically drew the doors up into the wall and everyone came running in a huddled group. Ataru and Lum were standing together, center aisle. Ataru turned and looked with surprise, but Lum grabbed his face and pulled him back into their passionate kiss. Mixed reactions were everywhere.

"They're fine" Ryuunosuke said dryly, raising the gun away from a horrified Kalu's head. Benten whistled, Ran looked bored, Asuka averted her eyes so she wouldn't see what that man was doing to her friend, Ten looked away as well out of the tedium of seeing something he sees far too often, Shingo was looking in the wrong direction, Sakura got out a cigarette, Tsubame tilted his head a bit, Shinobu sighed, Inaba smiled, Tobimaro observed passively with his arms crossed, Ryoko clapped her hands together with a romantic sigh and Shutaro looked stone-cold mortified. He reached for the sword on his waist and started drawing it out. All the while Ataru flailed his arms weakly and grunted at Lum to get off of him, although she didn't even hear him anymore.

"...Are they usually this annoying?" Kalu asked on the edge of tears.

"You're getting a minimal dosage" Benten said. "Trust me, having a full prescription of these two will send you straight over the edge!" Those two continued kissing for minutes that seemed like hours to Ataru until finally Mendo intervened and got electrocuted by a very ungracious Lum. All in all, however, everyone was relieved that the balance of the universe had finally been restored and they could all go home...tomorrow.

"What!?" Ran shouted. "Why tomorrow? WHY NOT TODAY!?"

"Oyuki's gone" Benten pointed out. "It'll take her a day to turn around and pick us up..."


	44. Rocking the Planet for Everyone!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

0

Lum and Ataru were still kissing, much to Ataru's stunned disagreement. Lum didn't bother noticing just how shocked and obviously unwanting he was because the moment was so absolutely perfect that she didn't want to open her eyes. Everyone else held their own looks of either dissatisfaction or, more commonly, disgust.

"Why is she doing that?" Asuka quivered. "She...she's so close to that man! He's eating her!"

"There's a line" Benten began under her breath "between reasonably sheltered and plain stupid."

"Leave her alone" Ryuunosuke said. "Now we've got to worry about prying those two apart long enough to leave."

"Oh, who cares...?" Kalu mumbled. She was on the ground, legs folded and her knees touching with her chin on her chest. "Why don't you guys just kill me already so I don't have to endure all this stupid shame. I mean...come on already."

"My eyes have been horribly dishonored" Mendo lamented "and I could not stop it. I...I must commit seppuku, but I have no proper instruments to do so with! Woe is me!" He plopped down next to Kalu in the same position and they both started making sickly groans.

"And with the closing of this book" Tobimaro mused with his arms crossed and his robes billowing somehow "a new chapter shall being. This is the beginning of a new love for not just these two, but perhaps the whole universe!"

"Shut up" Sakura growled. Tobimaro became instantly depressed that his sagely words went discouraged and sat next to Shutaro. "Still, I can't help but be a little relieved. At least now she won't want to run to _me_ if she's troubled. Her hubby will be right where she wants him to be."

"How would that work?" Tsubame said, taking offense for some reason. Sakura looked at him, gave him a little smirk and kissed him on the chin. He suddenly lost interest in having offense and became content behind his fiancée while she smoked.

"Kyaaa...." Asuka chirped. She now hid behind Ryuunosuke, her only remaining Big Brother, and cowered. "Make them stop!"

"Chill out, Asuka" Ryuunosuke said, She turned around and prepared to offer her own wisdom to the frightened girl. "What they're doing is called 'kissing'. It's what two people in love do, like Lum and Moroboshi. It's just a physical way for them to say 'I love you', understand?" Asuka shook her head. "Well, that's all I got."

"What a pathetic explanation" Benten said. "They're just being intimate."

"Mother says I do that too much with Tobimaro" Asuka said, finally recognizing a word. "So, what they're doing is like bathing or sleeping together?" Ryuunosuke and Benten shared a very surprised look and breathed an awkward breath together.

"They always do stuff like this" Ten complained, still hiding and facing away. "It makes me sick. I mean, honestly, I'm just a kid. I shouldn't be exposed to all this stuff!"

_This is getting old_ Ataru thought to himself. _I'm more surprised, and angry, that Mendo hasn't tried to cut us apart yet. Still, I actually have to admit that this fells...pretty nice. Her lips are warm and moist. She isn't digging her nails into my back for once, and her teeth are staying inside her own mouth. Huh. I'm actually enjoying this...and Mendo is suffering!_ That's when Ataru decided to take it up a notch and mix the emotions even more. He placed his hands back on Lum's back, waited for Shutaro to pick up on his perverted aura, and swept Lum straight off her feet with a dramatic dip. She was so shocked that her eyes flew open and her grip was loosened.

_Darling..._ she swooned internally. It all went according to plan, and Ataru glanced over and saw Mendo totally paralyzed. His sister came up from behind with a small hammer and was able to shatter him into dust that blew away with a single tap.

"How very cruel of him" Ryoko said.

"This is making me sick" Ran growled. "Hey LUM! Quit eating Darling's face and let's get off this stupid planet!"

"Oh?" Kalu grunted. She started very slowly standing up with a maniacal chuckle that built right up into her trademark annoying laughter of "OHOHOHOHOHO!!! You think you're getting off this planet!? NO! I'm not letting you jerks off the hook and getting publicly humiliated across the whole universe! I still have one or two more trump cards left to pull!" To that end she pulled out a ray gun and pointed it at Ataru. The fear he inherently had for alien weaponry forced him to break the kiss and run away, which left Lum floating dreamily in the air. "DIE MOROBOSHI!!!"

"Mmm..." Lum moaned happily. "Darling...?" Kalu fired her gun a moment too late, missed Ataru and hit Lum, zapping her with photonic energy that threw her to the floor. Ataru winced from behind the pillar he had retreated to, and everyone took a good many steps away from Kalu, who was shocked and scared. Lum started floating upwards with a nasty scowl on her face and crackling energy all around her.

"I'm getting tired of you butting into my love life" Lum growled. "I should have done this a long time ago if I knew you would be this much of a problem!!!" A gigantic ball of lightning started forming over Lum's head. Ataru was already long gone and everyone else dashed away in different directions to escape what would be a disastrous blast radius. In her last conscious moments, Kalu's mind flashed back to her last memory of what those four evil girls had done to her in middle school...

0

It was a quiet day in Kalu's royal and secluded asteroid mansion. Yes, her family owned and carved an asteroid to suit their tastes and had a mansion in it. It had a garden of living plants, a zoo of ancient creatures from some nearby planet used as a research project long ago, and it had a medical bay the size of a whole Earth-sized hospital. It was here that Kalu as a middle schooler was finally unfrozen, put on an IV and other life support, and watched over by her closest guards.

When she first woke up, she was startled that she was alive. Then, after seeing that she was indeed not encased in ice, she was relieved. Then, as she looked around and saw the side of her bed, she was startled and scared again. Sleeping on the very edge of her infirmary bed was Lum, whose good conscience wouldn't allow her to just leave a friend dying in a state of utter disrepair. Kalu poked her twice to see if she stirred but she didn't wake up.

"You there" she whispered to a nearby guard, "what is this!? Why is she here? She tried to kill me!!"

"I apologize, your highness" the guard said. "She insisted to help you recover and we couldn't turn her away."

"Well kill her now!" Kalu harshly whispered.

"I can't" the guard whispered back. "She's the daughter of the illustrious Oni Invader warlord. He told us explicitly that if we touch a hair on her head out of vengeance he'd blow this whole asteroid into a black hole!" Kalu gulped and felt a tug at her sheets. She looked over, first with shock, at Lum stretching from her stiff sleep. She rubbed and opened her eyes at last, and Kalu felt much calmer. Her eyes were much more inviting and friendly.

"Oh!" Lum exclaimed. "Oh, you're up! Kalu, I'm so sorry for maiming you. I was just way too out of line. Oyuki and Ran are sorry too, although they didn't stay as long as I did."

"How long did they stay?" Kalu asked.

"Only the first two days" Lum answered. "I've been here helping the entire time."

"How long was I out?" Kalu quietly mumbled. "uh, what about Benten? Is she mad at me?"

"She's the kind of girl" Lum replied "that likes holding grudges. She probably isn't really mad at you, but it would be best to avoid her unless you feel like having a firefight." Then both the girls laughed together at Benten's expense, and Kalu felt happy. The one thing she wanted out of school was a friend and recognition as a member of the greater group, and now she had one...

0

_Oh, but where did I go wrong...?_ Kalu thought to herself in the present. Her chapel and most of that floor had been subject to the force of an atomic explosion. Lum's immense electric discharge had level most of the castle, although Kalu didn't know it. From low orbit the damage was obvious, more than half of the forest around the immediate castle still burning and falling down.

"I think I overdid it" Lum said breathlessly.

"You can't even float anymore" Benten reminded. "It's alright, though. Most of us survived."

"We escaped with a positive number of people" Sakura added, twitching from her own dose of the electricity still in her system. "That's a win to me."

"I can drink to that, sister!" Benten agreed. Everyone but Lum, Benten, Sakura and Ataru had fallen into a comatose state from the shock. Although some of them were able to stir slightly, they were still confined to their beds out of safety and pain. The strong constitutions of Sakura and Ataru allowed them to be up much earlier, much to Sakura's disappointment.

"What should we tell her when she wakes up?" Ataru asked. Kalu suddenly popped up from her bed with her head wrapped very unprofessionally in bandages with clumps of hair sticking out. "Well?" Ataru asked again. Kalu quickly whipped her head around and found Lum sitting daintily against the wall next to a window. Kalu leaped out of bed and grabbed her target by the straps of her bikini to hoist her up high.

"Hey!" Lum shouted. "What the heck!? Don't rip it!!"

"You..." Kalu growled. "What did I ever do...?" Lum noticed that her voice had become slightly sweeter upon her question. "Oh Lum, do you remember back when we were kids? How did we grow so distant? I honestly thought I had a friend in you, and then all of a sudden you left my life! My only friend, shot out into the unfathomable darkness of the universe. Lum, when did we stop being friends?"

"When you moved" Benten said. "You tried to blow the school up one last time right before you moved and we all agreed to not care about you anymore."

"It's true" Lum said. "I'm sorry Kalu. I know we drifted but that was a long time ago. Can I ask why you didn't just try to get new friends after you settled again?"

"I..." Kalu started, unsure of herself. She lowered Lum from the wall and walked over to the window. The retreating landscape of her planet made her feel nostalgic and solemn, as well as confused about her location and why she was being towed into space. "I got caught up in the celebrity life, I guess. When I drew someone close I always pushed them until they were too far for me to chase after. The only person who still stays with me is Luko and someone killed him."

"No he's fine" Ataru said.

"He's an idiot" Kalu said, reprising her answer. "All that galactic hype about your relationship and all that fame...it ruined me. I'm so sorry Lum, and you too Benten. I've been an idiot!"

"Don't be so hard on yourself" Ataru said, moving in close to her. "We all make mistakes. It takes a pretty big person to admit them." Kalu sighed and gave Ataru a hug which he happily received, much to Lum's scorn.

"Well" Kalu said, moving away and pushing Ataru into Lum, "I guess I've said all I can say at this point. I don't feel particularly proud to be getting a free ride from my friends right now, so if someone could send me back down I'd appreciate it."

"Uh..." Benten nervously began, "that's a problem."

"Is it the castle?" Kalu figured. She pulled off her bandages and revealed her smile and minor scorch marks on her face. "Oh, no worries. I can definitely rebuild. I have nearly infinite wealth and labor as a member of royalty!" Just then a beeping came from an adjoining hallway, signifying an incoming transmission.

"I'll get it" Lum said, pulling Ataru along. Ataru waved to Kalu as he left. Kalu sighed and sat down on her bed, finally feeling pain again and wincing at her legs. In the main room of the emergency medical craft everyone was on, Lum answered the call and greeted Oyuki on the other line.

"The evacuation is complete" Oyuki reported.

"That's great" Lum said. "Say, is it possible to stop and leave it all well enough alone right now?"

"No" Oyuki coldly replied. "Countdown starting at ten. Go get a good seat before I press the button."

"Bye Oyuki" Ataru goofishly said. She waved goodbye and disengaged the line.

"What was she talking about?" Kalu asked, now suddenly behind Lum and Ataru upon hearing the word 'evacuation'. Lum and Ataru traded nervous glances a few times until a loud hum was heard outside the spaceship. Kalu's face tightened and her eyes opened wide. She ran over to the loudest window and stepped up on the body of the person in that bed, which was a still comatose from shock Mendo. Outside was a giant Neptunian ship with a deadly looking laser charging with blue energy. "...no!" Kalu growled. She kicked off of Mendo's body and ran back to the other window to look at her planet. It was the last time she would see it. Incidentally Shingo was awake and walking about unnoticed by most at this time and looked out the window behind Kalu.

At zero, Oyuki pressed 'the button' and the huge pulse of blue death sped toward Kalu's planet. More than two of every animal, plant and all the guards had been successfully taken form the surface beforehand, hence the evacuation order, so that only the unimportant remained. The energy from that planet-destroying beam impacted and traveled quickly across the planet's surface, instantly freezing the entire landscape into a chunk of frosty ice.

"Firing second phase obliterator" a voice said from the ship's intercom system. A giant meteor-sized cannonball was shot out of the Neptunian battleship next, which crashed into the planet and shattered it as it piled through from end to end. Kalu continued to stare wide-eyed until the overwhelming hatred flared up in her gut and she just stood, shoulders back and neck straight, staring daggers ahead.

"Wow" Shingo said, breaking the tension in the air, "that was neat. Can we make it happen again?" Lum and Ataru stood looking as innocent as they could, knowing full well that Kalu would blame them...


	45. End! Good night!

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi, not I. Some characters are from my imagination, but not many. Do not use this story without my permission.

* * *

And so it was that Kalu did end up blaming Ataru and Lum. She wrote a scathing auto-biographical article that every major galactic journal published and pushed across the cosmos. Needless to say, the public opinion of Lum had changed from the innocent daddy's girl she really was to a malevolent warlord who had a totally dysfunctional love life. Either definition would have been accepted by her closest friends if they had read the article, but the entire story of the daring rescue and the fiendish plot of a girl more than once scorned was too obscene and stupid for them to accept.

Upon the return of the team to Earth, Sakura forced an oath out of them. "This will never be repeated, and all the blame lies with Lum. Understand?" As unwilling as some were about it, they all agreed. Ataru didn't bother blaming her, however, as he knew what taking the endless blame really felt like and he knew that she must have been feeling the sting already. The parents had their questions to be sure, as did the local police force, but the answer that each group got when interrogating anyone was

"We went on a trip with Lum." Thusly, the Moroboshi house was prosecuted by many people and kept under continuous monitoring by Mendo's father's secret police force. Such spontaneous actions on his son's part had sullied his good name on Earth. Now we pick back up into the normal swing of things at the Mendo manner, where a date has been forcibly arranged between the young master and Asuka.

"So" Mendo began, "how are things at your compound?"

"Big Brother went away to train" Asuka said, "so I've had no one to practice my 'kissing' with. Do you suppose we can practice today, Big Brother Shutaro?"

"If all goes well" Mendo smoothly began, "I'm sure I can assist you." Asuka smiled sweetly and poured her brother some tea. It was mostly made of the mortar and pestle she used to grind it, but he smiled and gulped it back anyway. After the ordeal in space, Mendo's iron will could stand nearly anything. Except whenever he unblocked the images of Lum and Ataru willingly kissing he blacked out for long periods of time.

"Psst, Master" Shingo whispered from under the table. "Do you wish to hear my latest report? Miss Asuka's panties are-" and a kick silenced and knocked him out. Mendo smiled at Asuka and she smiled shyly back. Ryoko stood outside the room the privately occupied trying to catch a glimpse of the action from between two men in black glasses with no results.

Things had changed for Ryuunosuke and Nagisa as well. Nagisa felt that they had grown closer and bonded as a result of the harrowing trials, but Ryuunosuke learned something different. She learned that she would never come back home without a piece of alien technology under her clothes so she could at least stand her own against the endless tides of stupidity and madness within her own household. She was the top dog now, at least as long as she wore her suits.

Shinobu and Inaba spent more and more time together since they got back and enjoyed each other's company much, much more. Inaba was even able to work out a deal to ditch his bunny suit in favor of his bunny boxers and dress down like a normal person to go out with Shinobu whenever they pleased.

"I'm really glad" Shinobu said "that they let you keep your underwear."

"I'm not" Inaba said. "You don't understand, Shinobu. Girls don't have elastic briefs. These things are torture to me!"

"Well what did you used to wear?" Shinobu asked. Inaba blinked at her, then focused back to the street they walked down. Shinobu decided that question was best left unanswered. "Hey, whatever happened to that Luko guy?"

"We sent him into subspace" Inaba replied. "He's probably fine...although, maybe he isn't." Inaba, out of wild curiosity, opened the an air door into subspace just a crack and peeked in. Luko burst out and landed ever so gracefully with not a single hair out of place on his head.

"Lo, and behold!" Luko began. "I walk the world again! You nefarious knaves have locked me up for quite a while, but it was a folly I say! In the time you left me to die I have become stronger! My dialect has gained a much more righteous and solid tone! Hark, come and fight me now!"

"Ignore him" Inaba warned. "Ignore him and walk."

"Right" Shinobu said. Luko soon found out he was prosing to the air and he sighed a casual sigh of graceful defeat.

"Ah to be young" he began, pulling out and equipping his mask, "and in love! Tis the spring of merry weather and wondrous romance!" Although, it is really summer.

Ran hasn't given up on Rei. If one were to ask her, she would reply that she never will. Instead of planning dates that never seem to work out, she simply established a quick and easy teleportation method that connects their houses via a closet tunnel. Now, anytime she wants to stop by or invite him over, she just has to pop her head in and call for him with sweets in her hands. So, yes, she is starting to train the wild beast that is Rei, but who knows if it is really working out?

Sakura and Tsubame have started discussing a date for their wedding. Cherry wants to arrange for a caterer and Sakura's mother wants to help arrange the guest list. Both young lovers decided that no one but themselves would be involved with the wedding and, if possible, they would elope. The only one allowed to enter on their marital discussions is Kotatsuneko, and he is has been trusted with bouncing at the wedding to prevent, above everyone else, Moroboshi from screwing it up.

Benten and Oyuki have been keeping much more regular contact with their friends across the cosmos and Benten regularly flies down to visit her friends on Earth. She even offers in the odd occasion to babysit Ten while Lum drags Ataru on a date. Oyuki even got a new source of labor out of the whole adventure.

"Why are these lizards so obedient?" a Neptunian woman asked as she observed the huge flock of militia lizards carrying on with their duties of shoveling snow outside. They each had their own little coat and shovel to help, and more work was getting done than ever before in the snow fields.

"It seems" Oyuki said with certainty, "these lizards have a basic level of sentience. They even believe in divine possibilities, all because of Kalu."

"Ma'am?" the woman asked her princess.

"Kalu had hatred for Lum and Moroboshi" Oyuki explained "that she vented by abusing her animals. Whenever the lizards saw her curse and rant at the pictures of Lum and Moroboshi in the news and magazines, they believed those two had some form of dominance over their cruel overlord."

"So" the woman summarized, "they worship Moroboshi because Kalu was mad at his picture?"

"Yes" Oyuki said. She took a sip of tea and glanced out the window to check the lizard's progress. They had successfully shoveled out the outline for Ataru's face giving his prolific goofy smile. The waiting woman who poured Oyuki's tea looked out, reviewed the facts in her head, and came to a conclusion.

"That's moronic" she said.

"No one ever said creatures had to be intelligent to be useful" Oyuki said.

* * *

And what of those two miscreants? Those devilish youths whom we all love so very much? They've never been better. Or worse. In truth, not much has changed for them at all.

"Say Darling" Lum began. "Would you please consider something for me?"

"What is it?" Ataru asked, remembering to try and keep himself open to her romantic suggestions for once.

"It's getting close to bed time" Lum pointed out. "Do you think, just for this last time during the break, we can sleep next to each other?"

"Uhhh..." Ataru droned, unwilling to answer the biting question.

"I can just pull out an extra futon" Lum continued "and sleep next to yours. We won't really be in the same bed."

"Well" Ataru started, "that isn't really the same thing, is it?"

"I don't really care" Lum said. "As long as I can wake up tomorrow and see your face before anything else, I'll be happy." Ataru, who would have said no the second Lum would just start talking before their misadventure, thought about his reply for a moment before carefully wording his answer of

"No."

"Why not!?" Lum whined. "I thought you would be more romantic when we got back! Honestly, you're insufferable!" Lum turned her back and floated with her arms and legs crossed in anger. Ataru took the opportunity to his advantage and disproved her in an uncharacteristic way. He quickly planted a kiss on her cheek, leaving her confused enough to stop flying and fall straight down, then went back to sitting as if it never happened. Lum looked over and a cute smiled built up on her face. She restrained the urge to tackle him enough to just crawl slowly over and place her hands on his.

"I love you, Darling" she said. Ataru smiled in response, but gave no worded answer. After all, he didn't need to, as he knew kissing her would be a much better response. Unfortunately, the Mendo men in black glasses stepped in and pulled them apart just before their lips touched.

"Sorry you two" the guard apologized. "Master Mendo has given us strict orders to make sure nothing happens while we're watching you."

"Sucks to be you guys" Ten said. He started swimming through the air for the door and Ataru braced himself internally.

"You..." Lum growled. "You morons!" The air started smelling terribly like O-Zone and the guards felt a fear of death run through them. "You ruined the MOMENT!!! RAAAAAHG!!!" The sky around the Moroboshi house was filled with crackling blue and the screams of many. The neighbors complained and Ataru's parents shouted, but nothing harsh reached either of their ears. Ataru and Lum happily finished their moment before moving downstairs to sleep in the not on-fire living room for the night.

So yes, not much has changed since they returned. They still act like, and to a degree are, a married couple who can sicken and enthrall nearly anyone who sees them. The entire experience for everyone can indeed be summed up by the loner who camped so deep into the mountains.

"Indeed" Tobimaro mused to himself and the night sky, "this is only the first of many journeys in my life. Surely hardships shall come my way, but those close to me will allow me to go soaring over them with the tenacity and strength of a flying dragon! No matter what, with those I love and love me at my side, anything can be accomplished!" With that creedo in mind, Tobimaro threw a baseball up into the air, unsheathed his spectacular size-adjustable Oni mace, and made a tremendous swing.

He missed, and the full weight of the bat came around in a follow-through swing that ended up smashing him in the face and knocking him out for the night. Yes, especially with Tobimaro, nothing much had changed...

* * *

That ends the ridiculous story of friendship, romance, wrath, and of course strangeness. Its' true, isn't it? For every person in the universe there is a star with their name on it, and just the same there is someone else looking at that star and wondering what could be. Everyone has someone.

Good night!


End file.
